Haven't Had a Family Baby Shower for My Child and He Is 7 Months Old

You also have Christmas coming up soon. With the holidays coming up I would guess that a shower would not materalize. However, I would use Christmas for things that you need when people ask you want he wants. At nine months old he does not know and you can take picutres with the wrapped presents.

At his one year party he can get more toys and stuff and other things off of the registry.

I hope this helps.

I agree with Valerie...Have a "better late than never" Shower. I dont think it would be tacky. If the people know you, then they know you didnt get a party. I have said before that my opinion of showers is for all us gals to "pass the plate" around and get what we need. And you know what the bottom line is? If someone doesnt want to attend or buy you a gift, they dont have to!!!!
I vote..GO FOR THE GOLD!!!

Have fun!!!
Margaret :)

oh honey.....it is NEVER too late for a shower!!!!..you just gave birth !!!! and what better way for everyone to see what you need and what size of clothes to get for the baby....

Wait until the 1st birthday. Pride yourself on your indepence and the fact that your husband and you prepared and provided for your little one 100% on your own. With regard to requesting for gifts (i.e. gift registry) for the birthday party, I wouldn't even do that either.

If people feel bad that you got slighted out of a baby shower, they will try to make it up to you or your little one in some other way. However don't expect family to naturally overcompensate at the birthday party. Expectations for lavish gifts will lead to dissappointment.

Be grateful that you get a chance to live close to your family again. You have already created a sense of independence by surviving Baby's first year on your own. This will create a sense of natural boundary between your family and yourselves (your nuclear family) when you move home. They will be there for guidance and support, but your established independence to date creates a natural buffer between your family and your nuclear family.

Alright, I see why you are feeling the way you are, and no, you're not a total brat! I think your feelings on this under the present circumstances are normal, HOWEVER.....

You made a statement that I think pretty much is the answer to your question....

"I don't even want to mention the word shower to my mom, given that finances are still tight, "

So, in my honest and humble opinion, it is tacky to "ask" someone to throw a shower, so your best bet would be to wait for his birthday! Besides, if you mentioned that you really wanted a baby shower, it could end up hurting your mom, seeing as how she wanted to throw one for you, but was financially restricted. I know, she did for your sis, I don't know what to tell you about that.

Plus,if you have made it the past seven months without a shower, you clearly have pretty much what you need. (I don't mean that ugly, it just sounds like you are managing! :)

It sounds like this may be more about you and your sister than anything. My best advice is to let it go. I'm certain your baby boy is loved by all, and am also sure your family is super excited to have ya'll moving back home. It will be okay, and these "slighted" feelings you are having will pass, if you let them....

And then you can throw the biggest, baddest first birthday party known to mankind, and plenty of folks will be asking for suggestions for gifts!!

Good luck to you in your move, and HUGE CONGRATULATIONS on your baby boy!! What a gift from God he is, and that's what really matters after all......

I am assuming you mean a shower with your family, as opposed to one here in Texas with your girlfriends here-? I would wait and do the celebration during the first birthday party when you're all back home.

You might want to delicately mention the idea to your mom... Nothing too direct; showers shouldn't be thrown out of feelings of obligation... Maybe say something like, "I was thinking we could do an all-in-one baby shower and first birthday party since we decided not to register for a whole lot of baby stuff that we would have to move." See if that plants the idea.

Of course, my 2 cents... It doesn't sound like the issue is the shower itself. More like you feel a touch slighted and ignored. Ok, that's understandable. But try not to dwell on those feelings... If your pregnancy had complications or your son was born ill, I'm sure you would have recieved more attention from your family--and that's the kind of attention most moms would rather skip for a healthy baby instead! Celebrate your blessings!

