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Having Your Mom Come to Help After the Baby Is Born...

I am due with baby number 2 at the end of July. For those of you who had a mom, or other person come to help you out after your baby was born, what length of time did you find the most helpful? Obviously, I welcome the help with house cleaning, cooking, and an extra set of hands to help with the new baby and our toddler ...and just the company of family in general...but I'm wondering what an appropriate length of time is? The first time round we didn't have family come because they were overseas when I gave birth so that was that. This time, my parents will be coming but we live in a small apartment and I'm trying to figure out what will work best in terms of appreciating the help but also not feeling like it's too much...(both for them and us). I was thinking of having them come 3 or 4 days before my due date and then staying 2 weeks. What worked best for you?

Thanks!

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I had my mom come after I came home from the hospital, I had one night of just us at home then she came up to help. She stayed for about a week usually just enough to help get settled and get to hang out with the babies. I dont think it would be a good idea to have someone come before you have the baby unless you are on bed rest or something but then I dont like a lot of company.

1 mom found this helpful

My mother came to help me for 1 week (5 days). I had a C-section with my second, and she helped me until I felt better which was about 3 days. That's all I could take with my mom living with us, but I know she meant well.

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What gave me the most help was having my Mom fly in 2 weeks before child #2 was born. Those last few weeks were really tough, as I also had a 14 month old. And my little girl had never been in the care of any one other than me and my husband. So those 2 weeks allowed my daughter to transition to Nana taking care of her prior to me "leaving" for 5 days. Plus, it gave me time to take a nap or two!! Then, my Mom stayed 2 weeks following child #2's arrival. (My Dad flew to be with all of us after #2's birth and flew home with my Mom.)

My Mom's only "job" was to help with child #1 (she didn't do any cleaning, any laundry, any cooking, etc.) Those things would have been REALLY nice, but handling a young toddler was enough for her. It's worth noting that my Mom may be a bit older than yours -- mine was 65.

My personal opinion is: keep her as long as she is willing to stay!!! (And, of course, as long as YOU are comfortable.) I thought that going from 1 child to 2 was much, much, much harder than anyone had told me it would be. I don't know if it's because my 1st was so young...but I think it's tough for everyone. Also, my Mom was long-distance, so the lengthy time made a bit more sense for us -- she wanted to get to know her only Granddaughter better than she did, as well as meet her new Grandson.

Good luck to you and your family!!

2 moms found this helpful

I had my mom come after I came home from the hospital, I had one night of just us at home then she came up to help. She stayed for about a week usually just enough to help get settled and get to hang out with the babies. I dont think it would be a good idea to have someone come before you have the baby unless you are on bed rest or something but then I dont like a lot of company.

1 mom found this helpful

When I had my twins, I wanted my mom there for two weeks. YIKES!!! My husband sent her home after a week. She was driving us both crazy, and I think we were driving her crazy. How much time will your husband have off? Have her come to stay after he goes back to work, but you won't need her more than a week is my guess. It's great to have help, but you don't want to overkill because it can damage the relationship just a bit (like ours did). We are expecting baby #3 in June, and this time my parents are taking my two year old twins and I'll be home with the newborn. I think that will work out much better for us!

1 mom found this helpful

Can you afford to get them a hotel room? If not, can your husband stand to have them in your house for that long?

1 mom found this helpful

My husband stayed home from work one week after I came home from hospital with each of our three babies; My Mom came for one week from out of town; My MIL/FIL came from out of town (I got tired trying to host them and needed to take more time suggesting how they could help...when you ASK for specific tasks to be performed, people are much better at helping). Its important for grandparents to meet their new grandchildren and give TLC to the siblings of new babies.
I agree with the suggestion about having hotel as alternative to get you more privacy if this is economically feasible for you.

1 mom found this helpful

with my second I was being induced so my mom and A. came out to stay the week. Thinking I would be home after two days I thought that would be enough. HA! I went into the hospital on Monday and left late thursday...they left Saturday morning. I was a little distraught and freaked out to know I only had her for a day. Although...I will say my house was clean, my daughter had much needed time with grandma. I would say two weeks, same as most post.

1 mom found this helpful

My mom came for 1 week. I was blessed in that my husband had a few weeks off after each baby was born. With #3, he had 2 weeks (he had 6! PTO with the first two!!). So, with my third, my husband took off the day she was born (obviously) and it happened to be a Friday. My Mom came down over the weekend, and stayed till the following week. Then my husband took his two weeks off after she left.

