20 answers

Having a Second Child - Belmont,CA

Im wondering if I can get some advice on having a second child with a toddler. Im already a mom to a great 16 month old girl and my husband and I want to start planning for another child this summer. We really want to have 2 kids that are closer in age but have gotten nothing butt negotive feedback from our family. They think we're crazy because we are young parents as it is. We are young but we are already a family and very responsible. Any advice from mothers that have kids that close together?

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Featured Answers

If you wait any longer it will be harder, then they will be to far apart in age with nothing in common. My two children are 11 months apart not planned but I'm happy it worked that way. There close in age and they play together.

A. Modesto, CA

My 2 youngest were 15 months apart (oops), it was hard the first few months or year but then it was GREAT, they were so close and played together all the time. In my opinion much better than farther apart (my oldest is 3-1/2 yrs older - created too much rivalry). There's no perfect - if you want it go for it!

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Hi there!

I have 4 children, the first and second are 3 years apart, my second and third are just one day shy of being exactly 2 years apart, and there is 5 years between my third and fourth. There are definite pros and cons to having your children close together, and also in having them further apart. I would say that if both you and your husband feel ready to bring another child into your family then that is up to the two of you, and has nothing to do with your extended family (unless you are relying on one of them for childcare).

For me personally, the hardest part of having two close in age is changing two diapers instead of one. And that really isn't hard as much as it is tedious. My two boys are really close, and although they fight, they are still eachother's best friend, and will always have a playmate. I don't regret having them close together at all. The benefit I see in waiting a little longer is that your daughter is your only child right now, and it is always great to spend as much quality one on one time with her as you can. This will be her only opportunity to have mommy and daddy all to herself.

Since you are still young, and it sounds as if you have a family who is not afraid to voice their opinions on what you should or should not do, you might find yourself doubting your own instincts and leaning toward the advice of your parents. With that said, only you and your hubby can make the decision that is right for your family. And if you are still really unsure, prayer is a great way to gain insight and wisdom. God always knows what is best for us, even when we don't! :o) Best wishes to you, your hubby, and your little girl!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S.
I am 25 and have to kids. My husband and I have always wanted 4 kids, but never planed on how far between in age etc. Well, when our oldest was 6 months old we found out that I was pregnant again. Both our families thought we were crazy. And now we have two beautiful little girls that are 15 months apart and we couldn't be happier. There are moments of "what were we thinking"...lol, but I think all parents think that at some point or another. I've been told that if children are closer in age they maybe closer growing up. So go with what's right for you two. Only you two know if you're ready for another.

I am also a young mom. I was 18 when my husband and I had our first child (a boy). I always wanted to have my children close in age, as well. We now have a 5 yr old son, a 3 yr old daughter & a 2 month old son. Our oldest two children always had a really close relationship! I wouldn't change anything. I think about 2 yrs apart is just perfect! And, I would also like to add that being 21 (which is what your 'about me' says) doesn't make a statement as to wheather you are capable of being a great parent or not. You need to do what you and your husband WANT to do- you're an adult now and you obviously know what you're getting yourself into since you already have a child! :0) Good luck to you!

DO it. Close together means they can grow up together. It IS crazy to do it as you will feel like you have twins. Ours are 22 months a part but our younger one (daughter) is very advanced so it is really like having two on the same level. It's lots of hard work but now they are 3 and 5 and do everything together and ENTERTAIN each other. So--the pay off comes later but it is there.

Dear S.,
I always thought people that have their kids so close together were crazy. But, they said, "It will be easier to get through the diapers and everything all at once." I could respect their decision and it does work well for some families. I mean, everyone manages to survive it. I was told I could never have children. I did get two. Ten years apart. I wouldn't have chosen that, but that's how it worked out. My little girl, who is now 21, had me all to herself for the first 9 years of her life. I had a very difficult pregnancy with my son, so the world definitely changed for her. But, she was so happy to get a baby brother. And there was never any jealousy or rivalry as they were never competing for affection on the same level. It's kind of a personal choice if you are able to plan the timing of your babies. I think there is less conflict actually when the first baby gets to be the baby for a while. On the other hand, it's not such a bad thing for siblings to have each other. Let me just say one other thing....I was not anywhere ready when my daughter graduated high school and moved out. I was devastated. But, the Lord knew what he was doing when he gave me my little boy. I still have a precious little kid that brings me joy every day. I'm 45 which perhaps seems ancient at your age. If I had my kids so close together, they'd maybe both be gone. On their own. Some may look forward to that. But not me. You are so young. You have all the time for planning. Enjoy the sweet little girl you have in the meantime.
Best wishes/1

I think that having kids close in age is a good idea. They'll be close. It may be hard in the beginning, but I'd say that having another baby will be good for your little girl. She'll have a brother or sister and a playmate that is close to her age, and will give her a bit of a head start on how to interact with other babies/kids before she goes to preschool. They may even end up going to school together. I'd say go for it. Your family may not like the idea, but once they see the baby, they're bound to fall in love. Good Luck ;-)

Hi S.,

Having children, weather it be one or seven is a decision only you and your partner should be discussing and making!! Unless your parents are helping out financially and it in someway will burden them, you should do what is best for YOUR family!

That being said…the experienced adult in me says you listening and caring more about what your extended family thinks than the decision you and your husband want to make speaks to your youngness.

My girls are 21 months apart and up till about 4 months ago has been a lot of work because of their closeness in age!! Your two would be about 2.5 years apart and that is more manageable yet still close in age and the perfect age to introduce a second baby to the family. It is more than twice the work though  But as long as you and your husband BOTH are ready for another…then you should plan for one!!!

Best wishes and happy baby making!!

I understand how you feel. My husband and I had our 3 children 2 to 2 1/2 years apart. I didn't feel supported at all and remember crying when I found out I was pregnant with my second child,as my husband was ecstatically joyful. We received so much negativity from our family, friends, and even strangers! I felt so unsupported that at one point I even considered an abortion. No one should have to should feel that way. we were young, my husband a year 1/2 older, I was 19, 21, and 23 when they were born. We were still finishing college and working and we didn't have a lot of extra money when they were little for the latest and newest toys but they don't even remember what "things" they had or didn't have. They remember all the time we spent together as a family and going places like the park, beach, zoo, lake, etc. Now we have been together over 15 years and our kids are 13,11, and 8 1/2. Of course once the babies were born our families warmed up to them immediately. Somehow we made it through, and I wouldn't change a thing! I would do it all over again the same way. Hang in there, if it is meant to happen it will and everything will be great.

P.S. When we thought about planning our 3rd in the summer, God had his own plan and I was pregnant just before even with birth control.

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