Having Four Year Old Son in Delivery Room When His Brother Is Born?

When our second son was born, I had my five-year old in the room, and it was wonderful. I had my sister bring him in and stay with him, knowing she was there just for him. He came in towards the end and knew that he could be there or leave, be with me at any time during my labor or not. I had shown him some birth videos beforehand and talked with him extensively about how the mommy was feeling some pain but it wasn't going to hurt for long and it was okay because his brother was going to come out that way. He watched the whole thing and gave me strength. I think it's really important to have someone else there for the child, though, so you or your partner don't feel like you have to take care of them. I have sweet pictures of him helping me breathe through contractions. He felt very close to his brother. When I started pushing and my water broke, he said, "YUCK!" We still laugh about that. And after everything, he whispered to me, "You're not the bravest mommy." He was thrilled to be a big brother, and fascinated and excited to be there to see his baby. It was a natural labor, NO EPIDURAL. There was no trauma, there were absolutely no regrets about him being there.

When their sister was born, the boys were nine and four. They were both there and it was really amazing and beautiful. They were both rubbing my back and helping me breathe deeply. They were right there to kiss their baby sister. They felt like an important part of the process. Once again, it was natural, peaceful, and amazing. There was no trauma. The posts recommending epidurals to spare the child from seeing pain or saving them the "trauma" of watching birth are missing part of being alive! Showing them that it's natural will help them in so many areas of their lives. Our bodies are built just right, to make the baby, to bring the baby out. There's nothing traumatizing or disturbing about it. Your attitude will matter a lot here, too.

I love the idea of having little ones see how normal and natural birth is, respecting what the body can do, seeing their mom in all her glory bringing life into the world. Seeing that something painful can bring something beautiful. Seeing someone work really hard for something important and getting the prize at the end. There's so much to share with them.

I would make sure it's what he wants, talk with him and show him videos before to make sure he understands what will be going on, and explain in very clear terms that you might be making noise, there will be blood, that you'll have to work very hard, and that it's all going to be okay.

Best of luck to you! What a lucky boy to have such a thoughtful mom! Bottom line, birth is a natural process and a wonderful way to bring life into the world. If your son is interested in being there, it's a wonderful gift you can give to have him see what you can do. To be there for his baby being born.

1 mom found this helpful

I myself prefer a little privacy...I certainly wouldn't want him in the room while the baby was made, and I think the same thing applies here.
Also, I don't know why he'd WANT to be in there...I'd think the whole thing would be awfully boring for a 4 year old.
As a side note, many people have suggested having someone in there to take him out just in case something happens. I don't think you realize how quickly something could go wrong though, just a matter of seconds and doctors could end up shouting and who knows what. Just something to consider - it could end up being 'exposed' to more then you'd like him to be even when you're expecting things to go smoothly.

I think it is fine to have him in the room and let him decide whether he's comfortable being in there and where he's comfortable standing. Make sure you have another adult in there that can care for him besides your husband. Also, if you are giving birth in a hospital, make sure they allow young children. Some of them don't. I wish you a beautiful birth and a happy healthy baby! Congratulations!

I actually had my (nearly) four year old in the room when my daughter was born. It wasn't planned, but it worked out just fine. My husband stepped out to get some breakfast for himself, and my mom had stayed at our home overnight with my son and was bringing him by to visit. My transition with my son was really fast (4cm to ready to push in 30 minutes), and sure enough when my mom showed up the same thing happened! My husband made it back in the room literally 5 minutes before my daughter was born (she came out in just two pushes). So, there really wasn't time for my mom to take my son out, as very shortly after she arrived so did the doctors and nurses for the delivery. My son did great! He actually sat down and was drawing a picture the whole time, and did not pay the least bit of attention to me. We saved the picture in his little sister's baby book. My little sister (ten years old) was also in the room, and watched the delivery. The doctor was great about explaining things to her. I am sure it made a difference that my epidural was fabulous and the delivery was so quick. Neither my sister or my son had to see me uncomfortable or in pain.
What I would reccommend if this is something you want to do is to have an adult in the room, besides your fiance, who could take your son out if need be. Also, check with your doctor to see if they are OK with it. My son does not seem to remember it, but he is in the pictures so I am sure some day he will ask :)

Good luck, and congratulations!

My kids are exactly 4 years apart. Even though I had a very quick, easy first birth and every reason to believe that the second would go just as well, my second birth did not go easily. With all of the stress, worry, and fear in the delivery room at the time, I remember feeling very relieved that my oldest was not there. So, obviously you should decide what is best for your family, but if you elect to have your son in the room, definately be sure to have a back-up plan in place that you can enact quickly, just in case things don't go as smoothly as expected.

