Halloween Decision...

I often tell my daughter, "Different families do different things. This is how our family does it." If you feel comfortable, tell your son why you feel this way about Halloween.

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Honesty the preconception that Halloween is a devils holiday is wrong. It is not a celebration of the Devil. Please check out this link. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween

It started as a Celtic holiday and the celebration of the end of the harvest season. The costumes evolved from a belief that on this day the line between the living and the dead was disolved and the dead were dangerous to the living so the living dressed up to blend in and not be noticed by those that were dead. It is also the celebration of Christian Martyers.

The practice of dressing up in costumes and begging door to door for treats on holidays goes back to the Middle Ages, and includes Christmas wassailing. Trick-or-treating resembles the late medieval practice of "souling," when poor folk would go door to door on Hallowmas (November 1), receiving food in return for prayers for the dead on All Souls Day (November2)

But no one remembers any of this.

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Hi C.,

We never had that difficulty because we chose to homeschool. MY oldest is 16 and my youngest is 13 and we are now just running into them being included to participate. They truly understand what Halloween is and why we never "celebrated" it. And they are perfectly okay with it. It didn't scar them and they don't feel like they have been deprived of childhood joys. Just like you, we chose to tell them the truth about all holidays and they have still enjoyed them. (Personally, Halloween scared me to death as a kid and that was a time when it was considered safe.)

Since he will be with kids dressing up I would have no problem with him dressing up...a cowboy or farmer or something innocuous. I would explain to him that you don't "celebrate" but you can enjoy everyone else's enthusiasm! Like I said, my girls appreciate it...

God bless!

M.

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Well, this is one of those where it's certainly your business on how to raise your child, but I personally don't understand parents who don't want their children to experience certain childhood joys like trick-or-treating (or going to a fall carnival instead -something in a costume to have fun). It's actually my favorite holiday, and there's not much cuter than your little cherub dressed up and excited. You say you dressed him up once for pictures, so why is it a problem now? If you don't approve of the whole thing, why did you want pictures of it? If you want to explain Halloween to him, you can get incredibly detailed or just leave it with a simple explanation that once a year we all have fun and dress up on Oct. 31st and go from house to house getting treats. At his age, that's probably all you need to say. If you refuse to let him trick or treat near his house -perhaps there's a safety issue or you live in a place where it's not conducive -either take him to a different neighborhood or to one of the MANY trick or treating/Halloween parties in the metro areas -at malls, downtown and village areas, etc., but don't deprive him of a childhood joy -especially one that he will have to watch all of his friends and classmates enjoy. When he's your age if he chooses not to participate in the activities, then that's his choice.

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It's hard to answer your question since we don't know exactly what you object to. Halloween can be negative or positive. It's a day of pretending to be anything you want to be. You can have a halloween party with your friends and family making some silly treats and having a scavenger hunt ond other fun games. Fall festivals are fun, but I would suggest doing something fun that night. The next day at school kids will all be talking and you child will feel left out. Do something fun like any of the pumpkin patches, there's one thats a cowboy town petting zoo thing. Have fun play pretend and enjoy yourselves with what is comfortable to you.

J.

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http://www.halloweenishere.com/history.html
I have included this link that my middle schooler found when she wanted to learn the truth about the history of halloween. She was surprised to discover that it is a religious celebration.
As a parent it is our responsibility to give our children the tools to become independent. We should want them to have the ability to seek the truth and not live in fear for ignorance breeds fear and stupidity.
My advice is to explain halloween by learning it's history and how it has evolved and that there is a good side and a bad side to everything. Life and death- Heaven and hell.
My children and I have always loved halloween for the fun of it but not a way to see it thru a devils' eye or fear of death. It is used to celebrate the dead and the life of their soul. Think of all the good people you have known and have died and gone to heaven and celebrate them.
M.

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Tell him that while most people who "celebrate" Halloween do it in fun, some people use it as an excuse to be bad, and that's why you don't want him participating. If that's your reason.

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Although I did the candy begging thing as a child, we don't do it with our kids. Our faith leads us to celebrate the arrival of Fall with friends at church, or at some other event. That said, we do have the kids dress up :) That's the part they love, and if we go to an event where candy is distributed, we "trade" them for something else (like their favorite whole grain cookies, for example).

We homeschool, so they don't get the same inundation from friends around this holiday that most kids do, but it's still there, so we just try to make sure there is something fun for them to look forward to, that's an alternative. Fortunately, we live in the south, where there are many families who seek out a more wholesome experience for their kids!

