Grandparents Are Pushy About Alone Time with Daughter

You are NOT making a big deal of it. Trust your insticts and stick to your guns. Let them know you appreciate the offers but you want everyone to be included. She sounds almost exactly like my mother-in-law. I just remind myself I am putting my kids needs and best interest first, hold your ground - nicely, and she will adjust.

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How well do you know this man? I could just be too protective, but I find it strange, that he is pushing so hard for alone time with your daughter.

If you aren't comfortable with it, or think she is too young, do what's best for your family! Just explain, that you don't feel she is ready for lots of alone time away from your family and is definitely not ready for overnight visits. They will just have to accept, that you know what's best.

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I say it's time to pull out the "gut parenting", if your gut says you should be there - be there. If your gut says she needs you - she needs you. And if your gut says say no - say NO! Your job is to be her mother, a good one and to protect and provide a safe feeling and safe situation for her. It is not your job to please your MIL or her husband.

Don't let pressure make you question your gut as a Mom, when it comes to this kind of stuff only you and your husband know best.

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NO. You are not.
You and DD are a package.
You go where she goes.
No exceptions.
Consider renegotiating this arrangement after DD is 4 or 5 years old.
No explanations necessary.
Grandma and Grandpa can enjoy DD's company in your home,
if that suits your plans. Anywhere else, you and she are attached at the hip.
Always.

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I wouldn't let my daughter go either and she is almost 4. I would tell them that you would be happy to drive in your car if theirs does not have room but you daughter is young enough that you are not comfortable with solo trips and it is no reflection on them. They may not like your stand but they can't argue with your right as mom to set the rules.

My MIL gets mad because I don't let my girl spend the night. She has spent the night away from both my husband and I for a night or two but not both at the same time....we each had instances where we had to stay overnight but the opposite parent was home with her.

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No! Go with your gut. If you don't feel right about it, then just tell them that possibly when she is older she can do an overnight if she chooses to.
Also, is there a reason that you don't feel good about leaving her alone with them? I just have a hunch that you don't trust him (or her?). If so, then I would not allow them alone time with my daughter either! My daughter is 15 months and often has overnights with grandma & grandpa (my parents) but I know she is adored and well cared after there. You can always tell them that you were planning to do a zoo trip and if you can't come along with them that day then you will be taking her by yourself at a later date.

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OK...I went through a simular situation with my own children and my IL's. They were constantly pushing to have the kids at their house overnight and on outings without us there. It was constantly the cause of fighting between my husband and I. I felt like many of the outings could be family outings that my husband and I could attend, and my IL's never wanted us to attend with them. Or they wanted to have the kids stay the night all the time. This went on for years. Last summer we found out that my FIL had been molesting my children during all of these outings and sleepovers. Mom, I say go with your gut. Your GUT is telling you something. MY GUT was telling me something all these years. I WISH I had listened to my gut, instead of IL's.

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I am grandparent and a great grandparent. I love my g'kids but I wouldn't be that pushy. Until you are more than pretty sure he isn't a creep I wouldn't let her spend the night or have alone time. You need to be positive.

A divorced woman a church, with two children, fell in love with a fella and married quite quickly. Turned out he was a creep. You can't always tell by looking.

No means no. She is only 2--so I agree with no sleep overs and long days at the zoo without you! Those are things everyone can look forward to when she's older. Maybe you and your hubby can plan a date night or something and have them babysit.

I would say, try a half day first and see how it goes. Having a grandparent, especially a step-grandparent, who wants to be there and spend time and get to know her, is such a gift. Take it from someone who had the step-grandparent thing, not in a positive way, that he is a gift. Especially if he is helping your mil get better about being with kids.
I would say tho, you need to trust your instincts. If you feel she isn't ready for an overnight, then don't do it, but I would talk to your husband as well. If you don't give them a chance, then they can never prove your fears wrong. As for the sleeping thing, she will get over it, once she gets used to their house. My middle son, has the same issue, but he's stayed at his grandparents enough to sleep just fine. Would it be possible for you and your husband to maybe stay over the first few times she is there? Might make you and her feel better.

Good luck with this, I know in laws can be tough.

I personally feel if you're not ready for your daughter to have an overnight with her grandparents, then don't do it. I do think you might enjoy a small break and some alone time with your hubby. Maybe take baby steps...a couple hours or a half day and then increase to a full day and then an overnight. Your daughter will enjoy the zoo so if you want to do a family day, fine, but it wouldn't necessarily be bad to let them take her by themselves as well. I'm sure you'll find a compromise, but do it within your comfort zone.

Trust your instincts. If you think she is not ready for a sleep over, than she isn't. You are the mom. No need to explain yourself. Use one sentance 'We feel that she's not ready to sleep away from home alone yet" and repeat it over and over every time they ask, until you are blue in the face. Give them opportunity to spend time with her, but if you feel more comfortable being there, than go along. Take your daughter with you and meet them at the zoo, then they dont have to worry about how much room they have. Stick to your guns and don't let them make you feel guilty.

No advice for you, but my in-laws are the same way. Pushy about having my kids over alone and also not very attentive. I don't understand why they want my kids by themselves. It's just weird.

Good luck!

This annoys me for different reasons. My husband is always pushing me to let his mom babysit so we can go do things. Things like eat dinner, which we can do with our daughter. I've let her watch her for us to go to movies, or if our daycare lady is unavailable, but I wouldnt just let her go to the zoo without me. I dont see why that cant be a family thing. Also, I've never let her spend a night away from me, and she's almost 4. I just dont see a reason for it. If we were going out of town to something she couldnt go to, maybe, but otherwise, I'm the mom and I dont see any reason for her to spend the night somewhere else.