Hi M., I just slightly skimmed the other answers, so I'm sorry if I repeat....I personally do not feel it is inappropriate. I am just under 5 years older than my sister and I was in the room when she was born. It was O. of the best experiences of my childhood and it prevented a lot of sibling rivalry (well, until we got older...). My mom had a close family friend there to help with me so I wasn't in the way, etc. O. of the nurses tried to kick me out (for no reason) and my mom insisted that I stay. I'm hoping to have my next child when my son is about 2.5 years and I want my son in the room for the birth. I believe that as a family, we should all be a part of such a monumental event. Your fears about your son being worried about seeing you in pain are valid. That's why I believe it's important to have someone (other than your spouse) present to help. They can explain that mommy really is okay. When I was in the delivery room part of my job was to keep the cold wash cloth on my mom's head and to hold the cup of ice chips until she needed them. I felt like such a big part of the whole process and like I was just as important as mommy and daddy! In the end, it's your call...my opinion is that you should do it! Make sure you talk to your Dr about it now if you haven't already....it's possible that the hospital might have restrictions....Good luck!

You know your child best...how do they handle it when you get injured at home...minor pain?
Hospitals have plenty of their own restrictions. You may not have as much choice in this as you think. (Why I chose homebirth).
I would definitely give the child the right to "opt out" even if he is in the delivery area when he changes his mind....have another adult able to guide him out and watch over him.
Good luck!

I only skimmed the other answers. I believe it is your call and you know your son. First, a child does not have all the "baggage" of a grown up and definitely not a man. Young children accept these things easily, especially if you are comfortable and make it natural.

I have home births, but I found having my child there was too distracting to me to focus on laboring. But maybe a medicated birth would be different? I don't know. But I did have my kids come in right after, maybe even with cord still attached?

If you are expecting to be yelling, explain that you will be yelling, but that it's because you're roaring like a lion. That you have to be strong to push a baby out. Make sure he understand you are in no danger.

If your vision of a beautiful birth includes your son, than it is not inappropriate. I know tons and tons of people who include their children. Good luck!

I'm totally for letting your child be a part of a natural miracle.
It's too bad that society has "protected" us from parts of our body and it's natural expressions.
Sounds like you're birthing in a hospital, therefore, I'd have folks in the waiting room for a backup plan if your son gets to the point that he wants to leave or you decide you'd like some privacy.
The bottom line, I'd let him decide not until the birth happened, and let him know he can change his mind at any time.
good luck!

that seems pretty traumatic for a 4 yrs old. my oldest was 13 when his little borther was born and that was trumatic for him. i didnt mean for him to be in the delivery room but it all happened so fast the baby came as soon as i got on the bed and he just happened to be there. all i could see afterwards was his face in the back of the room. it was a combination of awe, nausea, and worry. he told me it was like taking my upper lip and stretching it up over my forehead. he didnt want kids after that, didnt want ot put his wife through a birth. he was engaged for 10 yrs but she broke it off because she wanted kids. he finally married and has his first baby. he was born by C section thankfully for him but he was still truamatized during the whoel pregancy jsut thinking he may have to see his wife giving birht naturally.

No - no, no, no. It is traumatizing for some men to see a baby being born. I cannot imagine the effect on an inquisitive 4 year old. I would advise against it!

I say do it, as long as he isn't disrupting with what's going on or at least have someone else in the room that can remove him if he does (ie: grandma, friend). I've done it, albeit my kids are 8 years apart, but I believe it's a wonderful, memorable time that is not forgotten even at his age.

My oldest child was 4 years old when I had my 4th baby, so he had been thru it 3 times. However, he has been very freaked out by the hospital. My mom has brought him in each time after the baby is born and every O. is cleaned up. Still he seems very distrubed by everything. Even if he sees pictures of me in the hospital after having a baby he gets concerned and asks if I was okay. Each child is different, but I would not let my kids in the room while I gave birth. In fact, I had it all lined up for my 3 little ones to go to the hospital child care center in the event that a friend couldn't get there to take them in time when I went into labor the 4th time (only 3.5 hours long). Also contemplated my husband missing the birth to be with the kids. Best wishes! Besides, I would want to focus soley on giving birth without worrying how my kids were doing in the room. And, God forbid, what if something did not go as planned... Just my opinion.

