20 answers

Having Trouble Dealing...

Being a WAHM, I'm with my kids all the time... well, with my SON all the time, with the girls too, when they're on summer vacation, like now. It's far and few between when I'm away from them. You'd think I'd be running out of the house the second I find a sitter... NO! I have a tattoo appointment later which will take a few hours. I'm dropping the kids off at my friends house, then my husband is picking them up and bringing them home. I know they're in good hands; I know they'll have fun. But EVERY time I have to leave them all, I start freaking out hours ahead of time. I've tried to keep myself busy today to keep my mind off it... I'm out of stuff to do (but YAY clean house!!)... I do suffer from anxiety, and it would probably be really, really helpful to start leaving the kids more on a regular basis. But today, I have that stomach-in-knots feeling and I can't stop clock watching, literally counting down the minutes until I'll be away from the kids. Then while I'm gone, it takes everything ounce of self discipline I have to not call and talk to the kids. Again, it's not that I'm worried about them... I'M the one, apparently, with some separation anxiety issues, isn't that what this sounds like? It's so silly, I know, because I DO enjoy the much needed breaks from the kids when I get it, and I'm usually fine once I'm doing whatever I set off to do... but the hours leading up to the event are torture! How can I prevent myself from feeling this awful, going forward? It kind of takes all the excitement out of what I'm getting ready to do. This is a completely irrational anxiety. Does anyone else feel like this? What makes you feel better?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

You crack me up!!!

How'd the appointment go?!

Yes, totally irrational!!! What can i do to help you work through it?

No, I don't feel like this - if my kids are with someone I trust - then I'm golden...there's not many people I trust with my monsters...so my list is short...however, IF I was having anxiety about it - I would take a deep breath and relax...remind myself that I TRUST the individual with whom my kids are with and keep reminding myself of that!!!

You're good girl - you rock!! Do we get to see pics of the tat?

3 moms found this helpful

YES! I get irritable bowel every time I have a sitter coming for my kids, even though I love her, the kids love her, and she is very capable. I think my problem is that I am a micromanager and perfectionist and just cannot relax while I am not in control of my own kids.

What makes me feel better? Red wine! j/k

No, really, the more I use my sitter the more at ease I find myself. When we go long stretches without having her watch the kids, I am back at square 1 and all the worrying starts again.

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I'm not sure there's anything wrong with you, Rach. If it freaked you out to the point you CANCEL whatever the plans were while you'd be away from them, THAT'D be a problem. I think it just means you are a loving, attached Mom who is really into her kids. How could that possibly be a BAD thing?

:)

7 moms found this helpful

Honestly- the only thing you can do is keep leaving them, but in short increments of time. Several hours away is tough when it makes you anxious, but you could leave them for a 1/2 hour with a friend to run a quick errand. When that stops feeling overwhelming, bump it to an hour and then 2 hours...

Anxiety in general has a lot to do with needing to feel in control. You can't "control" what happens to your children when they are not with you. You can't control what they do, what they eat, watch they watch, etc. It is really tough to step back from it, but keep in mind that the ONLY way our children learn how to "live and learn" is through failure. Sounds crazy, but it's true. They are too young to understand "warnings and logic" and need to experience things to learn from them.

Eating too much candy makes you feel sick. Don't like they way it makes you feel? Don't do it again! Running around like a crazy person at mommy's friends' house may mean running into a wall and hitting your head. Don't like they way it feels? Don't do it again.

We spend so much time "warning" our kids, but in all reality until they are mature enough to "predict" the natural consequences for their behavior they just have to learn from their own mistakes. As parents we do not want our children to have any "accidents or bumps" so we control their environment. When they walk out the door (or you do), we lose that control and it is scary.

4 moms found this helpful

I am similar to you! I freak out up to the point of leaving, unless I do what you do and keep my mind off of it! I have serious anxiety once I leave her, and can barely enjoy myself sometimes!!!! It is awful, and makes me feel like I needs meds or something!!

I don't agree with some of the people saying, "It is a control thing" "You can't control what your kids are doing", etc. That is not the problem at all! I am not really concerned with that, but that is my personal experience. I worry a lot about what may happen while I am gone, and just get so afraid "something bad will happen"! It drives me crazy, I have to tell myself to snap out of it while I am gone! But I am seriously stressing a lot of the time while I leave her with sitters. I think, "Ugh, I hope they are watching her, so she doesn't ........" Just little dumb things really that rarely happen I am sure, but my fear is there none the less! The only thing I can do to fix it is to get my mind off of it! I have to remember to engage in conversation, actually watch the movie and don't let my mind wonder! Seriously that is all I can do, and as the day goes on it just gets easier. Especially after a check-in with the sitter =]

3 moms found this helpful

I do a little bit ~ I MUST kiss and hug him goodbye!!!!!!!!!!! Even if I'm just running to Cumbies to get milk! That's "my thing" wont leave him w/ out a kiss and hug and telling him I love him!!
SOOOO whats the new 'Ink' gonna be???
Inquiring minds want to know :-) LOL

3 moms found this helpful

Take a deep breath and let'em go. My DD is with my MOM today and they're going out painting the town red..Freaks me out because I am not there and don't know what's going on. We have to let go of the control. Just make sure you know where they are and what they'll be doing while you're gone.