Hi D.,
I know that you got a ton of responses but I wanted to provide you with support instead of putting you down for having feelings. We can’t control the way things make us feel, we can only control the way that we react to those feelings. I’m normally the party planner for my family and friends and when I had my twins no one even offered to throw me a shower. I’m ok with that because I personally feel like it’s my job to provide for my children’s needs. Now with that said, I also think that the point of a shower is to shower the mom-to-be with attention and that the gifts are just a bonus. It does sound like you missed out on that, and I’m sorry because I know how if feels. Did I feel sad that my friends and family didn’t have a party to recognize how special the birth of my twins was to me, especially after going through multiple miscarriages? Yes, of course, but if I’m counting on other people to recognize and celebrate the things that are important to me in my live, then I’m going to be disappointed all the time. I’m not saying this is your attitude, but I’ve hosted or attended tons of wedding and baby showers were the woman was all into whatever she could get for free and I think it’s totally tacky and kind of pathetic. I love giving people gifts, especially for babies, but honestly I'm always a little put off when people act like I owe them something or tell me what to give them. I'm ok with registries or suggestions, but I've actually had people tell me exactly what they wanted me to get them. Of course, I try to get over this b/c I give gifts b/c I want to and not because I'm expecting anyone to be grateful. Yes, it's nice to get gifts and I did have people give me presents, but it’s an extra not something I expected. Seeing that your son is already 7 months and it’s so close to the holidays, I would just try to let this go. I know it’s hard, but just focus on the fact that your mom did want to throw you a shower and you did at least have a baby shower in Texas. If someone does offer to throw one when you move back then accept it and enjoy the shower but don’t expect it. You could always have a house warming party instead and it’s totally fine to host this yourself and will give you the chance to bond with friends which is what I think you’re really sad about missing out on and not the free stuff for your son. Don’t get down about feeling this way, it’s natural to feel left out sometimes and even harder to accept that others don’t love and celebrate our children the way we do. Blessing to you and yours.

Wow, hun! I feel like you have totally lost your focus. Having a baby shower is not a right! If someone wants to throw it for you great, if no on does, you have to suck it up and make do. Asking someone to do it for you, especially if they are financially crunched is totally out of line. I think you should just wait until your son turns 1 and have a birthday party. Also, I think having a registry for his birthday is absurd and offensive. Again, I think to some degree we have lost focus of what a birthday is... we are celebrating your sons birth.. and yes, while the vast majority take gifts, it is not an obligation. I would say, if someone asks you if you need anything, then you can say... "Well, actually, we have been needing clothes, etc." I bought every trinket you think you need for a child, and when my daughter turned 6 weeks my husband lost his job and we had to travel. I could only pack a few things. She survived, I survived and I realized just how little we really needed. Don't get caught up in wanting this and wanting that out of competition with your sister. Count your blessings that you have a healthy baby, a great husband and a wonderful mom and sister who has a child that will be best friends with your child. You have a lot to be grateful for... I have a lot of friends with sick babies that would give up everything material that you think you are lacking for your situation.

In my opinion, granted... it's not worth much, I wouldn't mention a shower, or "register" for a 1st birthday party. People aren't "required" to get you a darn thing. You wanted a child, you got pregnant, you had it. You should provide the needed items for your child, not expect it to be "given". There is no "right of passion" that says you must have a shower and people have to give you gifts. Your child doesn't need to be "recognized" or awarded with loot. Be an adult, if someone decides they want to give you something, or even give you a shower, it should be an unexpected surprise, not something you feel you are entitled to. Time to grow up.

Let's address the sibling rivalry first. Been there. Are you sure you want to move so close again? It can really cause some stress if it's not worked out.

If finances were so tight for your mom, it seems strange that she was able to do one for your sister. You're making excuses for your mom-aren't you?

Does his family live close? Why didn't they throw one. Your husband needs to address that one.

It's not too late. Someone should have thrown it. If not your moms, then some close friends or other family members?

Best wishes! (Oh, and I stayed in TX rather than deal w/ all of their "drama" and am much happier.)

first of all - im glad you made it to Texas and that your son will be a "native".
About the shower - a shower is not a "right" - it is a gesture that someone other than an immediate family member may choose to host (an aunt or sister-in-law may host, not a mother or sister as it appears as if they are asking for gifts). Maybe these are old southern rules that i follow- but i am 54- and i was raised with this etiquette.

im am so sorry that a a shower "fell thru the cracks" because I do feel that all new parents need and deserve a shower because a baby has needs that you just cant ignore (as opposed to wedding shower whereas a grownup can choose to live without a lot of things). Unfortunataly for you - it is just the way things happened. i dont know if you have ever thrown a baby shower for others or not - sometimes when you do, these same people come and reciprocate when it is your turn. Sometimes, the others are not organized and it just never materializes - as in your case.

Please note that a shower is not owed to you and you do not "make up" for a lack of a shower by hosting a huge one yr birthday party in hopes of getting gifts. Life goes on - deal with it.

