35 answers

Grandma Moving Out of State Family Does Not like the Idea

I am a mother and a grandmother who is planning a move to another state in 2009. My family thinks I am terrible for leaving behind a grown, married, son and his two children. When the middle child was born, they did not want her, so I took her and raised her, and adopted her in 2006. I have had her since she was born in 1997. I also have a 23 year old, still at home, but graduated and working. Both of these kids will be going with me. The 23 year old by his choice, because he wants a better job and a better life than the state of Louisiana can offer him. Louisiana has poor education systems regardless of what anyone says. We have been in this state for 41` years and not a lot has changed, espically the eucation system. I want better for my daughter. There is nothing here for young people. Drinking, nightclubs, etc. Not what I want for my kids. My mother spends NO TIME with us at all. She is at my sisters most of her life. My son is 36, married, and has had another child. It is time to grow up and accept his own responsibilities. I am tired of raising grandchildren. I just want to know what it is like to be a GRANDMA. Spoil them and send them home. I will come back in the summer and visit, and the grandchildren can fly up and stay some in the summer. What is so wrong to want to better myself and my children?

All advise is welcome. I am not going to be put on a guilt trip. I have a nephew and neice who live in Seattle, whom we adore and will be there for us.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks to everyone for the great responses. It makes me feel a lot better with all the positive answers I have received. I am absolutely going to Seattle probably in June or July of next year. My daughter will have finished 7th grade. That will give her a year left in Jr. High to make new friends, before going into High School. By the way , My neice that lives in Seattle originally got me hooked on Mamasource by e-mail. It is a great way to communicate and get wonderful support, even when you are a 60 year old grandma.

Thanks a bunch
S. Miller
Lake Charles, Louisiaan

Featured Answers

S., you have to do what is best for you and if that means leaving "grown" children behind so be it. I did not have a problem leaving mine behind when it was time for me to move, it has actually made me miss them for a change. They love it whn we are in town and spend some time with them. Really hate the fact that you are disappointed with Louisiana because it is where my husband, youngest son & I just moved to from South Carolina (I thought they had the lowest educational standards :-)) My children are all grown and the youngest (23) is with us by choice and working, something he was having a hard time doing in SC because there did not seem to be any jobs.

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S.,

Your children need to realize that this is your life and you have every right to live it as you please to do. You need to tell your "grown" ones that they as parents should understand that we put our lives on hold until our children are grown. Well, S., your life is no longer "on hold", and doing what you want with your life is a privilege that you have EARNED. Good for you! Go forward and live well!

Best of Luck!

A.

1 mom found this helpful

I think what you are doing is incredibly brave. You are doing what you need to do for your children and that is commendable. As for your oldest son, he needs to realize that. You do what you need to do and that is all that matters. Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

S., you have to do what is best for you and if that means leaving "grown" children behind so be it. I did not have a problem leaving mine behind when it was time for me to move, it has actually made me miss them for a change. They love it whn we are in town and spend some time with them. Really hate the fact that you are disappointed with Louisiana because it is where my husband, youngest son & I just moved to from South Carolina (I thought they had the lowest educational standards :-)) My children are all grown and the youngest (23) is with us by choice and working, something he was having a hard time doing in SC because there did not seem to be any jobs.

Hi S.,

You have every right to move out of state and I think you are making the right choice. Especially for the reasons that you stated. We moved away from our daughter and her young family last year. True, it does seem like we don't see them often enough anymore. But what time I do spend with them now is more precious. Don't let the others make you feel guilty. You have reached the age that you shouldn't have to be "the mother" anymore and should enjoy the grandmothering phase of your life.

Growing up my grandparents lived in another town...about 220 miles away from us. The best memories I have are the summers that I spent with them.

You go, girl...and don't feel guilty.

W. Q

I think you've done more than your share for your family, it's time to do something for yourself and the family that you are still raising. You are still 60 years YOUNG, starting a new life will be a wonderful adventure - best of luck to you!!

First of all, you are not terrible for wanting a better life for yourself and your two children who live at home with you.
There is nothing at all wrong with wanting to better your situation, especially for the sake of your children.

It also sounds like your adult child or children have possibly been using you as a free babysitting service, and they resent the fact that you will no longer be at their beck-and-call for whatever they feel they need from you.

You know, life is simply too short to always worry about how other people will react to your choices, or what they will think of you if you move. If you believe that you only have one life on this earth, then please spend that life doing things that make YOU happy. If we continually worry about everyone else, well, that leaves nothing for us, does it?

Firmly tell them that you ARE moving, and that you would be more than happy to host them when or if they decide to visit, but for them to give you some advance notice of their arrival, so you can plan for it.

Maybe once they see that you are truly serious, they will relax about the move. It could be that they are simply worried about you and your younger children, since you will be moving away from the security of familiar surroundings in which you have lived for 40 years.

After their first visit with you, when they see that you have indeed made a good new life for yourself and your children, they will likely embrace the move as beneficial. Plus, they have somewhere to go on vacation!

Seriously, assure them that the three of you will be just fine. If you show them that you already have things lined up in the city to which you will be moving, they will feel better about it. I mean things like a part-time job, a place to live, possibly friends you may have already.

Also, look online to see if there are any community boards for the area you are moving to, and sign up so that you may ask the locals things like where is the best place to shop, what is the safest area of town, the name of a good doctor for yourself and your son, and a pediatrician for your daughter, etc. Make a list of their recommendations, and you will already be prepared with that before your actual move.

Whatever happens, good luck to you.

I say, GOOD FOR YOU! It sounds like they don't want you to move because they depend on you too much, perhaps taking advantage of you. We have not lived near our families since we left for college (15 years ago), although we love them dearly. Between the internet, cell phones, the vacations, we get to see them as often as we can. This is a great time for your family to learn some independence and responsibility, when you are not immediately there to pick up the pieces. I hope you enjoy your move and find a world of opportunities. God Bless!

You truly inspired me to to feel less guilt for my hard decsion to move away from my grown children & grandkids. Thank you.

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