There are a lot of churches that have fall festivals where the children can dress up a get candy and participate in fun activities without saying your celebrating halloween. I take my children to the fall festival at our church but, we also have a party at our house on halloween. We know we aren't celebrating anything bad. We are just having fun with friends. I also take them to a few houses right around our house so that they can say they went trick or treating. It's just all in how you approach it. If you really don't want your family to have anything to do with halloween then you just need to explain to your child why in a way that he will understand. But, if you are going to compromise and let him dress up, you still need to explain to him that it's just for fun. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Why do you choose not to participate? Did you dress up as a child? Do you remember the fun and excitement?
I do not know if it is a religious thing for you or a candy thing.
Churches have dress up fall carnivals, which is basically halloween without zombies, etc. They give candy out and play games and all that.
If it is a candy thing like it used to be for me, you can do what I used to do. I would call friends and family and arrange ahead of time for them to give fruit, healthy treats, or small cheap toys instead of candy. The first few years, we got so many banannas it was crazy- but lots of bananna bread was made. lol.
Just remember that children LOVE to play dress up, even if it is not halloween. Halloween just gives them a chance to dress up with friends. And it is fun.

Depending on how old he is and how much he's able to comprehend, I would say just be honest with him about what Halloween means (or doesn't mean) to you, and what it means to his friends. You could explain why you haven't let him participate before, and let him decide if he wants to participate this year. Or, if you decide you're not willing to bend, just tell him "we don't want you to participate, and this is why..." If you do let him decide on his own, it's important to be supportive either way and don't make him feel guilty for not siding with you.

You've gotten tons of responses but I guess before any of us form an opinion, I have some questions for you.....what is your take on Halloween? What do you feel is wrong about Trick or Treating? Is this for religious reasons, like being a Jehovia?

S.

C.,
There are some great books that explain the real story behind Halloween. I would check out Barnes and Noble and see what they have on-line.

C.,

I am 51 years old. My children ae 25,23,and 21. We each participated in tricker treating each year since they and i could walk! No or us , nay ont a one have turned into Devils, Deamons, or even a WITCH!! or WARLOCK!!!! So lighten up and let him enjoy one of the carefree joys of childhood. It not allow him to participate is to hold him out for all his friends to think of him as a "WIEDO" I remember when my mother would not allow us to watch LAUGH-IN in the 70's and everyone made fun of me! With over 100 total years of Hallowen behind my family and none of us having turned in to devil worshiping satanistic persons, I think you and your litle one are safe to enjoy visiting your neighbors with a costume on and sayig BOO to them in exchange for some candy!..

Some of my childrems fondest memories are of Halloween. We still love to laugh about when my son and his friends took pillow cases and got them filled up at one house because the man was tired of the door bell and so he dumped all his candy bars (the big ones) into his bag one year. He hit the mother load and we just laught about that to this day. Everytime we go by that mans house it is the same thing,"Remember when I got all those candy bars from that man who wanted to watch V so he just dumped all the candy into my pillow case!!!!" And the story still lives! Enjoy being a child with him - there are so few pure and true joys left in the lives of children these days.
Keep Mothering,

C.

I've been watching the history channel for sometime now and realize many cultures have many celebrations. I as a child dressed up and LOVED IT! never anything scary something I wanted to be or maybe something I would never be it's great to use fantsy and it's normal. (I mean really I don't think I'll ever be a tooth fairy and my time has passed to be a doctor) however i encourage my children to dress up, we celebrate just being something we might want to be or would like to be someday. I'm sad so many things are taken so seriously and adult since our children do not think in that manner they just want to have some fun. We also are going to our church and "Trunk or Treat" and we are going to my son's prek school (church) and it's a fall festival. At our home we have a bonfire and cook out hot dogs and marsh mellows on sticks. I think we make a celebration/holiday what we want of it in our family. We also are not Jewish but because I have had some wonderful friends that are we celebrate some of their holidays as well. Honestly, when your child is 10-12 yrs old he won't want to dress up. We don't go to any strangers homes we go to our neighbors on our street we know and our church. I say you don't have to approve but imagine how he feels at such a young age being left out?? We also make a donation to UNICEF with our tooth fairy money and other change we have gotten over the summer. It's up to you but it hurts to feel left out.

