He Wants a divorce..then Changes His Mind. What Is Going On?

Sounds to me like your husband found a "wonder woman" at work and decided to pursue her. He started going to the bar to get more casual away-from-the-office time with her. She probably blew him off and that is why he quit going to the bar and now wants to return to his old job. It sounds like he has developed a wondering eye and decided he wants to pursue his options. However, when you said you were leaving he had second guesses. Sounds to me like he wants the best of both worlds until HE decides which one he wants. You are his wife, and you and the children do not deserve to be second best to anything (work) or anyone (other women). He has lost his appreciation for you and is taking you for granted. Ultamatimes (sp?) are never a good idea, as if makes the person feel forced into staying. I would sit him down and tell him you are not naive and oblivious to what's taking place. That you and the children deserve to be the top priority over everything. If he cannot give you guys what you deserve then you feel it's best to move on. I know it will be hard, but you cannot allow him to make you his doormat.

the smartest thing you've done so far is tell him that once you leave it is over. doesn't he realize there are 2 people in the relationship, you both get a say in things, not just him. actually, he already made his decision, he got married and had kids. it's a little late to decide you no longer want a family. counseling together may help, but only if he is really willing to make some changes and grow up. i would also suggest that you go to counseling with an open mind that there may be things that you can change also. the main thing is you have to be willing to work together. marriage is hard work, but worth the effort. good luck

Divorce is hard and having the one you love say he wants one is heart breaking. Since your willing to try counceling you will also need to forgive him for saying he wants a divorce for now. Both of you need to rekindle the flames that brought you too together in the first place. Let him know that flowers do not give females ego boost--it is the man they love showing them they love them ALL the time that give us the ego boost. Guys also do need an ego boost so you will need to show him that as well. I know with kids in the house its hard but trust me it can be done. Send little notes in his lunch or in his wallet for starters saying that you love him and such you can also send ones that say something alittle dirty to give him a little ego boost. Little things go along way in a relationship.

With your last statement it really sounds as if he didnt want you to leave to go back home, I guess maybe he was expecting you to stay close so he could still see you.

I hope you and him get everything out and that things work out for the both of you which ever path that may be. Good luck.

Your husband has his priorities out of whack. Our lives, whether man or woman, should always be family before work. It is obvious he put his work first to be around a woman he has been fantasizing about. My bet is that the feeling was not mutual and now he is back home feeling like a lost puppy. Shame on him for going in that direction in the first place.

The question is why did he become this lost puppy? Has he not been growing up along with his family? Is he feeling old and believes a new woman in his life will bring back that youthful feeling again? Does he feel like he is always being set aside by you, his wife, who may be devoting a lot more time to child rearing and house management than to the marriage? He obviously knows what he was doing was wrong otherwise he would not have explained it away as an ego booster that you do not need. That is ridiculous.

I believe in marriage. And in order for marriages to last through all the morphing our families take us through, we must continue to put the marital needs ahead of all else at times. But, in your case, I would be very careful about why he does not want you to leave. Did he suddenly remember how much he really is in love with you? Does he realize just exactly what having his family with him really means? Or is he looking for a door mat, someone who will cook his dinners, clean his clothes and keep him going from day to day? He already told you he lost interest in meeting your needs because you were a ‘sure thing’. Do not become that woman who is the sure thing that meets all of his needs when he is not meeting yours.

We women do need more than just flowers to boost our egos. We need someone to hold us and love us, someone who not just listens to our words but the feelings in the depth of our soul. Yes, you should follow the advice of the others gals who have responded and recommended that maybe you need to give him some one on one time. If you truly love this man, he is worth your effort to bring that spark back into the marriage. But make sure he understands your needs too, that he knows flowers and gifts do not get our hearts pounding as much as being held and loved does. A true love relationship is more giving than receiving, both ways, and your husband will fall short on this if you don’t insist on it. One gal said ultimatums are bad and she is right. But if you go back into this marriage, do make sure he knows that you have needs that must be met as much as you recognize he has needs that must be met.

My first thought is how much ego boosting is he getting from you? I'm not trying to say you're a bad wife, but he obviously feels the need to be constantly reassured of what a wonderful man he is - is he getting that from you?

My thinking is you can't change him or his ideas. What is it that you're doing, not doing, or should/could be doing to make things go a little better. If you genuinely give it your all and he still wants out to wander and sow his wild seeds, then you know it wasn't your fault or for lack of trying.

Again, I'm not trying to accuse you of being a bad wife or say that you don't do what he thinks he wants. Some people just can't be monogomous and that's just the way it is. Seems like your guy just isn't sure - he needs to be wild without losing a good sure thing in you.

Just my two cents.

As difficult as this may sound, you gotta get out. You were so close but allowed him, with a few words, to keep you. You will regret the decision as the relationship will not be satisfying for you. He has not fully developed because his words about his ego are not what a mature married man and father says.

I feel for you because this isn't easy. You want it to work for the sake of your kids. He should be appreciating you and involved in family life, but instead he wants the bar life? He has some major issues...needs to learn how to be a real man.

If nothing else, separate for sure. You'll see.