I think it's hard to give good advice because every kid is different . . . but I have 4 of the -- all girls unfortunately (for "boy" type advice), but I thought I'd share about our kids. We have a 13 an a 15, and then we have a 24 and a 27.
When the 27 yr old was going into her sophomore year of high school she got her first summer job. That meant she didn't go on our family vacations from then until this summer - when she happened to get 3 days off while we were going to be camping; so she came with us. What a treat !!
The 24 year old is (this summer) working in France then in the fall goes gack to teaching high school FT. (she teaches French) There were times in high school that she came with us, and times she didn't.
when they didn't come, I did try to get them someone to stay at our house with them, or have them live with someone else. Partly because they were female, and partly because while we live in a very safe neighborhood, we are way out in the country and no one would otherwise be around to notice if something went horribly wrong.
I think I would bargain with your son. He doesn't want to come, and honestly, he's just about 18 and should begin to have a voice since soon he will be an "adult" under the law, even if he's still at home. There is another point, where as long as he's living in your house, howeer, he should abide by the rules of the household. Therefore, I think perhaps in a discussion, you could tell him that as long as he does the chores assigned to him, regularly, then you won't REQUIRE him to do more -- like require him to go to go visiting with you. It sounds like it could be awkward for a teenage boy to go and do the "family" thing with the steps. I would respect his choice on that, but definately use this as a bargaining chip on the cleaning end of things.
And, maybe with the cleaning, if he doesn't get it done on a timely basis, ask him WHEN he's planning to get it done, rather than telling him to do it. He already knows he has to do it. and, frankly, if he gets mad while he cleans ? As long as he isn't hurting anyone, what d'heck ? You can't expect people to change their feelings, but you can ask them not to take them out on people. (behavior) If he's doing what you ask, then don't push him to do it happily. :-) there will come a day when the fuss ends because he realizes it's not fazing you. Until then, ignore the tantrum, and thank him for doing it when he does it without being asked or reminded.
it sounds like a handful at the house ! and my hat is off to you !! I hope with everyone's comments you get a good sense of what others would do, and can come to a decision that works for your family. It's really nice to get input and have a variety of answers !!