For example, i hvae been married 31 years to a wonderful man - and we paid for our entire wedding ourselves. Our 25th wedding anniversary "came and went" and we didnt receive as much as a card from any family member. My older sister, when married 25 yrs, was thrown a lovely 25th anniversary party by one of her husbands relatives. She was lucky in that those relatives are big on throwing parties. On the other hand, i am the only organized party thrower in my family - and im sure i will go thru a 50th anniversary too - and never receive a party from my family members. i will only get one if a friend does it. But that is life, there are more important isdsues to worry about.

So basically i am saying, enjoy your child and move on. Remember this experience and perhaps someday you will be the sensitive one who will throw a shower for someone else in the future who really needs it but does not have someone else to come to their aid.

About me: a 54 yr old, married 31 yrs, and working mom of two, now grown - but still in college, kids.

I have put myself out everytime anything was going on with my sisters. They are 'drama mama's' and like the attention and they get it. They and their now grown daughters have always had multiple multiple multiple showers for EVERYTHING. Evidently I did not sqeak enough to get any attention. It has always been okay for me to take care of me. I am the most self reliant and resourceful of the bunch. So, that must deserve some punishment. No showers for anything. I am married and have two children and not one family shower was given. Later comments were made like: money, busy, sick, oh I didn't realize, whatever. That's all BS. I am the youngest and they used me when they needed free babysitting and errand running but when it should have been my turn they were busy. Get my point. If you let it, it will always be about what ever drama personality is around you. Someoneelse will always have it worse or need it more or simply sqeak louder. Why shouldn't you have a good moment for you. My 1 sister even held a wedding shower for her daughter while my 2 year old was in ICU with Kidney failure from food poisoning. They certainly didn't hold up their celebration and they didn't even know at that time whether my child would live or die.
I think you should show due respect for whatever is going on in the family. They should also give you proper time for your ups and downs. The new baby is an up. Celebrate it and don't feel guilty. If your sister is having a down, do what you can to help, but her down does not perpetually/indefinantly trump your life.
Have fun
God Bless
D.

PS. Okay now I read other responses. Whatever. The so called Southern rule about no mother or sisters throwing a shower. The etiquette thing. Only friends or its tacky. I have no idea where these people get that from but having been to literally 50 plus wedding showers( my husbands band usually provides music at the big parties) I have seen many of these hosted by mom/sis/grandma and whomever. The baby showers, I've attended a few less, maybe 35-40. But still I know many of these were thrown by family. I went to one that the husband and his brothers threw. All the men friends and co-workers showed up including mine. I served and cleaned. The baby was a boy and they had boy stuff, it was real cute.

I say have one.

If I were in your shoes (and how cruddy that your DH's family didn't ever step in and ask....), I would either wait until the 1st birthday (i know some people do registries for birthdays, but I don't know that I would. People often ask what you need and you could give ideas.), or throw a "Welcome the Baby, welcome us back to Michigan" party when you get back "home". That way it is not sending the message that you are fishing for gifts. I think a shower at this late of a date is a little tacky. If YOU are going to throw a party, make it just be about celebrating your little man, and people can bring gifts if they want (most people would, I would think).

Good luck. It really sucks that things worked out as they did for you. You did get slighted, and that's too bad. Your son won't know, however, so you keep just lavishing your love and affection on him!

Hi D.,
I think you are very justified in your feelings about being passed over especially when you went thru so much for your little guy to even get here! Since you are moving back home and the baby is going to be having a birthday fairly soon afterwards, then I think what you suggested about having his party and sending a registry is perfect. This way you do not offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. Sometimes we have to just be the bigger one and put aside hurt feelings. I am sure your mom does feel badly and is probably thinking along the same lines as giving her grandson a great birthday party. I am sure she is excited for you to be moving back home and she can't wait to start a relationship with her new grandson. I commend you for who you are and your determination to have your little one. He has a great mom and you should be proud of your accomplishments. As the saying goes, "Don't sweat the small stuff" and you will all be fine! I hope this helps! K.

Congratulations D. on your baby boy!
I empathize with being away from family. Mine were both born in Oregon, far away from any family. Our families are in AR, TX, LA and OK...and my parents are missionaries in Honduras :-)

I think that showers are really more for the mom...to share in the anticipation/expectation of the coming baby. At this point, it would be more of a Baby Welcoming type thing...
My vote would be to wait for his birthday. A b'day registry is an excellent idea - as few people, if anyone, really knows what your son has and/or needs. This would also give them time to get to know your son before helping you celebrate his first year outside the womb.
I actually still do an itemized list w/ hyperlinks that I email to family and godparents...I am particular about the toys that my kids receive (recalls anyone?), and this seems the best way to go about it without hurt feelings over toy gifts.

