20 answers

Having a Second Child - Belmont,CA

Im wondering if I can get some advice on having a second child with a toddler. Im already a mom to a great 16 month old girl and my husband and I want to start planning for another child this summer. We really want to have 2 kids that are closer in age but have gotten nothing butt negotive feedback from our family. They think we're crazy because we are young parents as it is. We are young but we are already a family and very responsible. Any advice from mothers that have kids that close together?

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Featured Answers

If you wait any longer it will be harder, then they will be to far apart in age with nothing in common. My two children are 11 months apart not planned but I'm happy it worked that way. There close in age and they play together.

A. Modesto, CA

My 2 youngest were 15 months apart (oops), it was hard the first few months or year but then it was GREAT, they were so close and played together all the time. In my opinion much better than farther apart (my oldest is 3-1/2 yrs older - created too much rivalry). There's no perfect - if you want it go for it!

More Answers

Hi there!

I have 4 children, the first and second are 3 years apart, my second and third are just one day shy of being exactly 2 years apart, and there is 5 years between my third and fourth. There are definite pros and cons to having your children close together, and also in having them further apart. I would say that if both you and your husband feel ready to bring another child into your family then that is up to the two of you, and has nothing to do with your extended family (unless you are relying on one of them for childcare).

For me personally, the hardest part of having two close in age is changing two diapers instead of one. And that really isn't hard as much as it is tedious. My two boys are really close, and although they fight, they are still eachother's best friend, and will always have a playmate. I don't regret having them close together at all. The benefit I see in waiting a little longer is that your daughter is your only child right now, and it is always great to spend as much quality one on one time with her as you can. This will be her only opportunity to have mommy and daddy all to herself.

Since you are still young, and it sounds as if you have a family who is not afraid to voice their opinions on what you should or should not do, you might find yourself doubting your own instincts and leaning toward the advice of your parents. With that said, only you and your hubby can make the decision that is right for your family. And if you are still really unsure, prayer is a great way to gain insight and wisdom. God always knows what is best for us, even when we don't! :o) Best wishes to you, your hubby, and your little girl!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S.
I am 25 and have to kids. My husband and I have always wanted 4 kids, but never planed on how far between in age etc. Well, when our oldest was 6 months old we found out that I was pregnant again. Both our families thought we were crazy. And now we have two beautiful little girls that are 15 months apart and we couldn't be happier. There are moments of "what were we thinking"...lol, but I think all parents think that at some point or another. I've been told that if children are closer in age they maybe closer growing up. So go with what's right for you two. Only you two know if you're ready for another.
-A.

I am also a young mom. I was 18 when my husband and I had our first child (a boy). I always wanted to have my children close in age, as well. We now have a 5 yr old son, a 3 yr old daughter & a 2 month old son. Our oldest two children always had a really close relationship! I wouldn't change anything. I think about 2 yrs apart is just perfect! And, I would also like to add that being 21 (which is what your 'about me' says) doesn't make a statement as to wheather you are capable of being a great parent or not. You need to do what you and your husband WANT to do- you're an adult now and you obviously know what you're getting yourself into since you already have a child! :0) Good luck to you!

DO it. Close together means they can grow up together. It IS crazy to do it as you will feel like you have twins. Ours are 22 months a part but our younger one (daughter) is very advanced so it is really like having two on the same level. It's lots of hard work but now they are 3 and 5 and do everything together and ENTERTAIN each other. So--the pay off comes later but it is there.

Dear S.,
I always thought people that have their kids so close together were crazy. But, they said, "It will be easier to get through the diapers and everything all at once." I could respect their decision and it does work well for some families. I mean, everyone manages to survive it. I was told I could never have children. I did get two. Ten years apart. I wouldn't have chosen that, but that's how it worked out. My little girl, who is now 21, had me all to herself for the first 9 years of her life. I had a very difficult pregnancy with my son, so the world definitely changed for her. But, she was so happy to get a baby brother. And there was never any jealousy or rivalry as they were never competing for affection on the same level. It's kind of a personal choice if you are able to plan the timing of your babies. I think there is less conflict actually when the first baby gets to be the baby for a while. On the other hand, it's not such a bad thing for siblings to have each other. Let me just say one other thing....I was not anywhere ready when my daughter graduated high school and moved out. I was devastated. But, the Lord knew what he was doing when he gave me my little boy. I still have a precious little kid that brings me joy every day. I'm 45 which perhaps seems ancient at your age. If I had my kids so close together, they'd maybe both be gone. On their own. Some may look forward to that. But not me. You are so young. You have all the time for planning. Enjoy the sweet little girl you have in the meantime.
Best wishes/1

