Unfortunately my daughter and I are living with my parents for the time being, due to financial problems. AND, she sleeps in the same bed as me, because she is scared or something of her room. She's 3 years old, is potty trained, but she does NOT listen to me. I'm her mother; she listens to my stepfather and mother more. PLUS, they give her everything she wants. (I'm working on moving out of there). BUT I cannot get her to listen to me. Disciplining doesn't work, she doesn't want to go to bed at a decent hour, and if she doesn't get her way, she throws a fit, all the time. This is an every day occurence. Unfortunately her father is not in her life. Any suggestions on how I can get her to listen to me? And on disciplining her and getting her into her own bed.
Watch Supernanny, it's on tonight!!
You also should get the book Parenting the Strong Willed Child. It has a lot of great tips that you could use, she is the perfect age for the techniques in this book.
This book helped us out immensely when my son was a toddler-1st grade.
Good luck!
I'm not sure what you mean by disciplining her doesn't work??? The hardest part about discipline is the fact that you have to be incredibly consistent. It's not easy and it's much easier to just cave in to avoid the whining and tantrums, but I promise you that will only cause more whining and tantrums.
You are in a hard position. Grandparents aren't so much into disciplining grandchildren and it can be really hard on the parents. I feel for you, but you'll have to make the best of the situation and try to get your mom and step dad on board.
I suggest looking into Love and Logic. In my opinion it is the best way to get the results you want. It's hard, but it works. Good luck!
I myself am new to the Love and Logic approach. But it deals with giving choices to the child (choices that you the parent are ok with). Example: Would you like the green cup or the blue cup? Would you like to zip your coat yourself or have me help you? Would you like to go to bed now, or in 10 minutes? Of course if they don't make a choice within 10 seconds or so... Oh I guess you want the green cup and proceed to give them the green cup. That should help with the overall listening (of course not all children respond to it).
As for sleeping in her room, you can also give choices there, would you like me to read you a story before I leave the room? Do you want the nightlight on or off? Do you want the door open or closed?
The Love and Logic approach is on tape/cd, in books and online. Jim Fay is one of the authors. It can't hurt to do a little research and see if it's worth a try.
Also on discipline, it talks about natural consequences. You colored on the wall, I won't let you color for a while. Throwing food, intentionally spilling milk. Supper's over. (and no more food until the next scheduled meal time). It also talks about saying what you will do. I will listen when you talk nicely to me. The car is leaving in 15 minutes. I will let you play with the toy, if I see you playing nicely with it.
I have seen some improvement with the 4 yr old in my daycare. But I haven't done a good job at being consistent, so I can't tell you exactly how well it works. But I can tell you she doesn't like to listen to me and she likes to have her own way.
Good Luck!
Well don't know if your in the kitchen but my grandfather was washing dishes and my cousin started throwing a fit in the floor(all out). Well he got tired of listening to it and sprayed him down with the spout on the sink till he stopped. He never had a fit again. Funny thing to watch. Maybe think out of box is the hint.
#1 Rule about a tantrum is it needs an audience. It is no fun to have a tantrum all by yourself in your room with the door closed. Let her scream and cry. She will "get it" eventually. Do not CAVE. Sit outside her room door to make sure no one else caves either. Tell your Mom that you would not be the awesome grown up that you are today if you had not had discipline. Tell her your daughter needs it too in order to become an awesome grown up and you would like her and your stepdad to get on board. She will still love all of you if you instill some consistent discipline. they will deny it but kids need boundaries.
Welcome to the terrible three's! Consistency is the key here, combined with enforceable limits. H., please pick up a copy of Parenting With Love and Logic. You will be SO glad that you did. It explains in full detail with lots and lots of practical examples, how to raise a responsible child. And three is a perfect age to start this. When you are done with the book, pass it on to your folks so that they can reinforce what you are practicing!
CALMLY let her have her tantrum- ignore it. I know, it is hard! When you think she is done, look at her and say "are you finished?" "Good. Now get to bed" and drop it. Don't argue, don't accept any response. NOTHING! Put her in her bed, give her a hug and a kiss, walk out and close the door. You have to let her know that her tantrums are going to get her nowhere. THey will eventually stop. It will take a while. DO NOT let your parents interfere. So she listens to them more. So they give her everything she wants. They are her grandparents, that's their peragative.
Your job is to be her mom. Ignore the tantrums and make her comply. You do that by ignoring the tantrums and constantly telling her the "rules".
You can do it. Being a single mom is so hard, but worth it.
First of all, talk to your mom and stepfather. They need to take the back seat to you and your rules with your daughter. They need to understand that you are her mother. My sister went thru this with our mom and every once in a while my sister looked at our mom and said "she is MY daughter, not yours". Hopefully they will understand and support you.
As for getting her into her own bed, I am not beyond bribery for that one. I have a 5 and 4 year old who fall asleep in their bed but end up between me and my husband. I'll keep an eye on this post for ideas there.
Best of luck.
I've had the same issue with two 3 yr olds. they only way to keep them
in their bed is to sit in their room with them with your back to them. do not
talk, respond in any way after the first time of telling them it's time to go
to sleep. If she gets out of her bed, just pick her up and bring her back.
this may go on for hours, but I promise you, not for weeks. Just hang in there. And as far as discipline, there has to be consequences!
Part of it is wanting her independence. My daughter has recently been telling me "I want to do it myself, you don't do it, I do it" Part of it is that your parents are possibly interfering and she ends up getting what wants. Are your parents undermining your parenting or are they supporting you? She may also sense that you are unsure how to deal with her. If that is the case, she is going to see how far she can push you. You have to be firm and expect obedience. If your parents are supportive then things should go well. If your parents interfere then, maybe it is time to have a talk with them about the problem and see if ya'll can agree to support each other in discipline.
I'd have a talk with you mom and step-father and explain that you need them to reinforce what you're saying to your daughter and also to not go overboard with giving her things. You should be the primary disciplinarian even in an extended family living situation. If they are "co-parenting" and allowing things that you are not in agreement with that is sabotaging your efforts and also setting your daughter up for being uncooperative. The fact that you are in their home and they are constantly showering your daughter with gifts indicates that they do love you both and are trying to help. They just may not realize that what they are doing is counterproductive. Once you're all on the same page, it will be better for the remaining time that you have to live with them. Try not to be too frustrated and realize that this too will pass.