You are making too big a deal about this. Give your MIL a break, maybe she has had a change of heart seeing the love that her husband feels for his grandchildren. Maybe she is catching the bug now too. I think you are just holding a grudge still, but you need to get over it. I would love it if my kids grandparents begged for them. How awesome would that be??!! Also even though your daughter is 2, I say give it a try. If she cries in the middle of the night, the worst thing is you may have to go pick her up, and who hasn't done that!! Good luck. Let your daughter start making memories with them!!

I have found with getting my daughter to bond with family she doesn't get to see much that mommy being there can be a benefit. You know her and can help the bonding process while being there to handle obsticales and avoid something that can turn your child against them.
I agree with your assessment of the situation. 2 years old is VERY young. I was only able to have my mother take care of her overnight because she was willing to do so 'in my home' and my dd is very secure with her.
You are the mom, don't ever let anyone pressure you into something you don't believe is appropriate for your child. Once you do, they will only do so more often. Good luck!

I think it is important for children to bond and have their own time with grandparents. It sounds like you are the one trying to be exclusive. Your mom may have had issues in the past, but it sounds like she is trying to take positive steps forward. Since she doesn't always know how to interact with younger children, maybe with having her husband there (who loves kids) will help. Plus, your husband and you will have some time together, just the two of you. That is important as well. One other thing. You said you are worried about over night and her sleeping well. It might be hard for her at first, but the more you let her stay with family the easier it will become. Good luck to you.

Red light for me as well!!! I am sorry and I do not mean to accuse but I don't really trust a man who is pushing for a little girl to sleep over. Children are so innocent and need to be protected and watched over, by us. Most molestations happen with people who we trust. He may be a wonderful man but I would be uncomfortable with the fact that needs alone time, why isn't just satisfied with visiting her at your home enough? Go with your gut, and stand your ground. Your daughter is too young sleep out in my opinion.

Our grandson has been spending every Friday night and all day Saturday with us since he was 8 months old. He will be 5 next month. I don't believe you really understand how important it is for children to feel the safety, support and love of the extended family - not very many years ago the generations all lived together in the same house.

He is so well adjusted and open to new things. And I really believe it's because he knows he has all his supporters cheering him on. BTW - Grandpa is crazy about grandchildren, too!

Really you need to thank your lucky stars. My mom died 10yrs ago and my 81 yrold dad lives 3hrs away. BUT, my FIL lives 10mins away and we see him at Christmas, (and that is cuz I make him). I have a 14yr old that plays sports, 12yrold beautiful girl and 6yrold beautiful girl. That makes me sad that they dont see him. I would LOVE to have gone on a date with my husband or any alone time. YOU need that. As long as Gpa is not a creep, I say let me take her and do what ya want, you need that. We never had that, and have been married for 15yrs and this year was the first time we got to go away by ourselves. PLEASE take advantage. you will see later that is was ok.

You are not making a big deal of this at all. Your daughter is only 2 years old. She couldn't even really tell you if she was being molested or not properly taken care of. If I was in your shoes I probably would never let my daughter spend the night. I was molested by my uncle when I was 7 years old. You would think 7 would be old enough to take care of myself. It's not. The fact that they are not picking up on the fact that you are uncomfortable with the situation is ridiculous. Your husband needs to be more supportive. If you need to reference all the people who are against your daughter spending the night like I am to your husband then do so. He needs to know not only your concern, but other mom's concerns about the situation.

I say go with your gut too... If you are not comfortable with it, don't allow it. I have a family member that seems very possessive of my oldest daughter sometimes and I just let her know that somethings are for mommy to do with her instead and she may be disappointed but she'll get over it most of the time. I'll also add that my step-father and my oldest daughter are very close- while he does have other grandchildren, he doesn't see them much and my daughter was my mom's first grandchild (he commented after she was born that he finally had a real grandchild). They just have a bond and it does not concern me at all. He does request for her to stay the night or for her to come over... sometimes I let her and sometimes I don't...
To sum it up, I would say that you should wait until you feel more comfortable with them before you let her stay over or take long trips with her grandparents...

Well your new FIL sounds awesome! Be grateful they want to have your daughter part of their lives.
Start with something small. Maybe let them take your daughter to a local place to eat and a park without you. If she is ok without you then let them try again. I think its harder to let go when its your first child..or it was at least for me. Also if your MIL is not attentive that can be scary but your FIL sounds like he is attentive.
See how your daughter enjoys the outtings. I would not make a big deal about it before hand. Just say be polite and have a nice time with your grandarents.
This could be a great opportunity for everyone. Everyone benefits from a loving relatioship. Grandparents are a wonderful part of childhood. ( I am 42yr and I stilll have have my grandma she is 91yrs and still goes to the gym 3 times a week) Your MIL and FIL would feel cherished and know you trust them. Your daughter would have a stronger relationship with them. You and your husband would have time alone. Enjoy.

I think the real issue lies with the fact that Gma's never been stellar & Gpa is still an unknown factor. For those reasons only, I would stand firm.

If the situation were other....Gma always involved & Gpa a known entity, then I would adamantly say YES....there is no harm in letting your child go without you. All of the grandchildren in my family (& my in-laws) have thoroughly enjoyed time with their grandparents....alone! From infant thru all ages, they have wonderful memories of these days. For myself, my sis, & my in-laws....it was just simply quite easy to "share the wealth", to trust our parents/in-laws, & to let go of the need to be the "only one who can take care of my child" syndrome. Hope all works out well....Peace.