Grandmother (Single) Raising Two Grandchildren - Boy 12, Girl 10

I am stuggling with the same issue, but I am 33 and their mom! Mine are younger, but I am already dealing with them wanting to be on the computer and asking for video games. I have a time limit for my daughter as to how long she can be on the computer at a time and I have to approve her games. She is not into visiting websites yet. I have the computer password protected so that she can not get on it on her own. She she whins that her friends get things that she does not, I just tell her that her friends parents have different rules than I do and that she has to follow the rules that we give her. I know this is going to get more difficult as she gets older. I wish you the best of luck with this struggle. I think it is one that many parents face!

K.! God bless you! And THANK YOU for throwing yourself into the ring AGAIN in your lifetime!!!! You are amazing! BRAVO to your courage and heart!

Okay, wise mother. I apologize in advance, but I'll be up at my soap box for quite a bit here. At 36, I, for one, am not very pleased with the "new age" ideas of child raising. I would frankly like to STRANGLE some of these "If you don't behave, you can't play guitar hero for 30 minutes" idiot parents!!!! THEY are making life a living hell with their princes and princesses! ERGH!

And OMG! I remember when I was a kid and if I or one of my "gang" wiped out, gashed our head, split our lip... the immediate reaction was "Don't tell my mom! She'll make me come in!" But NOW???!!!!! All the way through MIDDLE SCHOOL, not only are kids running home to MOMMY but the parents are, "OMG! OMG! WHAT HAPPENED!" freaking out THEMSELVES and only making this generation of kids a bunch of long tailed cats in a room full of rocking chairs. I swear, it's the PANIC age.

Back in the day? If I came home limping and my bike looked like a pretzel, my dad would size me up, make me walk up and down the driveway and inevitably wave me off with a "Rub some dirt on it, go play" attitude.

My 3 kids are 6, 11 and almost 13 years old. My mother is 68 years old and from the Philippines. If anyone was brought up "old school" it was my sister and I and boyyyy am I grateful now. I adopted some very good politics and practices from that upbringing and I can guarantee, most of my kids' friends wouldn't survive 10 minutes in THAT ring.

(and no, parents of royal children - I do NOT beat my kids nor do I regard them as "inferior"; quite the opposite - they are frighteningly intelligent and intuitive as well as being idea/decision shareholders in this household. But hey, they are also "future adults" and "in training" and I will NOT let them become a nuisance or a burden to society. Now, if they choose that self serving, "me me me" path? They better damn well change their last names.)

K.? Go with your GUT! One of the biggest flaws I'm finding EVERY DAY is that kids/young adults are NOT MADE ACCOUNTABLE for their behavior. It inflates the EGO and dulls any sense of EMPATHY and forget about REMORSE when they're involved in something that goes sour.

Along with being a mother of three, I'm self employed as an artist, vice president of our PTL and have - like some of you - the designated "Koolaid house" on the block; don't know how or why, but this place is flipping "headquarters" for the neighborhood kids. You can't miss my house - it's the one that looks like a yard sale for bikes and skateboards.

That being said, I am by no means "sheltered" from exposure to "kids today" OR "how children are being raised". And although I'm not an expert by ANY means, I do have eyes and ears that work.

One of the things I do for example, when a conflict arises - be it "No, it's your turn to empty the dishwasher!" to "Did you take my skateboard without asking me?" - whatever the case; I give them about TWO MINUTES to quietly resolve the issue on their own (and they have been taught HOW). If in that time the problem escalates, gets louder... or simply goes "unresolved", you know the signs, I stop the situation, remind them that they share the house with 3 other people and no matter WHOSE FAULT IT WAS, the people involved are now re-routed to "house duty" TOGETHER. Bedroom doors get closed/off limits, handheld games and phones get handed over to me - no access to anything FUN, basically. If the phone rings for one of them, I answer it with "Grace is in hot water right now, ask her WHY tomorrow..." (ohhhh, the humiliation!!!! Please.)

Basically, I throw together a little chain gang: sweep the garage, clean the basement, pick up the back yard (we have two dogs - enough said), go mow the neighbor's yard and DO NOT ACCEPT PAYMENT! (that one works the best, actually). Those sorts of things. But I have them do it TOGETHER. Always TOGETHER.

The result? They hate the living HELL out of me but in doing so, it forces them to "stick together". A wonderful,unexpected trust and bond springs forth from this and - hand to God - the idea of "favoritism" does not exist here. They all have to suffer TOGETHER - equally.

It works.

