11 answers

Having Trouble Dealing with 9 Year Old

I'm really confused. My 9 year old was diagnosed with ADHD when she was in 1st grade. We have tried all kinds of different ADHD medicine. They seem to work good for a while. Then we go though about a week every month or so where she is just out of control. I have mentioned to the doctor that I wasn't 100% sure that she has ADHD. It is hard on the hole family during this week or so that she is just out of control. She doesn't do anything that she is told. She has a routine when she gets up and she can't manage to follow it. She is very mouthy. She is rude to her brother and things have to go her way. She can't stay organized at school or home. She refuses to bring homework home but still manages to get B's at school. We have tried all forms of discipline and nothing seems to work. Her and her dad are always butting heads. I can't take it.

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Good morning, T.. The book, The Gift of Learning by Ronald D. Davis, is a wonderful book that provides tools for children and adults with these exact kinds of issues. It explains the tools used in controlling energy level, lack of focus and time/organization difficulties.
The book is available at most book stores, libraries and can also be found online.
The Davis website is www.dyslexia.com

More Answers

Good Morning T., one thing that caught my attention was when you said One week a month she is uncontrollable. She maybe going through hormone changes already.
One of our DIL is on depression meds, should be on something stronger but that's another story..lol Once a month before her period starts she is horde, mean, argumentative, down right ugly.
I found a check list of symptoms of ADHD online. You might want to go through them again and see if anything has changed since she was diagnosed.


Here is another

God Bless you T., our boys were ADD, diagnosed when in
2nd & 4th grade. They were on Ritalin for several yrs. They said it made them feel like zombies. I stopped giving it to them cold turkey when I started home-schooling in 8th and 6th grades. I didn't know that cold turkey stopping could of caused some really bad things to happen. They were fine though, 35 & 32, they are still both hyper to some degree and can handle it on their own.

K. Nana of 5
PS We have a couple of gr son's who are very hyper...LOL Keeps me on my toes daily.

my thoughts were the same as karen's, although i haven't had experience with adhd (except in my husband who i didn't meet until he was 25), but my first thought was "is she starting puberty already?" because my period started when i was 10. and they are starting earlier and earlier in young girls due to steroids etc in our foods...it's worth a thought. especially if she already had issues with focus and moods...even if she hasn't started her monthly flow yet, she may be experiencing hormonal shifts on a monthly cycle...not sure but i'd ask her dr. about it.

Hi T.. I understand what you are going through. My 12yo son also has ADHD and it is tough. We had a small amount of success with the medicine, Aderall-XR, for awhile when he was in the 3rd grade but he said it made him feel like a zombie so we eventually stopped that medicine. Also, right around the same time that the developmental pediatrician was experimenting trying to find the right dosage for him, the school ended up placing him in the special ed class, not because of his ability to learn, but because he just had a hard time learning in a large classroom environment. The developmental pediatrician says that he was probably acting out due to his frustration of not being able to focus in the classroom, not being able to complete his work in time, consistently getting in trouble, etc. I was resistant to having him move to the special ed class at first, but once he switched to the smaller class of around 8 kids, it was like night and day. He learned well and got all of his work done, displayed no behavior problems, and made the honor roll consistently. Because he was doing so well in school, things were also much better at home and he and his dad clashed alot less. He did all of this without medicine. However, now that he is in middle school and is once again in a large classroom setting, he is once again struggling so we are in the process of trying to identify some good options for him so that he can remain in a regular classroom. We also had some success with using a behavior modification sheet. The behavior chart contained a list of five realistic goals set for him in areas that he needed to work on that he could realistically achieve 50% of the time, and as he improved we'd raise his goals. If he accomplished the goal the teacher would mark 'yes', if not she'd mark 'no'. The teacher would then total up the number of yeses that he had for the day, he'd bring it home, and we had a point based system that we used that would determine the privileges that he earned for the day then for that week. He basically had to earn everything that he got to do, like TV, computer time, dessert. Everything. If he didn't earn it, he didn't get it. That was probably about the most successful approach that we used. It just took the right teacher that understood how to develop such a plan and us stepping up at home to develope a system of rewards for him based on what he earned. There's alot more that I can share with you if you want more info on the behavior chart that we used. I could share an example with you if you are interested. Just let me know.

