Grandpa Won't Change Diapers

Tell him you would love for him to watch the kids, but he can't since he won't do diapers. Unsanitary and unhealthy! I wouldn't even leave them with him for an hour; what if the baby pooped as soon as you left?

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Sounds like he isn't going to change. And you expressed that you don't even want to go there with him. If you want to take him up on his offer to watch the kiddos, I would go to a late movie with hubby so you can get them in their PJs and overnight diapers and have him just be there while the kiddos sleep. If he says anything about it have your hubby be honest and tell him why.

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Sorry, if you are not willing to change diapers I can't leave the kids with you until they are fully potty trained. My kids are the end all be all and I will stand up to anyone on behalf of my kids. Even wet diapers get heavy and irritating and lead to rashes and yeast infections. I can't believe so many are so cavalier about it!

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Hire a babysitter who is willing to change diapers. I think he's been pretty clear on his policy with regards to diaper changing.

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Here's my take on this....I wouldn't be all upset at your FIL over this. I'd be thrilled if I were in your shoes because FIL has a sense of boundaries with the kids and he's being up front and honest about it.

To me, in this day and age, your FIL's response a good thing. I personally agree with him. I don't think I'd be so hot on the idea of anyone other than my child's father's helping with that anyway for obvious reasons. And even then, once a daughter reaches a certain age, if circumstances allow, it is probably better for a mom to do the potty training of a daughter (no one else) and dad helping son. But that's MPO.

Anyhoo...what your current situation says to me is that you're probably going to have to find a more fitting and flexible babysitter in the very near future as the kids get older. Things are only going to get more complicated as you approach the potty training phase and as you already mentioned, what if there is unexpected illnesses or other bathroom related calamities.

I say, don't totally write off your FIL, but clearly, and probably rightfully, there are going to be limits if you want him to be in the roster of potential babysitters. In the future, cut date-time shorter if he's the appointed babysitter, and maybe consider finding another more suitable babysitter for nights when you plan on being out longer.

Enlist FIL's help for times when you need to get quick chores done like a trip to the grocery store, a doctor or dentist's appointment, or a PTA meeting. Enlist the trusty teen or college student for when you have to go to a class-reunion dinner and dance, your husband's annual Christmas party for work, or for a leisurely dinner complete with conversation, drinks and "dessert." ;)

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I don't think you are going to get this man to change diapers. And I don't think it would be worth the family fight that could happen if you push it. My father never in his life changed a diaper, and there were four of us.

If you leave your kids with him or not is your decision. I might, if I knew we were going to be gone a reasonably short time.

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I agree with you! If your FIL won't change the diapers, then he doesn't get the opportunity to watch the kids. Period. (in my opinion) I know my DD will get an irritated butt very easily if not changed properly. You could run into problems with diaper rash and possible infection of your child is left to sit in a full diaper.

Changing a diaper is a MUST when watching a child. I understand that your hubby doesn't want to give up "date night", but maybe you could find another sitter. Just ask your FIL "what exactly is it that makes you uncomfortable with changing a diaper"? If he flat out refuses to change them, you will just have to be honest with him. Tell him "while we appreciate that you are willing to watch the children, we had to hire a professional babysitter who can perform ALL the tasks required when watching small children. We understand that changing diapers makes you uncomfortable, and since that is a MUST, we didn't want to ask you to do something you were not comfortable with". Hopefully your husband and FIL understand. Men...they just don't get it sometimes. Good luck!

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I would love it if my kids grandpa would come over and babysit if just for a few hours. I would not care if he changed diapers or not. We never get to go anywhere alone except for work.
Just make sure they she has already gone before you leave home. My son would go at least a couple of hours before doing #2.

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It sounds like grandpa really loves to spend time with his grandkids since he volunteers to babysit. I suspect he would change them if they were uncomfortable or crying because their diaper needed to be changed. If he is great with them otherwise I would change them right before I went out and only be gone for about an hour or so. My husband reallllly did not like to change diapers either and would avoid it whenever possible.

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my fil was like that too. i finally told him that if he cant change a diaper then he cant be counted on to care for my daughter. that snapped him out of that. but even then i know that he waited till she was about to leak because her skin would be red and irritated.

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Actually I am on Grandads side. Your children will be just fine for a few hours while they are sleeping. You are really lucky that he even will do this for you both. If one of them had diarrhea you would know that before you went out. He sounds like a very loving Grandad to me. Why would you take this away from him?

