Having Issues with My Son's Birthday Party

BS that you *have* to invite children of co-workers or the parents' friends. This is his party, invite your son's *real* friends, and don't make a big thing out of it.

If there's any "drama" it should be that your hubby's friends and co-workers don't respect you and your home enough to discipline their own kids.

I also agree with Wendy ;)
t

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I'd have him invite 1 or 2 kids for sleepover and forgo having a party. Or a 'movie day' with just a couple of friends. Or state that it's HIS party and HE gets to invite the friends that he wants to play with. Stand firm and let your DH know if he'd like to have a party for his friends/co workers you can do so at a different time, but you're not destroying your DS's birthday over some nasty children. GL!

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Don't invite any of the co-workers! It should be a special day for your son - not an office party. Let him invite who he wants to spend time with because he's old enough to make that decision. It's just a guess but I bet he's not hanging out with the 4 and 14 year olds.

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have it somewhere else! party at the park? bowling alley? pizza parlour? water park (that one could be expensive!), let's see, you're in florida, how about at a alligator place! that way they come, they party, they leave. and you dont have to worry about your home and possessions!

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I would just do a family outing for his birthday, and not invite any friends. You're not required to hold a party for him!!! Just let him pick a fun activity and enjoy the day with your son!!!

The best thing to do is invite everyon and do not have the party at your house. Have the party at the park, fun station or outside at a farm. That way no one is in your home and cannot do the things that have been done in the past. I know this can create more work for the party but in the end, it will be less stressful because your house and belongings will be safe.

Why are you inviting your husbands friends and co-workers to your sons Birthday party??? That does not make any sense at all. It is your sons party, not your husbands. Let your son pick out his friends to come to the party. Give him a limit. Like five or ten. Make the party about him. Not your husband and his friends. There is no way I would invite my husbands friends and co-workers for my sons party. That is totally the craziest thing I have heard lately. If your husband wants a party with them let him have one but don't make it your sons Birthday party. It is not fair to your son at all. And I don't care who it is, if they are stealing they would not be allowed in my home. Also, I would not stand back and allow someone else to open my childs Birthday gifts. Stand up for you and your son. It's supposed to be his special day..

Easy- why would you have that at your home- and if their kids do that and they don't handle- a friend? not I think.
Or if youHAVE to invite- go to chucky cheese, and let that stuff go on there.
But honestly- maybe you need to cull out some folks- friends you call them
best, k

Don't invite them back...

You say it's your son's day. Is it? Is it something you must tolerate that your home is destroyed? Why would you allow your child to even be acquainted with these unruly children? I certainly would not and I don't care if I get along with the parents. It sounds like your child is calling the shots and dictating who comes and who shouldn't because he's worried about drama and hurt feelings? Didn't you say he is turning 9??????

These children don't sound like "friend" quality type of friends and if the parents are so oblivious to their children's behavior in YOUR house, I say you and your family need to find better friends. I would NOT invite these people to my home, birthday party or otherwise. And you said one of these children steal????? Seriously??? Not in my home! Call the shots mama, and show your son at the tender age of 9 to choose his friends wisely. It starts with you.

Find new friends......if not, your children will be the same way.

Hi D.,

So sorry you're having these issues. This should be a fun time for your son and for you all as a family, celebrating the birth of your son. It's a special day and one to remember the memories up till now, not the stress of the day and regret it altogether. You've had a lot of good answers so far, most stating to have it outside your home or just invite a couple of kids over for a sleep over. I totally agree. However, the stress seems to come with the disruptive children that attend so having it outside your house wouldn't totally illiminate the problems.

A very dear friend always lets her son choose 2 or 3 kids to do something with during the day - go to a movie, take a boat ride around the island, play putt putt golf, etc. Sometimes they have a sleep over afterwards. She's also allowed him to choose something a litte more extravagant that the family does together - go to a theme park for the day, a day cruise, etc. I LOVE this idea and plan to adopt this for the rest of my son's birthdays. My son's birthday is in January and a little harder to plan outdoor activities, plus it falls at the end of the Christmas holiday from school. It has become stressful planning parties outside the house for this time of year so the "simple" solution is to let my son decide who he's going to spend time with for his special day. Good luck!!

