Hair Cutting

i also have a 4 year old. but just one, so i cant imagine what you are going thru... my daughter is extremely stubborn... at times can be very obedant, but usually around dinner time and bedtime, usually turns into the mini devil. the other night we watched nanny 911 together and she was visiable alarmed at how the kids were acting... well during some of her tantrums after that, i reminded her that she was acting like the little girl on tv. i cant say that it stopped it but, she paused for a moment... i am hoping that she is starting to be able to see a little more into the future, instead of just focusing on NOW!
something that i am working on very hard is consistency.. say no, warn, time out. my note to you isnt necessary full of advice, but to tell you your not alone.. misery loves company:)

M.,

Good luck with this one. My daughter cut her hair in 1st grade, just before pictures. First be sure all scissors and knives are put away - little cosmotologist you have going on there. Sounds like they were just playing dress up. When my kids were that age I had a chart on the wall with chores/behavior/toilet training, etc, anything I could think of to be on it, and different colored stars, and at the end of the day they got to see what color stars they got, and at the end of the week, if they behaved, they got an award of some sort, maybe renting their favorite movie. This is something that may help you and a good time-out chair, of course they are 4-years old and should only have to sit for four minutes. Have a timer handy and if they misbehave during that time, you add another minute for every time they goof off. I had no problems with this, give it a shot, see how it works.

Best of luck...P.

Hang in there. You have a lot on your plate right now. I agree with the last response that you need to be firm and consistant with rules. My four year old seems to misbehave the most when I am stressed out. For a while he refused to sit in time-out. I now tell him that he can go to tme-out on his own and that if I have to carry him it will be a longer time-out. I have also taken away treats for a day or two if nothig else works. Be prepared to follow through on any threats of punishment.

Find a way to take some time for yourself. Hire a babysitter for a few hours extra once a week or trade time with a good friend.

I think every parent I know of (including me) has a "do-it-yourself" haircut story. My youngest child cut off half his bangs -- but only half.

Of course, the haircut I tried to give him in response provoked a promise to myself never to cut my own children's hair! Now I take them to the same lady that cuts my hair, and she does a great job.

I am going through somewhat of the same thing with my eight-year-old (without the haircuts) and I am about to move his bedtime back an hour. Not as punishment, but wondering if inadequate amounts of sleep are contributing to problems.

And going to a strict routine. Maybe it will work.

I think kids sense parental stress and it stresses them. They act out. Can you carve out a block of quiet unstress time with them on a regular basis that they know they can look forward to?

My youngest not only cut his own hair when he was three, but he microwaved a matchbox car.

You can look back on this and laugh one day, even if now it's exhausting.

I also recommend the Gessell Institute books because they describe what kids of each age group go through normally. All these things I thought were signs of problems in my children turned out to be perfectly normal. Just run "Your Four-Year-Old" through Amazon.com's search to find it. Good luck!

My little girl just turned five, and yes, she has a "mind of her own." It's not that they are trying to be defiant or bad. They are just trying to express themselves and try new things--just like we do. They are probably bright little girls that just want to try everything and yes, get their way. That's pretty normal. They will learn as you teach them and talk to them what they can do and can't do. First they try, then you talk to them, if they do it again, talk and slight discipline, and they will learn. People may think it's difficult because you have two, but in some ways, the one can learn from the other. When I saw one of my sisters getting in trouble and the punishment, I knew I didn't want that happening to me--esp if they were crying!

Dear M.,
When I was around the same age I had V long hair all the way down my back. for what ever reason I got my safty sissors and cut it all off. It was so bad that my mom had to get me a pixy hair cut. I cut it off right to the scalp. I can remember Doing this, although I don't know why. I think it is just a phase. After seeing your reaction I am sure the girls won't ever do it again. Lots of little girls do this. Even my cousins little girl poured her mothers nair on the top of her head and lost all the hair. All you can do is laugh and buy some cute hats. good luck. Peace and Love.
J.

Both my children have done this, actually so did I when I was in 1st grade, lol. I did it on picture day, and my mother being one to teach a lesson, sent me to school and got my pics taken.
I believe all children go thru this stage, its normal. You may have to take them to get it evened out, but its nothing to blame yourself for.

My daughter Bianca decided to give herself a haircut this past May. Hacked off her beautiful ponytails and her bangs right down to the scalp. I was so upset! But I think it got even worse when it seemed like she didn't even care. It's now October and her hair is back to normal length and she's beautiful as ever. As far as attitudes go, she's a champ! I can't imagine having two of her. I am also a single mother of two. Might I suggest that you divide and conquer. They basically are feeding off of each other which gives them some odd strength against you. Since you are already stressed from work, it's easy for them to push your buttons. I hope you have a good support system outside of your home. It's so difficult doing this all on your own. Just know that their defiance is not strange. Things will get better.

