Grieving Help

I would make them some food and write them a letter/note/card. We live in a society now that communicates via text messaging and that has left a lot of people lacking real, human support. Writing them a letter allows them to digest what you are saying without having to put on a brave face and try not to cry in front of someone. It is also a very personal way to show them that you support and grieve with them.

I have been through a friend committing suicide.
His parents and family were devastated.
People handle things in their own way, but his mother told me she wished people would just leave them alone.
The door was constantly ringing with flowers. The door was constantly ringing with people stopping by with food. The door was constantly ringing with people who meant well trying to help.
The mother truly felt she did not have the strength to make anyone else feel better because of their kindness or because of the loss they felt.
She was grieving the loss of her precious son and she felt no one understood how she just needed to be left alone.
She appreciated the thoughts, but she just couldn't face people.

I think it might be best to send a card offering your condolences and offer any support they may feel compelled to ask for. Don't be offended if they ask for nothing.
I was very close to the parents of my friend who committed suicide and it was fine for me to call as I had always had open communication with the family for many years. They sent cards to my children, I stayed at their home when I visited. It was a more intimate relationship.
Even still, the parents were too overwhelmed by the situation itself let alone all the people who were trying so hard to help.
Like I said, everyone is different, but these parents were just too deep in grief to be gracious to all the people who came foreward even though they knew it was all well meaning.
I really think you should send a card expressing your sympathy and your offer to do anything they might need in any way.
Has there been an obituary? Often in suicide cases there isn't.
If there has been a memorial fund set up in her name, you can donate to that or you can donate to a charitable organization in her name. The charitable organization often sends out cards of acknowledgement to the families.
When my mother in law passed away, I was amazed at how many people donated money in her name to different causes and I was notified of all of it. I sent out thank you notes to each and every person.
There are ways to give and honor.
They are all appreciated.
It depends on how close you are as far as calling. I only say that because I know from experience that suicide is the hardest for a family. It wasn't an accident or a terminal illness. It was a choice that haunts.
Things are a blur for that family right now.
I think that writing, offering anything to help when they are ready and having a plan as far as a donation in the person's name can be quite comforting.

Best wishes.
I still miss my friend. It's been years. I still go through anger and sadness and not being able to understand how someone so gorgeous and lively and productive couldn't see that in himself. His family deals with that on an even deeper level after having loved and raised him.
This is one of the saddest things.

When I lost my nephew, the best thing that everyone did was provide food! No one was at any point where we wanted to cook. We just wanted to be there for my sister. The church provided food for us for 2 weeks. It was amazing! If you can prepare a meal, or send cash for the family, they will appreciate it.
Also, don't ask them if they need anything. Ask them directly WHAT they need.
I'm so sorry for your church family's loss! They will be in my prayers.

I think calling and offering any help is appropriate. My dad did that when his cousin died of cancer. We also went to the funeral and gave her family support and talked to them and told them to call if they needed anything and he'd be more than willing to help. He asked what they needed and helped with a family reunion that was planned several weeks after. They weren't very close to just be there and listen kind of thing either, but he extended his helping hand and let them know he was there if they needed him.

That's horrible! Sorry.
I think the most meaningless thing someone can do is to send a card saying to let you know if they need anything. ???!!!
Take a meal, send a fruit basket, bagel basket, donate in the memory of the daughter to something she cared about (an animal charity, girls club), send a beautiful card telling them you are thinking of them in their loss and keeping them close in prayer. But DON'T ever say "let us know if you need anything" as that is a truly superficial, shallow offer.
Definitely call to offer condolences and help! You are friends with this family and they can use the human support, and contact right now. It will bring them so much comfort.
Good luck!

I think you could call them. 15 years ago, a friend's son committed suicide and because we lived relatively close, I went over to their house immediately to offer help/support. To this day, she tells me that it was very meaningful to her that I showed up as she was so worried about how people would react. Of course every family is different and you don't live close so I think a call to let them know you're thinking of them and maybe offer a few suggestions on how you thought you could help (like just say I feel so helpless to take away your pain but I thought I could cook you a meal or I thought I'd volunteer to cut your grass this weekend or I thought I'd volunteer to clean your house this weekend...sometimes a specific offer works better than a generalized offer when they aren't thinking clearly). If they are hesitant than that might be a clue that they prefer to be alone to deal with their grief so you can play it by ear once you make the call.

I would send a card, and probably also call as well letting them know that you all are there if they need anything. Perhaps offer to go down there and do some grocery shopping, or make dinner for them. Or you can also ask the whole Church to get involved in setting up a donation account in their name so that people can make donations to help the family out financially.
That has to be one of the hardest things to go through. I'm so sorry. Hope this helps.

I've not been through this...

I would send a card to the family offering your condolences and let them know to call you if they need anything - your friendship might be taken up to the next level due to this..

I too would feel bad!! I'm sorry for their loss...I personally don't know how I'd handle it!!

Families who have experienced suicide have the double whammy of grief. You've had great advice, mainly, don't ignore the family! Food, cards, being available, and being willing to listen and to have someone who will talk about their child (later) and be willing to listen to them talk about their child even 10 years down the road. Also, making a donation to a suicide awareness group in her memory, to help others is always a nice gesture. In a way, helping the family help others.

Suicide support and informational groups in Utah:
http://www.suicide.org/support-groups/utah-suicide-suppor...
http://www.suicideaftercare.org/utah.html

My sister commited suicide almost 8 years ago and I think that just knowing that people were thinking of us felt good. Bringing food is very nice, that's always the last thing that we wanted to do, prepare meals. Flowers are thoughtful, so is a card. Depending on how comfortable you feel, you can stop by. Of course, everybody deals with grief and mourning differently, but my family and I felt better comforted by friends. I felt good to have support at that point in my life. Good luck.

About a year ago, a friend committed suicide. Her parents shut down and wouldn't accept any contact from even her best friends. No one but family was allowed at her funeral and they returned all mail sent to them as "return to sender." It was just devastating to them and they wanted to grieve on their own and in their own way. They also didn't want anyone outside of immediate family to know that it was suicide, so by refusing to acknowledge any of her friends even to this day, they can ignore and pretend that no one outside the family knows.

My best friend's BIL committed suicide several years ago, and while her MIL was more open about his suicide, she was only willing to allow immediate family to the services and only answered calls from people she knew and talked to regularly. We attended services and the gathering afterward but we're practically family.

Essentially, in all of my personal experiences, suicide is a very touchy thing for families. It's very dependent on raw emotions and it's different than when someone passes away naturally. I would probably feel my way if you see them in church. Keep a condolence with you, perhaps with some money in it to help defray funeral costs.