Not an easy situation to be in given emotions w/your sister and mother...hope it all turns out well.

K., mama to
Catherine, almost 5yrs!
Samuel, almost 2yrs!

First, congratulations! I know what it's like to be far from family. I'm from Pennsylvania and have lived in TX for both my wedding and birth of my daughter. For my wedding shower, it was a total surprise. As for my baby shower, I didn't have one either (by my request). Instead when I was home recently, I held a "Meet the Baby" open house for all my friends and family. I had no intentions of getting gifts but some people did show up with some. As for a b-day party, some stores offer wishlists on their website. I was planning on using these lists at Christmas and b-days so I could put on there what I would like to get my daughter and I figure if someone asks what they could get her, I'll steer them to the list for suggestions. But only if they ask!

I say, since you haven't had one yet, let your mom throw one. If she doesn't offer or follow through, then throw a huge 1st birthday and invite everyone you can think of. Either register as you would a shower or list his needs. You could also just give a list to your mother and sister and let them know it is just in case anyone asks them what to get them. That way, if people ask, you/mom/sister have something to say, but it wouldn't be listed if that makes you uncomfortable. Whatever you do, enjoy moving back home where you will have the support of family around and don't hold a grudge if you don't get a shower. It just happened and it doesn't seem as if it was intentional. It was just bad timing and logistics. Enjoy the love you do and will receive. If you do get a shower, don't overdo the birthday. But, still do it.

I agree with most of the writers- this is more about sibling rivalry and only a little about not having a baby shower. "Traditionally a friend (not a family member) plans the baby shower." That sentence was just copied from an etiquette web site and is repeated on about 16 others in some form or fashion. Your mom wasn't supposed to be having a shower for either of her daughter's anyway. BUT- I understand how you feel about not being given a shower. I tried for three years to get pregnant and when I finally did I had a friend offer to give me shower. Then she decided her house wasn't nice enough or some such excuse- so it never happened. Meanwhile, I had told others who had offered that someone was already doing a shower for me and I didn't need another. So - I didn't have a shower for my first either and it did hurt my feelings. (And probably hurt the feelings of those who thought they should have been invited to the shower that never was....) So- best advice - get over it. You can't change the past.
Now, you are moving home,Christmas is coming up and then a few months later there is his birthday. Lots of opportunities for presents there. Just keep in mind that times are tough all over- probably worse in Michigan than Texas- so I wouldn't expect anything too grand. If someone offers- a Welcome Home shower would be lovely. No overt hinting allowed although if it comes up in conversation then you might mention that there are things you need and didn't want to buy since you were moving back. But truly if you have made it through the first 7 months of this baby, you probably have most of the baby stuff you need and this is more about YOU feeling slighted (rightly so) and not about needing the gifts. Maybe you could mention to your mom and sister that when you get home you would love to see all of your old friends and family at once rather than having to make the rounds visiting the first two weeks you are back. They could throw a Welcome Back party for you- no mention of presents- just a celebration of your return. People who didn't send a baby present in the first place may feel inspired to bring one anyway. And remember, a present is "something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation", not something required or requested.
But-are you sure you want to move back? Sounds like a little space between you and your sister might be a good thing......
Good luck. Keep going forward.

Take a big breath and pat yourself on the back for being able to vocalize your hurt feelings and then try to move forward, if you can. Focus on your child and develop friendships where you rite of passage *is* recognized and just be silent where it isn't so that you don't have other regrets later. When you move home, you may get a shower but it's really about *you* and your relationship with your sister and mother, not about your son. Focus on him because maybe they'll see what's happened, maybe not but you don't want to loose out on your precious time with him while he's so small because you're carrying a grudge with them. There is always time to sort it out with them later but he will grow up soooooo fast.

Good luck.

Unfortunately I have to agree with some of the previous responders and say that hosting your own shower at this point in order to get more stuff would be kind of tacky. I have heard of people having showers after the birth of the baby, but those showers were always hosted by someone other than the new mom. Although I know people do it, to me hosting your own shower even before the birth is tacky. I also think you're not going to get anything for you at your son's first birthday, you can expect clothes, toys, and books... that's it.
That being said, there's absolutely no reason why you can't just host a party when you get home so that everyone can come meet your little miracle. And perhaps some of those people will feel moved to bring a gift, or ask if there's anything you need... just think of it as a nice surprise if they do, don't go into it with any expectations :)

Don't feel bad for being human. When are you going back home? Talk to your mon or an aunt or cousin or someone and let them know how you feel and thay you'ed like a welcme home party that centers on the new family member you will be bring with you.

