Grandma Looking for Sleep Advice

L.,

I don't understand why people are afraid of spoiling newborns or encouraging bad habits. These are precious fragile human beings that deserve all our love and protection. They have a lifetime of toughening up ahead.

Sleep with her if it works for everyone physically and emotionally. Most people feel comforted sleeping with a spouse, sibling, etc. so why expect an infant to sleep alone?

Yes, mother and daughter may both get used to it or maybe the baby will not want to be torn away to sleep on her own later on, but for now and the near future, don't worry about. What would happen if we always denied ourselves anything good or positive for fear that we may get used to it and have to give it up later?

There are some people here who will disagree with me, and that's fine, but you said the problem was with wanting to cuddle and snuggle but being afraid it was wrong and would encourage bad habits. It's not wrong to give a baby love, comfort, and protection, so do it and don't fight it. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I am a mother of 7 beautiful daughters and our 7th baby just 2 1/2 weeks old. I have heard all the horror stories about sleeping with your babies but we have done it with all of them and they are far more happier for it! We have a little cosleeper that goes in between us and she sleeps there but some nights that will not do, she would prefer to sleep next to mom. They get used to the smell of mom and that is all they want. It is a natural process! All of mine eventually transitioned very well to the crib with no problem! Don't listen to everyone else's horror stories and do what feels good to you and that baby and no I do not believe that you can spoil a baby this age! They have a natural wanting of being close to what seems normal to them and that is mom! Enjoy this age, they will soon be grown and you'll miss this time!!! My oldest will be 17 and I wonder where this time went! I don't listen to everyone else anymore, I do what is best for our family! So do what you feel is best and enjoy that little one, they are treasures!!!

I have no qualms for either method and each of my chidlren were different! For the first 4 weeks or so with my son he wanted to sleep on my chest or his daddy's while we were in the reclinng position! Our pediatrician told us her son was the same way and it is next to impossible to spoil a baby under 3 months! She gave us the idea to buy a baby carrier that you wear and secure him in it and then we could dose off without fear of dropping him! We did this and eventually he transferred to the bassinet in our room and at about 2.5 months he went into his own crib in his room. He is now 2 and a half and sleeps in a regular twin bed and knows he is not to sleep with mom and dad.

My daughter is 4. months now and she was a little different than my son! She never wanted to be snuggles but loved being swaddled for a very long time almost 3 months. Then she started this thing of needing a receiving blanket rolled up and placed next to her so she was some what laying on her side. She is now in her own room and crib sleeps all night just fine!

I don't like the idea of chidlren in my bed all night either but I still did the cosleeping with my son and he is fine now! Another thing she can try is maybe swaddling the baby in one of her t-shirts that she wears all day! Just the smell of mommy may be soothing enough!

Hi L.,
I'll admit right away that I'm for co-sleeping, so you can listen to my advice with that in mind. I have a 6yr old and a 2 yr. old. When I was a new mom, everyone tried telling me to put my son in a crib or bassinet, swaddle him and put some distance between us. This felt unnatural to me. We had been together for nine months and I think he felt the same. I think it's okay to treat a newborn differently than a six month old. When I read the baby book by Dr. William sears, he talked about co-sleeping and wearing your baby in a sling. Everything I read felt right to me and I was thrilled to have found this info. My advice would be to follow your insticts. You can make changes as the baby changes developmentally.
M. S.

It is very essential for the baby to be close to her mom. She has been in her utero for so long, that it is very hard for her to adjust to a new environment.
I would suggest just to bear with it. You can help your daughter by purchasing (or you can make your own) a baby sling, so it will be easier for the mom to do her every day tasks while holding a baby.
It has been proven scientifically that you cannot spoil baby till they turn 1 year old...
Most parent co-sleep with their babies until they turn 3-6 months old (in one bed or with a special crib that stands beside mother's bed). If you daughter does not want to co-sleep with her baby for long, she can try co-sleeping with the baby until she turns that age. Because the time between meals at that point will stretch a little longer (I assume that the baby is breastfed).