She cooked, did the laundry, took my son to preschool, took my son for walks while my two year old, new baby and I slept. She cleaned, and held the baby while I showered and cared for myself.

Two weeks would be great for you, your husband and other child.

1 mom found this helpful

I only wish I could have had my mom to help out after my kids were born but sadly she passed away when I was pregnant with my first. My MIL however did offer to come help. My husband was home for a week after the kids were born and then my MIL, who lives in town, came by to help out during the day for the next 2 weeks. She wasn't there all the time - mostly from like 10-3 or 4 so some housework could get done, shopping, etc. After that I had pretty much gotten a routine down so I was able to cope throughout the day but she was kind of "on call" just in case.

1 mom found this helpful

My Mom stayed with me for a week after my 2nd was born. My husband had like 2 or 3 days off, so after that it was just her, I and the boys. I felt like I would have liked it if she would have stayed a little longer, but I definitely wouldn't do more than 2 weeks, esp in a small apartment. We have a small condo so I understand what you mean about that.....everyone starts stepping on each other and then you are just craving your space. I think 2 weeks MAY be a little too much, but I would def only do one weekend if that is doable. It is when your husband is home all day that the space and privacy start to wear on you a little.

1 mom found this helpful

We lived with my in-laws when our son was born because we had just moved cross country, waiting for a house to sell, etc. It was already pretty stressful and though I love my MIL, she doesn't completely get me and isn't the a natural nurturer. My mom lives overseas and had planned to come later like 2-3 months after since she assumed I had all the help I needed with live in grandparents. But, 1 week after baby, I called my mom in tears and said, Come, NOW! She came and stayed for 7 weeks! I was really sick pp and you can imagine it was crazy stressful with my mom, dh, me, baby, in-laws all in one house! It was like war of the grandmas!

Anyway, it was wonderful, my mom anticipated my every need, took out trash, fixed meals, shopped, made sure I got up and exercised, took baby at night so I could sleep...I mean, it was wonderful! I have already told her that when and if baby #2 comes, I want her here (now in our own home) before and after for as long as possible. My mom is really good about recognizing and even helping to facilitate time with DH, etc. When she comes to visit now, she'll just take our son and say, you go have time to yourselves, I'll make dinner, whatever...she just handles it, which I like.

I guess it just depends on your relationship with parents. Having a toddler already, I imagine it would be even more useful to have them around for quite a while. 2 weeks is probably the norm for most people, so no one gets tired of one another and you get your privacy back, but for me, I'd say more like 4-6 weeks.

My husband took the week of the baby's birth off. So I had my mom come starting when he went back to work. She stayed for 1 week and that was a good amount of time for me.

It really depends on your and your mom's personalities, I think. I'm a pretty private person, and also felt awkward taking a nap when the baby was napping, leaving my mom sitting downstairs with nothing to do. So I actually got more sleep on my own. But that's just me. I know other people who can have their mom stay for a month without feeling cramped. That's great for them, but I'm more private/independent than they are and it would have been too much for me..

I felt like I really needed help for the first week to 10 days. After that I really was ready for folks to leave us alone as a family.

But, help after three weeks is also great. In my experience with both my kids the first three weeks was the honeymoon period where the new baby slept a ton. With the second it was helpful to have help that first week because I was recovering physically and I needed help with my daughter. But after that it was really easy for a couple of weeks. Then it got harder because the baby started being awake and fussy more. So maybe you could stager your visitors a little.

My hubby was off for a few days after I had both kids. After that he was back to working nights so I had the kids. My MIL and mom are both close so if I needed them, I called them. But for the most part, I just settled into the routine with 1 and then 2 children. I did not need (nor did I want) a lot of extra people at the house. As far as cooking, we ate simple meals or made larger ones on the weekends. And cleaning was just left...or hubby helped...I got to it eventually.

I think your timeframe sounds good but since you live in such a small apartment, I suggest having them stay at a hotel the first few nights you are back home so you and your family alone can settle into a routine without having visitors. Not sure if they can afford to stay in a hotel for the entire time but that might be better too.

That seems like a long time to me. Especially in an apartment. Unless you expect to be fully incapacitated for some reason.