My best advice to you is to wait until your baby's 1st birthday. Let the thought of you not having a baby shower go and leave it in the past. Don't let it eat away at you. Don't let it bring you down. Don't let it destroy your spirit. Stay focused on what's happening today and for your future. Most importantly, the health of your baby. That's what's most important for you right now. You have lots of planning to do for your move. You do not need the stress of having a baby shower or party of any type. Other than, maybe a going away party ;) LOL! Stay confident and may God renew your spirit. Try not to be so competitive with your sister... be happy with what she has and be happy with what you have because that's what God wants for both of you. Have faith trust in Him.

Many Blessings and Best Wishes,

S..
www.ohsobella.com

Dear D.,
I am old enough to be your mother so I am speaking with more years of wisdom,experience and compassion. This is not meant to hurt your feelings, only to help you see the issues more clearly.

Having "things", material goods, is nice and helpful but is not an indication of love. Because either family did not give you a baby shower does not mean they don't love you or your baby.

Because your sister had a difficult, unexpected pregancy and you suffered miscarriages before having your child is not a reward/punishment. A shower is not a reward, it's a celebration. Sister received the attention of family because they were nearby. Had you been near your family when you were having difficulties, they would have been more supportive of you. It is nobody's fault you were far away.

Some people have children they don't want and others who want babies can't have them. That is a sad fact.

A young unmarried teen should not be punished by withholding a baby shower because she got the cart before the horse. She may need the goods more than another. (I realize this is not your issue, but a simple perspective about what people need/ deserve.)

You said your mom Wanted Badly to give you a shower, but due to time and money constraints, it didn't happen Because you didn't want your mom stressed or burdened. You behaved maturely by not insisting or behaving badly for not receiving what you hoped for. Many children grow and prosper without a swing, playpen, diaper changer, walker, and all the goods that can be found. You and your husband bought the necessities for your son. That is what responsible parents do is provide food, clothing and shelter for their children. One thing I hope you have is a carseat for your baby. If you don't, then get one immediately.

Your son did not miss out on a shower and gifts. You missed having the recognition, celebration and gifts. There is no reason you can't bake a cake and have a friends and family celebration for your child when you move back to Michigan.

You are not a brat, D., you are just young and haven't lived long enough to recognize that feelings are not facts. You have it better than you realize. That will become clearer to you in about 20 yrs or so.

EVERY BABY PROSPERS WITH LOVE.
BABIES FAIL TO THRIVE THEN DIE WHEN LOVE IS NOT GIVEN.

My 3 college graduates and one attending college prospered without a lot of extras. I was a SAHM. They got my undivided attention. We always showed them love and read to them daily. At the library, books don't cost a dime.

I wish you peace, C.

D. I understand your dilemma well let your adoring 7 mo baby boy have a great 1st bday. I can understand the hurt when you see your sister get what you should of have. I have 2 daughters of my own now Mommies of there own..I love both of them but with the finacial situation I couldn't make a shower for the youngest but she was blessed with a great Mother in law. I know she felt hurt but I explained to her and I helped a little. My oldest had twins which they are 9yrs old now.. I feel pain in your part don't worry about what your sister has.This is an advice I give my daughters
Don't ever get jealous of each other because each of them are blessed different you love your children and don't worry what Family thinks. Do for yourself and for the kids, make your family happy. Tell me why do you want to go back to Michigan? I hope I can help you.

I am a grandmother of 7 Mother of 1 son and 2 daughters.I love my grandkids and let me tell you I have to travel dwn South to see just 1 of them. The other 6 well they just happen to live in the town..