The only way I could get any sleep with my youngest two was to co-sleep...especially those first couple weeks when they slept on my chest as I slept in a recliner. For me leaving my newborn alone in a room crying for comfort and closeness just so I wouldn't "spoil" them seemed and felt very, very wrong. I didn't do it, I'd never do it and I have no regrets. That said, you gotta figure out what works best and then just run with it. Don't get caught up in what others think and feel is best for you and your situation. Only you know what's best...

I think this is fine. The baby is so young still that I don't think it is until later that they start "habits".
You might be interested in "The Happiest Baby on the Block". It is a good book and talks about what babies need in their first months. One of which is to be held! Congrats!

Congratulations on your new granddaughter!! How exciting! I had a little girl who was exactly the same way. I ended up sleeping with her on the couch on my chest for 6-1/2 weeks, because I couldn't get any sleep otherwise. I don't blame your daughter for a minute if she doesn't want to start any bad habits, but sometimes, you have to do what you have to do. Personally, I like my kids in their own beds, but when they're little like that, I think you have to make the exceptions. Think about it, that little baby has been all rolled up in a tight little ball in mamas belly for a long time, and now she's out, and on her own. It will take some time for her to get used to not being against mommy all the time. Keep her swaddled... that might help. I put a soft stuffed animal in the bassinet against my daughter, so she felt like she was up against something. Snuggle with her as long as you can, she will be grown before you know it! As you know with your daughter! My youngest just turned one, and I would love to sit and snuggle with her as a six pound baby again! Now she's running around and can't sit still!! Enjoy her while she's tiny! Best wishes!

Having looked at a lot of the answers, I know this will be in the minority. But, look at the SIDS research. Babies are safest in their own bed. Risk of SIDS is low, but if you are that one who has a baby die of SIDS, it doesn't really matter what the odds are. Has she tried laying the baby down while drowsy with a pacifier? Also good for SIDS prevention. It is normal for a baby this age to wake every 2-4 hours for feedings. As a nurse who works in a NICU, and has seen plenty of newborns, ALL babies will sleep some in a bed.
Good luck and congrats!
R.

Habits is the last thing she needs to think about right now. The baby only knows life as being INSIDE her body. She needs to allow the baby to be with her as much as possible....to wean that whole thing. For now, and the next month or so, let that baby be a newborn, and be with its momma....I hope your dauhter can see from her baby's perspective- HOW SCARY is life without its momma right there?? Especially at night while sleeping. AWWW:(

God Bless and Congrats Grandma! :)

A.

I don't know the whole story or what's going on, but my advice is put her to the breast and keep her there. Co-sleep as long as both mom and baby are sleeping well (until one disrupts the other). Get a sling and carry her around all day (this is something you can do as well when your daughter wants a break). Good Luck!

I did co-sleeping with my son only for the first couple of months before I had to return to work. Hes 13 now and has no memory of taking up any space in my bed. My daughter because I was a new mom and afraid of bad habits we cuddled til she feel asleep. Swaddling at 6 days old works wonders. Mocks the closeness the baby cravin. Hope you find what works for you.

i had the same problem with my son. what we did was swaddle him tight and lay him in his boppy. this way he stayed warm and still felt like he was being held. hope this helps and good luck and congrats!

Hi L.,

I'll go against what everyone else has said so far. I am against co-sleeping, especially at such a young age. There are just too many dangers involved and yes, in my opinion and experience it is habit forming. Look through the history of requests on here from mothers asking how to get their child to sleep in their own bed! Is your daughter making sure to swaddle the baby in the receiving blankets with her arms tucked inside? If the baby is swaddled tight, she will feel more secure (almost as if someone is holding her). Also, is the baby getting enough to eat (how often does she want to feed)? My children both were on a 21/2-3 hour schedule. Is she spitting up excessively (she could have a little reflux)? Elevating the head of the bassinett or crib mattress can help.

Good Luck,

C

My son slept with me until he was 11 weeks old (on my chest on the couch). It is very natural to a baby to stay as close to mom as possible. This has nothing to do with a bad habit. It is my opinion that you cannot spoil a baby. When my son was 11 weeks old, I started putting him in his pack'n play for naps first, then at night and then I transitioned him to the crib (again first with naps). It all went really smoothly with him. He has been in his crib ever since.

