Having Baby #2? - Pasadena,CA

It will be difficult in different ways, no matter when you have your 2nd child. You will be much more housebound when you have an infant, due to the baby's sleeping needs -- and this is easier when your firstborn is still taking naps. Once your firstborn gets older and starts preschool, you'll have issues of "what do I do when it's time to pick-up my son from school (or playdates, or soccer practice, etc.), but the baby is sleeping."

You just do the best you can -- and you make it work. My kids are just under 15 months apart and we are all happy now. I didn't have any help from family during my 2nd child's first 2 years, and those were very, very tough years. But now I can see how much it was worth it My kids are so close and are excellent friends.

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Hello, I had my second son when my son was 26 months. My first son has been going thru the terrible 2's for a while from like 20 months to now, he is just shy of 3 years old. It is getting better but he said NO to everything and now he is realizing that he is saying NO and we make fun of it. I had the same fears when I was pregnant!!! How to care for 2 young children but you know what, you learn and you manage. My other son is now 7 months and we are into a routine and it works. He is much easier. I nursed my second son exclusively and he took forever to nurse like 45 mins at a time and I felt guilty not being able to play with my toddler when I was nursing. But thank god for the TV at those times and at first the baby is always sleeping so that helps. Just give a lot of attention to your toddler...more than to your newborn and have some help at first for the first month or so and you will adjust quickly. It is so easy now, the only trouble is nap and getting food ready when I am caring for one or the other. Here is a typical day...baby wakes up at 6am...I nurse him or give a bottle now. Change him...play then my toddler wakes up at 7 or 7:30. I give him breakfast and have him watch some TV on sprout or pbs kids then it is time for my baby to nap (2 hours later) while the toddler is still watching TV or plays with his toys, I make sure he is ok and I go in the baby's room and give him a bottle and put him down for his 1st nap...then I play with my toddler...one on one time!!! We play quietly sometimes or outside so not to wake him the baby. 1 or 1.5 hour later...the baby wakes up, we go get him (I involve my toddler...he helps to give me a diaper or wipes etc..) I use the ergo or a sling a lot. the baby is so easy. He is like an accessories and he is very intrigued by his brother. Now the toddler makes him laugh and gives him little toys to play with. We go to the store or do an activity at the park. I nurse the baby on demand. So then lunch for the toddler at home or out and baby and toddler go to bed at the same time 1 or 1:30 I used to nurse my baby to sleep and that was tricky because the time I was laying in bed nursing too longer than a bottle and I was leaving my toddler to play alone too long. Now with a bottle, it is faster to put the baby down. My baby sleeps less time in the afternoon than my toddler so I pick him up while the toddler is still sleeping and play with him one on one...then the toddler wakes up and we go outside again in a sling or we go to the pool. Either way we play and it is more for my toddler. I put the baby in a exercauser or with toys on the floor. For dinner time, my husband comes home and helps to cook. My baby goes to bed around 7 and the toddler at 8pm. At night, I put my baby down and my husband does the routine for the toddler. After I am done putting the baby down, I go and join in the bed routine for my toddler and then I enjoy dinner with my husband or take a hot bath and go to bed around 10. That is a typical day!!! The most difficult is handling the toddler who runs around but when you give him an area to play in like a playroom where he is safe, you can go handle the baby and if you nurse, you can nurse with a boppy while playing with your other child. Just make sure you give a lot of attention to your 1st and explain that his baby brother or sister needs attention and care just like when he or she was a baby. They understand fast and when there get love, they are fine! I was really scared before and now I know how to handle both and I am happy. It is not easy but very manageable now and I even think I could do 3 kids now. :) Good luck and it will all work out. N.

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I very much agree with your idea to NOT wait - fertility is such a gift!

Good luck and God bless you.

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Mine are exactly 21 months apart. I am 38, so I totally understand where you are coming from. As soon as I started ovulating, we got pregnant again.