Congrats on the baby-espically after the long hard road it took for him to get here. My mom absoultly refused to have anything to do with my shower except show up. She said family wasnt suppose to throw showers only friends. It was totally not like her and completly odd. Even after a hosts mom died of cancer she still was no help. Now our son is 9 months old and she has only bought him a hand full of clothes from garage sales or other hand me down items. Since I was 14 she has been begging for grand kids. I dont know whats up. But at the same time I dont want to ask. I feel like she would be rude. As for your mom being overly nice to the daughter that didnt even want a baby. I bet thats exactly why she is doing so much. So she subconcisouly sees that its nice to have a baby because of all the attention she gets. Its wrong but perhaps thats whats going on. Sorry your having a hard time. I would just nix the idea of family giving you a shower and not have too high hopes for Christmas or birthday gifts. It is dissapointing to see other people doate over other babies and mommas when your high and dry scratching your head as to why? God bless your little one.

Because you're just moving there, it would be appropriate to throw a late shower. I know the etiquette books say that family aren't supposed to throw showers because it's like asking for gifts for themselves, but I think that's outdated. I'm sure that comes from a time when extended families often lived together, and we don't anymore. Therefore, I think it's fine for your mom to throw a shower (as long as it's not you or your husband), and I think the other idea about doing everything yourself and putting your mom's name on the invitation as host would be perfect if she's have money problems right now. The guests would never have to know that you provided the food, etc.

The bday party would also be a fine substitute, especially since you've had a shower in Texas from your friends (so you do have one to put in the baby book), but if you have a bday party, don't advertise a registry.

Don't feel bad about anything, your feelings are normal, and okay. Baby showers are a big part of the joy and celebration of welcoming a new life into your family. A lot of people now do a "Sip 'N See" party after the baby is born to show him to family and friends. This would be perfect for you since you are moving back, and people have either not seen your son yet, or not in a few months, and they change so quickly. It doesn't have to be expensive. Just have your mom send an evite to everyone, buy a cake from a grocery store - they have cute cupcake/cake ones that they can put any design on (or in the shape of a onesie or something else cute). That would be about $15. Paper plates/napkins, some fruit and veggie trays ($30), muffins, chips/dip, tea, etc. or something easy if you plan it between mealtimes so you don't have to feed everyone... You can even plan everything yourself and have your mom look like she did it all - you know she wants to, but it might be easier if you did it for her and she got to claim hosting rights. :) Good luck and congrats to you on your sweet baby boy!

It is not appropriate for a family member to throw a shower, however, if your mom threw a shower for your sister, I would be hurt and disappointed as well. Try the birthday thing :)

Well first off, I can totally understand that you could feel slighted because having a shower is sort of a special thing. I think the best thing would be to go ahead and as you have done acknowledge those feelings and forgive your mom. Actually saying in your heart that you forgive your mom for not giving you a shower is a wonderful way to release any leftover hurt feelings and feelings are just what they are and they tend to nag at you if not dealt with. After that, I think that your first birthday idea sounds great. But I don't know about the registry idea. I have never seen that done so I honestly just don't know if that is a cool ediquette thing or not. Best wishes to you and your family on your upcoming move! :)

I think your hurt is totally understandable. I wouldn't wait till his birthday because its going to be a birthday party. It will never fill the void of not having a special baby shower. When you went back home did all of the family see him? Did the family send gifts? Maybe you could have your sister, mom,friends,or all to help you with a shower. After you get settle in your new place have the shower.

Hi, D.. You've sure had a lot of responses to this question! I absolutely love the "better late than never" shower! I adopted my daughter at 3 months and my friends threw me a shower a couple of months later. It was terrific because a lot of people got to meet Lexi for the 1st time.

As to who hosts the event, I say, who cares! If you're moving around a lot, it's hard to have a friend available to step up and do it. Ask a friend or a cousin or something, tell them to keep it simple and not spend a lot of money (or offer to reimburse them for monies spent on cake and decorations). I've also seen showers at restaurants so that there is no dealing with decorations and cakes and such.

If in the end, no one steps up, then throw it yourself. Get registered somewhere, send out some invites and have a blast! As Babys 'R Us told me, register for EVERYTHING in all price ranges and don't be embarrased. Giving the givers a choice is great; those who can do more will and those who can't don't have to.

So, from a Southern Gal, just enjoy it and don't worry about who did or didn't volunteer. Just make it a funny situation and have fun with it!

Good luck!!!!

