Hands in the Pants...

Updated on May 18, 2008
A.W. asks from Joppa, MD
13 answers

My 5yr old son has a very bad habit of adjusting himself when we are out in public. He will just reach in his pants and "fix" himself without requard to where we are. I have told him numerous times that that should be done in the bathroom, but he still does it whereever we are. Also he does it many times a day. I have tried buying him different underwear, but that has not helped. I need to know if anyone has had any luck getting their little boy to understand that this is not appropriate behavior.

Thanks Much
A.

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D.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Thats probably why they invented belts to make it hard for all guys to juggle thier jewels. Good Luck

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Here is something to try. When he does this, make him stop what he is doing, and go to the bathroom to wash his hands. He did something that put germs on his hands, so he needs to wash his hands. If a bathroom isn't around, hand him a wet one or purell.
M.

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T.K.

answers from Washington DC on

Dear A.,

I have raised 2 sons. It is very "boy" behavior.
Have you tried boxers? My guys greatly preferred them to briefs even at age 4. Much more comfortable. Also, relaxed fit jeans seem to give them more room.
Other than that, keep reminding him. Eventually peer pressure may nip it.

But, let's face it the male species has always had and will continue to have a fascination with with their genitals. :)

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J.F.

answers from Richmond on

My son wasn't very big on "adjusting" himself in public, but he WAS apt to strip down naked in public. We tried for a long time to explain to him that this just isn't done in public and he should go to his room or the bathroom if he wants to do that kind of thing. It didn't really help. When he stripped down in school, one of the teachers didn't know exactly how to handle the situation and told him that the little girls would laugh at him if he did it. I don't necessarily think that is the best approach, but having pointed out that it's inappropriate was not sufficient. Giving him an understanding of WHY it's inappropriate (at the very least, how others perceive the behavior) seemed to work.

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K.S.

answers from Washington DC on

A.,
I have three boys (almost 14, 10, and 6). I still have to remind them not to fix in public. But then again I still remind them to not burp or pass gas in public. Boys are different creatures. However, I believe it is my job to teach them good manners. Simply say that it is not appropriate in public to fix himself. I also tell my boys that I don't want to see that. Don't raise your voice or get upset, just remain calm. Sometimes, boys like the reaction the get. Strange but true.

I have no idea if there is truly a need to fix. I don't have those parts. Under no circumstances, tell your son that touching is dirty or bad. The touching is not inappropriate. It's his body. It is the place that is inappropriate.

My boys do it less in front of their grandma than in front of me so they must have some control. However, grandma doesn't say a thing about it. With 9 grandsons (3yr-21yr), I think she refuses to let it upset her.

Good luck.

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E.T.

answers from Washington DC on

I have a nearly 40 year old coworker who does this all the time.

I have no advice. I just wish someone had taught my coworker.

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C.P.

answers from Washington DC on

A.,

I have a five year old as well. He has begun to adjust himself more frequently now that he has hit hi most recent growth spurt. I also noticed last time I helped him out of the bath that one of his testes was dropping more prominently than the other. I decided that that is probably the reason for the more frequent adjustment. Warmer weather is here and his little body is going through a growth spurt so things are begining to shift and move in a way that he isn't used to yet. My husband told me that he remembers when he was around 6 he developed an issue with noticing anytime he was hot or sweaty and his mom started getting him to apply baby powder after the bath and it helped.

We have a long road ahead with our sons but with gentle reminders of decency and talks with dad things will eventually beome clear in the wee boys brains.

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M.B.

answers from Washington DC on

I don't have any boys, but from what my husband says, it is probably getting a bit sticky from sweat and the warmer weather. Baby powder could help his parts not stick, and also boxer briefs are best for comfort. The seams don't interfere like regular boxers can do with a lot of movement, and it is less restricting than briefs.

And also, having seen a lot of friends that have boys, your boy's behavior is totally normal.

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K.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi A.,

As the mom to 2 boys (ages 12 & 10), I can tell you that this is normal boy behavior. He won't do this in public forever, but do keep reminding him that this is something private and he needs to go into his room or the bathroom. I think the idea about washing hands afterwards is a good one.

I don't think it is appropriate to shame him or punish him. To do so is to make him feel that his body is dirty or shameful in some way. Bear with him and just keep reminding him of what to do. I constantly reminded my boys that it was ok to do this, but that noone else wants to see it, so they need to go to their room or the bathroom. While my sons are still somewhat "obsessed" with that body part, they do not adjust themselves in public.

Hang in there & save the punishment for true behavior issues.

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K.S.

answers from Washington DC on

I will be interested in reading your replys. I have a son now and dread the time when he starts doing those "boy things". He is almost 2 now and occasionally will touch himself when we change him. We tell him no dont touch it its dirty...and it is...it has pee on it, so thats not a lie. We tell him "stinkywinky", and he says ewww, lol. I know its normal and not bad and all that and no he isnt going to grow up thinking his body is "dirty"..... thats all nonsense.
But have you tried to figure out if its a habit or if maybe he has an itch or maybe it just feels good. A habit will pass, and itch can get treated but the feel good part...thats the tough one. Try to catch him in the "act" and let him know that he should save that for private time. Just keep catching and reminding, maybe that will help.
If nothing else maybe it truly is an adjustment. TMI: my husband is constantly adjusting his equipment. Drives me crazy. He will walk right up to my mom adjust hisself and start talking to her. Its blantantly obvious that he is doing it but he honestly does not think about it at all. I have pointed it out to him on several occassions and he's like...I did? He needs to wear tidy whities but refuses. He does it so much that his crotch wears out of his jeans before anything else does. It turns white and gets holes. Its ridiculous. I told him he should get a "nut reduction" like women get breast reductions, LOL.
Ok sorry to share such private info, but I couldnt help myself. lol.
GL.

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T.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Try removing his hands and not saying a word. The less attention you call to it the better. Carry hand sanitizer with you and use it often. I think all boys do it and eventually, it will go away.

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K.H.

answers from Dover on

Have you tried to handle it as any other type of inappropriate behavior, and discipline him as so? I don't have a boy, so of course I don't have this issue. But just reading this, that is what comes to mind. If he doesn't get it with you explaining it to him as you do now, maybe just furthering it and disciplining him when he does not in the bathroom, and maybe he will get that he really needs to stop. He is 5, so I am guessing he most likely truly understands what you are telling him, and if you've explained the germ issue to him, at least that as well should be easy for him to understand. And maybe you just need to "lay down the law" more firmly that it will not be tolerated.
K.

D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi A.,

Ask your son, Honey, do you have a problem with your underwear?

Tell him whatever is worrying you about his pulling on his pants.

May I ask, What is bothering you about his hands in his pants?

Just want to know. Thanks. D.

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