Good Book for New Dad to Read & Advice for a Bottle That Simulates Nursing

We used avent with our first, but our 2nd couldn't latch onto it properly, so we switched to Dr. Brown's. They also have a anti-gas system (looks complicated at first, but no big deal). It's been great for him. Both nursed and took from the bottle until around 8-9 months - then nursing slowly phased out until weaning was complete at 12 months. I say think about how your baby latches, then take some time to browse at the store for a nipple that looks like it'll work for him. They nipples also have different flow levels. You want to keep this as slow as possible to avoid developing a preference for the bottle over breast, but it also needs to be fast enough for baby to not get frustrated. Both of mine became faster nursers as they got older, so I always kept the next fast nipple at the ready for when the bottle started to "take too long" or frustrate them.

As far as books for Dad - will he actually read it? There's a book called "The New Father" that is part of a series. My non-reading husband actually enjoyed these, but I'm not sure how much they helped? I read all the sleep books (Babywise + Weissbluth were my magic combo), and I described the philosophies to hubby in order to get his opinion before implementing them. Luckily he was on board. It's a tough time, but you'll get through it! Just remember to give hubby a kiss and hug now and then and apologize for any frustration, anger or lashing out you accidentally wield his way. Hopefully he'll do the same. Hearing baby cry is always stressful (later, it'll be whining... yeah!). We used a timer to give ourselves permission to let him cry when we needed too. Helps with the 2year old whining too. :) Good luck!

Adiri bottles. Got them on Amazon. Both of my breastfed babies only would use these. Expensive, but worth it. The most similar to a breast.

As you may have noticed, there are lots of opinions about the babywise method. I don't have one. But your husband might. If that is the method you want to use, that is the book your husband should read. On the other hand, if he doesn't have a say in it, he might not really be motivated to read it. I would suggest one of two approaches:

1. If you are willing to adjust your "strictness" in using Babywise, ask your husband to read the book and look for the things that he thinks need to be adjusted for your son and your family.

2. If you want to go by the book exactly, ask your husband to read the book to make sure you are doing things right. This approach will take a bit more humility on your part, because it should result in your husband being able to say, "Honey, the book says you should be doing that instead of this."

Remember that a dad's role is not simply to support the mom. Anyone could do that. A dad is also a parent, with the ability and right to equally make decisions for a child. If he doesn't do it now, when will you expect him to start?

some babies take bottles very slowly and just "top off" because they know mama is coming soon. :oP

after seeing lots of friends try bottles that "simulate nursing", i think they are a waste of money. the fact of the matter is, the suck required for a bottle is just different from the suck required for nursing. the babe uses different muscles.

you might see if there are different nipples that fit the playtex drop-in. that's a cheaper way to see if your baby might take the bottle better, instead of buying all the bottles/equipment too.

we just stuck with avents and eventually our son took to it.

as for books/hubby/getting onto the same page...i have to say, babies cry. he's going to have to suck it up. and when they get past crying for everything (because, let's face it, they can't talk and it's the only way they can tell you they need something), they learn to grunt, gesture and scream for everything. and once they start to talk, then the whining kicks in. sure, there are plenty of techniques to anticipate/minimize these issues, but any parent who finds crying irritating really has something coming to them. perhaps he should learn to soothe your child on his own so he understand the work involved in understanding the baby's needs. he might be less irritated if he knows he has the ability to calm the crying. *that* just requires him to work at it. he cannot learn that from a book, although books can give suggestions.

as for scheduling, i found it much more effective to log my child's eating and sleeping patterns to see what the baby's schedule was. believe it or not, babies *do* have a schedule. i would read marc weissbluth or richard ferber for an understanding of sleep patterns and how the rest of the day revolves around naps and bedtime, etc. you don't have to agree with/use their methods for sleep training, but the books have a lot of info on body rhythms, etc. most parents i know that tried to use babywise ended up getting way too confused and we usually told them to chuck the book.

