26 answers

Grown Son Is About to Be Homeless.....

Does anybody know of any avenues that my grown son can take to be out on his. Th is man is grown with no job or work experience, nor does he want to go to school. He'd rather play video games all day and blame everyone else for his miserable situation. He does not help around the house, and when ask to, he point blank refuses to help or gets upset and half does the job. He wants to be treated as an adult but acts more like a 13 year teenager with no guidance. He needs to get out of my house. I'd rather him not be on the streets because he is not street smart at all, but he needs to go. Any suggestions?

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all for all the wonderful advice and suggestions. Some of you had questions as well. My son is 21, I have sent him to 2 colleges, gpa from the both of them about a 1.0. He has decided that school is not for him. He is too overweight to go to any of the military services. I suggested job corp, but from the recruiter if he isn't movtivated he will not complete program...he doesn't want to go because he can't take his game systems. I think my only choice is to take you all's suggestion and advice, and put him on the curb and change the locks. We (grandparents, aunts, uncles, and I) to help him, but of course, we are trying to 'run his life' and then we are back to square one! We have seen several counselors and therapist, all of whom have told me, "I don't know how to help him and it would be wrong for me to keep taking your money!" So, as always, we end back at square one! Keep suggestions and advice coming, please!

Featured Answers

Ask him if he ever wants a girl.. they typically won't stick around if they know he can't care for himself :)

5 moms found this helpful

Time for him to be out on his own. Give him 30 days notice and that's it. He's taking advantage of you.

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Our neighbors sat their 20 year old twin sons down one day and said, "You have 1 month to enroll in school, get a job or you will enlist in the military! 30 days---go 'find yourself' and you decide, or we will drive you to the Army recruiting station."

It worked! One went to community college and got an associates in criminal justice and was just accepted to the police academy, and the other is in school for restaurant mgt. and working his tail off 6 nights a week.

Nothing like threatening the Army recruiter to a lazy kid.

Good luck.

8 moms found this helpful

A friend of mine, bought a cheap used travel trailer i think she paid like $3,000. Set it up at a travel trailer park. She had Dad take him somewhere that day & she moved his personal things like clothes & toiletries. She left some food in a cooler & drinks. She left a long letter in the trailer with all she wanted said, but basically she drove him there & told him that it was his new home. She explained that she had paid the bills for 3 months & after that it was his responsibility. She told him he was welcome to come for dinner at the house. She explained that she was taking care of an infant on her own at his age & she could no longer enable him to continue as he was. She explained that he could sell all his belongings or get a job, or join the military & she looked forward to hearing what his decision was. Well, he was mad & threw a tantrum......then he came back crying & begging......then he joined the military. He now has a home, wife & kids. She said it was the hardest thing she had ever done cuz she was 15 when she got pregnant w/ him & she always felt so funny not being that much older, but she was very proud of his choices. She was a grandmother at 32! Best of luck to you.

7 moms found this helpful

I would start charging him rent and just like any landlord, if he can not pay he is out. He is taking advantage of you, and will continue to do so until you use a little tough love and stick your ground on it. He pays, he helps, or he leaves. I would also insist that if he is going stay (while helping), than he must be doing something to get independent such as pursuing an education. I understand not wanting your sons to be on the streets, but he is exploiting that fact to his full advantage.

7 moms found this helpful

Take all the TV's in your house to an undisclosed storage unit. Tell him you don't want them in your house anymore and you've decided to do away with TV. Same for computers.

I wonder how long it will take him to get motivated after that? It's a bit of a sacrifice for you but it could pay off!

Whatever you decide to do it sounds like some tough love is in order.

Good luck.

6 moms found this helpful

Your situation is a sticky one, I have a grown daughter at home and we have been thru this. All she wanted to do is sleep, eat and watch tv. I finally just had to be up front with her, like I would any other adult living in my house. I explained that either she had to get a job and pay me to clean up after her, or do this chore list daily(and I handed her the list). She went out and got a job. And I still have to come right out and tell her what I need done, if she does anything around the house. But she does pay me a set amount a week to live in my house. I explained to her that if she could not do one or the other, she had to live somewhere else.
My ten yr old over heard the conversation and started doing more also, he was afraid I would make him leave too. LOL. Good luck

6 moms found this helpful

You know your answer already and you need reassurance. STOP enabling him....let him go.

I have not been there, done that with a child but I do know some families who have. It is hard, tough love and depending on his age, the authorities can be involved to scare him him into growing up.

Sounds like you have done your job......it is his job now to go grow up.

6 moms found this helpful

if he is under 26 I would highly suggest job corp they will make him act like an adult. get a trade give him a roof food, medical, dental and I garantee the half job or refusing to do it will stop. he will learn there he is responsible for his own decisions. he will learn street smarts there.

1problem is you can't make him go he is an adult. I sent my sone there and it was the best thing to happen to him. I highly recommend it. I would give him 30 days with that option. cut him off finacially and make him learn to manage his own money. he will be buying his own soap , shampoo, conditioner, laundry soap, toothpaste, etc. He will be on a very limited budget too. they will not deny his clothes but all he will be able to buy is cheap stuff. he can either eat the nasty food at job corp or learn to balance his money so he can eat out.

if you can get him to agree I highly highly recomend it. My son matured so much when he was there he come home like a diffrent person after about a month. I almost fell over with shock. It was the best thing to happen to my son. good luck. oh and they do have consenquences he wont like if he doesnt' obey the rules. such as a hygiene contract. loss of leaving priveledges. cut off the internet. its like being grounded with a house parent to enforce it.

5 moms found this helpful

Ask him if he ever wants a girl.. they typically won't stick around if they know he can't care for himself :)

5 moms found this helpful

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