February 20, 2008,
M.M. asks from Leavittsburg, OH on November 06, 2006
Having a Problem with My Sons Teacher.
My Five year old son has had some problems at school. The teacher sent home a letter saying that his behavior is unacceptable. She says that he don't listen, he can't keep his body under control and she said a few other things. On the other hand my son comes home crying and upset about the way the teacher treats him. He said she makes him feel bad about himself, she always yells at him for doing the same stuff the other children are doing but never yells at them. One thing he said that really made me see that he might not be over reacing is "Mom I don't think she likes me because she never wants to help me with my school work and everytime I try my best to write my letters really good she tells me I can do better than that. I just want her to say good job like she tells my friends." The behavior issues the teacher say does not match how he acts at home or when we stays the night with friends and family. I'm not sayings he is always behaved but when he is acting up all I have to do is give him a look or raise my voice and he stops on the spot. He is really a great kid. The only real problem I have is getting him to clean up after himself or clean up his room. What should I do about the teacher and my son? I'm not sure what to do because I don't want to seem out of line by talking to his teacher. I also don't want to seem like I hang on every word my five year old son says. I know my son very well and I don't want him to feel like mom don't care about the way his teacher makes him feels. Do you think theres a problem here and what should I do? Please Help!!
So What Happened?™
I sent a letter with my son to school requesting a confrence (ASAP). She ended up calling me within an hour after school starting. She wanted to know why I needed a conference. I explained to her briefly what my concerns were and told her I would like to discus them face to face. At first it sounded like she would be to busy then we ended up setting a date for next week. She did sound concerned about my issues and I hope it all works out after the conference. I want to thank everyone for their help and advice. I wasn't sure what I should do or how to express my concerns without sounding rood or her thinking I was accusing her of something. If this conference don't work I will Know what steps to take next thanks to everyone who helped. If not I'll ask for more advice. LOL! Thanks For everything! -M.-
M.W. answers from Cincinnati on November 06, 2006
Have you considered homeschooling? There's also online public schools like Ohio Virtual Academy. The website is ohva.org .
D. answers from Cleveland on November 06, 2006
I would ask for a conference with the teacher and counselor. That way you have a person there to listen to what each other is saying. Tell the teacher what your son said. Just let her know that you do not take every word your son says to be gospel. But how can you make up what your son said. Sounds like she needs to be spending more time with him. Some teachers dont care any more. They want children to be robots and not kids. I have run into this with my kids. My kids are 19 and 15 now. But the same still applies. You really need to nip this in the bud. Before your son really starts to have problems, because him and his teacher cannot work things out. Yes your child is only five, but you dont want him to hate school or be afraid to go to a teacher with his problems. Because it sounds to me that that might already be happening. If you dont stick up for him who will. If you dont get any satisfaction, contact the Principal.
1 mom found this helpful
E.J. answers from Cincinnati on November 06, 2006
I would have a meeting with this teacher and your son together. Kids at this age are some of the most homest people around. There is obviously something going on for him to tell you that. This teacher obviously don't know how to deal with children who are a bit more hyper than others. So I would meet with her and also have my son there. This is something that you should get on immediately. Get it under control before it gets out of hand.
K.S. answers from Mansfield on November 10, 2006
sometimes with a teacher and a student personalitys crash even at your sons young age sometimes is just best to request another teacher if your school has more then one for his age i had to do tthat once with one of own children and everybody was happier
K.I. answers from Cincinnati on November 07, 2006
LISTEN to your son. Get a new teacher. She obviously does not like him.
Nobody listened to my brother who is one year younger than I am (so I couldn't really advocate) when he was in first grade. The woman was evil. She killed his love of learning. It was only partially restored in 4th grade when an outstanding teacher took an interest in him. So, yes, 2nd and 3rd grades were a waste and they were starting to point a very bright boy at "special ed."
Now, you say, was it really so bad? Well, many years later, when I was 17, and passed the same woman's class I heard her yelling at those little kids, and saying very mean things. So, it was true, she was NOT good with little people.
If the school system tries to give you some kind of story that the year is in session and they cannot switch classes, blah, blah, blah, understand that it is your RIGHT to change your child to another class.
DO IT NOW!
Best wishes, and PLEASE let us know how things work out.
