21 answers

He Peed on His Sister! How to Discipline This Now?

Hi moms!

I am so at a loss here, and incredibly angry. Last night my son, who will be 6 in October not only peed all over his sister's arm, he lied to me about it. Her arm, from shoulder to elbow was soaked and had the tell-tale stock market look that says squirted liquid. It also smelled like urine. When I asked him how her arm got all wet he said that she had stuck it in the tank (we don't have a lid). I was so angry at 1) his actions, and 2) that he lied to me that I sent him to bed nearly two hours early. And now, the next morning I'm still at a loss for an acceptable discipline. Right now he's in his room and we've taken away his Leapster and Wii privileges until he starts kindergarten Sept 8th.

My husband asked him about it this morning and my son said that he did it to try and get her to laugh.

Anyone else deal with this, or have some ideas. Mine keep running around in little circles and say "pee all over him" <---NOT a good idea.

Thanx y'all in advance

2 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all for your replies. We're upholding the punishment, and he seems ok with it. He spent all day yesterday in his room, mostly by his choice and we kept Little Sister out. I guess I should have added in my original post that he seemed more sorry that he was caught instead of that he had done something wrong. It is a common thread with him. I'll tell him not to jump off the furniture and he'll do it twice more before he stops, then not know why he's in trouble. And, then the next day he'll do it again.

Featured Answers

As a mom of a boy who will also be 6 in Oct. I personally think he was just experimenting. Boys will be boys. Disgusting, Yes. but not life threating. the immediate punishment of sending to bed early sent the message loud and clear. The long term punishment of taking away toys is not necessary. Because he will of forgotten why. Maybe that would be best if he were to do it again. But just my opinion.

With my son I susend immediate suspension of video games for the day, and thats punishment enough.

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More Answers

Hi, M.,

You are upset to a degree that surely has gotten your son's alarmed attention, and sending him to bed a couple of hours early is an unusually long "time out" for a five-year-old. Don't you think he's been adequately punished? I doubt very much that he'll repeat that performance, and I hope that's your main wish in devising a punishment that fits the crime.

If you wish to drive the screw deeper for the purpose of creating a sense of shame in your child, I expect the ongoing suspension of privileges will help accomplish that, especially when he begs and you withhold, reminding him yet again why he's being punished. But the energy surrounding that scenario is dark and damaging. Shame is not the same thing as conscience, and tends to motivate all kinds of destructive behavior in children and adults.

If I were in your shoes, I'd want to know why I became that furious. It sounds like your son's comic behavior (and it could have been exactly that, to him) has triggered something in you that might be a little over the top (I hope you will excuse my bluntness – my intention is compassion for all persons involved in this). I wonder if you might have a memory connected to deep shame from your own childhood?

You know, parents do well to find opportunities to model forgiveness, too. We insist that our children apologize for all kinds of offenses (whether they actually feel sorry or not), but how often do we show them that we can express regret for our own behavior? A parent saying, "I'm sorry, sweetie, I overreacted last night because I felt so angry," is something kids rarely get to see. And it is an incredibly healing and instructive behavior to model.

I hope you'll consider doing this, and giving him back his privileges, which are more likely to become a source of ongoing resentment than an ongoing opportunity for him to reflect on his crime. He is not yet six years old, and his brain handles everything in a much more immediate way.

6 moms found this helpful

I'm not going to sugar coat this response to you. Your reaction is WAY over the top for this behavior problem. Calm down and get over it. Look at all the gross behaviors 5 and 6 years do. Farting and pooing is considered some of the funny things in life to them. Your son will NOT grow positively from the long term punishment you have planned for him....punishment until Sept.8th - WAY TOO LONG!

This is an excellent opportunity to teach him about over reacting - how you over reacted to a poor behavior on his part because you find it so yucky - and you do not want him to ever pee on people, pets or toys. I'd suggest you change your mind about his punishment.

Gross changes as we get older. My 6, 8 and 12 year old nephews where throwing small dead fish at the girls last week as a joke...they thought it was funny. Of course they were stopped, but they still had NO problems picking up multiple dead fish. (These were the dead fish that died on Lake Washington couple weeks back because of the extreme heat we had)

Wishing you smiles!

M.

4 moms found this helpful

I taught first grade for 13 years, and have first hand experience with 6 year old boys' sense of humor. It is weird--very weird.

Tell him it that particular behavior will never happen in your house again. I think your restriction is appropriate.