Well I think that you are going to confuse your child if you let him dress up at school but then tell him that you don't take him trick or treating. What is the reason that you don't like the trick or treat thing? Halloween does not always have to be ghost and witches. You could take your son to festivals at churchs or sometimes schools also have them.

You could always let him dress in a costume that you approve of--like fire fighter, favorite character, etc. Some of the costumes could be used for dress up play later rather than a one time use. Instead of trick or treating, you might find a fun fall festival to attend instead. A lot of churches have them.

Be honest with your child. Keep it simple but explain it to him.

On a side note:
We do a reverse trick or treat with our little one. Instead of asking our neighbors to give we bring them all a little fall decoration. (We have 5 elderly families on our street and I stick to them and our grandmas.) We make a little something and bring it over. We still participate in a sense.... but I am hoping little one will learn to give instead of to get from this.

If it's a candy thing, just make sure he has dinner before he goes out. He really can't eat *THAT* much at one time.

If it's a door-to-door thing, consider that it's not such a bad thing to know all the people on your street.
When my first was just two months old, we put him in a costume and took him door to door, and the neighbors just fell over themselves. It was a great way to introduce him and get to know the neighbors and figure out who else has kids similar ages. (We did that every year, and I don't think he even realized that he could get candy out of the deal until he was 4!)

If it's a religious thing, find some activities at the church, emphasize that All Hallows Eve preceeds All Saints Day, (it isn't the "devil's holiday"). Emphasize the traditional harvest aspect, carve a smiling pumpkin, dress up in fun costumes. Beth already sent you a link to the wikipedia history of Halloween, so I'll just say that it has a good explanation.

Try to find some way to celebrate that doesn't compromise who you are.

I agree with you on the whole trick or treating thing.I have and 8 yr and 5 yr old. I just don't approve of telling my kids that its ok to go knock on strangers doors to get candy or sometimes money, when I teach them not to talk to strangers..In school they do a dress up little parade and it would be unfair to mine if I don't let them. So we get a costume of their favorite book and dress in that or we make something.That way everybody is happy. On Halloween I take them to a church festival and they play games and earn there candy and any gifts. Nothing is just handed to them by just saying 3 words. I'm not religiously against it im just not wanting my kids to think that im hypocritically against it. I try not to tell\teach them too different things in life. I hope that this helps...

If the child is this young, I am guessing 4-5 if this is his first year at school. I would keep the explanation simple. That it is just a long time custom to dress up on this day. And maybe you could try going to a local fall festival at a church or school, a setting like that usually has games to play and hay rides, just good old fashion fun for the whole family to share, or some churches or local merchants offer a trunk or treat, where they decorate the back of their auto and give out candy in a parking lot, both are much safer than door to door, and you can limit the amount of candy your child collects. My kids dress up, but never in scary costumes. We do not go to the dark side of Halloween. But all kids need a little fantasy, imagination, to be whimsical at times.

When I was a kid, we weren't allowed to dress as witches, devils, etc. We generally got creative and made or helped make our costumes. One yr, my brother was a tube of toothpaste and I was a pile of leaves. We were allowed to trick or treat, only to the homes of people we knew.

I remember being invited to a "Haleluja" party on Oct 31. Which honestly..was a Halloween party but with a religous name change. not really my cup of tea, but that's what the family chose to do.

Also, so many churches offer fall festivals and have "trunk or treat". You might try that.

I have to agree with some other posters here: you can't allow them do dress up and then tell them they can't participate. That's not 100% fair. Try some of the other alternatives like having a get together at your home with a costume party r hit up one of the church festivals.

Hey C., we choose not to go trick or treating either. I personally don't like halloween. My 3 yr old daughter asks all kind of questions about "why is that cat scary" or "look mom a monster" when we are out and she sees all of the halloween decor. However, we go to a church that has a halloween alternative carnival every Oct 31st. We do allow her to dress up and we go to the church and let her enjoy seeing her friends and riding the rides. I was always told that halloween is "the devil's holiday". But I would have to disagree. The Lord made all of the days, why should we let the devil have one?!? We should all be able to enjoy every day and not hide one day out of the year. As my daughter gets older I will answer even harder questions, and that is okay. Maybe you can find a church in your area that has some sort of halloween alternative activity for the evening. Hope this helps

I agree with Julie B all of the way! Halloween is not evil, until a parent makes it seem so. What is the harm in trick or treating? If you only go to church gatherings, family, & neighbors you know. You have the option to make this a safe & fun time for your child. Did you never trick or treat? My favorite holiday!

