Grief After Pet Passing

It could have been a number of things that happened. All of which you probably couldn't have prevented. If she called to console you then I believe she isn't blaming you. Try not to be hard on yourself, it may have happened whether you were watching her or the owner was watching her. Its just hard to lose an animal period. Feel free to grieve, but don't blame yourself. My prayers are with you.

1 mom found this helpful

I've heard of many pets dying after eating Sago Palm "seeds".Any chance you have these in your backyard?

Also, put yourself in her position. I'm certain you would not want your friend feeling as bad as you feel had the roles been reversed. She probably feels terrible for you that thus happened on your watch. It's not your fault. Your friend knows you are terribly sorry.

1 mom found this helpful

I feel your pain because something similar happened to me. We came home from our night out and let our Yorkie out of his kennel. He jumped from my husbands arms only a few inches from the ground and landed just right to break his neck. We were in shock. I tried to revive him with mouth to nose but it was no use. There was nothing we could do. Little dogs are so fragile and they think they are so big and mighty. You did nothing wrong. You have extended your big heart of gold out to your friend and she seems to be handling it well. Just keep being her good friend like you are.

1 mom found this helpful

Oh D.,

I'm so sorry. Of course you are upset. You are grieving and probably feel you let your friend down, but you didn't. You did not have control over what happened to your friends dog. It's natural to feel responsible, but remind yourself that you are NOT. Then allow yourself to be sad for the situation, for the loss. Pamper yourself this weekend. Take a hot bath. Have another good cry if you need to and use whatever spiritual outlet that feels good. It's okay to be sad, but keep reminding yourself that this is not your fault and there is a time for all of us. This was the toy maltese's "time." He is okay wherever he is. Don't even try to figure out what happened because it really doesn't matter. You are allowed to grieve any way you need to.

I pulled this quote of a website. I hope it helps:

Grief is itself a medicine. ~William Cowper, Charity

I am so sorry this happened to you. I can just imagine how you feel. You didn't mention the age of the dog or what kind of health issue it may have had. The owner could have the vet do an autopsy to find out the cause of death but why? The dog is gone and I know if it was my dog I would grieve as well but there is nothing anyone can do about it and if you found out the dog died by some other reason other then age, health etc. then you would feel worse and feel responsible. It is best to leave well enough alone as you can't bring the dog back. Console your friend as well and it seems she feels bad for you also. I am sure all will be OK and I hope this doesn't cause a rift between the two of you but if you are good friends it shouldn't. Just remember you did nothing wrong.

I know how you feel in a way. My grandparents left for 2 weeks to go out of the country. While gone their dog of about 15 years died in the backyard also. I was horrified! An additional problem for us was that the backyard was frozen due to snow and ice. I'll spare you what we had to do with him.

He was their everything and beloved "child." I thought the would be devastated but they knew due to his age it could happen at any point.

It seems your friend is okay and probably knew it was time for her beloved pet to pass on. Perhaps the dog was ready since it's owner was out of town and sensed she would not be the one to find him/her.

It will be okay!

I'm so sorry that this had to happen on your watch. That is so crumby. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it. The poor little guy may have had a heart attack, or something along those lines. Try to think of it this way, your poor friend was grieving over a death away from home. Imagine if she was at home grieving and then watched her beloved dog pass away too. Although, now YOU feel badly and I'm sorry for that. I'm sure you are sad for your friend losing two beings who meant a lot to her. She's lucky to have you though.

I can't imagine being in your shoes right now. I am so sorry this has happened to you.

We have 3 dogs and when we go on trips, we have a pet sitter who moves into our house to care for them. That said, we are fully aware that something could happen and of course we would be grief stricken, we would know that our sitter had nothing to do with the inevitable.

Maybe the dog was sick, had a seizure, how old was it? MANY questions. Our dogs are 11, 5, and 4 as as much as i adore them, I know something could happen because our home backs up to heavy woods with huge bobcats, and other wildlife. We are super cautious but you never know.

Please don't beat yourself up. You did nothing wrong, you saw the dog was ok but you didn't see exactly what happened. It sounds like your friend is truly being a good friend by consoling you. Please let her, it sounds like you are lucky to have such a good friend. Actually, you are lucky to have each other!

I'm so sorry! Maybe the fact this dog died is so hard on your because you are caring for a friend's pet who is already grieving for a family member. This shows you are a sweet and compassionate person.

Really though, try and be strong for her, since she will now be grieving two fold and don't blame yourself. Here are some grieving tips that can help both you and your friend:
http://www.humanesociety.org/animals/resources/tips/copin...

I can tell you, toy Maltese are very fragile animals. I've worked with animals in a vet clinic and shelter and have seen unexplained deaths.

Any number of things could have went wrong, even something as simple as her overheating or just getting stepped on, or perhaps she was sick already and it hadn't been discovered yet...

"She probably had a congenital abnormality of some sort that resulted in her sudden death. Portosystemic, hydrocephalis and others may be hidden, with no symptoms. Hydrocephalis could have affected her brain. It could have increased in size enough to impinge in a part of her brain controlling breathing, for example, and she could have simply stopped breathing. Or, if she had a heart defect, it could just have been a matter of time until it malfunctioned. These of course are just examples. The only definitive way to obtain the answers would be for you to have a post-mortum performed on her, unfortunately."

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Animal-Health---General/My-2...

Wow. This happened to me when I was pet sitting my friend & neighbor's minature Yorkies several years ago. I had them outside in their backyard. Another neighbors dog got a hold of 1 them and pulled her through the fence.( they had been having a problem with the other neighbors dog digging under the fence) I took her up to the vet but she was gone. My friend never blamed me and we hugged and cried our eyes out when she got home. I know just how you feel. You are going to grieve some too. For now allow yourself to grieve, especially when your friend comes home. Time will heal the wound and lighten the pain. I am truly sorry for both of you!!!

I've been on the other side of this. When I was in high school, I had saved a sparrow from my dog, and I had been keeping him in a cage until he was well enough to let go again. My family was going on vacation, and we had a friend stay at our house to house sit and watch the animals. The bird hadn't looked that great before we left, but in the bustle of getting everything ready to go, my 15-year-old mind forgot to mention that to the house sitter. Well, as you probably guessed, the bird died while we were gone. The house sitter was horrified, and actually went out and got me a parakeet to replace him...imagine my surprise to come home and find my little sparrow had turned blue! lol She was a lot more upset than I was, but I knew it wasn't her fault in any way. Clearly your friend feels the same way. It's always hard when something bad happens on your watch, but truly there's nothing you could have done. For the dog to have gone that quickly, even had you actually seen it fall, there would likely have been nothing you could have done then, either. Take heart...you cared enough to take care of the animals in their owner's absence, and your friend is undoubtedly taking comfort in the fact that her dog was in the care of someone with a heart as big as yours in its final hours.

What a terrible tragedy! I am so glad you have an understanding neighbor and friend. Sounds like someone you can talk to about this beloved dog.

Do not let guilt get the best of you as you did nothing wrong. You have not failed your friend. It is just so shocking to have the dog die while in your care. Just bad timing. Believe everything your friend told you when she called to console you. Repeat her words in your mind whenever you start to feel guilty. Then be thankful for such an understanding friend. I'm sure there are a lot of people who have horror stories to share.

As with all tragedies, it will just take time to process. Just remember to save the guilt for when you actually did something wrong.

Start planning some meals to take over to your friend when she returns as she is dealing with a death in the family as well as her dog. She may need a listening ear. She also will have to get caught up on stuff that she has had to put off being out of town. Meals will be greatly appreciated. That will take the focus off of you and your distress.