Updated

Actually I am on Grandads side. Your children will be just fine for a few hours while they are sleeping. You are really lucky that he even will do this for you both. If one of them had diarrhea you would know that before you went out. He sounds like a very loving Grandad to me. Why would you take this away from him?

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I would say to him, " I love that you like to watch the kids but part of this job is changing their diapers. It's important that they are not left with a dirty diaper because they can get a bad diaper rash or infection. I will be unable to have you take care of them if you can't do this."

What else is he not doing while they are in his care?

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Change their diapers before you leave and only be gone for 2-3 hours.

They will be fine with a dirty diaper for an hour. if they have bad diaper rash or bad diarrhea, then don't go out that night or get another sitter. Sometimes, you have to choose your battles, and it sounds like otherwise, he's a great grandpa.

You have 2 choices. You can accept your FIL's conditions and enjoy alone time with your husband (even if it's just for a few hours) or you can pay a babysitter upwards of $12/hr to get the diapers changed. If it were me, I would hands down choose my FIL. If you children have diarrhea, then you probably wouldn't go out anyway. And, your husband is right, the kids go several hours at night wearing wet diapers. We don't live anywhere near either set of grandparents and would love the opportunity to send the kids to their house for a date night!

Choose you battles. If you kids are safe, happy, and loved by your FIL, consider yourself blessed!

Maybe it is a girl thing. I don't think it means he perverted--he's entitled to his feelings. When my niece was very young she had a bad infection/rash in her vagina. My BIL told my sister he felt uncomfortable putting cream on her private area (it was their first child and he is a FANTASTIC father). She respected that and did the cream.

I have heard of alot of men in that era that never changed a single diaper simply because it was the norm for moms to stay home and take total care of the kids. Seems outrageous now because both my husband and I work and will therefore split the duties. I wouldn't worry about teaching an old horse new tricks. Just hire a babysitter and only use grandpa for short trips, a few hours out on date night, emergencies, etc.

My FIL doesn't change diapers either. He says he won't let her be dirty, but if her diaper isn't full then he won't do it. My MIL changes all the diapers, and if she's not there he will wait as long as possible, and usually she returns by the time teh baby needs a diaper.
In our situation it has nothing to do with our baby being a girl, my FIL has 1 girl and 2 sons, he just never changed their diapers, and won't do it today with his grandkids.
Is there anyway you guys can have a late night date after you put them to bed?
Good Luck.

Well... my kids' Aunty.... does NOT change diapers. Either.
It was her mantra... when my kids were in diapers.
Even if she took them out.... she did NOT change diapers.

How old is Grandpa? A generation ago dad's and especially Grandpa's didn't do diapers. My dad doesn't and neither does my FIL. Dad was 54 when he became a Grandpa and didn't then either, that was 20 years ago.
I wouldn't have expected him to.
Feed the kids, change them, put them to bed. THen go out and have a nice time.

I would ask him to change their diapers and tell him that it is required if he is going to watch them. If he refuses, you have the choice of allowing him to watch them without the diapers or find someone else. I personally would just to quick trips or outings if I knew grandpa wouldn't be changing the diapers. Good luck.

M

My brother in law would watch our kids but also did not change diapers. I think he just wanted to make sure he was never in any situation that could be mis-interpreted as sexual since we have 2 girls. I often just took them with us and wore one in a sling. Since I nursed them exclusively I could not leave them longer that 2 hours anyway.We had a bag of "restaurant toys" for consisting of an old purse of mine with little princess dolls and drawing stuff and a card board book that ONLY came out in restaurants. We would occasionally add a new toy so that there would be some excitement to come along. I don't think it is a big deal for kids to be in the same diaper for a while. I would add an extra thick layer of diaper cream and perhaps buy the next size diaper or overnights, etc. to put on the kids so they can last however long you are gone. And thank grandpa for wanting to spend time with the kids. His heart is in the right place, if I did not have to I would also not change stinky diapers!!

Was there some crazy show where grandparents were instructed to stop doing diapers as a way to force potty traiining? My inlaws are doing the same thing so my niece lies about her 5, 4, and 2 year old being potty trained. Then they get to clean up poo and pee off the carpet. GROSS.
They won't change and I bet he won't either.