When my children where small-- I would only let them dress as something funny or a Bible Person. I explained to them that this was no a holiday about God-- but they could make is a special day to honor Him by making people ask who they where and them being able to say-- for example-- "Iam Peter I am a fisherman of men" This also teach them to witness for the Lord.

I guess it depends on your reasons as to why you do not approve of the trick or treating. I know that certain things can go wrong and when I was a child we went trick or treating, but before we could eat any candy, my parents went through our bags and threw out anything they felt could be dangerous. With my daughter, we take her to our neighbors house's and that's enough for her. Again, it just depends on your reasons.

This is a very personal issue but been a Catholic I can understand you. What we did when my child was growing up was doing a party at home and sometimes even our priest then will let us use the churck activity room and the kids had fun on a safe place among friends

We do not "Trick or Treat" either. We do a scavenger hunt in and around the house. We hide a few little bags of candy with a clue as to where to find the next one. The last one is usually some toy or game he has been wanting, or we think he would like.

I would explain simply why you don't celebrate Halloween to your son in a way that he can understand. As a child, we did not celebrate Halloween either. Although I understood the reasons why, it was still very hard because all of my peers were dressing up and talking about it. I felt very left out and as a child it is hard to explain why you don't celebrate it. I was always thrilled if my mother let us dress up for a fall festival of some sort because that is really what the fun is all about. It was so fun to make a costume and dress up. Perhaps you could allow your son to dress up and go to a festival or event and just skip the trick or treating if you are okay with that.

Our Church does what they call a Fall Festival(no scary costumes)and the kids dress up and play games at the Church. You might check and see if any local Churches in your area are doing that and maybe that could be a new tradition.

Poor kid, he's going to feel so left out!!! Do you have any other fun activities planned for that night? Maybe you could do something fun as a family so he has something great to remember. Halloween is one of our families favorite holidays so I'm not sure what to tell you.

Everyone has their own opinion of this question apparently! Just joking--when you get into being a parent, you need to ask lots of questions, but you have to be prepared for the influx of opinions!
My kids are 7,4,and 2. We allow them to dress up, but only as things that they feel positive about. My son has a HUGE interest in dinosaurs, so he dressed up as a dinosaur-for 3 years- and we also used it as a learning experience. No harm in educating them while they are having fun! He has also been a cowboy, and a baseball player. Our children have never been allowed to trick or treat door-to-door. They understand , the older ones anyway, that this is a safety issue. We do go to the Church carnival near our home and Toys-R-Us is having a Halloween event this year.
You and your husband need to be open with your beliefs, but you also need to let him experience being a child. There are ways to allow him to participate in the events and the fun, without getting into the blood and gore that we automatically think of when we hear halloween. My children do not watch TV at halloween. No Jason or Freddy or even Goosebumps. We watch " The Square PUmpkin." It is an animated cartoon about being happy with who you are, no matter if you look or act differently. There are ways to let your son be included, and still respect your beliefs as well. Good Luck and have a wonderful Fall.

You have alot of really good responses. I LOVED Halloween as a child and I still love it. I have two children 11 and almost 4. We go trick or treating every year in neighborhoods that we can trust. I inspect all things given to my kids before they are allowed to touch it. It's just a fun day for the kids and a fun time for adults to have fun with the family. We like to try to guess what the costume is and who is in it. Halloween doesn't have to be bad. Why don't you want to do it? Did you not enjoy it, Did something bad happen, do you not want your kids to experience kid stuff? I just don't understand. Kids only get a few holidays a year, why you want to take one away? If it is religion then there are all the fall festivals at churches and they can still dress up. Just not as witches and things. It's supposed to be a fun day for kids and adults alike. You get to play dress-up with your kids and forget your troubles for an evening. Give it a try! If not then at least enjoy the church activities. Tons of things for the kids to do instead of the door to door thing.

I don't believe in the going door to door thing either...too scary. So the good witch came to our house the night before Halloween and left them some little halloween candies around...my twins told the kids at school that they didn't go trick or treating because the good witch came to their house. Their teachers loved the idea and the girls didn't feel left out and it was good safe fun for us all while they looked...the good witch would always leave them a note when she came.

We don't do it either, but decided that about a year ago.