I am not a supporter of co-sleeping but your talking about a 6 day old baby and to me that is so different(I understnad some may not agree with me and that is just fine with me)So, I say she should sleep with the baby. A mother who is as well rested as possible is a better mother. My husband and I slept with our son when he was a newborn, so we could both get better sleep. I do have a warning, however, I was sleeping on the couch with our son on my chest when he was itty bitty one afternoon while we were napping and I rolled over and he fell to the floor. I am guessing this is what happened, as I woke to him screaming and I was on my side. I totally panicked, called my husband at work in tears because I was so sure I had ruined him some how forever(the ole you were dropped on your head as an infant thing). Aaaanywaaay, he was fine and still is, no lasting damage but just warn her, and someone said use a baby carrier, that's a great idea, that could have saved me some heartache. Don't worry about habits, she is just a newborn. Enjoy her!

Babies that young don't know the difference. Many a night my kids, as babies, slept on my chest, and they sleep great now. However, I suggest a swaddling blanket. It wraps them tightly (they like it) and keeps them from startling and waking themselves up. I had something called the Miracle Blanket and you can find them at Babies R us, or even online, just google Miracle Blanket. I would also suggest white noise, such as a fan, blowing in the room. Its soothing and it will stifle outside noises that might keep baby up.

I know how you feel. My daughter would only sleep on one of us when she was a new born. So she didn't get used to the bed. We slept in a large recliner in the living room. I would hold her in the crook of my arm and we would both sleep. That way I knew I couldn't roll over on her. She is now 13 months old and has slept in her crib without problems since she was 2 months old.

Don't know if your daughter is breastfeeding or not but we had both of ours sleep with us which made feedings (and sleeping) so much easier. Of course you have to be careful with co-sleeping and if you're a deep sleeper it won't work but I don't think she should be too worried about the bad habits this early. One thought would be to use a specific co-sleeper - it goes right on the bed but keeps the baby confined (you can get them at Babiesrus and Walmart, I think). Another thought might be for your daughter to play a baby/classical/lullaby CD softly when they're going to sleep, then transfer it to the baby's room when she's ready to start putting her in the crib. (BTW, both of ours transferred to a crib with no problems.) I think it's great that your daughter is worried about the bad habits - it's amazing how much babies absorb and continue to absorb as they grow and will do as you do. Good luck to you and your daughter!

We've all been there at some point, but the baby will sleep on her own if made to do so. After clean diaper, feeding, make sure she is warm enough. Doctors are making mom's keep babies cooler these days and on their backs, but babies prefer to be cuddled and warm, just make sure she is not too warm. Prop her back against the side of the babybed so she is on her side; she will feel cozier this way. Some babies have to cry a few minutes before they fall asleep. Crying is good for them, it wears them out and helps expand the lungs.

My daughter used to put a heating pad on the babybed, rock her baby to sleep then have her husband pull the heating pad off and laid the baby on the warm spot, that way he didn't wake up when he felt the cold mattress. She did not cover her baby up b/c her doctor didn't want her to. If you are not using blankets in the bed, maybe a cap on her head would help.

My babies didn't sleep through the night until 3 mos old or so when I started them on cereal, but they all slept in their own bed. I kept them in a bassinette in my room until they were a month old, then put them in their crib. Babies make a lot of noise at night and sometimes cry a bit then go back to sleep. It is best if they are in their own room.
Hope some of this helps.

Hi L., I say let the baby sleep with her for a while so both can get some rest! If you think about it, the baby was inside her body for 9 months and naturally wants to be near her as it's out in the world now. I nursed my son and he only would sleep well for the first few weeks directly next to us. I have opinionated in-laws who said we would "spoil" him. Because I was worried about what other people thought, I tried and tried to get him to sleep in his bassinet only to have to wake up every hour and a half and try to swaddle him, rock him etc. Finally, we just let him sleep next to us and slowing transitioned him into his bassinet. He was sleeping in his crib in his own room by 4 months old. At this age, you WILL NOT spoil him. Next time around, I'm forgetting about people's opinions on this. Good luck!

She's so young, I would try swaddling her or putting her in her car seat. She might try a swing or bouncy chair for awhile to help her fall a sleep and then move her to the crib. How does she get her to take naps?