In any case, the age gap doesn't matter. It will be the only age gap you know, and you will learn how to manage it.

One thing I have done to respect both of them is have my son take an early morning nap, at 8:30, so I can wake him at 9:45 so we can take my toddler out for some fun. It works great. We play alone during the nap and then head off for an adventure before lunch.

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My kids are 5 and 3. Boy/Girl. Just over 2 years apart. The running joke in our house is that my son=3 kids in one! He can outrun the energizer bunny, is very independent (read stubborn), and once he is focused on doing something (good or bad) he will do it no matter the consequence. So I definitely had my hands full with him and still do.

When my daughter was born, we did have a lot of help for about 2 months before and 2 months after she was born. I was put on bedrest at 26 weeks. And spent about a month actually in the hospital. 2 weeks before she was born, a week after (I had a c-section) and then a week later I was back in for an emergency bowel obstruction surgery.

But after I recovered it was just me and the kids while hubby was at work during the day. I enrolled my very active son in preschool about 4 months after my daughter was born for 2 mornings a week. Hubby would drop him off at school on the way to work and I would pick him up at lunch time. That worked perfectly for us and my son loved school!

When we were at home, I would play with my son or read to him or take him out in the front or back yard to play whenever my daughter was napping. We have a pool out back so I'd swim with him or push him around the front yard in the wagon.

I made sure to take both kids outside (weather permitting) everyday. We would either walk around the block, go to the mall, or even walk by the beach. I'd bring our Bob Rebvolution Duallie stroller, snacks for my son, diaper bag, and the Maya wrap (ringsling). If my daughter got fussy in the stroller I would put her in the Maya wrap (both my kids loved being squished up in that thing). If I needed to breast feed her while were out, I would pick places that had a small enclosed play area for my son (like the mall) or indoor play places (even Mc Donald's or Carls Jr). I would use the Maya Wrap to cover me and DD up while I breastfed her and I could still keep an eye on my son.

The first official solo outing with the two kids was by far the scariest for me. Once I did it though and got over my fear, I was fine. I just did a quick trip to the grocery store down the street to pick up a prescription. I was stressed about how to unload and load both kids into the car while keeping them safe in the crowded parking lot. We have a minivan, so I would park near the grocery carts, get out of the car and lock it with both kids in it, grab a cart, and put it by my daughters side of the car. I would then go to my sons side of the car and get him out of his carseat and have him walk over to his sisters side. I'd put him into the rear of the cart and then put her into the front of the cart in her carseat. I'd do the reverse when loading them back into the car. Same thing if I was just using my stroller.

After that first outing alone, things got much easier.

Another really good thing is to do outings with a friend who has kids that are similar ages to yours. That way your kids have someone to play with and you can have some adult conversation to keep your sanity :) Try finding a meetup group near you, or enrolling both your kids in Parent and Me classes. I did an Intro Music class with both kids where the age group was from 6months to 3 years. Both kids had fun.

By the time your new baby is about 3months old, you will have your schedule set and will feel pretty comfortable going out and about with both kids in tow.

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Oh boy can I relate to this.. I have two little girls & their 18months apart. Currently 22months old & 4months old. It trully is a handful, cuz just like your 10 month old my 22month old is & was very energetic, active, busy, etc.
@ times it is overwhelming, especially with my 22 month old feeling the need to fall backwards, she now wants her bottle back, wanting to be carried al the time & acts as though she was never taught to use the potty. & @ the moment my husband is on deployment,
so I'm here tending to both Kids if not all alone then with very little help from friends & family. It is very hard, I just look @ it as making me a stronger, better mother & prepares me for the worst. but overall I like that their so close in age. I keep in my mind that they'll be the best of friends & because their so close in age, they'll pretty much experience a lot of things if not immediately right after one another, then @ the same time.
The crazy thing about me us I want 4 more & I want them all back to back, I'm sure I can handle it. So I say to you if this is what you want, then by all means go for it. Just prepare yourself mentally, physically & emotionally to keep up with your now 10month old whom will be 10times more energetic @ 21months old.. Best of luck, & I pray that you'll find what's the solution for you & your family.