C.J. answers from Youngstown on November 06, 2006
Hello M. ~ I just went through the same thing, kinda. My daughter just started kindergarten. They have a behavior chart and everyday she was coming home with green squares (thats good), and her papers are all A's and stars. But, one day when I was picking her up, the teacher asked if she could talk to me, she told me my daughter doesnt listen in class and she doesnt follow directions. My child is a pretty good girl. She does have some bad days but most of the time, she does pretty good and shes a good helper to me. (alittle too independent at times), but she never cries, never has been a child who threw temper tantrums (my son on the other hand LOL), but since starting school, she would cry over everything, she told her her teacher hated her, and that kindergarden stressed her out. My daughter has been in preschool for 3 years before starting kindergarden, I never had complaints about her behavior. So I made an appt to conference (with both her teachers, she has 2, one in the morning and one in the afternoon), I wrote down things I wanted to talk to them about, things that bothered me, and my daughter. I came into the conference friendly, I told them I didnt want them to think that I was bashing them, but I was concerned, and I didnt want her to feel defeated already. I asked them what thier opinion was, and how we could work things out to better help her. We sat for an hour talking and we came up with ways between the 3 of us to help her, as well as they said they would try to not be so firm. The next day I received a note from the teacher thanking me for meeting with them, and they were glad to be working with a concerned parent. Everyday since then, my daughter has come home smiling, saying that school was good today. I felt better leaving the conference, my daughter feels better now, and the teachers know I am approachable but that I also will do whats right where she is concerned. My opinion set a conference, let the teacher know, you are not feeling like she is picking on your child, but you also know he is miserable and thats not fair either. If they know they will keep looking at you, it could make a difference. I told my childs teachers that. I will be here, you guys will know me by a first name basis, cuz my daughters education is important to me. Let me know what you decide.
L.S. answers from Cleveland on November 06, 2006
M., I have had 5 children ages are 10 to 23 I had a problem like that with daughter's teacher, I went to the prinicpal and the super of the schools, I called a meeting,,Maybe there is a reason your son is acting out, scared, learning problems, or just flat out a teacher that needs to retire I would bring this to their attention and maybe they can help you.. And remeber your not a bad parent, and no one will look down on you for needing help. some teachers can be very mean, remember you pay their salary, I know that's mean to say but they work for us and our children. With the help I received over the years my kids are all getting A and two in college,, Go to the top on this one do not let the teacher walk all over your son..
K.F. answers from Cincinnati on November 08, 2006
Hi M., good luck. You will find that Lebanon schools are not very good at all. Their teachers are not very good either, they make all the kids feel like dirt. I've had 3 children that went to school there and my youngest son(John) who is now 16 yrs old. Well, I finally had to pull him out and homeschool him. His teachers were always saying really mean things to him, making him feel so bad about himself, you talk about feeling insecure,he got so bad at one time, he started even talking about committing suicide. I knew then it was time to make a change.So, I yanked him out of there, and that's been over 2 years ago.When my son was in the 3rd grade, I used to sneak to his school, stand at the window and watch him to make sure his teacher was not treating him mean.I'd stand there for hours sometimes. There also were times I'd go in and talk to his teachers, and they'd be so two-faced about it all. Don't believe everything they tell you. I will tell you though, you do need to go in and talk to her/him. Don't let it go too far. Because if you do nothing, they get pretty bad to our kids. And, if they say your child needs Ritilan, which is their goal, don't listen to them. They make a commission on every child they get on these types of medicines.
By the way, my name is K. Ferguson, I'm 51 yrs old, and like I said, I have 3 children. I live here in Lebanon, and have for the past 20 years. Ok, I hope I've been some help to you. Good Luck. God Bless You and yours. K.
S.S. answers from Cincinnati on November 07, 2006
Just going on my own experiences when I was in school I know my 5th grade teacher. She didn't like me and I didn't like her. I really wish that my parents would have seen that and moved me to another classroom. (I ended up failing spelling, english and reading all year and being on the honor roll the next year with a new teacher.)
I would definatly look into what he's saying and take action to move him to another class if you could and if the situation is as serious as your son makes it out to be.
L. answers from Cincinnati on November 07, 2006
I would encourage you to set up a conference with your child's teacher and try to set some goals together to help your son. I would advise taking a non- confrontational approach, and look at this as more of an opportunity for you and the teacher to work together to help your son.
