24 answers

Has Anyone Used a Doula?

Hello,
I am thinking about using a doula with this pregnancy, and wondered if anyone else has. I brought it up last time to my husband, and he seemed offended. I think he feels like the doula would replace his role. How can I explain it to him? I have tried, but it doesn't seem to work. My husband is a great guy, but I don't think he understands why I want additional support. I had a pain mediaction-free birth (aside from preeclampsia meds and pictocin! YUCK!), and am hoping for a better experience this time. Thanks for any advice!
E.

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Featured Answers

Hiya-

I've used Tanya McHale as well and she was WONDERFUL! I highly recommend her! Here's her website. http://www.tanyamchale.com/

Take care!

M. :-)

1 mom found this helpful

Hi-

I had a doula (volunteer from the hospital) for my first child. My husband told me that he can't imagine going thru that birth without her. She helped with everything and she and hubby were like a team. I would've had a doula with #2 except there was no time for her to get there b/c it went so fast. I know doula's are now getting involved in pregnancies even before you get to the hospital...so I think that's wonderful too and would ALWAYS recommend using one. I even considered becoming one because I was so inspired by her and how she helped me. I wanted to do the same for other women!

Hope this helps!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Hi-

I had a doula (volunteer from the hospital) for my first child. My husband told me that he can't imagine going thru that birth without her. She helped with everything and she and hubby were like a team. I would've had a doula with #2 except there was no time for her to get there b/c it went so fast. I know doula's are now getting involved in pregnancies even before you get to the hospital...so I think that's wonderful too and would ALWAYS recommend using one. I even considered becoming one because I was so inspired by her and how she helped me. I wanted to do the same for other women!

Hope this helps!

1 mom found this helpful

E.,

I used a doula when my son was born in August 2006. I HIGHLY recommend it! So would my husband! My husband and I interviewed doulas and chose ours together. I think that helped. She was very nonjudgmental about the father's role and was a great asset to BOTH of us. Especially, since I was 2 weeks and 1 day postdue, I had to be induced in the hospital and we were in the hospital for 30+ hours before my son was actually born. Needless to say, we were TIRED so having our doula available to allow my husband a break (get coffee, etc.) and offer support was great. Most doulas we spoke with were clear that they are not there to "replace" the husband/partner, but rather to lend their expertise and support. Our goal was to find a doula that didn't have an agenda and was not judgemental about our choices during the birth process. She was also readily available to keep constant communication with the nurse and our midwife as well so my husband could focus on my (and his) emotional/physical state as well. She was also available during pregnancy "on call" with any questions/concerns I had about pregnancy.

1 mom found this helpful

I used one as well along with the Bradley method and I had a 9lb 7 oz baby girl without any drugs. I would use one again and again.

My husband had the same thoughts yours does. he didn't want to be replaced and he was also upset that I thought I needed someone else to get through what should be a special time between the two of us. Looking back, he is happy that we made the decisions we did. What helped him was talking with other dads who had a doula present at their child/rens birth. He was able to ask questions and see what they thought. I hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

I used a doula for my first pregnancy and I thought she was wonderful. My husband was good, but the doula was better. Tell your husband to get over it. He should want what is best for you. If you would like a referral, please let me know. I recommended her to a friend of mine and she loved her too.

1 mom found this helpful

Well, I am a doula so I am biased :) but doulas are a wonderful help for moms and dads. If you check out the website www.dona.org you can read about doulas and dads. I think it's normal for dads to question a doula at first but most are totally sold after the birth.

Also, studies have shown that doulas help reduce unnecessary c-sections and other interventions that can have lasting effects. There have also been studies that show continuous female labor support shortens labors. This is the first time in history women have been expected to give birth without knowledgable female companionship. In the past a woman was aided by a midwife and female family members. Since you already have a baby you know a doctor does not provide labor support. Midwives are better, but may not necesarily be able to be there the whole time. Also, doulas should not only advocate for those wanting to go med free, but to help all women achieve the birth they desire. Good luck with your birth.

1 mom found this helpful

E.,
I have used a doula and I am a doula. My husband loved it. Actually, with my last child, I had 2 doulas, a midwife and my husband and it was the best by far. My husband said it was just great and he would of did it all 3 times had he known and I was not a doula when I had the other kids so I really did not know much about them then. I have a website that has a dads and doulas page. my website is www.tendermomentsdoula.com. And I have alot of other info on dads and doulas if you are interested. If you would like to contact me, let me know and I will give you my number. I also have some references on my website from dads and moms so your husband can look at those. The biggest myth is that doulas replace dads, and that is the farthest from the truth. It really frees the dad up, to love the mom and participate at the level he is most comfortable with. I hope this has helped you.

S. Bailey CLD
Aurora
www.tendermomentsdoula.com

1 mom found this helpful

I used a doula with both of my pregnancies and wouldn't have it any other way. Like the person who noted that her doula was as much help to her as her husband, we found that my partner got as much support from Rita as I did. The prenatal massage and massage during labor were hugely helpful and comforting to me. In my first pregnancy, we were trying for a water birth, but my labor stalled...I ended up getting an epidural and delivering in the bed. Rita was great with helping us find positions that could give me some comfort and hope to kick start my labor and then was a great benefit after the epidural because I needed a lot more physical support once I couldn't use my legs. With my second pregnancy, I was having twins and a nonmedicated birth wasn't an option, nor was using the midwives who delivered our first. We had to get permission to use our doula again since the birth plan for multiples is pretty high-intervention, involves an already huge number of people and must happen in a surgical suite just in case. I'm very glad we did because once again, Rita was a huge help to both of us, gave Alex breaks when she needed them and gave us a measure of control over a very different birth than what we would have wanted if risk wasn't an issue. In both cases, she even came to the hospital to give me a massage the day after the birth (those were seriously the two most wonderful, and needed, massages of my life!!). Your husband shouldn't be threatened by the involvement of a doula but rather welcome her as an extra pair of hands to give him the freedom to fully enjoy this amazing experience. Because Rita was by my side, I was comfortable telling Alex to be with the babies after the birth while I was delivering the afterbirth and getting stitched up. I didn't want the babies to be alone and I'm glad she was free to go tend to them. I'd be delighted to give you a referral...Rita is now one of my very dear friends and is known to our 3 boys as the woman who "helped them get born!"

1 mom found this helpful

Dear E., I am a doula in New Lenox, and I also had a doula for one of my births, my last, I wish I had a doula for all of them. I wish you the best with your pregnacy and if you have any questions or concerns please feel free to call, D. Conte at 815/474-1678 or email me at ____@____.com

1 mom found this helpful

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