Get the book The Disconnected Kids by Dr. Robert Melillo. If you are in the KC area they just opened a center here in Overland Park. Dr. Melillo is in town this week giving free parent presentations. Thurs. Nov. 12 7pm at the OP Sheraton. Amazing! It won't be a waste of your time.

My daughter too is adhd she is now 27 years old so you will survive it it is very over whelming and most people are not understanding at all. My daughter could not do medicine she would build up a tolerance to it very quickly. For her it was red dyes in food caramel coloring, artificial sweeteners and msg. You'll might want to try a food diary. We also did a poker chip system she would get one for good behavior and would lose one for bad at the end of the week she could cash them in and get something at the store but it had to be a book or special food that would be in her diet. You might also found she needs to be told what is appropriate behavior and what is not my daughter honestly did not no the difference what would seem obvious for a normal child was foreign to her. You might also have her checked for diabetes it shadows some of the same symptoms. I wish you the best of luck

Good morning, T.. The book, The Gift of Learning by Ronald D. Davis, is a wonderful book that provides tools for children and adults with these exact kinds of issues. It explains the tools used in controlling energy level, lack of focus and time/organization difficulties.
The book is available at most book stores, libraries and can also be found online.
The Davis website is www.dyslexia.com

Is your daughter getting her meds from her pediatrician or a psychiatrist? A pediatrician is not the Dr to be prescribing these medications. Your daughter might be on the right medication but the wrong dose. It is really hard to fine tune the correct dose. Also, if you think she might have another diagnosis, a psychiatrist is the only person your should go to for this. Also a therapist would help in the diagnosis as well as teaching methods of how to deal with her disorder. It might help for you, the parents, to meet with the therapist to learn behavior modification technoques that will work with your daughter AND to learn which ones don't work. It will make life MUCH easier for your daughter & you.

Hanh in there. It can take a while to find the correct meds & dosage. We went through this with my daughter (& me) and it was worth the effort. By the way, many/most children with ADHD have a parent with it. Go to an Adult ADHD website & have both you & your husband go through a checklist. If you find you or your husband might have it, go to the doctor to find out. It will make parenting MUCH easier if you have it and are treated for it!

Good luck, it takes patience to figure things out but your family will be much happier if you get proper tretment.

Hang in there, it can be hard!


You mentioned the doctor...but does your daughter see a counselor? At school or a private one? A counselor would be able to suggest behavior modification techniques for the whole family....& should ease the stress you're feeling.

& I agree with the previous poster...it could be hormones!

I've read a lot about ADHD being affected by diet. Dairy and gluten (wheat etc) are the two most cited problems foods, as with the rest of the population, and lots of people also have trouble with food colorings (Red #40 etc). It's daunting at first, but not that hard once you figure out what to eat. Google "ADHD diet" or a similar search and I'm sure you'll come up with lots of ideas worth trying. I don't have any experience with ADHD, but lots with food allergies, and they definitely can affect behavior and personality in the ways you describe and otherwise--food can make my daughter very hyper and defiant. It can also cause her to have huge meltdowns. Had we not figured out what my daughter is allergic to, she might have been suspected with ADHD as well. She would have been labeled a problem child and we never would have gotten to know the real, sweet child that she is. Here's a link to an article about food and autism/ADHD
We are looking into these treatments (BAX-3000) for my daughter's allergies...she's had some similar treatments and her reactions have gotten less severe. You could contact an office near you and see if they can give you the name/number of a family who's child has been treated for ADHD. Worth a phone call. Good luck. C. D

Hi T.,

I'm no doctor, but it does sound like she's got ADHD. My 12 year-old daughter has it, and your daughter sounds a bit like mine.

We've stopped giving her meds due to the fact, they work for a while, then stop. To me, it also sounds like your daughter seems to be stressed. My daughter is going through the same right now. I went to the school this past Tues. and spoke with the school psychologist and they are going to have a meeting with all her teachers to find out what they can do to alleviate her stress.

There is a program I'd encourage to look into, it's called
www.thetotaltransformation.com. It teaches parents how to parent effectively, even with kids with ADHD. Take a look!!

Hope things get better for you!! I'm right here where you are! ls

Please take you daughter to see a Pediatric Psychiatrist. They can help with both adjusting the medications and other behavioral and cognative therapies.

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