M.M. asks from Leavittsburg, OH on November 06, 2006
Having a Problem with My Sons Teacher.
My Five year old son has had some problems at school. The teacher sent home a letter saying that his behavior is unacceptable. She says that he don't listen, he can't keep his body under control and she said a few other things. On the other hand my son comes home crying and upset about the way the teacher treats him. He said she makes him feel bad about himself, she always yells at him for doing the same stuff the other children are doing but never yells at them. One thing he said that really made me see that he might not be over reacing is "Mom I don't think she likes me because she never wants to help me with my school work and everytime I try my best to write my letters really good she tells me I can do better than that. I just want her to say good job like she tells my friends." The behavior issues the teacher say does not match how he acts at home or when we stays the night with friends and family. I'm not sayings he is always behaved but when he is acting up all I have to do is give him a look or raise my voice and he stops on the spot. He is really a great kid. The only real problem I have is getting him to clean up after himself or clean up his room. What should I do about the teacher and my son? I'm not sure what to do because I don't want to seem out of line by talking to his teacher. I also don't want to seem like I hang on every word my five year old son says. I know my son very well and I don't want him to feel like mom don't care about the way his teacher makes him feels. Do you think theres a problem here and what should I do? Please Help!!
So What Happened?™
I sent a letter with my son to school requesting a confrence (ASAP). She ended up calling me within an hour after school starting. She wanted to know why I needed a conference. I explained to her briefly what my concerns were and told her I would like to discus them face to face. At first it sounded like she would be to busy then we ended up setting a date for next week. She did sound concerned about my issues and I hope it all works out after the conference. I want to thank everyone for their help and advice. I wasn't sure what I should do or how to express my concerns without sounding rood or her thinking I was accusing her of something. If this conference don't work I will Know what steps to take next thanks to everyone who helped. If not I'll ask for more advice. LOL! Thanks For everything! -M.-
M.W. answers from Cincinnati on November 06, 2006
Have you considered homeschooling? There's also online public schools like Ohio Virtual Academy. The website is ohva.org .
D. answers from Cleveland on November 06, 2006
I would ask for a conference with the teacher and counselor. That way you have a person there to listen to what each other is saying. Tell the teacher what your son said. Just let her know that you do not take every word your son says to be gospel. But how can you make up what your son said. Sounds like she needs to be spending more time with him. Some teachers dont care any more. They want children to be robots and not kids. I have run into this with my kids. My kids are 19 and 15 now. But the same still applies. You really need to nip this in the bud. Before your son really starts to have problems, because him and his teacher cannot work things out. Yes your child is only five, but you dont want him to hate school or be afraid to go to a teacher with his problems. Because it sounds to me that that might already be happening. If you dont stick up for him who will. If you dont get any satisfaction, contact the Principal.
1 mom found this helpful
B.R. answers from Columbus on November 06, 2006
I am a public school teacher (17 years), and if you can't get any satisfaction after a conference with your son's teacher, you can request that your son be placed in a different room. It's your right.
There are kids who make things up about how bad they are getting treated as soon as they get in trouble in school, and I have seen bad teachers who say the most inappropriate things to kids! It's the teacher's job to manage the class and make sure every child gets what s/he needs to be successful in school, academically and develpmentally. At five years old, I sincerely doubt your son is too awful to handle! Kids at five always want to please the teacher, and their inappropriate behavior is often controlled with that look you mentioned.Your son should not be feeling that the teacher doesn't like him.
When you meet with the teacher, don't assume anything or go in defensively. Explain the problem, ask her what she sees, and what would be her suggestions for a plan, including a change of classroom. Sometime people just don't get a long, although there's no room for this in professionalism between a teacher and student (provided we're not talking about extreme behaviors you might see in middle or high school.)
You are not out of line and parents have their kids switch teachers all the time. Although it's never happened to me, I parents switch their kids a lot. It's no big deal to the teacher. It should be though. The teacher should reflect on why it's happening.