D.,
I'm sitting here drinking my morning coffee trying to figure out how to begin an answer to you. While my understanding is that a baby shower is to be given before the birth, (and quite frankly I don't see a problem with having one before each child)Your story is very touching on many levels.
Let me first say that my prayers of blessings are on you, your husband and your baby boy. I am sure he was worth the wait and I am sorry for you passed heartaches.
Let me also say that it is nice that you are compassionate and understanding about your sister, while at the same time, you WERE going through a rights of passage and it went unchecked.
I think, in your case, you have every right to stand up and ask for a 1 year birthday shower along side your son's first birthday. Normally I would think that such a request would be selfish and an attention getter, but that is definitely not the case with you. You have earned a special day with special recognition, and having your beautiful gift of a child with you for this event seems highly appropriate.
If your family is unable to give this to you, I live in the Houston area, contact me and we will put together a birthday bash/shower and we'll do it up right! I am sure all the other mom's on here wouldn't mind joining in.
God bless and keep us posted. Best of luck to you.
Deborah

I agree that it is NEVER too late to have a shower. Many cultures don't believe in giving gifts until after the baby is born anyway. So have a "better late than never" shower!!! You could theme it out and make it cute. You can also blame the fact that you live out of town on why it wasn't thrown sooner. Also, showers do not have to be expensive. You can make a cake and serve punch and play silly shower games. Honestly, people don't go to showers for the food, they are there to support someone that they love. It's that whole, "it takes a village" thing. You aren't suppose to have to do it all on your own. And I agree that we probably don't need half the stuff we get, but come on! All the "stuff" is fun, especially with a new baby. And I wish I had a magic answer of how to ask your Mom to do it. Maybe just mention that you don't have everything you need yet and would she mind hosting a shower? Tell her you will bake the cake and make the punch. Good luck to you! Moving back home can be wonderful and stressful all at the same time!!! : )

I would forget about the shower. It's one of those downfalls of living so far away from family. It's very sad, but at this point, everyone is probably thinking you have everything you need. Don't forget, Christmas will be here soon. Relatives often ask for ideas when shopping for children. I know we do in our family. And then in another few months, his birthday. He will receive more stuff. I don't think I would even register. That seems kinda bold to me. I have never heard of anyone registering for a birthday party. People bring gifts to a birthday party because they want to celebrate the person and not feel that there is a certain requirement.

D.,

I know you've already had lots of responses, but I wanted to add something to think about and I hope others will read it too. I read and skimmed some of your responses and I didn't see what I have to pass along to you and the forum in general.

I completely understand your feelings. In fact, anyone who has siblings understands. What you have described is common sibling rivalry: wanting a turn to be in the spotlight. I am number five of six myself. We scrambled for center stage and for our parents' attention, so believe me, I am not judging you. Everyone has a problem with greed, it may look different in someone else's situation but greed and coveting is human nature. And it is what got America in the current financial crises. Google the word greed.

"Baggage" about siblings adds up over the years and sibling rivalry issues get passed from one generation to the next. I am now old enough for time to pass in my own family to see it. The oldest of my siblings is 67 and the youngest is 51. I remember my older siblings being extremely competetive about grades. Then, I watched my older sister's two daughters as they grew up pick at each other competing who's the best at... One neice is now 40 years old and the other 38 and they still put down the other when I talk with one on the phone. They have issues as to how the other parents their children, or whose kids are smartest, better in sports, etc. This problem is now visable in the third generation. The neice who is 38 has two children over the age of 18. Favoritism and sibling rivalry split that family. The youngest child left home in high school and has no relationship with her mom and brother. She has grown up feeling unloved and second best, and unworthy compared to her brother.

Another thing that doesn't ever change is birth order and the roles we play no matter how old we are. I've watched my mother and her two sisters, all of them in their eighties squabble over a domino game and then try to pull the middle child in as the referee...just like old times decades before. When I am with my older siblings I constantly remind them "I am not 10, I am 54 years old, quit bossing me around!"

My parting advice is to do some soul searching to get to the bottom of your feelings. Work them out with yourself and move on. It will bring peace to YOU and your offspring. None of us are perfect and hopefully we will all work towards passing the best attitudes and traits we can to our children and future grandchildren. I know you're moving "back home" but to work it out may (or may not) mean to distance yourself a little to keep your feelings from getting hurt.

WOW, what a conundrum. I would definitely have a big 1ST birthday blowout.
Now when you move home...you can have a "meet the baby" party. A lot of different cultures celebrate the birth after the babies arrival.
Good Luck...have a safe move..!

