31 answers

Grandparents Sleeping with and Bathing Their Grandchildren?

At what age should a grandmother stop taking bubble baths and showers with her 6 year old granddaughter and also quit sleeping with her?

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If both the child and grandparent are comfortable why do so many people think it's wrong? I'm assuming she is sleeping and or bathing with her occasionally when they visit not every night right?

Why are Americans so hung up on nakedness and bathing together? How can people think it's wrong for a 6 year old grandaughter to sleep in the same bed with her grandma? I used to love to fall asleep in my Grandma's bed while she told me a story. It's sweet not weird!

7 moms found this helpful

I think she is getting to be at the age where she shouldn't be doing it anymore... that's just me personally. It comes down to when the grandparent/ parent/ child feels uncomfortable. Thats when it needs to stop... or even one of them.

The sleeping.. never :) Everytime I would visit my grandma I slept with her, I loved cuddling up with her! We would also cuddle up on the couch and take naps together also ( grandma had to have her afternoon nap, I usually just watched tv) and from as little as I can remember up until she passed away a few years ago. I slept on the "best seat in the house" ( she laid on her side, my head on her hip). Weird? Maybe for some... but for me its a great memory!

7 moms found this helpful

I can't think of why a child should take baths with anyone other then the parents. That's weird to me. I wouldn't allow it. (Nor would my parents want this, or ask for it.) Just my personal opinion, that really should stop.

The sleeping, as long as the child is comfortable with it...she can decide when she wants that to stop.

6 moms found this helpful

More Answers

baths? NOW.
I don't think the sleeping together is a problem.

8 moms found this helpful

If both the child and grandparent are comfortable why do so many people think it's wrong? I'm assuming she is sleeping and or bathing with her occasionally when they visit not every night right?

Why are Americans so hung up on nakedness and bathing together? How can people think it's wrong for a 6 year old grandaughter to sleep in the same bed with her grandma? I used to love to fall asleep in my Grandma's bed while she told me a story. It's sweet not weird!

7 moms found this helpful

I think she is getting to be at the age where she shouldn't be doing it anymore... that's just me personally. It comes down to when the grandparent/ parent/ child feels uncomfortable. Thats when it needs to stop... or even one of them.

The sleeping.. never :) Everytime I would visit my grandma I slept with her, I loved cuddling up with her! We would also cuddle up on the couch and take naps together also ( grandma had to have her afternoon nap, I usually just watched tv) and from as little as I can remember up until she passed away a few years ago. I slept on the "best seat in the house" ( she laid on her side, my head on her hip). Weird? Maybe for some... but for me its a great memory!

7 moms found this helpful

I would think that now would be a good time to stop the baths but it really depends on your daughter, sometimes I think we as parents make a huge deal about our kids seeing us in the shower and or bath. While I do not take a bath with my kids, they don't think twice about walking in on me and start having a conversation, I don't even think that they think it is a big deal. My daughter is 7.On the sleeping together, when I was a little girl I would always sleep in the bed with my granny. I was probably 12 when I stopped, but it was more like a sleepover, we would talk about our day and she would tell me stories. Those are some of my best memories as a child.

6 moms found this helpful

I can't think of why a child should take baths with anyone other then the parents. That's weird to me. I wouldn't allow it. (Nor would my parents want this, or ask for it.) Just my personal opinion, that really should stop.

The sleeping, as long as the child is comfortable with it...she can decide when she wants that to stop.

6 moms found this helpful

Stop? Never should have started (at least not the co-bathing).

5 moms found this helpful

When her mother and/or father TELL her to stop.

If the child lives with the grandmother fulltime, and she has custody of her, and you think that she will never stop, you could always go to court over it. The court may tell you to mind your business. Or they may agree and tell the grandmother to stop.

My opinion? She should stop doing it now. The child needs to learn to take care of herself in the bathtub and she needs to learn to sleep on her own.

D.

4 moms found this helpful

Showering/bathing should stop. I think that is weird! Sleeping is different...I don't see anything wrong with that!

4 moms found this helpful

Baths? About 4 years ago.
Sleeping? Probably now.