In the long run, I'd rather they all be close with each other than kiss my butt and be my friend. I already have friends.

If being close comes from pushing a broom around the garage, making sure I'm not within earshot and whispering "Man, I can't STAND her!" behind my back? SO BE IT! The two arguers are now in alliance with each other.

Go with your gut, K.. What worked for you "then" will work again NOW. Times may have changed, but the developing brains and attitudes of kids have not. Don't let "how other parents raise their kids" influence or deter you. Listen to your heart, it will never steer you wrong.

Again, KUDOS to you! I admire you so very much!!!!!! And good luck!!!!

I understand. I had my first at 41 and she is now 19. You just have to stick to your guns on things like violent games. However, there will be times when you will have to grin and bear it. Know that the way we grew up is no longer the way things are. You will not be able to change all of that and there will be some tears shed on your part. Respect for elders/parents has gone down the drain.This has been brought on by the media and the constant bombardment of negative stuff hitting the kids. Teachers as well have become lax as they fear law suits by the parents. I do not mean that there should be physical punishment in school . . .I am talking about parents claiming that poor little Billy "feels" bad when the teacher calls him out. Computer time is a hard one. But, you are in charge. Make them earn time by doing chores, geting good grades, etc and stick to your guns. My prayers are with you. It is hard to keep them away from all that stuff, but you can encourage other activities.
A.
60 year old mother of 17 and 19 year old girls

I applaud you with great shouts and bows. I am an 'older' mom at 43, so I can relate to facing challenges at an older age. I think about it already. Here is my humble opinion. I say, inlist the help of younger caretakers or mentors. Find role models that you think the kids can relate to, but also have your interests at heart. They say that even one good role model can make the difference. It is so much to bridge the age gap, and to have the energy to keep up with all that kids are exposed to. I try as much as possible, already, to find young influences for my son. And, I say, give yourself a break if you can't fend off all of the negative influences. Be good to yourself for making the efforts you do.

K., first of all this new age of parenting is probably not the best anyhow! And, that is coming from a 36 year old, so I feel your pain. I don't allow any Xbox, or anything big like that in my house-period. Others comments about the nature of the kids with them isnt worth is, so we only have a playstation portable, that i take away whenever i need to. Don't feel bad because you want to be a positive role model for them. THey will thank you later. Maybe just get rid of the games, get one you can lock up when they havent earned the privilege (sp?) and stand your ground. Just because my kids friends allow them to do everything and say everything they want, doesnt mean i am going to. I will not be one of those parents who allows their kids to develop into little monsters. I say if you are raising them, you must parent the best way you know how. Stand your ground, maybe seek the advice of others here on certain things, but mainly seek help from people you trust and people who have raised kids to be upstanding adults. I have a 6, 11 and 12 year old who are high honor students and upstanding kids. THey have never been in trouble in any fashion. I usually dont pay much attention to someone who's three year old wont mind and runs the house and is a misery to take anywhere..if you get what i mean..LOL..

Good luck!

C

Good luck to you

My heart is with you Grandma...raising kids is hard work. My girls are still relatively young 5 and 7 but we get that "why don't we have a WII" or "why can they stay up late and we can't". Our answer is "different Mommy and Daddy's (or different families in your case) have different rules". Maybe your friends can stay up late but maybe they can't do other things you can do. Luckily, I do know a few things my kids have or can do that their friends can't so that helps my side. (such as I let my kids play in a mudpuddle in front of our house when everyone else in the neighborhood watched from their window) The kids throw tantrums and get upset but that's the rules..tough noogies. I also try to use some humor to difuse the situation if possible.

Sibling riverly is difficult too. We have loads of it. I try to let them work it out and stay out of it as much as possible unless there's hitting or really nasty words. I try to remind myself that they are learning negotiation skills that will help them later in life. Daddy is better at staying out of it than I am but I try....Good Luck!!!

Trust your gut! I have been in early childhood since 1989, now I am a single parent of an only child... But, I bring him to work with me (Teacher/caregiver, go to someone home to care for their children.) I can't say I have the "correct" way to deal with it, but I can tell you that the never say no to your children, the make all the tears go away (Never let them feel disappointed) and the world is fair methods don't work!!! Life is tough. Trust yourself, you have raised your own children, sure it is different and sure you recognize mistakes made, but you are wiser now! We "know-it all" moms, should be listening to you!! On that note, I have tried the talk it through, with the children... ie How would that make you feel if, bobby had taken the toy from you? Sometimes it works most times it doesn't.