Swaddle the baby in a nice warm blanket.She will feel like she is being held.By no means sleep with a infant in your bed.A lady we know fell asleep after many nights of no sleep with her new born and rolled over on her and sufficated her.You might also try one of those teddy bears that has a mommy heart beat it soothes the child like she is still in the womb.You can't spoil a baby that young but Mom does need help she needs her sleep.Her baby may need a trip to a chiropractor going down the insides of Mom she could have something out of place.After birth Mom could probably use a treatment or two as well to get her feeling better as well.

Please tell your daughter that there is NO chance of bad habits developing by letting her baby sleep with her. The first month of a baby's life is an extension of being in the womb and constant carrying and swaddling is GREAT for newborns. My daughter (who is now 17 months) slept with us for nearly three months. The first month in our bed and the next two months in a cosleeper next to me. She was moved into her crib in her own room by 3 months and sleeps at least 12 hours every night. Of course, the first couple months you will have middle of the night feedings - which makes cosleeping that much easier! Good luck and congrats.

You can't spoil a baby this little. they are used to being held because they came from a tight area. Hold her- cuddle with her - they are only little once. Just don't sleep in a bed with her - I've heard too many horror stories.

LuAnn
Working mom of 4 boys (9, 7, 2 1/2 and 18 months)

I had to move back in with my mom after my daughter was born. She slept in the same bed as me until 7mo old. I know they don't recommend this for safety reasons, but I had no problems switching her to a crib at 7mo. I think she was happy to be in her own bed!

She is not going to spoil her. She needs to be close to her mommy. When my children were this little I would often let them sleep in the car seat it helped the world not seem so big and after a couple of weeks they were in their basinets or beds. They like to be bundled up and held very close. I would make sure she is swaddled and warm enough. It is a big scary world mom right now is the only thing that feels safe and right. If everyone is sleeping and mom is comfortable that is more important the where she is sleeping at least in my opinion. Good luck and this too shall pass.

Hi L..

I haven't read through all the responses, so I may be repeating what others have said. But I don't think you can hold a baby 6 days old "too much". I don't think there's a such thing as spoiling a baby that young. Your daughter needs to do what feels right for HER. Don't worry about all the "rules" just yet. I co-slept with my daughter, and loved every minute of it. She was about 6 months old when she went to her own crib - and I'll admit that was a little too late. It made the sleep transition difficult, for us both. We co-slept with our son, but not for nearly as long. I just did what felt right for us. There are lots of different books for sleeping information out there - Dr. Sears, Dr. Ferber, Babywise, etc. Good luck with whatever your family decides!

L.,

Just remember you can not spoil a baby under three months old (and longer as far as I am concerned). I actually had the same question about my baby sleeping with me. I am a single stay at home mommie and also live with my mother right now. My baby girl does not want to sleep by herself either and it is the only way I can get sleep. I say let that baby sleep with her. It doesn't have to be this way forever. The baby has been inside her Mommie's warm belly for the last 10 months and now she is in this big world and I wouldn't want to sleep in that big scary crib by myself either. She will start to sleep by herself when she is ready. It might be hard in the beginning to transition but she'll get it. Your daughter will look back years from now and wish that her baby girl would want to sleep with her. Nothing is set in stone yet and patterns can be changed especially in the first year. So congrats to you and your daughter on that new baby girl. Let them sleep together and spoil her all you want. Everything will work itself out. :) M.

There is nothing wrong with it . . .as a matter of fact, I followed the advice of everyone with my first one and didn't let her sleep with me (unless she was sick) and she is a very nervous anxious child to this day. With my second, I made sure she was on her side with one of those little foam things that cause them to stay on their side and made sure she was on the side of my bed that butted up to the wall and she slept there for 3 months -- after that I started putting her in her crib and she was totally fine, content and slept very well. I would do that again in a heartbeat. That being said . . . I am a very light sleeper and was very aware that she was there and didn't move around much because she was there. If your daughter is a very hard sleeper, I would be a little leery for fear that she would roll over onto the baby. It was the best thing I did for my second daughter and wish I would have not listened to the "professionals" when it came to the first one. I think she would be more secure and less anxious now too.

That's my two cents!

cosleeping is perfectly fine and 2 drs i spoke w/ actually recommened it to me. just make sure she puts the baby in crib for naps and gradually the baby will be able to stay asleep for night time. i know it's hard for her right now, it will all work out.