4 moms found this helpful

Um now, that's just odd that that even started. The sleeping doesn't seem weird to me though.

4 moms found this helpful

Welcome to Mamapedia! Certainly a tricky question for your first.

I think it would depend on your house rule. If she still bathes with you - no problem. If it's become a problem and you've stopped, then it should stop everywhere because it's a problem.

The co-sleeping....hey, who doesn't like to cuddle with granny?

3 moms found this helpful

Bathing- as soon as the child shows signs of being uncomfortable with it.
Co-sleeping- same thing, but my dd still sleeps with my mom sometimes, she's 10. I have no problem with it as long as she is comfortable with it.

3 moms found this helpful

My son slept in the same king sized bed with his MawMaw until he was about 11 whenever he was at her house. He didn't like to sleep in the front bedroom because it had floor to ceiling windows, and the other bedroom was across the house and "too far away".

Her dogs and a couple of cats also slept in the bed with them. Heck, sometimes I would sleep in there with them also.

I never saw anything salacious about it.

I just don't think it is a big deal. Now, if the child (or the Grandmother) is expressing discomfort with the arrangement, then it is time to let it go.

3 moms found this helpful

It should stop when the PARENTS are uncomfortable with it and revoke permission (edit: and/or when the child is uncomfortable as well. I didn't mean to leave out the child's feelings in this).

3 moms found this helpful

I remember watching my great grandma powder under her enormous breasts when she was getting dressed. It never seemed weird to me. I never took a shower with her tho.

3 moms found this helpful

before puberty for the baths
most cultures have family beds and grandma is family

2 moms found this helpful

It is a little weird for a grandparent to bathe with grandchild. I bathed with my girls when they were tiny. If my mom or MIL did, i would be weirded out.

Sleeping clothed next to each other is a different story. I dont see anything wrong with it. Unless the child is uncomfortable.

2 moms found this helpful

My granddaughter is 8 1/2 and she slept with me last night. It is not a big deal to me for a child wanting to snuggle. I think they will be old too soon.

As for bathing I do not think it is a good idea for any child to do that with any female. It is not a good idea for women to take bubble baths since that increases the likelihood of them getting a yeast infection. My granddaughter has a horrible yeast infection when she was in diapers. Come to find out mommy had one too and they were bathing together.

2 moms found this helpful

I think bathing & sleeping are two different situations.

Sleeping....you can sleep with your Mom/Gma forever! It's a special treat for Granddaughters!

Bathing...hmmm, I'm not thrilled with it. In my family, it stops by age 3 or so. Just our preference.

2 moms found this helpful

It depends on the reason for the co-bath/shower. Is she the primary care giver? For me and my daughter, it's just easier to wash her in showers if I'm in there too.

I'm 30 and have no issue with sharing a shower with my daughter(5 soon to be 6) or mother in the need to save time and/or water. A bubble bath...that's a little odd to me.

As for sleeping, still see no issue in it. Once again, full adult here and given the chance I climb up on my parent's bed to chat and "cuddle". Last time I "slept" between my parents...I was in my late teens (17-18) and there was a bomb threat and a thunderstorm on the same night..I eventually moved back to my bed.

2 moms found this helpful

I don't put an age on it- it's whenever either party wants their privacy. I still shower with my 8-year-old sometimes when we're pressed for time in the morning. I wouldn't mind my mother doing the same (although she doesn't, she's generally a very private person).

Sleeping together, I think that's always fine! I would still sleep with my Mommy!

1 mom found this helpful

Well I grew up taking showers with my grandma/mom/sister well into my teen years( It was a heated tank of hot water so it was more for convenience ,not to waist hot water) and we also slept with my grandparents into our teen years as well.(they only had one bed) It's very common in my country(Russia) since most people live in very small places and we had no issues with it. And I am not talking about growing up poor in the slums or anything ( my grandmother was a judge and my grandfather was a general in the army).