Hello,
I think that having kids close in age is a good idea. They'll be close. It may be hard in the beginning, but I'd say that having another baby will be good for your little girl. She'll have a brother or sister and a playmate that is close to her age, and will give her a bit of a head start on how to interact with other babies/kids before she goes to preschool. They may even end up going to school together. I'd say go for it. Your family may not like the idea, but once they see the baby, they're bound to fall in love. Good Luck ;-)

Hi S.,

Having children, weather it be one or seven is a decision only you and your partner should be discussing and making!! Unless your parents are helping out financially and it in someway will burden them, you should do what is best for YOUR family!

That being said…the experienced adult in me says you listening and caring more about what your extended family thinks than the decision you and your husband want to make speaks to your youngness.

My girls are 21 months apart and up till about 4 months ago has been a lot of work because of their closeness in age!! Your two would be about 2.5 years apart and that is more manageable yet still close in age and the perfect age to introduce a second baby to the family. It is more than twice the work though  But as long as you and your husband BOTH are ready for another…then you should plan for one!!!

Best wishes and happy baby making!!

I understand how you feel. My husband and I had our 3 children 2 to 2 1/2 years apart. I didn't feel supported at all and remember crying when I found out I was pregnant with my second child,as my husband was ecstatically joyful. We received so much negativity from our family, friends, and even strangers! I felt so unsupported that at one point I even considered an abortion. No one should have to should feel that way. we were young, my husband a year 1/2 older, I was 19, 21, and 23 when they were born. We were still finishing college and working and we didn't have a lot of extra money when they were little for the latest and newest toys but they don't even remember what "things" they had or didn't have. They remember all the time we spent together as a family and going places like the park, beach, zoo, lake, etc. Now we have been together over 15 years and our kids are 13,11, and 8 1/2. Of course once the babies were born our families warmed up to them immediately. Somehow we made it through, and I wouldn't change a thing! I would do it all over again the same way. Hang in there, if it is meant to happen it will and everything will be great.

P.S. When we thought about planning our 3rd in the summer, God had his own plan and I was pregnant just before even with birth control.

This is really no ones business but yours and your husbands. Why would your family care if you have another child or not? I can't give too much advice on having kids close together. I have two sets of twins. All of my kids are minutes apart from eachother. =) There is nothing wrong with kids close together, in fact I think that they would have more fun. It may be a little difficult during that extremely tired part of the beginning of the pregnancy with a toddler running around, but millions of women have done it. The decision to have a child can only be made by the husband and wife. The rest of the family isn't going to be there raising the child, you are. Good luck. =)

Hi! I have two children 18 months apart and it has worked well for them. I will have to admit, though, the first 12 months were demanding. They will be at two drastically different stages and you will often wish you had eight arms, but once you make it through that first year, having them close together is a blessing.

Best of luck!

If you and your husband are ready then go for it. I was married at 18, we had our first child 15 months later at age 19, then our second child at age 21. They are 30 months apart and very very close. They are now almost 7 and 4 1/2. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We always wanted our children close together, and we wouldn't do anything different.

Of course there are benefits and draw backs to starting and adding to a family at a young age. But the same can be said for having children late in life also. Only you and your husband can know what is best for your family.

HI S.,
I am 47 years old. I was married at 19 and became a mother at 20. We have been married for 28 years now and have 5 children. I have listened with repect to my family over the years (mainly my DAD) about my role as a parent, how many children I should be having (my Dad thought I should just replace myself and only have two children), how wrong they thought I am for choosing to homeschool my children (I have one college graduate who is currently employeed full time by the university as a financial aid counselor, and she is working on a second degree; and another child in college who is a 4.0 student), etc.
The point of this is, you and your husband are married, and together you have a family. You say you are responsible people. If this is true, and you know the impact that having a second child will have on you as a couple, your daughter, your finances, etc, and you both agree that having a second child now is the right timing, then go for it.
You are a married couple, and you should listen with respect to your family's advice, but you don't have to take it.
It is time for your family to allow you to be adults and make the decisions for your own family that you and your husband feel are the best for YOU.
I know at age 20 you probably feel like you should still be doing what your family wants you to do. The reality is that you are a wife and mother, and as a wife, it is up to you and your husband to together make this type of decision. Just remember to listen to what your family has to say out of respect, THEN respect your husband by making the final decision with him.
Blessings to you, K.