K.S. answers from Mansfield on November 10, 2006
sometimes with a teacher and a student personalitys crash even at your sons young age sometimes is just best to request another teacher if your school has more then one for his age i had to do tthat once with one of own children and everybody was happier
C.J. answers from Youngstown on November 06, 2006
Hello M. ~ I just went through the same thing, kinda. My daughter just started kindergarten. They have a behavior chart and everyday she was coming home with green squares (thats good), and her papers are all A's and stars. But, one day when I was picking her up, the teacher asked if she could talk to me, she told me my daughter doesnt listen in class and she doesnt follow directions. My child is a pretty good girl. She does have some bad days but most of the time, she does pretty good and shes a good helper to me. (alittle too independent at times), but she never cries, never has been a child who threw temper tantrums (my son on the other hand LOL), but since starting school, she would cry over everything, she told her her teacher hated her, and that kindergarden stressed her out. My daughter has been in preschool for 3 years before starting kindergarden, I never had complaints about her behavior. So I made an appt to conference (with both her teachers, she has 2, one in the morning and one in the afternoon), I wrote down things I wanted to talk to them about, things that bothered me, and my daughter. I came into the conference friendly, I told them I didnt want them to think that I was bashing them, but I was concerned, and I didnt want her to feel defeated already. I asked them what thier opinion was, and how we could work things out to better help her. We sat for an hour talking and we came up with ways between the 3 of us to help her, as well as they said they would try to not be so firm. The next day I received a note from the teacher thanking me for meeting with them, and they were glad to be working with a concerned parent. Everyday since then, my daughter has come home smiling, saying that school was good today. I felt better leaving the conference, my daughter feels better now, and the teachers know I am approachable but that I also will do whats right where she is concerned. My opinion set a conference, let the teacher know, you are not feeling like she is picking on your child, but you also know he is miserable and thats not fair either. If they know they will keep looking at you, it could make a difference. I told my childs teachers that. I will be here, you guys will know me by a first name basis, cuz my daughters education is important to me. Let me know what you decide.
L.S. answers from Cleveland on November 06, 2006
M., I have had 5 children ages are 10 to 23 I had a problem like that with daughter's teacher, I went to the prinicpal and the super of the schools, I called a meeting,,Maybe there is a reason your son is acting out, scared, learning problems, or just flat out a teacher that needs to retire I would bring this to their attention and maybe they can help you.. And remeber your not a bad parent, and no one will look down on you for needing help. some teachers can be very mean, remember you pay their salary, I know that's mean to say but they work for us and our children. With the help I received over the years my kids are all getting A and two in college,, Go to the top on this one do not let the teacher walk all over your son..
K.F. answers from Cincinnati on November 08, 2006
Hi M., good luck. You will find that Lebanon schools are not very good at all. Their teachers are not very good either, they make all the kids feel like dirt. I've had 3 children that went to school there and my youngest son(John) who is now 16 yrs old. Well, I finally had to pull him out and homeschool him. His teachers were always saying really mean things to him, making him feel so bad about himself, you talk about feeling insecure,he got so bad at one time, he started even talking about committing suicide. I knew then it was time to make a change.So, I yanked him out of there, and that's been over 2 years ago.When my son was in the 3rd grade, I used to sneak to his school, stand at the window and watch him to make sure his teacher was not treating him mean.I'd stand there for hours sometimes. There also were times I'd go in and talk to his teachers, and they'd be so two-faced about it all. Don't believe everything they tell you. I will tell you though, you do need to go in and talk to her/him. Don't let it go too far. Because if you do nothing, they get pretty bad to our kids. And, if they say your child needs Ritilan, which is their goal, don't listen to them. They make a commission on every child they get on these types of medicines.
By the way, my name is K. Ferguson, I'm 51 yrs old, and like I said, I have 3 children. I live here in Lebanon, and have for the past 20 years. Ok, I hope I've been some help to you. Good Luck. God Bless You and yours. K.
S.S. answers from Cincinnati on November 07, 2006
Just going on my own experiences when I was in school I know my 5th grade teacher. She didn't like me and I didn't like her. I really wish that my parents would have seen that and moved me to another classroom. (I ended up failing spelling, english and reading all year and being on the honor roll the next year with a new teacher.)
I would definatly look into what he's saying and take action to move him to another class if you could and if the situation is as serious as your son makes it out to be.
A.K. answers from Youngstown on November 07, 2006
You MUST set up a conference with this teacher. First, to address the issues that your son is telling you about. Your child comes first and a mothers intution is 99.99% right on target. Second, to address the issues that the teacher is telling you. A teacher should not be making things up about our children. Perhaps she is seeing him in a different light.
My son was the complete opposite at home and at school. Not so much behaviorally but in the essence of learning. He would NOT do his work, ABC's Count or write for me at all. But when I addresses my concerns with his teacher she told me she has no problems with him. He does all of his work and is one of her best students.
I think you and the teacher need to work on a way for your son to know that he is doing a good job now or he will nost definitely lose interest in school altogether. And I am sure that is one thing that you and the teacher will have in common... This does not need to happen.
All children learn at different stages and you son is telling you what he feels is wrong. The teacher may be relying it in a different manner. But it could all just be the same situation. Perhaps he gets alittle upset that she isn't praising him for his work... Perhaps she shouldn't hold the same standard for all the children.
Good Luck and let me know how things go!
One more thing... Give you son a hug and tell him how proud you are of him. It may be the boost he needs.