Grandparents Showing Favoritism...

Well you can say whatever you want but they probably don't see it happening.

My oldest is the chosen one, he has the roman numerals. I never let it go to his head, that was really all that was in my control.

I just want to add it is obvious to the child. They spent more on him, they ignored everything he did. Granted they never interfered with my discipline, well sometimes they said I wasn't hard enough on my other three. :( He got a new car for his 16th birthday my next who is two years younger got a bunny. :( Always like that. These are my ex in laws. My dad tries to even it up so he got my daughter a car. Yeah my kids are spoiled but that isn't the point.

If you ask my son he will tell you he has known for as long as he can remember. When he was 18 he pointed out that they got him a car and it was unfair that they treat his sister differently. Even with him pointing it out they deny they treat anyone differently.

I guess I am saying you can say what you want but they will deny it to their graves.

Since they're your parents and it's very clear favoritism between your own children, I would definitely say something. I would go in determined not to get emotional about it or your parents will discredit your argument as being overly emotional. You should write down the main points you want to make and stick to those. You should also have some concrete examples in mind and stick to facts. Explain how it makes you feel and how your younger child feels.

I would NOT bring in your sister-in-law on this. If she has issues about the favoritism, it's up to her to bring it up and discuss it with your mother. Keep it about your kids and don't bring your niece and nephew into it. Don't say anything about how other people notice the same thing happening or anything like that. Stick to what you see and deal with and don't bring anyone else into the discussion.

Then have some resolutions ready. When the boys get gifts you expect them to be equal. When the grandparents spend time with the kids, you expect the time to be equal. If the grandparents compliment a child in front of the other children then compliments should be given to each. When there are discipline issues, you and your husband will handle it and your judgments on discipline are final and shouldn't be questioned especially in front of the kids.

I wouldn't worry so much about the Facebook thing, especially since you can delete comments when t hey seem one-sided if you think your children will see those comments and notice that one is getting more than the other. That's not usually something I personally notice, though.

In my family, my kids were the only grandchildren until this month until my brother had his first daughter. My parents are just tickled, and even still my parents are pretty good already about not showing favoritism. But I hope they shower that miracle baby with gifts. She deserves them.

On my IL's side, the favoritism goes to the 2 boys. There are 7 girls. My eldest daughter gets some special attention because my husband is the only surviving son, though. It's just how it is in Italian families sometimes and my IL's are quite elderly and set in their ways. They're also under a lot of stress since my FIL is now in a nursing home, so I have to cut them some slack.

Tell your Husband, it IS a big deal... BECAUSE CHILDREN DO KNOW... ABOUT being treated fairly or not and being 'favored' or not.
They know it.
And this, affects their self-esteem and sense of self and their emotions.

IF anyone treated my kids, with favoritism and the other less as the favorite... I WOULD, speak up. Because, it is NOT GOOD FOR MY KIDS.
At all.
I am the parent. Therefore, I am at liberty to correct, any mistreatment... even if that is by ignoring the other child and favoring the other.
Again, kids CAN and do.... pick up on things like that.
It is NOT nice, to treat kids like that.
It is, really not nice.
And I would speak up.

The two incident examples you mentioned aren't really showing "favoritism" are they? Make sure there is really an issue before you say anything. And really, I don't know if saying something is the solution IF there is favoritism. I vote for "keep my mouth shut" for now.
As moms, we can all be EXTREMELY sensitive to the treatment of our kids.

.

I'm sorry you are having this situation. Since its your parents, take your mom out to lunch and talk to her about this casually. Just mention something and see what she says. You might see that they don't even realize what they are doing. Also, imagine how your sister feels!

Since they are your parents, I would say something, and basically let them know what you are noticing. It may not change anything, but they might not even be aware of what they are doing, and maybe they need it brought to their attention, before the other grandkids get old enough to notice. I would remind them that your older son is not perfect, you don't expect him to be but he still needs to be disciplined like any other child. This may just be me, but something like that would bother me too much to not say something (though I would try to be as diplomatic and non-confrontational as possible).

My MIL can be this way, but in her case, I don't think it's worth saying anything, because we hardly ever see her (she lives several states away). She see's my SIL's kids (hubby's sister) all the time because they live much closer so when we have been able to visit with her, all she talks about are THEM - it's D's kids this and D's kids that and after a while I'm like, OMG, enough, I don't care anymore! I don't know if she talks that much about our daughter to anyone but she only sees her a couple times a year, if that. I figure in our situation, it's not worth rocking the boat. In your situation, I would probably feel differently.

This is my life..

My hub is an only child. and has Parents that are divorced.

My MIL and Step FIL favor my oldest. Not so much my FIL as my MIL.

My oldest has his own room at her house(her doing not mine), he has his own toy box and gets to go over and stay the night and go on cool outings.

She is not mean about....It is just how it is.

I have tried to reason with her...and asked her not to single him out so much...this only makes her dig her heels in more.

I dont have any answers for you...I will be excited to read some of your responses

I think all grandparents do this unfortunately. Usually the first grandbaby (or the one grandparents are living closest to) are the favorites. I am the youngest in my family and I feel like my parents act like my kids are second rate. But my daughter is the first biological granddaughter for my husbands mother and while she is the 17th (yes 17th) grandchild of his Dad she is the first he had living near him. So they act like she's the best thing ever...but my second daughter is overlooked. I can't stand it but have never said anything because I know they will say they love them all and blah blah blah. If it becomes so blatantly obvious that my children mention it to me though I would have to say something. I just try to make it a point to treat them equally and talk about both of them to the grandparents. When other grandchildren are talked about so fondly I make it a point to mention something awesome my kids did. Good luck :)

It will pass. My son was the favorite and they never really bonded with my girl. He was the bubbly happy one and they took right to him. My girl was reserved and shy, so they just ignored her. Well, she's blossomed into a little sweetie pie that melted grammas heart. It took my girl showering gramma with love, so that now gramma showers her with love.
Your older boy will go through a stage where he is not as cute and a bit of a handful and then they will discover the special qualities your younger son has. Life is funny that way. If you do say something, make it subtle and from the younger sons point of view, such as - "I bet little johhny would love it if you played with him too, he gets so little of your attention when his big brother is around, and I think it hurts his feelings."