Having Descipline Issues with My 2 Year 5 Month Old.

Hi R.

sorry to hear your in the it's mine faze but yes it passes! here's what we did we talked about sharing and how she felt when someone stole something from her. then we either had her ask nicely to have the item or she had to find something to give in exchange so that she didn't leave the other kid empty handed. both worked but it is important for her to understand sharing and taking turns and that she won't always get what she wants even if it is hers and she asked nice and she even tried to make a trade! boy! it's tough being a kid. Oh yeah if she ever stole an item she absolutely didn't get the item at least for a few minuets. this fixed the problem and you know started to help other kids share!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi R.

I have 3 kids (one has Autism, this worked for him too!) When this happens, I immediately take the toy away and give it back to the child that had it then asked my child to find another toy and ask to trade. This didn't happen as smoothly as hoped sometimes, therefore, I told my child he/she would have to sit by me to wait for their turn (usually we passed the time by counting to 50 and then asking for a turn or a trade)or find another toy. I hope this helps. L.

I have a 2 year and 5 month old...mine is one of her favorite words:) Ha Ha! We call her our firecracker:) One thing that I have found is that I try to teach BOTH of my children to share...so, if she goes up and takes something out of my little man's hands, he "hopefully" has learned to just say..."that is alright Lily, I will share with you!" If she doens't get the rise out of either him/me she doens't do it as often...also, if I see it happen, I will go over and give it back and then have her ask, "Please bro bro will you share?" Same goes the other way! She is getting MUCH better at sharing!! If BOTH are fighting, I take it away from BOTH of them...I think that it is a heart issue either way...selfishness to take, selfishness not to share. Just my thoughts! Don't think that you are alone...It will get MUCH better as you are able to reason with them more as they get older!

Hello R., If you feel supported by reading, I recommend, "How To Talk So Kids will Listen and Listen So Kids will Talk," by Faber and Mazlish. This book can give you lots of ideas and skills in order to understand what is going on for your daughter and how to compassionately support her and yourself.

The "mine" concept is normal for a two year old, just breathe, let go and know it will pass.

Enjoy! ~T.

hi there, this might sound bad, but if you tried to talk to her about it and said it's wrong and that is not working, then do it to her!! of course don't be as nasty as she is but I have 2 kids who just turned 3 and 5 and they do that to eachother all the time! I have found with the older one when she was 3 I would just walk right up and SNATCH something from her. now some of you might say that I was not teaching the right thing. but I beg to differ. how will she know that she is hurting others feeling if she doesn't feel it herself!! I would not go anywhere with the toy and after she stopped crying I asked her if it felt good for me to take the toy away and for sure she will not like it. it will take time but it will teach her that there are other people in the world that have feelings and not just her. good luck. pat.

i think most kids go through that. Keep teaching her what's right vs wrong. She'll overcome it with your help

This phase will ONLY pass if you deal with it, otherwise she is learning that it is okay to snatch things from others. It sounds like you have a little girl who responds well to discipline and to whom you can explain things. Don't put up with her behavior...it may take time for her to stop doing it, but if she doesn't modify her behavior after explaining why snatching is wrong, then send her away to her room (or if you're out, have your "time out" somewhere else) just like you would if she was throwing a fit and when she is ready to come and apologize to whomever she's taken something away from and change her behavior, then she can rejoin you. If she responds with fits, she'll respond with this too, but kids don't just stop bad behavior they are trying out, they are learning what is and what is not acceptable, and how much you and others are willing to put up with. You need to teach them that it is wrong and most importantly, that it won't be tolerated.

This can explain a lot:

Toddler Property Laws
If I want it, it's mine.
If it's in my hand, it's mine.
If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If we are building something together, all of the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
If I think it's mine, it's mine.
If I give it to you, and change my mind later, it's mine.
Once it's mine it will never belong to anyone else, no matter what.

R.,

Just remember, your little complex intelligent person is a child, so she is doing what is natural for her, and she is right to do that, to be herself.

Our job as parents, in my opinion, is to know when we are being "triggered" by our children's behavior (we feel embarrassed and just want it to stop, or they are doing something that we were shamed about or our parents squashed, etc), try to feel our own feelings and own them, then respond to our children, realizing what they are doing is just being children, and not really trying to make us feel all of that awful stuff! Then we need to really try to *see* our children and understand what is happening in their world at any given moment and help to translate it for them, to guide, support, and interpret. Our job is also to help them understand how to live successfully in our culture, but I think too often people punish developmentatlly appropriate behavior. Parents almost always mean well, but i think punishing developmentally appropriate behavior comes from not understanding how a child of a certain age thinks, and the true limits of their capabilities. I love the book, how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. I also think the baby book by dr sears is a good one as it has a lot of developmental info in it to help parents understand their babies and toddlers better. She is right on target for her age, which is, she is just NOW realizing that she is a "me," separate from you, her mom. so, in some ways, celebrate her "mine" stage, it means she's healthy! I would always try to give information when correcting her, but acknowledge this discovery of hers as positive (even though it comes out as socially embarrassing) and then redirect vs closing her down. I might say, Oh! you are "you," yes! And you have your OWN toys, like this one (have one handy), and this is YOUR toy!" X is playing with that toy, do you want to play with that? OK, x can she have a turn with that when you're finished?" Oh thank you." You are modeling behavior you want, giving her something to work with. i think she will respond to this with more understanding and it will be more productive for you both. She is just beginning the long journey of knowing where she ends and another person starts and whose is what. I think a loving and understanding approach is the best one. Good luck!