The one thing that I found I could change was how we (my son and I) treated others, regardless of the family values of others! Every morning before we go to work we talk about thinking of the other person and finding at least one time a day to MAKE someone elses day! No reward for doing this just, "Doesn't that feel great!" As a result, we have noticed the fighting reduce and I have even heard my son say "Wow, you made my day! or "You know I will give you the toy, did that make your day?" It seems to be catching on, even though I have never pushed it onto the other kids! I think we need to teach our kids to think about SERVING others, not being served!

Oh, I hope I wasn't to windy!

Ultimately, we should get back to parenting for their future not the moment!

Good Luck,
C.

I have one son who just turned 11. We do not allow any of the hand held games, Xbox, etc. We just got WII after seeing it at a friend's house. It's more of an active game because we got the Wii sports - baseball, boxing, tennis and bowling. We have "family" game nights. We limit use of computer and Wii during the week to 30 minutes and he gets a bit more on the weekend IF he has done well during the week. When we tell him to turn it off, time's up ... he better turn it off and not say, just a little longer or the privilege gets taken away. He's only allowed to play E rated games. This is hard because to many of his friends are allowed to do T (teen) and M (mature) games. He was invited to a party this weekend that the boy was having a Halo 3 tournament and we did not let him go because it's an M rated game. He was very angry at us, but we had several discussions about what we felt was appropriate and that it was important for him to have boundaries and to know what was right and wrong. It's a whole different ballgame from when I was growing up ... I'm 46.

I think the "but Johnny's parents let him . . . " thing is as old as parenting itself. I remember saying the same thing. My mom said, that's not what we do at our house and that was that!

For sibling rivalry, my kids are much younger but they also squabble a lot. I have been telling them they need to start coming up with ways to find solutions. i have to do a lot of facilitating (and taking away stuff) at this age, but I think at 10 and 12 they can probably be doing some of their own problem solving. Basically, it's "if you can't stop fighting, the TV goes off" or the toy gets put away, or whatever it is that's causing the argument.

You might also enjoy the book Raising a Thinking Child, or other titles by Myrna Shure. She talks about how to get kids to take responsibility and work on solutions. Should be available at any library or here's the Amazon link http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Thinking-Child-Everyday-Con...

I am a 51 year old mother of a 13 year old son. You are a real gem for stepping into the fray and parenting two almost teens.

The best advice I can give is to get to know their friends and classmates. Talk to the moms and dads. Find out which ones have values closest to yours and then encourage those friendships. Then they will know that you know the "everybody's doing it" line won't work. Stick to your guns and hold the line, you and they will be glad for it later. The old ways were the good ways. Don't apologize for it.

As to sibling rivalry, I don't have a lot to offer here. I believe a lot of it is personality based. Try to give them both special one-on-one time with you, and pray for it to end.

Keep it up. You are one special grandma! GOd bless!

Handle it the way you want. I have 4 boys 9,9,10 and 12. When they tell me about all of the expensive stuff (and violent toys, games, xbox, this and that) their friends have, my husband and I explain to them that most of the time the families are buying these things for them because they are so busy working they buy stuff for them instead of spending time with them. They know about the families that buy stuff out of guilt.
We do not have that kind of money and even if we did we would spend the time with them instead of buying mindless violent games and toys. Plus we too have heard about what families let their kids do from ours. Our response is that's nice that the other parents allow that but we do not. End of discussion.
Good luck and blessings to you.

K., I applaud your efforts to be there for your family. Clearly this is the time for you to indulge in you but you unselfishly are giving that up to raise another generation of children. God Bless you because life is so different now than it was when I or yourself were children. My suggestions are: Make them EARN computer time. If chores and homework are not done, no computer time. An 1/2 to hour max time on the computer, the oldest goes first. As far as their friend's parents style, that has nothing to do with how you run your house. You aren't trying to keep up with this generation, you are trying to raise children what their friends are allowed to do doesn't count in your house. Your house, your rules. Compromise isn't impossible, but everyone should come up with a list of what they expect and then sit down to come to some mutual agreements. The children will try to take advantage because you are grandma, but you have all of us here to help you through. I will keep you in my prayers and hope this works out for you all.

About me: I'm a single mother (34) raising teens 17 and 12 both girls. Homework and reading rule in my house all else are PRIVILEGES that have to be EARNED. Both my daughters are honor students.

Hi K.,

I'm glad that you like to read...because the advice I am going to give you is based upon "The Golden Rule", and was concisely translated into a "how to" book by a couple of women over twenty years ago...but is still available in your library or bookstore.

