20 answers

Having Trouble Dealing...

Being a WAHM, I'm with my kids all the time... well, with my SON all the time, with the girls too, when they're on summer vacation, like now. It's far and few between when I'm away from them. You'd think I'd be running out of the house the second I find a sitter... NO! I have a tattoo appointment later which will take a few hours. I'm dropping the kids off at my friends house, then my husband is picking them up and bringing them home. I know they're in good hands; I know they'll have fun. But EVERY time I have to leave them all, I start freaking out hours ahead of time. I've tried to keep myself busy today to keep my mind off it... I'm out of stuff to do (but YAY clean house!!)... I do suffer from anxiety, and it would probably be really, really helpful to start leaving the kids more on a regular basis. But today, I have that stomach-in-knots feeling and I can't stop clock watching, literally counting down the minutes until I'll be away from the kids. Then while I'm gone, it takes everything ounce of self discipline I have to not call and talk to the kids. Again, it's not that I'm worried about them... I'M the one, apparently, with some separation anxiety issues, isn't that what this sounds like? It's so silly, I know, because I DO enjoy the much needed breaks from the kids when I get it, and I'm usually fine once I'm doing whatever I set off to do... but the hours leading up to the event are torture! How can I prevent myself from feeling this awful, going forward? It kind of takes all the excitement out of what I'm getting ready to do. This is a completely irrational anxiety. Does anyone else feel like this? What makes you feel better?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

You crack me up!!!

How'd the appointment go?!

Yes, totally irrational!!! What can i do to help you work through it?

No, I don't feel like this - if my kids are with someone I trust - then I'm golden...there's not many people I trust with my monsters...so my list is short...however, IF I was having anxiety about it - I would take a deep breath and relax...remind myself that I TRUST the individual with whom my kids are with and keep reminding myself of that!!!

You're good girl - you rock!! Do we get to see pics of the tat?

3 moms found this helpful

YES! I get irritable bowel every time I have a sitter coming for my kids, even though I love her, the kids love her, and she is very capable. I think my problem is that I am a micromanager and perfectionist and just cannot relax while I am not in control of my own kids.

What makes me feel better? Red wine! j/k

No, really, the more I use my sitter the more at ease I find myself. When we go long stretches without having her watch the kids, I am back at square 1 and all the worrying starts again.

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I'm not sure there's anything wrong with you, Rach. If it freaked you out to the point you CANCEL whatever the plans were while you'd be away from them, THAT'D be a problem. I think it just means you are a loving, attached Mom who is really into her kids. How could that possibly be a BAD thing?

:)

7 moms found this helpful

Honestly- the only thing you can do is keep leaving them, but in short increments of time. Several hours away is tough when it makes you anxious, but you could leave them for a 1/2 hour with a friend to run a quick errand. When that stops feeling overwhelming, bump it to an hour and then 2 hours...

Anxiety in general has a lot to do with needing to feel in control. You can't "control" what happens to your children when they are not with you. You can't control what they do, what they eat, watch they watch, etc. It is really tough to step back from it, but keep in mind that the ONLY way our children learn how to "live and learn" is through failure. Sounds crazy, but it's true. They are too young to understand "warnings and logic" and need to experience things to learn from them.

Eating too much candy makes you feel sick. Don't like they way it makes you feel? Don't do it again! Running around like a crazy person at mommy's friends' house may mean running into a wall and hitting your head. Don't like they way it feels? Don't do it again.

We spend so much time "warning" our kids, but in all reality until they are mature enough to "predict" the natural consequences for their behavior they just have to learn from their own mistakes. As parents we do not want our children to have any "accidents or bumps" so we control their environment. When they walk out the door (or you do), we lose that control and it is scary.

4 moms found this helpful

I am similar to you! I freak out up to the point of leaving, unless I do what you do and keep my mind off of it! I have serious anxiety once I leave her, and can barely enjoy myself sometimes!!!! It is awful, and makes me feel like I needs meds or something!!

I don't agree with some of the people saying, "It is a control thing" "You can't control what your kids are doing", etc. That is not the problem at all! I am not really concerned with that, but that is my personal experience. I worry a lot about what may happen while I am gone, and just get so afraid "something bad will happen"! It drives me crazy, I have to tell myself to snap out of it while I am gone! But I am seriously stressing a lot of the time while I leave her with sitters. I think, "Ugh, I hope they are watching her, so she doesn't ........" Just little dumb things really that rarely happen I am sure, but my fear is there none the less! The only thing I can do to fix it is to get my mind off of it! I have to remember to engage in conversation, actually watch the movie and don't let my mind wonder! Seriously that is all I can do, and as the day goes on it just gets easier. Especially after a check-in with the sitter =]

3 moms found this helpful

I do a little bit ~ I MUST kiss and hug him goodbye!!!!!!!!!!! Even if I'm just running to Cumbies to get milk! That's "my thing" wont leave him w/ out a kiss and hug and telling him I love him!!
SOOOO whats the new 'Ink' gonna be???
Inquiring minds want to know :-) LOL

3 moms found this helpful

Take a deep breath and let'em go. My DD is with my MOM today and they're going out painting the town red..Freaks me out because I am not there and don't know what's going on. We have to let go of the control. Just make sure you know where they are and what they'll be doing while you're gone.

3 moms found this helpful

I'm the same way even with my older kids. =) I pray a lot. =) I try to keep myself busy and my mind occupied. I think if I did it more, it would be easier. I'm with my kids 24/7 because I'm a SAHM and I homeschool them.

3 moms found this helpful

I'm like this too. I don't worry when we go over there because she ditches me at the door and sometimes I have to carry her out to leave lol so obviously she loves it there. But it's like this guilty feeling of just doing something without her. Even if it is going to college, I still feel a separation anxiety. I try to play with her before hand and have time together so I don't feel as much separation anxiety. Or I start thinking about what I'm doing. Like you had to do a tattoo (I'm guessing when you said tattoo appointment) I would start thinking of what I need to do when they get there, what cool thing you get to tattoo on him/her, etc or vice versa if your getting a tattoo done.

I agree with Jane too, don't show your kids your anxious or nervous.

3 moms found this helpful

You crack me up!!!

How'd the appointment go?!

Yes, totally irrational!!! What can i do to help you work through it?

No, I don't feel like this - if my kids are with someone I trust - then I'm golden...there's not many people I trust with my monsters...so my list is short...however, IF I was having anxiety about it - I would take a deep breath and relax...remind myself that I TRUST the individual with whom my kids are with and keep reminding myself of that!!!

You're good girl - you rock!! Do we get to see pics of the tat?

3 moms found this helpful

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