Then, go to the library or bookstore and find weird 6 year old boy humor books. (take him with you) And magic books. They love them. Let him tell the jokes to you again and again. To your husband, to you neighbor, etc. Find new books. This will last until he's eight or nine.

Your husband will probably have more insight than you about this. Ask him to guide you, after all he was a six year old boy once.

If you must scream go into the car, roll up the windows, drive around the block and scream there. Six year old boys are weird--very. Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful

Oh dear, M.-- how awful, how funny- how gross - how '''6'''. I promise you this does NOT look to him the way it looks to you-- in your eyes this is a deliberate defiance not only of your rules--- but of your family culture. Both the action and the lying seem just so over the top you can't imagine how to appropriately consequence his actions. I actually believe that going to bed two hours early and knowing how upset you and his dad are is plenty of consequence--- to me -- removing his toys is overkill ( he ''did'' the offense on Monday-- how does he look back in two weeks and say -- '''oh, yeaah'''--now I remember why I still don't have my things'' -- he wont think that way-- he's six. Six year olds do not know how gross all of us grownups think body fluids are-- they have a clue - but they don't '''get'' it --- I suspect he really did do it to make her laugh--- and wow- did it blow up in his face-. He could tell how grossed out you were- so he lied to keep out of trouble-- which o'course made everything WAYYYY more of a problem. sigh--- some day your family will laugh- but for now--- I'd consider shortening the time without WII and Leapster- but you sure do have the right to make THAT call--
Blessings,
I promise- he'll grow up polite and civilized.

Promise
Old Mom- aka--J.

4 moms found this helpful

You have to recognize that the associations YOU have toward this behavior are very different from his own. You see it as very degrading behavior, which it would be if an ADULT had done so. Had you formerly told him NOT to pee on his his sister? If not, then it is not a case of disobedience, either.

Here's how I would have responded. I would have used my stern voice and said, "No! Pee goes in the toilet only! You do not pee on anything or anybody else." I would have had him clean up the mess he made and apologize to his sister. That would be it.

At this point, I think you need to apologize to HIM for overreacting. Just use a calm voice and explain yourself. Say I was very upset and I didn't know how to handle that situation. But you know now where pee goes, right? In the toilet! Then that's all we need to say about it.

I would not risk peeing on him because he might like it! He might think it tickles!

I commend you for seeking advice because I know we all have issues that send us over the edge and I know I've been overly harsh sometimes.

ps regarding the lying: I mean, he could probably tell how angry you were and so his lying could be seen as self-protection against your wrath. I would let it go and just be on the lookout for other examples of lying where that is not an issue. I don't think little kids think of lying in the same way adults do. In his brain, he may have just been seeking a way to make you feel better.

3 moms found this helpful

It's easy to get angry out of protectiveness for a younger sibling (esp. a little girl!) but like Peg said, I would look more closely at the amount of anger in comparison to the "crime". It sounds like he may have been building up to this with many other actions, that have been upsetting you. My son is 2 yrs older than my daughter and I started to get angry at him a lot out of protectiveness for my daughter. It turns out he was trying to get my attention when he needed a new diaper, food, attention, or a nap but didn't want to have to tell me about it. It's easy to forget how young the older sibling really is, but it's important not to get sucked into the anger and go down that dark tunnel. Remember how cute he is going to look at 6 when he is 18 or 35... I would find a way to reconcile with his immature ability to communicate his needs to you, so that you can preserve a better relationship with him and not dent his childhood with constant anger.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi M.,
It's easy to get upset over things like this, but pick your battles. It sounds like he wasn't the only one lieing if your daughter said she stuck her arm in the tank...

Tell your son you still love him and you're sorry for getting so upset. Then explain why it wasn't a good idea and that you expect him to never do it again. Chances are, he is feeling awful right now and needs your reassurance.

3 moms found this helpful

I have to laugh because I don't know any little boy that has not done this at some point! Come on, they have a fire hose to play with... they're gonna use it!!!
While it's nasty, and you have to feel sorry for your daughter, I have to say I believe you are over reacting just a little. Think about this... he is 6, right? How long is his attention span? Like an hour, at most? Do you honestly think by Sept. 8 he is going to have any clue why he had all that taken away? And does his punishment fit his crime? Does peeing on his sister have anything to do with the video games?
I strongly believe in one punishment. You sent him to bed two hours early... that's a pretty big one in itself for a 6 year old. I would advise at this point, to simply talk to him about it... explain why it was wrong, get his thoughts on it now that he knows it's wrong, and let it be a learning experience for him.

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