Two social workers wrote an absolutely fabulous book entitled, "How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk" the authors are Maslish and Faber.

What you are facing is simply facilitating compromise between people with different wants and needs and feelings. You cannot inhabit your grandkids bodies and experience their feelings, nor can they inhabit your body. The best you can do is to dialogue and understand them to the best of your ability and vice versa.
And, then...when you have that process under your collective belts, you can move onto agreeing upon the problems that you face, then moving onto coming up with novel solutions that work for you and your family...not the generic advice that people have to offer, or trying to copy what works for someone else.

For solutions to work they must be YOUR solutions (although copying is accepted), they still must the solutions that YOU and YOUR GRANDKIDS agree upon...and that takes all of you really understanding what the others guys are feeling and thinking....

And,these solutions will take a while to discover and implement...

Best Regards,

R. Katz, Psy.D.
www.richardkatz.org
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K., first of all, hats off to you! You have really taken on a labor of love.

#1 Your attitude is everything. The kids are probably picking up on your concern about raising them. So get congruent with yourself.

#2. There is a wonderful video program that you can do with the kids. It will get you all on the same page. The DVD program comes with workbooks and you all interact together.
http://www.gordontraining.com/family-programs.html
Scroll down to where it says in blue,
More information on our home-study DVD program for parents and families.

This program is outstanding. It is used in schools and has been used by parents for over 20 years. You learn how to raise your children so that they learn how to listen, have an honest and open relationship with others, and respect for others. They learn how to solve challenges without arguing. And doing this program together will be quality time for all of you to interact in a positive way.

The best to you,
M., Professional Counselor
www.super-science-fair-projects.com

Hi K., I am a grandmother as well, although she does not live near me. I don't get a chance to see her grow except through pictures. I believe the violent videos and movies are a waste of time and are detromental to our childrens mental health and encourage you to keep them away from them. Stand your ground on this. Not in your house! You can not control what other parents are doing and how they are raising their children. But you do have authority over yours in your house. Talk to them about how you see things, let them know that you love them and want the best for them. They might not appreciate it now, but they will when they become adults. They will know where to go when things get ruff because of the love and peace they find in your house. Proverbs is a great place to go to get information about raising children. You can do this, God has given you a gift. Sincerely yours, A.

It's unfortunate that you have to be the disiplinarian in this senario, but thank god you are able to do it. My thoughts are with you. I am sure it is difficult. Here's my thought...You get to choose the amount of time on the computer...You get to choose which video games they see. It may not be popular with the other kids, but those are the rules. Tantrums will be had, I am sure. It's what is best for them they don't know what is best for them. You do. Also, I am sure they exagerate what other kids get to do. If you are unsure about time on the computer for school work talk to their teacher. I support the you and your rules!!! Go grandma..

Things are not as new age you may think. You need to allow or not allow the children to do what you think is in their best interest,and stick to it. Kids have always used the "but so and so's parents allow it" technique. But it only goes as far as you are willing to allow it to go. My opinion is that the really violent fighting games are not appropriate for kids of that age. I would personally say "NO". They won't like it but you're probably not doing your job right if they do like all of your decisions. I have a ten year old daughter and 24, 23, and 21 year kids. Some things have changed, but the basics haven't.

First off, I think you're awesome. Stick to your guns. Set up rules, post them on the fridge and enforce enforce enforce. Don't let what other parents do influence your decisions as the parent in your home. You have to do what you know is right for your family. Being strict offers discipline that so many young people are lacking these days. And it shows everywhere, doesn't it?

Give the kids each their own time so that they feel special. The rivalry between the 2 will go on thru the teen years. It gets better after they're in college or at least in their late teens and 20s. Was that way for me and my sis.

Good for you! Actually the basic rules of child-raising aren't that different - fundamental fairness, for instance, is a value you can teach and a rule you can make. At those ages they should have about equal computer time. You may find that they work around by going on the computer together sometimes. My kids do it all the time.

If you don't want them to have certain violent games, just don't buy them or allow them in the house. But you might check with other parents to see if your fears are well-founded. A certain amount of aggression in play is normal. It won't make them into thugs if they are exposed to good behavior in real life.