K.

Hello,

The first thing I would suggest is not having the party at your house. You can have it in the park or at the beach, or you could go some place like the skating rink, bowling alley, even the movies. This way, there is no way your personal items are anywhere near the kids.

Also, in my opinion, friends be d**ned, if these people are not willing to control their children in someone else's home, then don't invite them. Tell them you decided to keep it small, or have a sleep over and limit the number to just a few kids. A birthday party should be fun for the kids and not have the parents tearing their hair out.

I also think that since these people are closer to your husband than to you, he should be the one addressing the problems with the parents. If it's just coming from you, they may think you are just anal about things and blow you off, but coming from him, they might take it a little more seriously.

Good luck,

J.

Hi!
Now that I am 57 & raising a second family I find that I just don't WANT to do the big at home parties, so, we let the child whose BD it is choose a 'destination' party. We have had: bowling, Build a Bear, Chuck E.Cheese, Beef O' Brady's, Daytona Lagoon, etc.. I keep the group to a minimum according to what the property asks for and arrange for another parent to come if we have to have 10 kidz. I really don't spend as much as when I used to have the parties at home, I am not as tired as I used to be with the at home parties & I don't have to clean up afterwards, the kidz friendz are thrilled as is my kidz, they get to choose a 'cool' venue each year. It works well for all of us.
Maybe this is a good idea for you as well....AND...maybe you need to consider changing the guest list??? Seems as if your guests are NOT the kind of kidz you EVER want in your home for ANYreason! Your husband needs a reality check perhaps...worry about your home & your mental health, NOT hurting these 'friends' feelings...YIKES!
A.

This can be a very difficult problem at children's parties, and it is sometimes hard to deal with without hurting the feelings of the offending kids parents. However, if you want your child to have a fun and safe party for their special day, you NEED to address the problem. I have had some of the same issues at my own kids parties, the physical aggresion toward other children, stealing, breaking things, and simply just being rude and out of control. I had one year in particular that the day after our party I was on the phone with complaint calls about one of the children at the party and the things that this child had done while the party was going on. None of the parents had spoken up and said anything to me, my husband, or the parent of the child DURING the party because they didn't want to cause a scene, but because of that we could not deal with the behavior at that time. I had to make some changes the following year and at all of our other parties, (we have several kids), so that we wouldn't have this problem again. I have had parties at outside places, such as the park, skating rink, etc. and honestly things can happen there. The only thing that you will be spared is damage to your home and nothing can be stolen from you. My kids prefer to have our parties at home so they can have all of their friends and family come, (it is more cost effective), so I refuse to allow a couple of unruley kids to force me to change our location. I simply speak to the parents of the kids in question, as well as the kids, and let them know that if their behavior is not what it should be at the party, they will need to leave, and will not be asked to come to the next party. It may sound rude, but the party is supposed to be fun, and is for MY child, not for them. Also, if I have something that is a little more on the more "dangerous" side like a bounce house or water slide, I post some trusted adults to keep watch on it to make sure that none of the kids are getting out of control and nobody gets hurt. If they don't follow the rules, they cannot play any longer. We have not had any issues since we have adopted our "new rules". As far as the stealing goes, the parties are outside, and everyone stays outside. If they need to come inside to use the bathroom that's fine, but all other rooms are off limits. We even lock the bedrooms for the day. Nobody needs to go in there. We have our pets locked in a couple of the rooms during the party anyway. If we have a party in the cooler months or if it is bad weather and we are not outside, then we are all in the main part of our house, and the bedrooms are still "off limits". We don't always open gifts during the party either. If we have time, we do. If we are too busy, we let our kids do it after the party when everyone has gone home. If they do open gifts at the party, we give the other kids their goody bags at this time to keep them busy so they have something to do while the birthday kid is opening up their gifts. I NEVER allow any other child to open the presents or handle the gifts at the party. I also do not let my kids play with their new toys at the party. We leave that until after the party. We just bring all of the packages into the house and put them in their bedroom to open up after everyone goes home. This way we don't have to worry about toys getting broken or parts getting lost. It works out very well. I hope that your child can have a fun birthday, and you have much less stress. Your child's birthday is supposed to be a fun time for you and your child, and never let anyone cause this much stress for your family for what should be a fun celebration!! Good luck! Happy Birthday!