We had a spare bedroom for my mom (who came without my dad for part of the time, he joined her later) and she came for about 10 days. Dad drove her down after the birth, he stayed for a day then had to go back for work. She stayed with us, then he came back the next weekend and stayed for a couple days before they both left for home.

I will say that not all moms are created equal in the "helping after the baby comes" department. My mom was fantastic. She cooked. She swept. She vacuumed. She did laundry. She held the baby (when I was exhausted). She entertained our eldest (3 yrs old at the time). She chatted up and kept my hubby company when I wasn't good company. She stayed out of the way when we didn't need help for things (not getting up in the night meeting me in the nursery when the baby would wake up... unless I asked her to).

But not all moms are like that. I have heard stories and unless you KNOW what you are getting, it could be one of those stories where you can't wait for them to leave. Some moms don't know any boundaries and TAKE OVER. Not just help you, but try to direct everything and tell you how you should do everything, etc. OR they sit around and expect to hold the baby and be waited on by you. So, just be sure, before you decide on a time frame, that you discuss what kind of "help" you are getting exactly. And be SURE to leave yourself the option to shorten the visit if you decide you want to. (i.e., "I'd love to have you come stay with us.. but I'm not sure how much help we'll need. Let's play it by ear and plan on 3-4 days and see how it goes..." or something like that)

I had my folks come about 10 days after the baby was born. My husband and I liked how peaceful the house was when we first came home. It also gave him a good chance to bond with the baby before going back to work. My folks stayed a week. 2 weeks could have been great, although I personally find it stressful to have company too long, so who knows. They stayed at a hotel. I spent so much time with my boobs out and the household so much time awake at night, I don't know that I would have wanted around the clock guests. All this being said, you know your family and your needs and will no doubt come up with a great plan :) Hope you get some other replies

My mom came for 2 weeks after my son was born. That seemed good to us- it gave us time to get used to things and at the end of the 2 weeks, we were totally ready to be on our own. It also let my mom feel like she got some special 'grandma time' in right at the start. My MIL lived close by and was also available for lots of help, but after a couple of weeks, we felt confident and everyone backed off! :) Congratulations !

My mother came to help me for 1 week (5 days). I had a C-section with my second, and she helped me until I felt better which was about 3 days. That's all I could take with my mom living with us, but I know she meant well.

This is such a personal preference thing. My mom came the day we came home from the hospital and stayed for about a week. It was enough time for me to get my bearings. We also lived in a small apartment at the time and my husband really likes his space, so a week was about all that he could handle. I have friends who have had their moms come and stay for a few months (although these are usually family members who live in other countries and there are definitely cultural differences there). For us a week worked well. It was also our first, so I can't compare it to what kind of help you might need when you have a toddler running around too.

Oh-and I don't know how far away they live, if that's why you are thinking of having them come so early. But I couldn't have had my mom just hanging out while I was waiting to go into labor for a week, lol!

If your husband is taking any time off after the baby is born, then I think you should have your parents come when your husband goes back to work so that your husband can have his time bonding with the baby. Also, the extra hands will be much more helpful when you're by yourself, especially with a toddler, too.

While help is great, we actually prefer to have my in-laws come about 1month after the baby is born so that we can get our bearings and get to know the baby and understand its routines. We did that with our first two, and #3 is due in a few weeks. It will be crazy in our household, and we haven't completely figured out our plan for when I need to go to the hospital, but this works better for us in the end. Even though they're there to help, it does become stressful (for us) because, ultimately, they're still guests.

YOur idea sounds great. My Mom came and stayed 4 days with the first one and a few days with #2.. Congrats!

having had no help with either child, and one was a c-section I say enjoy the help as long as possible. It might kind of cramp your style but babies do that anyway. Congratulations!

this sounds kind of dumb, but i would ask her what kind of things she is willing to "help" with. my mom came to stay a week with me and after I had complications and my daughter was in NICU for 3 days with a heart condition, when we finally all got home she said "you need to learn how to take care of the baby" and basically did nothing but hang pictures on my walls (we had just moved into a new house). so she was NO help at all and actually more stressful than me and hubby just being there ourselves. so just my experience, i'm sure others have more "helpful' mothers than i did! I hope you do too!!!!

my mom stayed for a week with each baby. My MIL came for a day at a time, usually after my mom left. & this was fine with me!

Oh, & no visiting prior to birth....simply because delivery was unplanned/not a scheduled c-section.

Wishing you a speedy & safe delivery!

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