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My daughters are 18 months apart. My oldest wasn't extremely active, so I didn't have difficulty with the age difference. For example, while I was feeding the baby, my oldest would get a stack of books and sit down next to me so I could read to her or she would read to us. Or she would play with her kitchen and make me a cup of tea. After she helped feed the baby, I would put the baby down, and she would get some one on one time.

Just another note... One of the big advantages of this age gap was toys. I never had to worry about an older child having lots of small parts that could be dangerous to a little one. They also shared a lot of the same toys.

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Well, we brought our son (youngest and last) home from the hospital the day before my daughter's 1st bd......the little one was very hyper from babyhood, and still is at 40....we had 2 other children. We had it, somedays it didn't feel like we would, but we did.
Good luck.

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You need to take stock about what you think that you can handle and what you want.

my first 2 kids are 22 months apart. i had an extraordinarily difficult pregnancy with my second (was not unusual for me to throw up more than 10x/day) and an EXTRAORDINARILY active toddler. I had to take him to the park for 4 hours per day - 2 in the morning & 2 in the afternoon. there would be days when we would be at the park at 8am & i was barely holding it together while he ran around like a wild man.

my daugher (#2) was a very high needs baby and could not be put down (i'm not kidding) for the first 6 months of her life.

am i saying this to scare you? Absolutely not. My oldest son and daughter (now 6 and 4) are the best of friends and we loved them so much that we had a 3rd (boy) when my daughter was 2.5.

kids are awesome & having them close together can be great.

and you are tougher than you think :)

PS - i had no help with any of my kids - no inlaws, no nannies, nothin'. (my husband is a great help, but he is gone 12-14 hours/day)

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Mine are 11 months apart and I love it and would not want it any other way. Yes, it was difficult at first, but totally worth it. They are now almost 3 and 4 and it is pretty easy for the most part because they keep each other busy. They were apart for 5 days last week and I was home with just one of them. I really realized then how nice it is for them to have each other. They just seem so much more content when they have each other to play with.

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I was an older mom like you when I had my first child. I started to try for baby number 2 when my first was 18 months old. It took two months with first child so figured this would be the same. I was worried about that with my oldest being active and into everything but I ended up not getting pregnant until my oldest was over 2 years. In fact I gave birth to my second child the day before oldest was 3. I was also on complete bedrest from 24 weeks until birth due so my parents had my older one and me. Good luck and start trying since it can take longer.

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I have two boys who are 29 months apart, so a little bit larger gap than you're talking about. But my older son was very active and energetic at that age as well (speaking of age, I was 27 when my second was born). It's an adjustment going from 1 to 2 children no matter what the age gap is. But I think the sooner the better for a few reasons: 1. If He's younger he might not have as many jealousy issues adjusting to a younger sibling. It'll be easier for him to adjust to sharing you and your attention. 2. As they get older and they have the closer age gap, chances are more likely that they'll want to play together. That's just my experience. 3. As far as the terrible twos thing goes, neither of my boys really went through the terrible 2's. The crazy, defiant attitude and unruley behavior started when they turned three. That's when they're trying to push the limits and see who's really in charge.
Anyway, there are pros and cons to everything. In my opinion, dive in and get it done! If you wait another year you'll be another year older yourself and Have that much less energy. Have the baby before the terrible threes and ferocious fours kick in.
P.S. My sister is having her second baby soon. Their age gap will be 12 years! In a couple of years she'll have a teenager and a toddler at the same time. Those are two difficult phases I don't know I'd want to be going through at once. However, having children is a great blessing and privilege no matter what the age gap. Good luck to you and your family!