Hi, S.;
Well, my kids are almost 3 years apart, but I think the main thing isn't whether kids are close together or not: families are what they are, and they can be happy any way they want. I think the main thing is that if you and your husband are wanting another child, then it is time to try. We do respect the advice from our elders, but we also remember that folks (including parents) give us advice they would want for themselves...forgetting that you are not them! Also, if you do get pregnant soon, they will just have to deal with it, and very quickly will join in your excitement. J.

Hi S.,

Sweetie everyone thinks they know what is best for you. Thank them and do what you and your husband thinks is best. It is your life they have already lived thiers. I am a mom of three sons and from a large family. It is my expeirence that the kids get along better if they are either close in age (2yrs or closer) or a gap in thier age(5+) When they are like three years apart they just don't have much in common the three year old is to old will be like 5 before the baby is really big enough to play but the five year old will have no patiants. If they are older then they are old enough to understand the needs of a toddler.

Also if you already have one child go ahead and finish your family while you are young so that when they grow up you can live the life you are missing now.

Do what you whant sweetie. You pay your own way, you do take care of your own home. Always listen to the advise of those who give it, weigh it throw out what is not useful for you and implament what does.

Enjoy motherhood it is the greatest gig=ft on earth.

R. a 53 year old vertran

I have 2 children 15 months apart, the first year was busy, just try not to expect too much from yourself and accept any help offered. Mine are now 7 and 8 and play together all the time having lots of the same interests and friends.
M.

I haven't read others responses but I have 8 children, and yes we know what causes it and it sure is fun ;) lol! What i've learned through life is if we all waited until we had the exact amount of money, home, etc. whatever circumstances, we'd all be our grandparents age to have children. This decision really isn't up to anyone else except you and your husband, so I'm a bit confused as to why you're taking a poll so to speak. I'm definately not standing in judgement, just wondering if you would ask your family if they thought you should buy white or pink toiletpaper? I'm guessing no, so why would you ask tehm permission on when or how many children you should have? You are a grown woman, and your husband a man, so act as so :) My only advice is to not close your doors for having more children in the future at a young age. Life changes quicker than you think, and to close the doors of having more children when you still have alot of life ahead, you may regret. Continue to have fun being a mom, make great memories. I have never met anyone who ever regreted having their children, just those who regretted the children they didn't have. Email me if you want off board anytime you want encouragement.

A bit about me: 46, SAHMW to 8 wonderful blessings on earth,oldest 2 married and brought us 2 sons-in-love, and 6 angels in heaven. We farm 40 acres almonds, and grow 1/2 million organic chickens a year :) homeschool, and married to my best friend

My daughter turned two when my son was born. She reverted back to diapers, refuses to use the potty and wants me to hold her all the time. She doesnt hurt the baby or even dislike him. She kind of ignores him. He is 6 months now and she helps hold his bottle and put his binki in for him. Now when I'm holding him she asks for me to "hold two babies". I would say it is hard at first but it gets better and I think the long run is better too when you think about Santa, the easter bunny and all that good childhood stuff. Over all, its great. I recomend it even if your husband isnt as helpful as he thinks he is. God only gives you what you can handle. I say go for it!

My 2 youngest were 15 months apart (oops), it was hard the first few months or year but then it was GREAT, they were so close and played together all the time. In my opinion much better than farther apart (my oldest is 3-1/2 yrs older - created too much rivalry). There's no perfect - if you want it go for it!

I say do what you & your husband feels is right. I'm a 29 yr old mom married for 11 yrs & have 4 kids. 8, 6, 4 & 1. We love this age spacing and I really don't think its that hard.I like them closer together as they are great playmates for each other & hopefully will become good friends during high school times. Good Luck with your decision!

If you wait any longer it will be harder, then they will be to far apart in age with nothing in common. My two children are 11 months apart not planned but I'm happy it worked that way. There close in age and they play together.

A. Modesto, CA

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