I don't agree with the other posters who all said homework comes first. It took me years to figure this out: when kids get home, they really need to relax for a bit, just like adults do, and kick back. Nagging them from the minute they get home just makes everyone unhappy. Just make sure they get it done. It depends on the teacher, but homework is really just a reinforcement of what was done in school, and is nowhere near as important as being in class and paying attention in the first place. Remember that homework is their job, not yours - you've been to the sixth grade! There is no need to micromanage and sit with them for every lesson; they know what to do. They do like it, though, if you are at least available to them. I read or do knitting in the room with mine, just so as to be accessible. If you don't understand a question, check for basic stuff like: have they read the instructions? Have they read the paragraph or section the questions pertain to? Sometimes you can trouble-shoot that way without actually knowing the subject yourself!

Good luck and bless you. Remember that just like a parent, you can have fun with this and let it bless you. It does not need to be a grind. You've been given a second chance to be young again - many people would envy you!!

Honestly grandma... what is wrong with the old ways.

I wish you all the luck in the world. I'd go with your instincts more than anything. Set your own rules and don't worry about what other parents are doing. They're not raising these children, you are. And you have to do what you feel is best for them. As far as the computer goes, it depends on what they're using it for. I set a timer when my youngest sister was on the internet at my house. And then I was sitting right next to her, so I knew exactly what she was doing and saying. Homework and research is a different story, but I'd still put the computer in a family room. That way you can keep an eye on what is going on. The "fighting videos" are another story. If you don't want them in your house, I'd make it a rule that they don't enter your house. If they do, then there will be consequences. I don't have all the answers, but I really hope that this all works out for you. Best of luck!

Dear K.,

Don't adopt into the "new age" idea of raising children!!! I personally believe that the old time values are what works.

I'm a 40 year old mother of 3 (boy 11, girl 9, girl 4). My kids can't go on a sleepover until they turn 10. My daughter can't get her ears pierced until she's 16, and we don't have cell phones for the kids yet either. They can't have video games that are rated Teen or Mature and they can't use the internet unless I'm in the room.

My kids are great. They are respectful of authority, helpful, caring and compassionate. They know that they need to earn things and that it's okay to have to wait for something.

Keep doing what you're doing...your giving them the greatest gift!!!

Well first KUDOS to you for raising your grandkids!!! My oldest boy is 11 so I know just what you are getting into! We have only just now let him get his own email (becasue several friends have it) Only under the Strict rules that we have access to it and will get into when we see fit. He is allowed to have the Instant chat w/ his friends but only when we are home and can check up on him and after asking permission or it will be disabled on the computer. My Hubby is very good w/ computers so he can set the settings so that everything our son and his friends chat about can be pulled up later for us to read.

Find someone that is computer savy and can set up your computer for you (a local computer teacher would be good). Have them set up some parental blocks on your internet (ours requires the kids to only get to a couple then we have to enter a passwrd for anything else), have them set up your computer also so you can later look at whatever they have chatted w/ their friends about, we just set the rule that you get off the computer when told or the computer is plain shut off and No One uses it!
As for the fighting games we have had some of that too w/ older son's friends having one we don't allow it is simply put that we don't allow those in our house because mom and dad don't think they are appropriate.
Stick to your guns and GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Way to go Grandma! The rules I have in place for my kids work out for us quite well. Here they are: During the week 45 min. of computer time per day excluding homework. Instant messaging (IMing) is not allowed while doing homework. If someone needs to do homework and need the computer, no matter what/who is 'on' has to get off ASAP and can make up their balance of time later before bed. Time left over at bedtime is lost. TV game systems (Playstation, xbox etc.) are not allowed during the week with one exception; Dance Revolution because it's exercise and that is limited also to 45 minutes. As far as fighting games go, if they are shooting at non living things or alien types, I allow them. If they harm a human or animal-no way. They have come home from visits with their dad with brand new $25. games that they open, I see the game and we get in the car and take it to sell at the used game store. They get around $3.00 only for the used game, even though the day before their dad paid $25. for it. The lesson is learned quickly. My kids are also involved heavily in church youth group and are surrounded by kids and parents who are like minded, this helps more than I can say. They love youth group so much that I've been sick and could not drive them and they got on the phone to find rides. How often do you hear about kids begging to go to church? K., I think I met you at a garage sale!

I have 4 children two are teenagers and I use the trust system. They both have cell phones so there is always communication. They have never gotten in trouble at school and they get good grades I know their friends and make sure there is communication between their friends parents and I which I think keeps eery one in check. I feel part of the problem with kids is that parents dont know what goes on when the leave the house and if you talk to other parents you can find out.as far as computer time I bought my son a cheap home computer and my daughter a refurbished laptop spending only 600. for both. If that isnt for you I gave 1 hour time limits when we only had one. It seemed to work.maybe try getting them prepaid cell phones and using the chore system as a way for them to earn minutes for their phone instead of allowance it teaches them to be respnsible because they only have so many minutes a week and when they are used they have to wait. And learning to work for what you have they tend to respect those items a little more. I hope this helped you.