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I'm in a very similar situation as you. I was 36 with my first and decided to have my second right after the first turn one and the two are 23 months apart. My two kids are just like Michelle L's except I have help from my parents and took my son to preschool after I went back to work. It's hard but I wouldn't wait if I were you.
If I have to do it over, I would start taking my son to preschool before my baby girl was born. Also, have your husband help you to put your son to sleep so he would be less attached after the new one arrives. One last thing is to wean him beforehand if you're still bfing. It sounds cute to have both your babies sharing until they both want to feed at the same time. . . .

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I am in the exact position you describe. I just had my second boy a few weeks ago. My two boys are 23 months apart and I am 39. Yes, it is tough. My toddler takes a LOT more of my time and attention. The baby is easy by comparison. It's really an issue of time management - something a 2-year old does not understand. I have to dole out my time to both kids, decide which child needs me more in any given moment and work at getting each child enough sleep. Oh, and I have to work at getting enough sleep myself. With my first, I refused to listen to people who told me to get sleep when the baby sleeps; housework was more important. This time, I have taken quite a few more naps the second both kids are asleep in the afternoon. My husband is a HUGE help in that the dishes always seem to get done and the house is picked up almost daily. We also divide up our time between kids - if someone needs a break from a screaming toddler or baby, the other one will take one and run errands. We also follow the book. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." If you don't have it already, I highly recommend getting it. Like our pediatrician said, our 2-year old's sleep schedule is almost more important than the newborn's eating schedule. If both boys get enough sleep, the days go by MUCH easier! Another thing we are so glad we did was read "big brother" books and watch a Sesame Street dvd "Three Bears and a New Baby." We also taught our toddler how to be gentle with our pets, other babies who would visit, etc. This has translated into him being gentle with his brother. Of course, we still watch him, but he is very soft with him.

Good luck!

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Most children are active and energetic, but they can be taught when and what behavior is appropreate. We tried to keep our 3 no more than 2 years apart, so to avoid having 2 in diapers, and so they could and could be playmates. I had my third (daughter) when I was 32, the older we get the more risks there are, if you use discipline for your son, and you teach him bounderies, and give him structure you should not have to many issues, I had 2 little boys at one time and it was great, they were 3 years and 4 months apart, but the best of friends, they are now 23 and 26 and are still the best of friends. J.

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Mine are 14.5 months apart. That first year is hard and I relied HEAVILY on the moby wrap. But now I love it (they are 2 and 3). They share toys and play together well. Little sister misses her big sister when big sis does things she can't yet (like dance class). They are fairly inseparable. Good luck!

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I have two boys 21 months apart. We got pregnant the first month when our older child turned 1 and our second came 3 weeks early, so it was a smaller gap than planned. :)

I love it. It was a bit bumpy at first and very exhausting. I think 3's are the WORST so am glad we had ours close together. A baby sling was a lifesaver for me so I could still be active with my toddler while wearing the baby with my arms free. I could climb the playground equipment, push the stroller or shopping cart, etc. I also tried to let him snuggle on the couch with me a lot when I was holding his baby brother and read to him while nursing the other one. I don't think he ever really resented him or anything, but he was a bit reserved for a while. We also used a pack-n-play a lot so the baby had a safe place to hang out downstairs while our toddler roamed free.

We are now expecting our third and our older boys will be just over 4 years old and around 2 1/2, which is just perfect for us. I also know a lot of people who are 13 months off from siblings and just remember being very close. A brother or sister can be such a precious gift for your child. Good luck! :)

Oh, I had another memory. :) Nights when the baby just wouldn't settle down to sleep and my toddler was keeping me up, too, my husband would snuggle the baby on his chest downstairs so I could get at least a small amount of sleep whenever possible. I also loved that they usually napped at the same time and it was sometimes long enough that I could work out, shower, and still nap myself.

