He Peed ALL over His Closet! Gross!

Well I just found out my 7 year old has been peeing in his DRESSER...ugh boys I guess. So now he has no dresser. I made him wash his clothes and made him scrub the carpet.

He knew it was wrong when he did it.
He did this as revenge for being put into time out.
The whole revenge/get back at/I'll show you attitude bothers me more than anything else.
It's his way of negating his time out.
You might have to give him time outs by sitting him in a corner where you can watch him instead of sending him somewhere where he can't be watched.
I'd have him cleaning bathrooms for a week.

I don't have an answer for you, but I wanted to let you know that I read your post to my husband and we both said we hope our almost 7 year old never reads it. He sounds just like your son.

Tonight, our son peed on the kitchen floor while I was giving the younger one a bath. When I asked him why he did it, he said he had to pee. I asked him why he didn't go to the bathroom, he said, "I don't know." He also put his foot in it and was spreading it around. I mean, who does this?!?

Boys! That's all I can come up with right now.

Your son sounds a lot like mine (5, spirited, responds best to losing a privilege item). Here are some thoughts.

It's easy to forget in the shock of the moment, but whenever possible, try to make the punishment go along with the crime. In this case you could have HIM help clean up the mess so that he sees how yucky it was. He admitted that he did it to get back at you, and in a way, you kind of let it work, because he didn't have to deal with the mess he made...the housekeeper did. Depending upon the child, maybe contributing some money to the 'housekeeper' fund from the child's piggy bank (not the peed in one -- LOL) would be a way of him helping to pay for the mess he made. Although, my son doesn't have much of a care for money yet, so that probably wouldn't have felt like much of a punishment for him.

As a side note, I want to mention (and this is very important) the fact that he DID fess up to it and he DID fully admit why he did this is actually a very good thing. It means that he is properly developing a conscience...even if he did something wrong. It's the sneaky kids that really and truly scare me for the future. Be careful to make sure that your son understands that what he did was very wrong, but by telling you the truth about it, he did a good thing. You want to keep those lines of communication open.

As far as time outs are concerned (we use them, too), how many time outs is he having a day? On a good day, our 5 yr old has none. On an off day, he may have 2-3. They are 5 minutes in length. If your son is in time out too many times during the day, then you may need to rethink some things....like the situations that are leading to him being put into time out. Does he need some alone time to play so that he isn't always picking on his brother? Notice this is not PUNISHMENT. This is structured play-in-your-room-individually time. While learning to play together is good, sometimes siblings need separate time to play on their own, as well.

If he is back talking, can you try another route before sending him to time out? Like, "Wait a minute...that sounded a lot like back talking to me....would you like to ask me again using a different voice?" Sometimes that is all it will take for my son to stop, reword his comment/question, and continue. It diffuses the situation pretty quickly.

As far as the lying is concerned, know that some lying is going to happen at this age. They're learning. Anytime we know that one of our kiddos is lying, I will give them another chance to tell the truth. I remind them (and I do it often) that, "Sometimes it is hard to tell the truth, because we think we are going to get in trouble. If you do something that you know is wrong, then you will get in trouble for it, but if you do something wrong AND lie to Mommy about it, then you will be in GREAT, BIG trouble. Would you like another chance to tell me what really happened?" I try really hard to praise my children when they tell the truth (even though I'm still going to follow through with the punishment).

With time outs -- Sometimes we get so upset that we yell out, "Go to time out!!!" Try to stay calm for time out sessions. If you stay calm, then it makes it harder to defy you. "Timmy, Mommy is putting you in time out because you hit your brother. Hitting your brother can really hurt him, and you know it isn't nice to do that. I want you to sit here and think about what you did. When the timer goes off, I want you to be ready to apologize to your brother AND tell me why you were put in time out." When time out is up, ALWAYS begin by asking, "Timmy, why did Mommy put you in time out?" Always finish with something positive, "I know that you really do love your brother, and you can be a great big helper in teaching him the best way to play nicely together."

Last thing...I'm so sorry this is so long....Don't get so caught up in your punishment that you don't allow him to move on from his mistake. We all screw up in life. Punish him, but allow him some dignity in the process. I wouldn't do time outs in the bathroom, but I would have time outs be in a location where you can monitor what he is doing (a corner of the room, end of the hallway, etc.). Our rule is that if he turns around to talk to his sister, try to watch tv, whatever, then his time starts over. Also give him a chance to earn back his favorite toy.

Hang in there!