Express to her that your son yearns for positive reinforcement and that telling him "good job" prior to giving correction or additional instruction may be enough encouragement for him to try a task again. Also, share with her your son's feelings- she probably has no idea that her words are affecting him in such a way.
When I was a teacher, one thing that helped me communicate with parents was a daily journal. I would let the parents know each day how their child's day was, if an incident occurred, etc. The parent's could then write in the notebook as well to let me know if there were extenuating circumstances at home that may account for a particular behavior, etc.
I would also ask the teacher if there are some specific items she would like to see improved and set a plan with her to chart your son's progress. For instance, you could keep a chart at home and everyday your son receives a positive report from school he receives a sticker. After 10 stickers he gets some kind of treat from you at home.
It's human that not all teacher/student relationships "click" but the goal is to provide the students with a safe and nurturing environment in which to learn. I would encourage you to really talk to your son's teacher and work with her to maintain or create that environment.
Keep in mind, kids can act completely different at school than they do at home. I had one child in my class who was extremely quiet and reserved, but at home her mom said she was a very talkative, social butterfly.
If the teacher is unwilling to work with you then involve the principal and work from there on a solution.
A.K. answers from Youngstown on November 07, 2006
You MUST set up a conference with this teacher. First, to address the issues that your son is telling you about. Your child comes first and a mothers intution is 99.99% right on target. Second, to address the issues that the teacher is telling you. A teacher should not be making things up about our children. Perhaps she is seeing him in a different light.
My son was the complete opposite at home and at school. Not so much behaviorally but in the essence of learning. He would NOT do his work, ABC's Count or write for me at all. But when I addresses my concerns with his teacher she told me she has no problems with him. He does all of his work and is one of her best students.
I think you and the teacher need to work on a way for your son to know that he is doing a good job now or he will nost definitely lose interest in school altogether. And I am sure that is one thing that you and the teacher will have in common... This does not need to happen.
All children learn at different stages and you son is telling you what he feels is wrong. The teacher may be relying it in a different manner. But it could all just be the same situation. Perhaps he gets alittle upset that she isn't praising him for his work... Perhaps she shouldn't hold the same standard for all the children.
Good Luck and let me know how things go!
One more thing... Give you son a hug and tell him how proud you are of him. It may be the boost he needs.
C.K. answers from Columbus on November 07, 2006
It is never out of line to help your child with a problem, or to be concerned. You know your child, and if you feel that he is bieng treated unfairly, you have a right to approach the teacher or principle with the problem and expect results. You may even request that your child be placed in another classroom with another teacher if you feel that the problem is not bieng resolved to your satisfaction. Let your voice be heard, because your child cannot speak for himself in this instance and needs you to be his advocate. Good luck and God bless!!
T.B. answers from Tampa on November 06, 2006
It is your job as a mom to protect your son. The first thing you should do is schedule a confence with the teacher. The key is to be VERY neutral while meeting with her. If you go in accusing her of everything your son has said, she will get defensive and nothing will be accomplished. Make a list of things you would like to discuss at the meeting. Be sure to tell the teacher what your son said about writing his letters in a very non accusatory manner. As a teacher, I know it is sometimes hard to treat each child equally, but it doesn't sound like she is trying hard enough. After a few weeks, if the situation has not improved, ask for another meeting with the teacher and include the principal. Good luck.
B.R. answers from Columbus on November 06, 2006
I am a public school teacher (17 years), and if you can't get any satisfaction after a conference with your son's teacher, you can request that your son be placed in a different room. It's your right.
There are kids who make things up about how bad they are getting treated as soon as they get in trouble in school, and I have seen bad teachers who say the most inappropriate things to kids! It's the teacher's job to manage the class and make sure every child gets what s/he needs to be successful in school, academically and develpmentally. At five years old, I sincerely doubt your son is too awful to handle! Kids at five always want to please the teacher, and their inappropriate behavior is often controlled with that look you mentioned.Your son should not be feeling that the teacher doesn't like him.
When you meet with the teacher, don't assume anything or go in defensively. Explain the problem, ask her what she sees, and what would be her suggestions for a plan, including a change of classroom. Sometime people just don't get a long, although there's no room for this in professionalism between a teacher and student (provided we're not talking about extreme behaviors you might see in middle or high school.)