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People who have their kids close together seem to manage. They all say that the first year with the 2nd is rough, but then it gets easier!!
You'll be fine.
LBC

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Hi M.. My 2 girls are 20 months apart. We decided to try for another baby when my older one turned 9 months old. We found out I was pregnant on her 1st birthday party. I have to admit that it was tough in the beginning. You'll need a lot of support from your husband and help from others to not feel so overwhelmed. But, we don't regret it one bit. Like you, I started late. I was 34 when my first baby was born and 36 with my 2nd. Though it was hard during the first few months, it got easier and easier after. My girls entertain each other and play together and pretty much have the same friends, go to the same school, and are very close. It's the best!

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Currently I am a stay at home mom and my two girls are 19 months apart. Right now they are 4 and 2 1/2 (approx). It is challenging and there are some days that you do want to just pull your hair out and you are drop dead tired but honestly, you just find a way to make it all work. I am actually happy that I had them so close. I feel that later on this will be a benefit to the family vs having had children that are so far apart that the two siblings have nothing in common due to their age gap.
One thing that I can say about having a newborn and a toddler is when you need to go to the grocery store or to a Target or to any store where your stroller is not enough to carry the load of what you are intending to buy. I did eventually start sticking my older daughter in the basket part and she was okay about sitting there - but not for very long. I knew that I had a time limit. At home though, I really did not encounter any issues. Yes at the time, they were both in diapers but that was not a problem for me. My oldest handled having a new baby sister really well. We made her apart of the entire process so I am guessing that, that helped with the transition.

All in all though, everything has been great and I could not imagine my life any different. I am so fortunate to have my little girls. I am done though. Having had the two is good enough for me! :o)

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I've read that it's best to have siblings at least 3 years apart so the older one has fewer jealousy issues (had enough attention during formative years). But, I'm older also, so we had our 2 girls 25 months apart (not completely planned). I wish we'd waited, because I think the neither girl gets enough attention, but in the end, you do what you want to do and what nature has in store. People have been doing all this for our entire history, after all.

Best wishes!

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well, personally, i wouldn't do it. 21 months is very close in age and exhausting regardless if your son is active or not. my kids are one of the most easiest little people to raise (95% of the time, they're compliant, calm, happy..get along great...etc) and yet, i am always exhausted. And they are 26 months apart.

But if you think you can handle it without going bananas...then now is definitely the time being that you're 36.

on another note, it's not the terrible twos you have to look forward to. Wait'll you get to the 3s. it makes the 2s pale in comparison.

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Hello!
My children are 20 months apart. My first is a girl and baby is a boy. I can tell you that my girl was not as active as my 10 1/2 month old son at her age. I had my 1st at 36 and my 2nd at 38. The 20 month gap is really too close.... My 1st was still trying to understand NO running around uncontrolled when we would go out (me, baby and her). It was not fun at all. She still didn't understand the consequence thing. She didn't understand that if she ran away from me in a parking lot she could get hurt. It was certainly not fun trying to make her understand in a kind way while people looked at me like I was crazy..! Personally I think by 2.5 is a better age to have a 2nd. At least you can reason with them and they will respect what you say OR pay the price (time out).

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My parents had my older brother and sister 18 mos apart, and it must not have been so bad, because they repeated the same spacing with my sister and me.

I have a very active kid too, and he was about 2.5 when my younger son was born. Like the other moms say, a wrap/carrier was an absolute lifesaver. It is a good idea to give your older son lots of pep talks about the new baby, about how to help, how to be gentle, etc. I found a cute book called "I'm a Big Brother" at Motherhood Maternity, and my older son really related to it. We still pull it out on ocassion, and he gets a big kick out of the similarities between our baby and the one in the book.

Yes, it'll be tough at first, but when the younger baby gets to be around 10 mos or so, they'll be such great companions for one another. It really melts my heart to see my boys having fun together--making each other giggle, hugging, feeding each other, etc. I LOVE it, even if it can be difficult.

Keep in mind that you do not have to be perfect, and none of us are when it comes to juggling our family responsibilities.

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