Give the children and hour each per day to play their games on x-box or whatever, only after school work and chores have been completed. You can talk to their friends parents and let them know that this is the rule so if they play the games at friends homes, they do not play them at home. Also let those parents know that your grandchildren are not allowed to play the more violent games...they are much too young and it's not appropriate.

Stick to your guns. The new age ideas of raising children are typically pretty awful. The video games...especially the fighting ones just desensitize young children to violence. Most spend entirely too much time on those things and they have so many varieties that not having the fighting ones will not hurt them.

You are the parent at this time....and that's what my parents always said when I would make comments about how my friends got to do things I didn't. I always got "you are in my care" "I'm your parent not them" and so on. Stick to your guns and assert your authority or you won't be able to do a thing with them. They have to respect you in order for you to be effective...in order for you to keep them safe...in order for you to maintain your sanity.

God Bless you for taking on such a tremendous responsibility at this time in your life. I feel for grandparents that find it necessary for whatever reason to take in grandkids. I have an uncle that has raised two of his. The kids were better off with the grandparents but my uncle and his wife have never really had a break and they are both close to 70 right now. They love their grandkids and would do it all over again, but they are tired.

Good luck and do what you think is best.

I admire you for the courage and commitment you have to your grandchildren! I say pick your battles carefully as they enter the pre-teen and teen years. They will question every rule as tho each has equal importance but rules come in many different categories - some greatly important to their moral development and some will be trivial - making it easier on someone at home, for example.
Violence is a huge issue in our home - fighting videos and the like are not allowed in any scenario - hands down, not open to discussion. Children will squawk at first, but stop asking after awhile, because they know you will not change your mind based on PRINCIPAL. Otherwise, let them spark a discussion on a rule and state their case (so they know they are heard). Sometimes it helps not to respond right away. Tell them you need a little time to think it over and will get back to them. They may be disappointed that you don't agree with them, but they will appreciate the "chance" to be heard. Ten years from now they will understand and appreciate your holding to your principals.
One more thing - don't have these rules discussions when anyone is angry - choose the time for discussion!
God bless you!

M. K
mother of 5, retired teacher, new grandmother!

It is hard to get respect from kids these days. I have 2; 7 and 10 yoa. Just like a job, they have to earn their rewards and are penalized for their mishaps including fighting with each other. I do believe in corporal punishment, even at their ages. Both are disciplined over a fight not just the one who started it. The computers and tv's stay off until they earn the use of them. Homework, chores and good behavior earn these privileges. Reading and alone time without anything electronic are necessities. The children help keep track of their behavior and are able to "SEE" their progress. This also helps them with homework and will help them in the future.

I commend you for first, raising your grandchildren, and second, refusing to buy violent video games. Although my children are much younger, I was a HS teacher for a few years (students with behavior disorders), and I agree 100% with not allowing violent video games. We do not have any gaming systems, and very rarely do I let my 4 year old play Kindergarten computer games. I don't even allow more than 1/2 hour of TV/ day (and usually it's not at all). I guess I'm just a little more old fashioned and I want my kids to use their imaginations and play outside more than on the computer/gaming systems. I do think there is a time and place for them, in moderation.
As far as sibling rivalry goes, I know my parents usually stepped back and let us work it out (I'm the 6th of 7 kids), and only stepped in when necessary. I make my kids take turns, but I'm sure that's a little harder with the older ones. If they are continually fighting, they have to go to their rooms for 10 minutes and play by themselves before they can attempt to play together again. Usually this makes them miss their playmate, and all is forgiven. You could also set a timer for the computer time--15 mins or whatever you feel comfortable with, and when the timer goes off, it's time to get off, even if the other one isn't waiting.
Stick to your guns! Way to go. Hope this helps!

God bless you for raising your grandchildren.
It can't always be easy. But, they will keep you young at heart! : )

Stick to your morals and what you think is right. Don't just follow other parents because it is the "thing to do". They might not like it, but that doesn't mean you should give in. You are the adult and their guardian, and you also have many years of life experience and I'm sure you have much wisdom as well. So don't give in!

Instead of just saying 'NO', offer a few acceptable ideas instead that you are comfortable with.