You are not out of line and parents have their kids switch teachers all the time. Although it's never happened to me, I parents switch their kids a lot. It's no big deal to the teacher. It should be though. The teacher should reflect on why it's happening.
R.G. answers from Cleveland on November 06, 2006
M., A teachers job is not an easy one. Think of times where people have a couple kids and get aggravated and are glad when school starts so the parent has a break.
Now think of 1 person having 20-30 kids all day long, it can get very frustrating I am sure.
But, teachers need to be in a frame of mind to cope with large groups of kids.
My sons teacher never picked on him, but did to other kids in his class.
She said at 1 point when this kids we will say was named Rick acted up, she would say do you know the definition of Rick in the dictionary class?
She would say that the definition is dumb, and rude.
So what does this send a message to the student about?
I could go on and on with this 1 teacher.
Another teacher even called childrens services on me.
Said my son was to skinny.
The social worker came and laughed when she came into the house, she said I know this was a false report.
I had more food then she did in her house.
The kids doctor said to tell the school to back off, that my son was in perfect health, and teachers are more prone to seeing kids fat then in shape, and when I kid is not fat, they look under fed.
So many ways to look at your situation, I would see the principal and maybe monitor outside the classroom listening, or have the principal or guidence counslor listen in.
Ask for a conference.
Have your son changed to another room if there is more then 1 class of the same.
Hope some of my blabber helps make sense and sheds light to school issues and the way they think sometimes.
M. answers from Columbus on November 07, 2006
I think you should definally talk with the teacher directly. Have a face to face conference with her so she knows you are taking her concerns seriously. But then explain your position as well and make sure she takes your concerns seriously too. I would also suggest you volunteer in the class room for a couple of days so you can watch what's going on. Perhaps you can even ask one of your child's mom's to volunteer so you can get a better view of how your child and teacher react when you're not in the room. If the problems continue, you can also discuss it with the principal, who should also be able to get involved. The last resort would be to ask for your child to move to a different teacher. Don't let your child struggle. If he begins to dislike school now, you'll be in for a long haul.
I hope things improve for your son & his teacher.
K.D. answers from Cleveland on February 20, 2008
As a teacher (high school) and new parent, I applaud your efforts at trying to address this issue with your son and with his teacher. Set up a conference, see this teacher and look her in the eye and figure out what's going on in the classroom. This could be a case of "bad chemistry" between your son and his teacher or maybe something he does innocently really gets under her skin. Be your son's advocate and stick up for him! If this issue is not resolved in a timely way, go to the principal of this school and ask for a class change, if there is another class available.
I understand your not wanting to "hang on every word of your 5 year old", but something clearly seems wrong. Also, try going into the school unannounced and check out the feeling of the building and his classroom. Is his classroom a warm and welcoming place? You are a tapxpayer and teachers are not perfect! Work to find a solution that fits your son and his teacher - but don't be afraid to demand change if you feel it is needed! GOOD LUCK
H.B. answers from Canton on November 07, 2006
I haven't had issues like that but I have had issues with teachers saying m daughter has a reading problem and she doesn't. They put her in title 1 to help with that. I wrote a note to the title 1 teacher and she responded. I also wrote her a couple emails and we got things straighted out. I would say your best bet would be if you haven't had parent/teacher conferences yet then call the school or write the teacher about getting together and chat about what is going on and then you can get down to what is really going on. If your son is anything like my daughter I do trust her and always have. She doesn't lie well to me and if she has done something wrong she tells me. Just get a meeting with his teacher. Hope this helps some.
A.P. answers from Cleveland on November 07, 2006
I don't have school age children but i would suggest talking to the teacher and your son together at a parent teacher confrences. And if things don't change soon i would suggest moving him to a different class. I have also heard of parents who have problems with children in school dropping in unannounced to see how thier child acts in school. Now i am not saying that your child is wrong or his teacher is right but something has to be done. He is not getting a proper education if there are conflicts with him and his teacher. If your son is telling you the truth then moving him to another class is in his best interest. Good luck and let me know how things go. Just remember that you have to do whatever is in your childs best interest when it comes to his education.
