Hard Time Accepting Help from Family Members

Stop looking at the arrangement as help. It's bonding time for your children and their grandparents. Obviously it's not helping you. It's making life more difficult because of your feelings.

You can change your feelings by changing the way you look at it. Instead of telling yourself you hate it, tell yourself it's good for the kids. Stop with the negative thoughts until the positive ones become true.

I suggest you rearrange your schedule so you do have something to do while they're gone. Use the time you were using to do those things to do things with your children. The best of both worlds.

I have always made a point of having my daughter spend time with both sets of grandparents from a pretty young age. I'm a SAHM and when she was younger I needed the break anyway. As she got older, she was able to have experiences with them (mostly my FIL & MIL as they are a bit younger and have more energy than my parents). She enjoyed her time with them and they enjoyed her. My FIL passed away a few months ago and I'm SO glad she has memories of him doing things with her. Unfortunately, our parents aren't going to be around forever. It's important that our kids have some memories of them. I grew up without any grandparents and I always feel like I missed something. Having said that, my husband has a nephew who is exactly my daughter's age (11). He never spent much time with his grandparents even though he lives within 10 minutes of them. He never slept at their house or took more than maybe a once a year day trip with them if that. When my FIL passed away even my daughter remarked how sad it was that her cousin hadn't had much "fun time" with pop-pop.
As long as the grandparents are responsible and aren't doing your children any harm, let them go and let them see YOU'RE happy that they spend time with them. Don't let your kids think you'll miss them too much - they'll feel responsible for your happiness and may not want to go themselves. Find a new hobby, have coffee with a friend, take a walk, watch a movie, read, get a pedicure (love them) - do something for YOU.

I like my kids with me too. They are always around, because we don't have family in town. I wish my kids could be in a fun place while I did grocery shopped and cleaned house. Not for me, but for them. Save your errands and housecleaning for when the kids are gone. Not for you, but for them.

NO! I cannot relate! Girl! You are lucky and I gotta admitt, i'm kind'a jelous! I wish my inlaws did things like that for me! Instead I am the one that take's the kids over there to see them-even though the in laws can care less- it is important for all children to have that special relationship with their grandparents. Why not go and join your children and visit with them? I'm sure your in laws won't mind. Be thankful, take it from me! I went to give birth to our youngest child and my husband and I were both begging his parents to watch our two older one's just until I delivered our 3rd, yet my husband ended up taking them to my sisters house. Our children are well behaved and don't fight so I still don't understand why my in laws are like that, But enjoy the fact that your inlaws are doing that and showing your children that they love them.
Or why not make plans to go out to the beach or something as a family including your in laws? Or to the zoo? I say join them, get in on the fun! Let them give your children wonderful memories for them to have when they get older...
P.S. I wish my family lived in the same state as me, otherwise i would probably have my parents nagging me to send them over there! And that's ok aslong as I know they are building memories together!

I agree fully with Marda P. Look at it as bonding time with grandparents, not help from the grandparents. Arrange your schedule so you do have things to do if you feel that you need to occupy your time to keep your mind busy.

At times I do start missing my daughter when she is hanging out with the grandparents or even with daddy out and about. What I do is take a bath, watch tv, read a book, take a nap, work on my garden, go to a coffee shop and enjoy a cup of joe with out the kid, lastly I usually leave some shopping for that day (it usually goes quicker with out my daughter tagging along).

I get it. You're not alone. Yes, you need to be grateful, but in my case, anyway, my kids are spoiled in a way that we can't afford to, nor do I always approve. My kids aren't disciplined with them and it takes all week to recover. I just had my 3rd and the month leading into that -when I really needed help - man - was I grateful, but just 4 days after giving birth - while my MIL was helping my son get stuff together to do an overnight -I heard my son say "I don't love my other grandmother". (my mom - who doesn't spoil them with weekly pony rides and lunch and ice cream out - an who lives 2 hours away, works, and just doesn't see them as much) It made me sad, but it infuriated me that my MIL didn't jump in and say something like - You are lucky to have 2 wonderful grandmothers - instead she hugged him. Well, i have bit off my nose to spite my face and pulled back quickly from their help - really b/c I'm annoyed by their indulgence with my kids. As a parent - I can't be "on" all day every day and give my kids that attention and all those treats, but after a month with 3 kids - I was eager for their help again. We dropped them off for an overnight, b/c my husband was called out of town and me and the baby wanted to go with him. We arrived and were told that grandma was bringing them to the circus in an hour! This is typical for them and it does make them the "favorite" grandparents, but I also realize how wonderful it is for my kids to go do something special and get that attention after a month of trying to balance a newborn and being a good mom. So, this is where I join in with the others...try to be grateful for it. Maybe instead of once a week - make it a weekend a month - and enjoy your grown up time? or indulge in yourself that 1 day. Or if it just doesn't work for you - then just cancel here and there. "sorry, we don't need help this thursday - I'm taking the kids to the lake, or a library event, or for a hike, or a playdate with so and so...." you're the momma, so take charge and avoid making it an "issue" - b/c that just isn't good for anyone :)

Yes, you should be grateful. I have my inlaws pretty close as well, but my girls are #32 & #33 for grandchildren for them. I only ask them to watch the kids if I absolutely need to. I know that they would do it in a heart beat if they had nothing else going on and they could do it once a week, but they are super busy so I wouldn't. They get one on one time with them every week? That's awesome! All of your errands and housework are done during the week? Does that mean that they are going to Gram & Gramps on the weekends? Maybe you can switch the day that they go see them? Maybe instead of dragging the kids with you to do errands they can spend that day with them? Just a thought. I bet you won't miss them when you are at the grocery store, dry cleaners, or standing in line at the Post Office. I love my kids with all of my heart, but if my inlaws took them once a week, I think I would love them (my kids) even more!! lol :)

Try to look at it a different way. This time is a critical time for your kids to get to know their grandma and grandpa! Cherish that and support their pursuit of a relationship. There are so many kids without gma and gpa, they would love to be in your position. During your time without them, go do something fun just for you! Take a walk, hike, swim, watch a movie, do your nails, take a bubble bath, sing out loud alone in the house, talk with a friend, make a crafty thing that you wanted to try etc. There are so many things you can do with your time. If you try to look at it differently, then things will change. GL

M

Its hard to be away from your kids, but you need to learn to be okay with it. Its only 1 day a week, and it frees you up so that you can have you time. Take advantage of it, and go do what you want. Go to the park, read a book, like you said go to the gym, or save a few errands from the week and do them then.

You are lucky. Lucky to have in laws who want to be with your children, and even though they "hover" they sound like they love them and take good care of them.

I wish that I could GET help! I never get any time for myself, and I love my son more than life itself, but it would be nice if I could get a few hours to myself a day a week.

Learn to enjoy it, not many other Mom's are as fortunate as you.