I think babies should be celebrated. But a shower is offered, not requested. Usually it is not supposed to be thrown by the mother of the mom to be or dad to be etiquette wise.
If you really want to have something, throw a meet and greet when you get settled. Do NOT register for that or for the birthday party. If people ask what baby needs you can mention a few items (I would not mention furniture, swing etc).
It sucks that your mom threw one for your sis and not you. It also sucks that no one is your DH's family offered, but such is life and now it is time to let it pass and enjoy this wonderful miracle you guys went through so much for.

Of COURSE have one even a bit late! I never got one, no one even offered! Like, you, I feel slighted I don't know if my sister got one since I didn't hear about one so I'm just assuming she would've since she was the favorite. I didn't even get offered a bridal shower so feel priviledged that someone wants to give you one which so you richly deserve! Having a baby takes a LOT of needs so if you can get some help w/the needed items via baby shower by all means have one anyway! At least already having the baby, people will know what you need & what to get! Good luck!

Hi there! I know how you feel, we didn't get a baby shower either. Ours was a different circumstance, he was born 6 weeks preemie, just didn't want to wait anymore! lol..Both my mother and my husband's mother wanted to each throw us a baby shower before the baby was born, but that didn't happen of course. What I would suggest would be a "welcome home baby" shower. No, it's not too late, or if you would feel better you could have a "diaper shower". A diaper shower is where everyone brings you diapers and wipies and if they'd like something else. YOu can still register at target and wal-mart, babies'r'us...etc...some stores will even give you little notes to put in the invitations to let your guests know where you are registered! If you are on a budget, just do something simple with a nice cake and punch if you don't feel like going all out. I know it's a little humbling, we all want to go all out when we have our baby! LOL ...hey if nothing else , just throw baby a huge 1st birthday party!!
.... I hope this helps!

Hi D.. I get the feelings, right or wrong. When I had my 2nd noone stepped up and offered, let alone asked if I wanted one. I justified it that I was having another girl and had stuff from the first. Well, 9 years later, I remarried, got pregnantand moved to another state. My friends back home, knowing I was visiting shortly before my due date, didn't "throw anything" together either. My sister convinced me to register since it made it easier for her. She was the only one who sent me something. We needed everything but a cradle( i had kept the one my other 2 used) It wasn't the point of not getting presants but that my friends weren't involved. Most of them didn't even send a gift after her birth or for her 1st birthday. Again, not the issue of the gift( but it does sound selfish) It's like it wasn't important enough since I wasn't down the street. Plan your baby's 1st b-day party and let them all know you registered to make choosing things easier. That way they can have the items shipped as well. Christmas is also around the corner. IT's hard but I'm sure it wan't to make you feel bad.

L.

Dear D.--I've never heard of a baby shower AFTER the baby has arrived unless his/her birth occurred prematurely. I think you should arrange a 1st birthday party for him and register him at your local baby supply store for the things you still need.

As for the issue with your sister--face it, she lived closed to your Mom, and your Mom could actually do things for her that she couldn't do for you. I'm sure your Mom feels really bad about not being able to have a shower for you, but you're right. To bring it up now would only hurt her feelings. My advice to you is to let it go. Circumstances just weren't in your favor. Now that you're moving back home, this issue shouldn't occur again.

Have fun planning your little guy's party. Just remember, the simpler, the better. He'll probably have more fun with the ribbons that the actual presents!

Since you are moving back "home", how about a homecoming party that you could even host. In the invitation, do put gift registry places - even ones you might like - Home Depot....
This way it is a gathering of friends and family to welcome all of you home and your little one to the community.

In my opinion requesting a shower for yourself is tacky, very tacky. I also think that registering for things for a first birthday is also very tacky. As far as things for your baby go, you have made it this far. It is not the responsibility of friends and family to "provide" you with things you will need in the early years of child-rearing, that is the job of you and your husband and you seem to managing just fine.

I agree that after 4 miscarriages, your son should be celebrated and you are doing that by loving him so dearly. We all have different journey's in TTC, pregnancy and childbirth and sometimes things get overlooked due to someone/something else being more pressing. Continue to love your child and try to enjoy the possibility of having your sister close and having something as special as cousins born close together and raised close to bring the competition between you and your sister to a close.

Good Luck.

This child should definitely be celebrated, after you have had four miscarriages. It really is a good thing to have the baby at the shower because if you think about it he can be an active part of the party make it a homecomming party/baby shower and ask for the things you need to make your home livable with your baby and his needs. Forget about the sibling rivalry thing enjoy life and love your sister talk it out with your mom and sister you will feel much better.