Well it isn't like you are cloth diapering like I do and HAVE to change diapers at night. Personally if the ONLY complaint you have is diaper changes, I think you are doing REALLY well. I mean he could be bent on feeding them pure sugar instead of real food while you were gone instead or let them watch R rated movies all night and then leave you to deal with the nightmares for weeks after. It isn't like you are leaving him with the kids for DAYS, you say the max ever was 3 hours.

Personally, I wouldn't let gramps watch my children if he doesn't change diapers and it sounds to me that he has a problem with changing a girls diaper. Why push this issue? It doesn't sound right and I don't know about you, but this raises some flags for me. What does your gut say? Follow it.

Hi KF, I wish my kids had had a Grandpa, whether he changed their diapers or not, but they were both dead before the kids were born.
I guess I would let it go, let him babysit if it's only for a couple hours. Not like they're sittin' in wet diapers all day every day. Just use and extra layer of Desitin.

:(

My guess is he feels uncomfortable wiping a little girl and does not want to wipe between her legs as he sees this as being a "dirty old man"
Ask him why he does not change diapers.
Maybe go from the angle it is not good for them to lay in it as it can cause diaper rashes etc.
You may need to let Grandpa visit etc but hire a teenager who will change the diaper for long times out.
An hour out I would think would be ok without being checked/ changed.
You want to nurish the relationship with Grandpa and although you and I think it is terrible I am sure there are lots of children who sit/lay in their filth much longer than that and they survived.
Best wishes and good luck
sounds like Grandpa wants to help out but may be a bit scared :)

I'd say if he would promise to change a B.M. diaper then you could go ahead for 2 hrs or so safely. Otherwise --no--sitting in poo for a long time would be so uncomfortable!

I wouldn't force the issue as you are asking for trouble. If he doesn't want to do it thats up to him. My Dad never changed diapers and I wouldn't have expected him to.(he probably wouldn't have done it right anyway)lol. He is a wonderful Grandfather to 6 grandkids and father to 4 and has maybe changed a diaper once. Obvously your fil can't watch the kids for a period longer than 3-4 hrs so I would get someone else to babysit if thats possible if you are going to be out with hubby any longer than that. When he is watching them just make sure you change them just before you leave. The time will come when they will be out of diapers and he can watch them for longer periods. Also if my child had diarrhea I wouldn't be going out anyway unless it was an emergency. Good Luck. Your kids are so lucky to have a grandpa who wants to spend time with them.

I do understand you being upset. But be very thankful he's part of their life. I'd make it really clear to him if the kids end up having a messy diaper to call you right away. Even if you have to gross him out with yeast and bladder infections from not being changed do it. I wouldn't stop going out with your husband and having grandpa watch them. Although he doesn't change diapers he loves them a lot. Just change them before you leave and when you come back. 3-4 hours isn't too long.

If it's just a couple hours, change them right before you leave and slather their bottoms with vaseline for protection. I started doing that when my mother in law once said she didn't change my then toddler's diaper one time because when my MIL asked my daughter if she wanted her diaper changed, my daughter said no. I had to explain to my MIL that my 15 month old does not have a say in the matter!

He doesn't have to watch them, he is being nice to do it. If you are not comfortable with it, you can get a sitter.

Put your kids to bed THEN go out.

What a butt head...my FIL was the same way. He watched my son once so I could attend the funeral of my BFF's brother and I got stuck in a major traffic jam and he was panicking b/c he was afraid my son was going to be hungry (near dinnertime). I was thinking....ummm, can you make a PB&J? Sheesh.

It's definitely your FIL generation and I think the girl part is also a factor. My father does not change diapers either. My parents, well mainly my mom has watched my daughter two days a week since she was 15 months old and my mom did all the changes. There was one day when my mom had an emergency with my grandma that she had to attend to so my dad had to watch her for about two hours. She has a HUGE diarrhea blow out. He called my mom freaking but guess what he took care of it. Our dads just grew up in an era where it was not expected of them so they get weird about it. If it really makes you uncomfortable then I would tell your husband to hire someone who will do diapers. I agree with you as far as a possible poop while you are gone. A baby should not just sit in it. Tell your FIL you would be happy to have him watch the kids when they are potty trained. Good luck

I guess if he can't change them, you shouldn't leave them with him. My FIL said the same thing, and the one time he did have my daughter by himself (MIL is usually there as well) but the one time they were alone and she needed change, he changed her. Granted, the diaper was backwards, lol, but he changed her. Myabe tell him you really want him to get to keep the kids, but for health reasons, they need changed when they need changed, and would he reconsider?