My opinion is NO! Just because a kindergartner can add two and two and is good at Math for his age doesn't mean that he is ready for quantum physics right now! Someday he may be ready for it, but not now. Please don't expose him to that knowledge/ pain/ blood that will change his world. Let him be the great big brother and love and care for him without that to think of. Bring him in right after you are covered up. Thanks!

My son was 3 when we found out we were pregnant with #2. He was so excited, he told me frequently that he wanted to catch her. I prepped him as much as I could, took him to a birthing class, watch a lot of shows and made sure he understood that Mom was going to be in pain (totally natural birth) but that was part of getting his sister here, what babies looked like when they came out, etc. I also found a doula that completely supported him being in the room, then her and my hubby would take turns taking care of me and him. If my midwife could have been there for the delivery my son would have gotten to catch her with help, but the midwife I got was not supportive of him being in there. Thank God for the doula she spoke up and said he will be in here as long as he wants to be in here. In the end we were in labor at the hospital for 8 hours before she was born, he watch DVDs, colored and read a lot of books, but when it was time he stood by the side of the bed right by my butt with a perfect view of his sister coming out, her head turned to look at him and he got so excited and exclaimed 'she's beautiful', when they laid her on my chest he climbed up next to me and with some help from Daddy he cut the cord. It was a beautiful experience that I would recommend to anyone who had a child that wanted to be involved, he was 2 weeks shy of turning 4 when she was born.

In my opinion he is too little to understand what is going on and I wouldn't do it. My mom wanted me in the birth room when my sister was born (I was 7 at the time). I remember it and it didn't do me any good. There was a lot of blood, my mom was in pain and it really freaked me out. My entire life I said I was never going to have kids until I finally decided to at 25. I think 4 is too young. This is just my opinion so other moms might have different thoughts. You do what is best for you and your family. Good luck.

:)

I think you ptretty muched answered your question with I don't want him to be scared. It is very busy & loud in a delivery room & at that age might get scared specially when Mommy herself will be making loud noises he won't understand. My girls are 3 yearsd apart & I didn't even consider having her in the room.. Good Luck

I had both my boys there when son #3 was born.
My oldest was 10 at the time and stood near my head but my very bright and inquisitive 3 year old was front and center (literally).

My OB let him guide the head out. He bent down and kissed his little brothers face as soon as it emerged (we have a darling picture of this!). He literally caught his brother (with the OB's help) and layed him on my tummy. It was such a beatuiful moment!

I will say that I would not have done it if I had been in any kind of pain but the epidural worked so well for me that i had a completely pain free birth. I think seeing me in pain would have changed the whole experience for them both.

I agree with a prior poster that you should have another adult ready to take him out if he wants. I had several family members in the room who could have done so.

Good luck! Happy pushing!!!!!

If it were me and I wanted my first born to be a big part of her brother's/sister's birth, I'd make a very specific plan.

First, I'd select someone I trusted (like a family member or my best friend) as well as my husband - so that he could be with me and the friend/family member could be with my child at all times. That way, if for any reason things seemed to be leading to a place where they'd be too much for my child, my friend could make that prediction and take her out to the waiting area. I'd have an epidural, so that after the first difficult pains of contraction had subsided, I could bring my little O. back in. But before the pushing began, I'd have her taken back out to the waiting area and then brought back in as soon as the baby was cleaned up.

Obviously you know your child better than anyone else...

My little girl (who is 3) is very sensitive about everything... so watching me push and thinking that it was painful or even the slightest bit difficult - would scare her. I definitely don't think she could handle watching the actual birth... and I don't think I'd do very well worrying about her feelings, even if she were up near my head.
So... I'd try my very best to include her in every portion that seemed the least difficult for her (and me) to handle. I'd tell her that sometimes the doctor needed to talk to mommy by herself and that she could come back in as soon as the doctor said it was ok for kids.

Have a happy rest of your pregnancy and birthday for the newest addition to your little family!

If you decide to go along with your plan...I would suggets telling him everything that will happen beforehand. If he knows what he is in for, he should be ok. There are tons of books that will explain how a baby is born so that he knows (or is at least comfortable) with what will be happening that day. Good Luck!

It is awesome that you have the older child involved with the pregnancy. The O. thing that came to mind while I was reading is that having him in the room will open up more questions that he will ask that may not be appropriate for a child. He also might not want to see mommy in pain either. I suggest to have him there, but let him into the room after you are cleaned up. That way when are ready to talk to him about where babies come from (if you haven't already) you can.