1 mom found this helpful

bathing- as soon as theyre 2, but in diferent cultures people do bathe together. I don't see a need for it once they can sit on their own and be safe

and sleeping I don't see an issue with my daughter slept over her gradmoms last night. she's 5. She fell asleep in the car after a lonnnnng day, I carried her in and put her right beside her grandma who was asleep. i wouldn't think twice about it

1 mom found this helpful

I would never be comfortable with the grandparent bathing WITH the grand child, even as an infant. Personally I have been uncomfortable with my kids' grandmas sleeping with my kids past the age of 2.

1 mom found this helpful

That depends on the relationship that the grandmother has with the granddaughter, and how comfortable the granddaughter is with these things. If they are close and comfortable, then the child can decide when she is ready to stop. If she is not close and comfortable with the grandmother, then you can ask for these things to stop.

What is the relationship like between them? Are you talking with your daughter about these things? Then what is she saying.

My daughter has bathed and slept with me, any time she wants her whole life (she's 10 now). Her grandmother is actually my "step"mother and we don't see her very often. My daughter would not be comfortable with these things and I would not allow them to happen. If my mother were still alive, my daughter may have had a closer relationship with her, maybe not. That's what I would base my actions on.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't really see a problem with it until the child asks to bathe/sleep alone. I would think by 10 the granddaughter would like some privacy. I'm sure the grandmother is doing it out of kindness and fun for she and the child. Sleeping together? I don't think you are ever too old to sleep with your grandparents/parents/cousins/etc. Especially when you are having a sleepover!

Updated

I don't really see a problem with it until the child asks to bathe/sleep alone. I would think by 10 the granddaughter would like some privacy. I'm sure the grandmother is doing it out of kindness and fun for she and the child. Sleeping together? I don't think you are ever too old to sleep with your grandparents/parents/cousins/etc. Especially when you are having a sleepover!

1 mom found this helpful

I have to wonder why a grandparent needs to bathe with a grandchild. I dotn' want anyone freely naked with my baby but my husband and me. When we left him with my mother for a few days (13mo) while we were out of town, he saw her getting in and out of the shower. I was okay with that. I would not have wanted her to have him in the shower with her unless he was having a fit and she needed to put him in the water to calm him. At that point, I would expect her to put on T-shirt and shorts first.

Anyway, I guess it would depend on the family structure and culture. I would be teaching my 6yo about privacy and to limit nakedness with ANYBODY outside of our home. No other family member would be spending "naked time" with my child.

(I have no hang-ups with nakedness, btw. I just want my kid to learn not to take anyone's intentions for granted in that regard. They can learn judgment about it as they learn more about life. Until then, I wouldn't want him to run and hide, but I would want him to understand that naked activities--like bathing--have perameters.)

I don't think they should EVER be bathing with them. Personally, we never did this with our own kids. However, my kids are 12 and 9 and only until last year did BOTH kids sleep in my moms king size bed with her. My 9 yo still does. They sleep over there every other saturday night. She lives by herself and has a 3 bedroom house so they all *could* sleep in their own rooms. But only my daughter and step daughter sleep in the room with the twin beds and my son still sleeps with grammi...so cute!

heh. this is what i get for working backwards through the MP questions. everyone so bothered about nudity today!
i see no reason to stop bubbly baths and showers unless someone doesn't want to do it any more. obviously if the parents say no, the answer is no. but there's no moral or ethical reason why it shouldn't happen. we have ridiculous amounts of free water in this country, but in most of the world it just ain't so.
what's wrong with snuggling with one's grandkids?
i just don't get all the uptight.
i don't think ANYONE should be forced to bathe, sleep with or be naked around anyone they don't want to. but where does all the pejorative visceral quailing come from?
nudity does not have anything to do with sex.
:/
khairete
S.

Updated

Baths and showers, IMO the time has passed. I would say no longer than age 4 or 5.

As for sleeping in the same bed, when grandma's health/age prevents her from doing so.

My opinion:
Baths - 6 years ago.
Showers - OK if legitmate reason ie water or time constraint
cosleeping - fine
I would wonder why the grandmother would take a bath with a 6 year old. I have boys and a girl and I let them take baths together but they are playing with toys and having fun. I may join in the fun but I don't actually get in the tub. That is just weird.

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