K.K. answers from Cleveland on November 07, 2006
I am a teacher. I will tell you that the first 2 years are really the formative years that will decide whether or not a child will continue to like school. If I were you, I would call ahead and let the principal know that you will be coming in to observe your son in his class because the teacher suspects that there might be some kind of problem. Do not tell him/her anything about how you feel that he is not being treated fairly...only that you would like to see him in action for a few days so if there really is a problem you would be able to tell the dr. The reason I say call ahead is that most school districts' teachers have a union policy of a 24 hour notice if a parent is going to observe. Since you are a stay at home mom, with no other kids, I would do it soon. Stay all day. Observe him in his class, his teacher interaction, friendships with other students, unstructured time like recess, how he acts in line and in specials wiht other teachers. Then you will get an idea as to what his day is like and you will be there at school to conference with the teacher at the end of the day. Then I would express my concerns to her-but not in an accusitory way b/c you wouldn't want her to be angry with him all year. If all else fails then I would request a room change. I hope that helps. Good luck.
PS..If he was to have ADHD you may find that his behavior does vary greatly from school to home b/c at school he is expected to restrain himself in a very structured environment for 6 hours a day.
M.W. answers from Cincinnati on November 06, 2006
Have you considered homeschooling? There's also online public schools like Ohio Virtual Academy. The website is ohva.org .
E.C. answers from Cincinnati on November 07, 2006
You are your childs best advocate, never forget that. They learn so much from us as parents, please make an appt. and meet with his teacher. She needs to see and understand what an involved parent you are. Can you volunteer to be at the school? So many parents treat school as a babysitter/daycare program and don't get involved. Hopefully once his teacher sees how involved you are, things will turn around for him in the classroom. If you are unhappy with your meeting and feel like your son is not receiving the proper help from her, please take it to the prinicpal, don't let it go, these are his formative years, you WANT him to love school, so get involved now. Best of Luck!
S. answers from Cleveland on November 06, 2006
Yes, children do make things teachers do and say look worse than they are but not always. I've seen both. On the other hand, I can tell you from experience that teachers can make the biggest difference in a child's life! Do not hesitate. Call the school, make a conference time and talk to his teacher. Mention some of the things he has told you and you will probably know by the look on her face whether she is dumbfounded or whether she truly did say these things to your son. Then if that does not work, you can have his room switched. If it is his behavior, it won't be any better there because teachers talk like any co-workers but it doesn't sound that way by your description. Stick up for your son and make it known what you've heard because they can make or break a child for a lonnnnnnnnnnnggg time!
There are also great teachers that will work with your child if they know they have your support. Good luck
K.B. answers from Cincinnati on November 06, 2006
I would say have a parent teacher conference with definitly the teacher and the counsulor if you want a third person there. Try to go with an open mind to what the teacher has to say, but also take a list of what your child has said and how he feels. It could be a misunderstanding between what the teacher says and your child or what your child says and the teacher. It could be that your child is acting out because of how he reacts to what the teacher says. Without being in the classroom every day with the teacher, or even see how the classroom is run or know the teacher it's hard to tell what exactly is going wrong. Going in to talk to the teacher will help your child see you are listening to him and trying to fix the problem. Don't go in and attack the teacher though. Ask her if you could email each other daily (and then weekly when the problem lessens) so that you can ask about things at home and try to fix things from both directions.
G.W. answers from Cleveland on November 07, 2006
I think you need to talk to your sons teacher asap! You will never be 'out of line' by trying to work directly with the teacher in regards to helping your son do his best in school. You are his only advocate and you need to be directly involved with the teacher for his education to become the best it can be. You dont need to confront the teacher in a hostile manner, simply ask for a meeting with her to discuss ways you and her can work together to help your son succeed.
Listen to what she has to say and dont put up walls right away because she has something negative to say about your son. Just listen and then, in turn, she should listen to you and you both should then try to work on ways to make school a more enjoyable time for your son.
My son as learning disabilities and he just started 1st grade. His teacher and principal have been amazing at working with us (his father and I) to accomodate Matthew with his needs and we have direct frequent contact with the teacher to continually assess our sons progress.
Remember, dont get defensive as it wont solve anything. You should be able to meet with his teacher to discuss ways you can work together. Maybe even volunteer to come in to be a classroom helper a few times a week so you can see the setting in which your son and teacher are involved. Good luck with it all and I will keep you in my thoughts. I hope it all goes well for you and remember, you standing up for your son is never going to be 'out of line'!!