PS When she's throwing a fit, she's not trying to be a jerk, she is acting out the way she feels in the only way she knows how *RIGHT NOW*. she is frustrated or overtired or overcome with emotion or trying to say something and can't or etc etc. at her age, she doesn't have a lot of skills yet and that's ok, she's SO little! i would try to understand her outloud and then give her some other options, or just move her to a safe place to have her tantrum and then process it with her - man you were frustrated about x, i can see that. let's see how we can work this out.... or wow, i can see we stayed at the mall too long, you are tired, i'm sorry! we'll leave sooner next time! and if it's not a situation like, woops, i haven't fed her, or she's really tired, or whatever, work it out with her, ok sweetie, next time that happens, you can say this to mommy and i'll help you. i'll pay attention too and see if i can help you sooner. etc. Also (boy i'm on a roll tonight), i would be wary of making bed a punitive place, that might come back in a negative way. you want bed to be a place she wants to go!

Hello! Mine are now 2 1/2 and 9 mo. It's a phase, how long lived tho, I'll tell ya when I live that long :) ha! I've had more luck with "taking turns" versus the "share" word. Tho my 2 yr olds idea of his turn is long and the babies is short, atleast he seems to get the concept. I've found I also have to get onto the baby when he takes stuff away from his big bro to keep it fair and not let big bro feel like he's the only one being made to mind. I didn't do that at first, I'd just say "but Zak he's a baby!" Needless to say,that just caused resentment. We work really hard on the praising when he brings the baby a toy, specially when it's a fav. They really play together well now for the most part.

Good Luck!

My daughter was just like that. She is now 4. She still has the occasional "snatching syndrome". When i catch her doing this, I respond by asking for the toy or what ever item back. When she properly gives me the item, I tell her that was very nice of her to give me the item. I then give it to whomever she took the item from. I proceed to tell her that if she would like her chance with that item she needs to ask for it nicely. With me being in the middle, and also showing her the correct way of asking for things, that really has helped her to understand the importance of politeness, and that it is not right for her to just grab things. It has taken me awhile, but perserverence really does pay off! hope this helps you out!

HI,
I am a mom of 3, 5yr. old boy, 3 1/2yr. old boy, and 20 mo. old girl. SO, I've dealt with a lot of different behaviors, especially territorial stuff like this. Something that works for me (the kids really don't like it, but it works) is to give the toy or item a time out. And yes, all of it is a phase!!! hang in there.

I am going through the same thing right now with my 3 year old and 7 month old boys. The older one is always picking on the younger. I too hope it is a phase and have been told that it is. But WHEN??? Right.
I just do the same thing you do...put him in time-out. He cries while in time-out and says during the whole process "I need to be nice to my brother" or "I need to be nice to the Mama" or I need to be nice to ..... etc. I have been told that you put a child in time-out for (however old he/she is) I strongly disagree. Especially at this age. Being in time-out for just a few minutes, I feel, isn't enough time for them to realize that it is a bad thing. I put my son in for 10-20 minutes. He still understands why he was in there. When he was two it was 5-10 minutes and at one yr. old it was for 5 minutes.
Then when he comes out I ask him what he did to have to be in time-out. He usually answers correctly...but if not I correct him and ask him what he can do to not end up in time out again. I make sure he understands by asking him it a few times then let him return playing.
We have had to jump back and forth from different disiplinary ways to find the one that works.
Good luck and I hope that I have helped.

Rachel, like most everything else, this too is just a phase. You do a wonderful job with the time out (it is one we continue to use with our 5 year old and it still works better than all else). A similar tactic will work with the snatching of toys. My husband and I have a 10 year old, a 7 year old a 5 year old and a 1 year old. They all went through it. The 1 year old believes he is entitled to everything that everyone has. We simply gently take back the item telling Sam that it isn't his, he must ask or it isn't his turn. We give it to whomever it was taken from and distract Sam with something else. A 2 year old will be more difficult to distract with a different object so what we had our older kids do when a toy or something was taken from them is to quickly find another toy that the child likes to play with and start playing with it and acting like it was the best toy in the world. Not long after the child will come to get THAT toy. The older child will either simply let them have it and go get the original toy or barter the original toy back. Maybe we were lucky, but it only took a couple of weeks for this process to sink in to the younger kids and they actively began bartering for toys themselves.

Rachel,

Just about the day my son turned three, he turned from angel baby to devil baby overnight - "Me! Me! No! No! Mine! Mine!" I thought I would pull all my hair out. About six months later, he returned to his usual angelic self. We concluded that this is just part of the normal development of individuality at that age. (Mine was a bit of a late bloomer; others get there about two.) So, don't stress, set some reasonable behavioral limits, figure that the problem will lessen over time, and just be prepared to tough it out for a few months.

As a special treat, be aware that they repeat the same scenario, more advanced, in about ten years. :-)

Linda

All kids go through the "its mine" stage. I did not allow either of my children to say it outloud however. If she takes something away, calmly take it back from her and hand it back from whomever she took it from and say "no, it is not yours and we must share". Redirect her to something else.
My kids both were allowed a few special things that they didn't have to share however anything else was free game to play with. My rule always is if you put it down (except the few special things) it is acceptable for anyone else to play with then. Both of my kids now know they have to ask the other if they are to play with something that belongs to the other. It took a good few months to get that one in their head but now they respect each others things.
It will take consistent repeition on the fact she isn't to say "mine" and taking things but she will figure it out. I think this is such a normal thing kids go through but she needs you to set the boundaries and help her learn to share and not grab from another child.