The passive-aggressiveness of doing this just to get back at you is the disturbing thing here; some posters are focused on "oh, boys do that kind of thing" but he's got a much bigger issue -- he wants revenge when he feels crossed. Do you see that in other aspects of his behaviors? Towards you, towards other adults, towards kids, when people anger him or tell him he is in the wrong? I would seriously sit down and think through his "spirited" behaviors and ask myself if he is demonstrating anger and vengefulness in other instances. If so, that is troubling, and might require your talking with a counselor rather than a pediatrician. Then I'd find out his real currency -- the thing it hurts him most to lose -- and ensure he loses it for a very long time: If he values TV time, a computer game, certain toys/games -- they are gone not for days but for much longer. You say he "responds well" to losing a privilege, but are you taking away the right things and for long enough?

Yes, he also should have had to clean every single item in and inch of his closet. Even if it took hours. Having a cleaning lady do it lets him off the hook hugely.

And this is an illustration of why time outs in children's own bedrooms do not work. He was able to do this unseen and undetected. Time outs belong in a neutral, boring place where you can see the child at all times but the child has NOTHING of interest nearby; in his own room he can play with his stuff, or in this case, get back at you secretly. I would combine time outs in the right spaces with loss of privileges AND cleaning up. But you may need to add some research and possibly counseling to the mix, if this is part of some pattern of angry or controlling behaviors on his part.

Oh, I think this is an instance where that kid's whole world would come to a very sudden, screeching halt. As in, no TV, no video games, ALL toys taken away, early bedtime... if you're going to act like an animal, I'll treat you like an animal, kid. Peeing in the closet? Oh, HELL no. I almost don't think you could go overboard on this punishment. Whatever you can think up, do it. Make an impression SO big that he will think twice before ever allowing such a thought to enter his head EVER again.

And I will say, although I have girls, and girls don't really pee on things, my cousin's son did that around this age. He peed on her hand towels in the bathroom. Like target practice. She went totally ballistic. He never did it again! I think she scared him; he had never seen her so spitting mad before!)

Ok. He told the truth. This is huge.
He lost his favorite toy.
All time outs should be in the kitchen on a chair facing the clock.
My son's currency was TV. He would have lost it for a week. He also would have had to scrub the closet and everything in it -- with my help and running commentary.
I think you might make him help you with laundry and dishes and cleaning this week...

You don't say how old your younger child is. Perhaps he feels that you give that one more attention than him and that is why he did what he did to get back at you.

Kids have strange ways to prove that "You are not paying attention to me!"

I would have had him clean up his mess and not the cleaning lady. He made it he can clean it. You may now have to get new carpet for the closet if you can't get the urine smell out. That costs money that the family didn't plan on or a special trip to the zoo would have to be cancelled. Do speak to the ped about his actions. You may need to do a bit of counseling to correct any other issues before they become big.

I wish you well in raising your "spirited" child.

the other S.

PS My son messed about in the bathroom and peed all over the toilet and the back. I had just cleaned up the bathroom and discovered the issue and made him clean it to my satisfaction. He had to use rubber gloves and the Lysol and a sponge and he had to do it twice to my satisfaction. He peed in the toilet after that and had no splash anywhere.

No one ever said parenting was easy.

Oh my! What a creative way to express his anger and experiment with his body and world!
I think this is a good time for natural consequences. I don't know what his favorite toy has to do with the situation. Losing the piggy bank and money makes sense. Chores to clean up make sense. Owing money (and doing chores to pay it off) for the cleaning woman makes sense. He will most certainly be embarrassed that his secret is out. Writing a letter to the cleaning woman and to you to apologize would also be good (if he is writing yet; dictated to you if not) - seeing a confession and apology in writing will reinforce what was wrong. I don't see how hitting him helps. And I don't see this as indicative of psychological ills or evils. He is learning what works and what doesn't.

Time outs in a new location also make sense. Very smart and very sensitive is indicative of a gifted child, as is the way he handled his anger and curiosity. And the fact that he owned up to it is very important and should be recognized if you want that to continue in the future. I'm sure having his things stink and losing or fixing things that were ruined is a huge lesson - especially if he's sent out in the world in stinky clothes. Trust me, his friends will notice and ask. I doubt further punishment will be necessary!

ETA: To be clear, honesty should be rewarded, but punishment/discipline is still administered. No one would suggest that honesty gets him off the hook. Just be sure to recognize it.

I would have made him clean everything, to be honest. The carpet, the laundry, the walls...everything. The money in the bank? Gone. He didn't care about it and peed on it, so it's gone. Anything beyond that, I'm really not sure a 5 year old can wrap their head around.

I think I'd talk to his ped about it. (Not in front of him, of course.) I think you could get some good advice there.

So sorry...

i would of talked to him saying "you do not go bathroom in your closet.Go to us and we will take you"if he does it again,put him in time out with a toilet seat

i would have made HIM clean it up so he learns how gross it is.