Take care,
L.

They're just at the age now when they know how to push your buttons & are going to see just how far they can get at every single turn. Honestly, I found 4 to be the hardest age. They really seem to test their boundries at that age. By 5, if you've handled them with a firm hand, they seem to understand & are just mature enough to know when enough is enough. I spent the entire 4th year with my son & even more so with my daughter in what seemed like constant time-outs. I ended up having to start to take away the things they loved most as well. No dessert was a biggie & still seems to do the trick most of the time. Four was the age I started actually sending them to their rooms instead of just sitting on a time-out chair as well. It took a lot of work on me & my husbands part, but I really think it helped. I hope it all works out for you, but like I said, it's more about your attitude & how you handle them. Make sure they know who's boss & eventually, they will grow out of it.

I have a 4 year old girl and 2 year old twins, so I know what you're going through with both the 4 year old thing and the twin thing. No one has cut hair yet, but I sure have had my color ink cartridge refills dumped all over my floor by my twins and lipstick on the walls and floor by my daughter. I just took lots of pictures and cleaned it up with the lipstick, but let out a primal scream with the ink. :) I'm reading a book called "Discipline without Shouting or Spanking" by Jerry Wyckoff and Barbara Unell, which seems to be helping somewhat. I'm also considering starting to read and implement the Love and Logic book. I have friends who use it with excellent results. Last night a friend who is having problems with her 13 year old girl said a friend of hers swears by it and when she strictly implements it she has no fights with her teanagers. I can say that I have less fights, conflicts, and resistance from my daughter when I spend more time with her one-on-one and interact with her more. I can imagine that being a single mom is a monumental task. I feel like that with my husband gone most of the time, but you (me) need to take care of yourself and give yourself some breaks so that you aren't so burned out and therefore will respond to your twins better and will want to interact with them. I need the same. Find something that makes you happy and releives your stress and start doing it. Get involved with a babysitting coop or start one with some mothers you know so that you have some options (the more people involved the better it works). I'm trying to start one with some ladies from church because I can't afford a babysitter and need some options too. Let me know if you want a copy of the "babysitting coop rules and regulations" so you don't have to start from scratch. Sorrry I blabbed so long, but I really know where you're coming from and these are the solutions that I'm trying to implement right now so I'm not so burned out and so my kids respond to me beter. Good luck!!

Hi M.,
I'm a mother of five great kids ranging in age from 4 to 20. My kids did a similar thing once. Years from now, you'll probably laugh about it. However, the defiance thing I think is normal, they test you to see how much they can get away with. But you do need to act on it. We count to 3 and then they get a time-out. Usually, they'll stop before that but yours probably won't to begin with, so you'll need to be firm and really follow thru so they learn that you mean what you say and don't just make idle threats. We also take away privileges, more with the older kids. It's important that they learn to listen because I've seen kids who don't and not only is it embarrassing to the parents, sometimes it's dangerous. For example, if you tell them not to run away from you in a store and then they do, they could be abducted or get hurt somehow. Well, I hope this helps. Best of luck to you.
A. K.

About a month ago, my 4 year old daughter cut her hair and her 2 year old sisters hair. We had to take a trip to the salon to straighten it out. CJ had long hair and it was messed up. I hid every pair of sissors in the house. Even those safety sissors, because they too cut hair.
In my opinion, not listening is quite normal for a 4 year old. I have a naughty and nice chart for my 4 year old. It's a system were she gets stickers for doing what she is told and when she does not listen she gets stickers taken away. If she gets 3 stickers taken away in one day, she loses something she really likes. Like her favorite dolls or she can not have sweets for the entire day.
It's all part of growing up. They say the terrible two's. I say it's the terrible 4's.
Good luck. Your not alone!

Been There !!! My daughter was also 4 when she desided to cut her hair and all 3 cats hair. I was so upset at first due to the fact she was starting pre school in 2 weeks but you'll get over it and laugh at it later :)

I hope you took pictures!!! Trust me, you will laugh about this all some day.

I haven't been through the cutting each others hair thing and truthfully I hope I dont.I do hair though and I can tell you this is something that almost every kid does. I have fixed many of these cuts that is for sure. I dont have any advice for you though as how to handle it. I am kind of going through a similar situation with my 3 yr old and am going crazy. She too doesnt listen . I have tried many approaches and have gotten nowhere. I hope someone can help you. I am curious !