Having My Child Play with a Child Who May Be Autistic

Autism is not contagious. The best thing for your friend and her child is for you to be a friend. I have twins, one is typical and the other has autism. The autistic child has blossomed from his peer play with his sibling and other children. The typical child has become such a loving caring role model for her brother as well as other children. We have had a few people that have turned their cheek on us since my son's diagnosis. May be they were afraid or did not know what to say or do. No matter what their excuse was, nothing could be more hurtful to learn that someone you thought was your friend is leaving you standing alone during a difficult time. Your gut instinct is right to want to support your friend.

First of all, good for you for disagreeing with your mother. I have a friend who has a son that is severly autistic, and the best thing for all kids is to be around each other and realize we aren't all the same. WE go to disneyland with them 1-2 times a week. Also, my daughter was early and has been slow too...just because a child is developing slower than an average child doesn't necessarily mean they are autistic. My daughter was evaluated with two different therapist and one called her "atypical" but the next one said she was fine just still a baby (18 months). So, the best thing for your friends child is to be around your child, and your child will NOT become like an autistic child, but only become a teacher and your child will learn even more so by helping another child. I was a teacher and when the smarter kids helped the less smart kids, it always made them understand it more (on both sides).

I hope you continue to visit with your friend...you may all help each other!

If the child truly is autistic, he will have services that will help him with his social skills. We have friends who have an autistic son. He was put on a special diet (gluten and casein free), and he attends a class to help him work on his social skills. He is a totally different kid. So long as the child is not harming your daughter I think everything should be fine.

My oldest has special needs and it makes me sad that people still believe what your mom thinks. I was concerned about my middle "picking" up all her bad habits because he was with her all the time and he mimicked her occassionally, but he is just fine and completely typical. My friends continue to tell me that my typical boys have more compassion for all and don't notice everyone's differences because of being around their sister. Also, your child will not now anything is different at this age and it is amazing to see how much a typical kid will learn from a child with special needs. I think it is great for kids to be around kids that are not like them so they know from a young age that not everyone is the same. You do need to make sure it is a safe environment for playtime. Once you find out your child is not typical it isolates you enough - I truly treasure my friends that have helped us over the years.

You can't "catch" autism...and your child is likely exposed to many people on a daily basis that they will mimic...both good and bad. Have a play date with them! And, maybe get your mom some reading material...sounds like she needs some better information.

-M

HELLO,

I normally don't do this, but I also have the same situation in a way. I have a 4 yr old nephew that was diagnosed with autism. I have 3 beautiful children. A 9yr old boy, 3 1/2 yr old boy, and 16 mo old baby girl. I don't think that it would hurt your child to have your friend's child play with your son. It actually helps your friend's son to have other kids around. He will learn to get along with other kids. At first, I was like you I didn't want to take my kids around his cousin because he would start to act out. But once he got used to his cousin's he learned to get along with them and began to play with them.

CC,
Wow, I'm sorry your mom gave you that advice. That's all I'll say on that one! My 3-year-old daughter is in a preschool that integrates with special needs kids for two 30-minute sessions per school day. This preschool, run by our award-winning school district, has had this particular program in place for years and years and it has been a tremendous success. Not only does it help the special needs kids by having them interact with typical kids, thus promoting learning and mimicking of "typical" social skills, it also teaches my daughter compassion and understanding that we are all different and to celebrate one another. It's called mainstreaming. Absolutely continue getting together with your friend and her child. Support and love is what they need -- and you will all gain from the experience. Best of luck!
Lisa

Wow, I am sorry your mother would feel that way. That is an extremely old fashioned and ignorant way to feel/think. I have 4 children who are thank heavens all healthy with no problems and we have several friends who have children with disabilities. Not only does it bring out the best in my children to be with them but they show so much more understanding, empathy, and love when they are with them. The best part is they themselves don't realize there is a difference, pretty incredible for little people and I am a proud Mommy to be raising such empathetic children. I hope you choose to do the same :)

Wow. I totally agree with all the previous posts. You can't catch a developmental disorder. And yes, children mimic each other. Unfortunately, they frequently pick up the bad habits of "normal" other kids! My best friend has one daughter with mild autism who has done really well with therapy and is blossoming at an unbelievable rate at the age of almost 4. And my child suffered in no way by playing with her. My daughter doesn't know how old someone is, or what is normal behavior for that age. She just thought she had a great playmate! Visit with you friend and enjoy the playtime! The kids sure will!