Okay, if it makes you feel better my nephew, when he was 7 peed into the shampoo bottles. He also hid them in his closet. EEEWWWWW!!!!! He had no logical explanation for this when confronted by his mother and I (at the time I was very involved in his raising by my sister's request.) about it.

I am going to start the advice part by saying time out should not take place in a child's room. I am also going to say that it may not be a valid answer for all, but given the spiteful actions taken by him it might be good to have a naughty rug/chair etc. like "Super Nanny" suggests. I am going to also say that he should have been involved in the cleaning of the closet and other pee ridden items. I also think that discussions on urine and its placement are needed for the future.

Here us what I think I would do, first, I think taking away the toy was good. Then I think I would get rid of he piggy bank, if it was his, if it was a siblings, I would have him help clean it. Take out all the money and wash it, wash the bank and put the money back in, otherwise if his, still have him help clean the money, but bag it up an put it away, chunk the bank. When he peed on his bank he showed he didn't care about it, someday later he can get a chance to earn his money back, and buy a new bank with his own money. Also, is the closet totally clean? Can he be made to wash walls instead of getting to play? I am not suggesting being mean about it, but when we damage property, I believe natural consequence is a great teacher. Maybe get your other kids a fun movie or whatever but, he would have to scrub the walls for 15min while the others get to start the movie. I would let him join of course after the time was up, but I would want him to contribute to the clean up, if you are tough enough to pee on a wall, you are tough enough to clean it! Beyond that, I think bath tub time outs are a great strategy! I know I would be mad at first too, but I think it was stupid antics acted out by feisty kid! I would just make his life little miserable to make him not want to do it again! It will one day be a funny story...one day!!!

If he responds best to losing a privilege item, then that's how you should punish him. Having him help clean it up (Nature's Miracle) is probably a good idea. However, I think you should give him his favorite toy back once he hasn't peed in the closet for a while. Comfort toys are really important to little kids. Time out in the bathtub sounds fine.

He's only five, remember, this is not a criminal act and does not mean your child is going to grow up to be a deviant. He just knew how to stick it to mom and he did.

He would be in big trouble and definitely not allowed in his room alone! This was revenge. That is worrisome to me.

I think I would have pulled some of the clothes out of the closet and set him to hand washing them in the bathtub. He would have spent the entire day doing that and hanging them outside.

Then, the ones I washed in the washer, would be his to fold/hang and put away. No matter how crumpled the folding was, he would have been doing it.

Then, he would spend the rest of his day sitting on the couch where I could see him, but with no toys, tv on boring weather channel and no treats.

I would move the time-out spot to somewhere you can see him. There are alot of things to do and get into in the bathroom. Think toothpaste all over the place! LOL!

I have to chuckle... I don't know very many moms with boys, that don't have a "peed in the closet/corner" story to tell. Seriously.

However, most of the stories I am familiar with come more from the "I woke in the night and was afraid to go down the hall in the dark" or they were asleep and don't remember doing it or whatever angle. My own son did that (peed in the corner, and his toybox) when he had just gotten out of the bathtub and didn't have his clothes on yet. He was about 4, and I was dealing with his little sister while he was supposed to be getting PJ's on. But we were still in the bathroom (me and 1 yr old) and I guess that cold air when you get out of the tub, made him need to go!

For correction, I would have made him clean it up, not the cleaning lady. And yes, any of his favorite things that he peed on.... gone. He must not have cared too much about them if he was willing to pee on them to make a point.

IMO - the issue is not that he peed. The issue is that he seemed to negate his punishment by blaming you. It seems like he doesn’t understand that he made certain choices – bad choices. You did not make him make the bad choice and it was all him. If he wants to be mad at someone be mad at himself. I make it a point to tell my 5 yr old when she gets into trouble that she made that choice – not me. For the most part she seems to understand that her actions have consequences. Sometimes she tells me she’s mad at me and I ask her “why?” And of course the discussion goes back to “her choices” and that she knew what the punishment was going to be for making bad choices.

It’s a tough concept I think to teach. Even as adults we tend to want to blame others when we feel slighted. There are always gray areas but I think as a kid it’s pretty black and white – You do something that you know is bad – you get punished.

Since you have a dog - let him clean up after the dog for a while and see how he likes it as a possible punishment the next time he decides to express his "anger" in that manner.

Just another one letting you know you're not alone. Our downstairs bathroom smelled like a sewer, despite thorough cleaning. We couldn't figure it out. Finally, my husband looked into the metal trash can and realized our son had been peeing in there. Eeew.

Boys do goofy things ... Ours is also very spirited (he has ADHD) and I think it comes with the territory.