3 moms found this helpful

I'm the same way even with my older kids. =) I pray a lot. =) I try to keep myself busy and my mind occupied. I think if I did it more, it would be easier. I'm with my kids 24/7 because I'm a SAHM and I homeschool them.

3 moms found this helpful

I'm like this too. I don't worry when we go over there because she ditches me at the door and sometimes I have to carry her out to leave lol so obviously she loves it there. But it's like this guilty feeling of just doing something without her. Even if it is going to college, I still feel a separation anxiety. I try to play with her before hand and have time together so I don't feel as much separation anxiety. Or I start thinking about what I'm doing. Like you had to do a tattoo (I'm guessing when you said tattoo appointment) I would start thinking of what I need to do when they get there, what cool thing you get to tattoo on him/her, etc or vice versa if your getting a tattoo done.

I agree with Jane too, don't show your kids your anxious or nervous.

3 moms found this helpful

You crack me up!!!

How'd the appointment go?!

Yes, totally irrational!!! What can i do to help you work through it?

No, I don't feel like this - if my kids are with someone I trust - then I'm golden...there's not many people I trust with my monsters...so my list is short...however, IF I was having anxiety about it - I would take a deep breath and relax...remind myself that I TRUST the individual with whom my kids are with and keep reminding myself of that!!!

You're good girl - you rock!! Do we get to see pics of the tat?

3 moms found this helpful

YES! I get irritable bowel every time I have a sitter coming for my kids, even though I love her, the kids love her, and she is very capable. I think my problem is that I am a micromanager and perfectionist and just cannot relax while I am not in control of my own kids.

What makes me feel better? Red wine! j/k

No, really, the more I use my sitter the more at ease I find myself. When we go long stretches without having her watch the kids, I am back at square 1 and all the worrying starts again.

3 moms found this helpful

I love children dearly, but the break is nice. It makes me appreciate them even more. I used to get anxiety about my older child and him going off to college in 4 yrs, but his teenage attitude is making me "almost" ok with him going away. You must have wonderful well behaved well mannered children to make you not want to part from them. You are blessed.
Pray for them, and pray for yourself... and have a little faith that you will be ok. :)

2 moms found this helpful

Nope just you LOL

I don't worry about dropping her off, I just start to miss her after an hour or so... but I remind myself I need adult time too!

2 moms found this helpful

No, I never feel that way. Separation makes the heart grow fonder. Certainly makes them better, more adjusted people.

2 moms found this helpful

It helps me to plan something very fun for them. I know they wont look back. It's as much a fun outing for them as it is for me. That way I am looking forward to them getting to go and looking forward to me getting to go and everybody is happy. The one thing I do not do is tell the kids in advance because then they wear me out about it every 10 minutes asking if its time to go yet! That's a whole other headache. I make everything a suprise to them and that way theres no asking every 10 minutes and no dissapointment if things fall through.
Now go have a good time you crazy kid

2 moms found this helpful

I used to have that feeling and what helped me the most is talking some sense to my own self. I would say things to myself like, "You know they are in good hands." or "Don't you trust the care giver with your children?" or "GET A GRIP GIRL, the kids can use the break and so can you." Concentrating on deep breathing while talking some sense to myself also helped much.

2 moms found this helpful

Haha, heck NO I never feel that way!!! Just make sure your kids don't know how anxious you are when you are getting ready to leave, they might end up with some anxiety themselves when they get older. I know my younger son ended up with some worry problems, and I think to myself, did I help him to get that way. Hope you love your new tattoo!!!!!!!!!

2 moms found this helpful

Can you pinpoint exactly what is making you so anxious about being away from them? I'm a pretty rational person, so I would probably make a list of the things that I am anxious over, then address each one in a common-sense way. So if you can, try identifying precisely what the trigger is. When I have to be away from my kids, it helps a lot to remind myself that not only do I benefit from a break from them, but THEY benefit from a break from ME. It's good for them to spend time elsewhere, with other people. They need to see that different houses have different rules, etc. Think of it as building character...for them AND for you!

2 moms found this helpful

I wish I could tell you what to do, but I have a similar issue. I've accepted it as the norm, but your post has me thinking that perhaps I shouldn't. :)

2 moms found this helpful

I cant say this happens to me but I do have a friend like this, getting her away from her kids used to be like pulling teeth. She never left home without them and when she did it was like she would put them on speaker phone and "just listen to them" honestly. So here is what I and few friends did for her. We pick her up twice a week one of us stays with the kids she goes out to lunch or dinner or anywhere for an hour or so. No calling no texting no speaker phone listening. It took us a while but it did get easier for her. Maybe you should try something like this. Just go for an hour or so twice a week. it should get easier for you to seperate. good luck

2 moms found this helpful

No, I never feel like that! Lol!

1 mom found this helpful

I rarely get sitters. I try to fit my "stuff" in when I can--with my son, when he's at an activity or a friends......but no, generally I don't get anxious when he goes somewhere.
I'm thinking therapy could help with your anxiety.

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