35 answers

He Leaves Without Saying 'Goodbye'

Hi Moms, just curious if I have a reasonable request of my guy, or if I just need to get over this apparent complex I have...

When I leave the house, I kiss my guy goodbye, and tell him I love him... I expect the same. For some reason I find it unsetteling to wake, and I realize I'm all alone... I mean, its a truley un-nerving feeling that comes over me. I've asked him to kiss me/say goodbye before he leaves, (so what if he wakes me to do so...)

I thought I expressed my request quite plainly and clearly, but I woke this morning again to an empty house. It makes me feel like he doesn't take my request seriously, or worse- that he's upset with me (although I can't think of any reason why he would be... He's pretty easy going- it has to be something big for him to be upset)

I'm not sure where this insistance of mine stems from, but I can't figure out why this is either so hard for him to do, or even more importantly, why its so important to me. Anyway, isn't just common courtsey to kiss your wife goodbye?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Mine knows not to wake me up when I'm asleep.
He leaves a post it note on my keyboard if he leaves without a "goodbye".
Maybe this is his way of letting you know he'd rather you didnt wake HIM up with a kiss goodbye when he's asleep?

5 moms found this helpful

I understand where you're coming from. My husband likes to hunt so the mornings he goes out hunting he gets up early to leave. He gets all ready and the last thing he does before he leaves is wake me up to tell me he's leaving, gives me a hug and a kiss. I would be really disappointed if he left without waking me. I usually have no problems going back to sleep so that's not an issue for me.

3 moms found this helpful

My husband rarely says goodbye either. I think men aren't good at multitasking and this falls under that category. He's thinking about leaving for work and anything beyond that is too much. I wouldn't read too much into it.

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Um...my husband often starts work at 4 AM.
For me, the more quietly he leaves, the better!

11 moms found this helpful

No it is not a common courtesy to wake someone up to say goodbye, actually quite the opposite. You let people you love sleep so they can have the energy to deal with their day.

If you are really so concerned with your kiss goodbye wake up and say goodbye. Don't make him wake you up, clearly something he sees as rude to do.

On Tuesdays and Wednesdays my husband goes to work before I get up because I have to get the kids to school. When I hear him going through his dish on his dresser looking for his keys I sit up and say goodbye, I always get my kiss. I know no one who will wake a sleeping person up so I don't put him in that position.

7 moms found this helpful

If I was asleep my DH would not wake me to say goodbye and vice versa. This may be your own insecurities. If you were in the other room and he left without saying goodbye - that would be concerning.

6 moms found this helpful

He comes back though, right? :)

I routinely ignore my wife's request that I wake her to tell her I'm leaving. My thinking is that if I'm asleep, I certainly don't want to be woken. And she's pregnant - so I want to make sure she gets as much rest as possible.

However, if my wife said to me that she is unnerved by waking to an empty house - said that plainly - then of course I would wake her.

6 moms found this helpful

My husband wakes me every morning before he goes to work to say goodbye. He comes in and gently rubs my arm to wake me then gives me a kiss and tells me to have a good day. I love it, and expect it. It's not only sweet in my opinion, but its common courtesy too yes. Its nice because when he leaves I am aware of what time it is and what time our son will wake up and I can have a few minutes to lay in bed and prepare for the day.

It's just something we do. One of us never leaves the other without kissing and saying goodbye. You just never know what could happen.

If you want him to do this than you need to sit him down, and tell him that its a serious thing that you want/need and you want to be woken up and that if he loves you then he needs to do it. Maybe then he will understand if it's important to you he will start doing it.

Best wishes!

5 moms found this helpful

Mine knows not to wake me up when I'm asleep.
He leaves a post it note on my keyboard if he leaves without a "goodbye".
Maybe this is his way of letting you know he'd rather you didnt wake HIM up with a kiss goodbye when he's asleep?

5 moms found this helpful

I'd slap my husband if he thought of waking me to say goodbye. I prefer my sleep over a rountine goodbye. but that's just me. More to the point of your post is that you made a request that is not absurd (doesn't matter what the request is) and your husband isn't trying to be accomodating. If my husband made that request of me, I'd still roll my eyes and think he was crazy every time I went to wake him up, but I'd still do it because he asked.

Perhaps you need to ask him again and tell him it's something that really matters to you?

Just read responses - I need to be best friends with Kristina M. She echoed my thoughts/feelings exactly ;-)

4 moms found this helpful

He loves you. He is not going to comply with this insecurity you are having.

This seems to me to be something we learned as children.

Did dad always kiss mom goodbye when he left for work in the mornings? I can remember so many shows on TV from my childhood where that happened. We probably expect it because we were trained to think that was what loving hubby's did.

I think I would have a visit with hubby and tell him what you are going through, short sentences, less than 2 minutes from start to finish. Practice facing a mirror so you can see your facial expressions. Buys needs simple and non confusing conversation. If your face is expressive they may be spending all their mental time trying to figure out what your body and face are saying instead of hearing the words and processing them.

I think once you think about other ways he shows his affections for you that you can start telling yourself these things when you wake up to an empty house.

For example:

Dang, he's gone and he didn't kiss me good bye and say "I love you".

Then the negative thought loops start.

Instead, think, oh how nice, he let me sleep so that this evening I will be wide awake when we watch TV together and snuggle.

He shows me he loves by taking out the trash, mowing the lawn to make our house look nice, by cleaning out my car floorboards, by picking up his laundry, giving me a hug when he walks through the door, looking at me when I talk, etc....

You need to make a long list and even write it down so if you get trapped in a thought loop you can pick up the list and start reading it out loud. That is the only way you can change these insecurities that are plaguing you.

He loves you. You need to find out how he shows you that and remind yourself of them when you are feeling like this.

4 moms found this helpful

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