With them being little, we let them dress up for the fall festivals, etc., even at church and such. But last year or rather 2 years ago, we decided this would be it for the neighborhood trick or treating. So, last year, we went bowling as a family and decided to do this each year on halloween. (Besides, they get enough candy doing trunk or treating at our church and other community fall festivals....we don't do masks for costumes either...never have...)

Anyway, it's hard to explain to a small one. You could do the research and tell your children the history of halloween and tell them what tidbits they might understand or just let them dress up for school or fall festivals and then go out as a family on halloween night so they don't really see the door to door thing asking for candy.

My two oldest are 9 and 10 and even though they did it for a few years, they don't miss it. They'd rather go bowling (except for the one that loves sugar so much!lol)!!

My two youngest, won't ever know that part of halloween. It will be the norm for them. They probably won't even see the kids in the neighborhood treating due to us not being here on halloween night.

I know what you mean! Here's what we are doing... Our church is having a fall festival. I am on the childrens comm. there and I know it is just going to be wonderful!!! So many activities and lots and lots of fun for the little ones! They can dress up too, just nothing scary. If you are interested, just let me know... It is open to everyone! Candy will be given out, we only accept individually wrapped and packaged candy so nothing to worry about. I know I worry about going door to door with stangers! Just never know with todays world! So anyway, its a great place to have a wonderful time:) I know the Little Gym in Summerville is also having a halloween party on the 24th but it is for members only, not sure if you are. Let me know if yoiu need the info. Good luck:)

C.,
Well my opinion is that you don't have to believe a certain way to enjoy Halloween. It's so much fun for the kids to use there imagination and be something else for a day. It's all about the kids having fun. What kid doesn't love dressing up and getting candy for it. It's just a fun day- If you are teaching them the importance of religion in your life and this is just a "fun" day and not some scary feaky day then whats the problem. Have some confidence in what your teaching relax. Have some fun with them and dress up! You don't have to dress up as something evil- i go as Eyore and my kids (all 4 of 'em) love it!

I'm not sure if your reasoning is because of your Christianity, but that is our reason. Our daughter never celebrated it because we were saved before we adopted so it was easier. The last couple of years have been harder because of the school, so I sent her teacher a note to explain to her that our family does not celebrate Halloween in any form and to make sure that our daughter was taken to another class or the media center during any Halloween parties and such. This is an area that we chose not to compromise, even in allowing him to dress up is sending him mixed messages. Just be as clear to him as you can about your views in a language that he can understand. I pray that the Lord will give you the proper words as the time is quickly upon us. God Bless you, Lenay

You have a lot of good answers here and a lot of good ideas about alternative ways to celebrate so your child doesn't feel left out or deprived. I think the key is to talk with your husband and get your minds straight together on exactly what it is you object to about Halloween and what you don't and why, and decide what types of activities are acceptable. Then you'll know what to say to your son and he'll know what to say to others who ask why he doesn't celebrate it like they do. Just get clear in your own head first.

We don't do halloween either.

One thing I can say is that if you're not going to "do" halloween, then you need to stick to it fully. ALlowing part of it is the same as allowing all of it.

We chose not to for religious purposes - so this is what we tell our children: (This may not be for you because it may not be your reason)

The devil is a bad/mean guy. He doesn't like Jesus. The devil and his friends decided to have a party to celebrate being mean to Jesus. He called it Halloween.
We love Jesus and we don't want to do things that make him sad. If we did Halloween things then that would be the same as telling Jesus we don't love him and that would make him sad.

When they say, "well my friends do halloween, why can't I?"
We answer with: We don't make the decisions for their house. We make the decisions for this house - God put us in charge of you and told us to take care of you and show you how to love him. We try to do that the best we can. We know that halloween makes Jesus sad so we aren't going to do those things.

Right now they are 4 and 2. They go to a church preschool. The preschool itself doesn't have a halloween party, but there are (of course) some that do the whole halloween thing.

My husband and I have already decided that when our kids get older and get more insistent on doing halloween things they will have the option of inviting friends over for dinner and a G rated movie (pretty much the only thing allowed in our house anyway - even for the adults).

I realize this sounds like I'm some kind of Nazi mom, really I'm not. We think our children should use their imaginations more than watching tv, and that we are responsible for teaching our children appropriate morals, values, beliefs, work habits, etc.

As parents we mess up often. I'm sure there are other areas we need to be more decisive on, but we are certain on this issue.

~AC