Ok. You said it! It is your son's bday. Invite who you wish, so there may be some drama and wonders of why we weren't invited. Really think about who you would like to invite and have as small a gathering as you like it. Blame it on timing or finances or just wanting to keep it simple this year. You should not go through all that. Consider doing the party outdoors or at another location. Another cool idea is to have entertainment for the kids like a magician or musician (ehem, one like me for instance.....I'm super cool and know a thing or two about boys since I have one!). : ) But to keep it short, it is your family, your values, your special time and life is too short to be worrying about pleasing others when your son should be shining that day....and always!

You have gotten some good suggestions already. I agree that you should try to have the party outside of your home. It will take more planning that way (and possibly more money), but it will save you a major headache and you won't have to worry about your personal belongings (or cleaning!). If money is a concern, a park with a playground and a pavilion is a good way to go. You could get one with a grill and cook out burgers and hotdogs. That would be fun.

As for the hubby's friends, the question to me is, are some of your husband's co-workers kids among your son's really good friends? Would he miss having some of them there if you forgo the office crowd all together? If not, I agree, don't invite any of them. But if that isn't really an option, you may be stuck inviting them all. (Just being realistic.)

Is the planning and party stressful for your son too, or "just" you? If you are the only one stressed, I would try to minimize your trouble and encourage your husband to step up to the plate and help you out (by monitoring the trouble makers). My husband is much better at keeping kids entertained and out of trouble than I am. If his friends are the problem and he insists on inviting them, then he doesn't get to just hang out with the adults while the kids run amok! If your child isn't looking forward to his own party, that is a real problem. And I would enlist him to help figure out something he could do for his birthday that would be more fun for him. You could suggest some of the ideas below as a jumping off point. He might come up with something completely different that he would like to do. Maybe you take one or two special friends and go to a baseball game or a water park. Let him suggest things.

I think ultimately, your son should be involved in this decision. He may not have free rein on the decision, (i.e, all of daddy's friends or none) but he can certainly help.

As an aside, if somebody else's kid scratched, bit or otherwise hurt my child and the parent didn't IMMEDIATELY take appropriate measures, I would step in. You are certainly limited in how you can discipline someone else's kids, but it is well within your rights to pull the kid aside and let them know it is unacceptable. My child is only 2 1/2, so I don't know what is "normal" for 4 to 9 year olds. But they should certainly be past the biting stage and scratching is NEVER acceptable. I would think all of these kids are old enough to understand that the gifts are for the birthday child. Yes, they will want to play with them, but certainly not open them. This is a parenting problem, not a child behavior problem.

Good luck!

I've not read the other responses, but if this party is for your son's birthday then why are you inviting kids that aren't his friends? At his age he should be able to select the guests he wants to invite. Dad can have a party with his co-workers and friends another time.

I agree it's time to bag the "house party" thing. I'd invite his real friends and exclude ALL co-workers and their kids. That way none o them can say anything about it.

My goodness, this sounds horrible. I'm sorry, but, your husband is wrong. The birthday is all about the birthday boy and what he wants. Your husband's friends and co-workers are not entitled to a party. Especially if the adults have no interest in respecting your home.

I would suggest a couple different options.

Have a sleepover party and only invite one or two good kids. Tell anyone who asks "We're doing things a little differently this year." By having a sleepover party "most" people will understand that you will be keeping it small.

OR

Does your son even want a big party? Maybe he just wants to go somewhere special with his family. I think you have a Dave & Busters in Jax, that would be an awesome day out for a 9 year old.

Not that you owe anyone an explaination about what you do with your own kid but, if anyone actually asks just say "He's getting older now and doesn't want the large kid parties anymore".

Sorry you are having to go through this. Hope it works out.

I would book a party at Chuck E Cheese and call it a day.