Before really trying the Babywise method, PLEASE do your research on what it entails, and know that most professionals in the pediatric, breastfeeding and child development communities vehemently oppose the Babywise methods. There is a reason that a baby's crying bothers people, it's because babies cry for a reason. There is no way you can spoil a baby, and ignoring those cries goes against our instincts. The best piece of parenting advice I ever got was to throw away the books and trust my instincts. If a baby is crying and I feel the need to pick him up, or feed him on demand, I will. If that means sometimes falling asleep at night with the baby with me, so be it. 9 weeks is way to young, in my opinion, to begin any sleep training methods. I will admit to utilizing the "cry it out" formula when my son was 13 months old, but never at 9 weeks. If you want to get the baby on a feeding schedule, that will happen naturally when you go back to work. Also, he will adjust to the bottle, and I had great luck with Avent, low flow nipple, ones, but my youngest is now 7, so I don't know if there are any better ones out there now.

Hi S.,
Regarding the second question...I totally understand you wanting to get the baby on a schedule, especially since you're going back to work and would like things to be as organized and smooth as possible. But I think I know where your husband's coming from. I was never able to let any of my kids cry-it-out for very long. Not because of any attachment parenting philosophy or anything like that, but because I also couldn't stand the sound of a baby crying. I would get very agitated and stressed. It was both a mental and physical reaction.
So I guess my advice is to be a little flexible. If your baby prefers to fall asleep in your arms, the bouncy seat, the swing, whatever works, go with it. For example, my third child HATED the crib. She slept in her infant car seat for the first 6 months!
Best of luck to you :)

We used the drop ins and really liked them but my son did not do well with the silicone (clear) nipples. I think they were too firm and not enough like the real thing. I tried the latex nipple (brown) that is a lot softer and has more give and he did really well. You might try the other type of nipple. They are a little bit harder to find but worth it.

I agree with another post that said he might be able to handle it better if he figures out how to calm him on his own. Have you watched the Happiest Baby on the block video? It is a book also but I think the video helps to see the techniques demonstrated. That was a huge help for us and made my husband feel very empowered when he could use those techniques with our son.

As for Babywise, we used it and had great success. It was recommended to us by at least 4 seperate people at different times. I would only caution you to use it as a guide and not take it completely literally. For us, my son would only stretch to a 2.5 hour cycle at the point when the book said he should be able to go 3-3.5 hours. Slowly he stretched out his feedings but was always slightly below the time frames in the book. He was a big baby and is still tall for his age so I guess just needed extra food. Remember every baby is different but in general I think the principles in Babywise are very helpful. Our son is still a great eater and sleeper (knock on wood :)). Good luck!!

I can really only speak to your first question, I too used the playtex drop ins and BF my children when I went back to work. Having your son take time with his bottle can be a good thing. When children BF they have to work for their food, whereas, the bottle will drip naturally and more quickly for them. So the little extra work or time it takes could help prolong your BF relationship.

Good luck with your tranisition back to work, it can be a challenge, but go with your gut, and do what feels right. If you do all that, you can't go wrong (in my humble opinion anyway!)

~K.

I just have some advice on the dad front. I agree with the posts that say that 9 weeks is pretty early to expect much of a sleep schedule or lack of crying. I do think after 12 weeks, if your baby still isn't taking any longer sleep cycles, then it may be time to explore helping him along. My son was such a sensitive sleeper but once he learned to sleep on his own, he became happier, got the sleep he needed and at age 3, doesn't fight us on bed time or sleeping for 11-12 hours at night. For the dad, I'd suggest perhaps finding some online articles that you can send to him. Sometimes a book is just too long. And if he doesn't like the crying, then he should take a more active role. If you get to a place where your baby is even older and still not sleeping at night, I'd bet that 2-3 days of it being all "daddy" at night will encourage him to understand that babies can cry a bit and still be okay.

Please! Please! Please!
get AWAY from Babywise. As a pediatric nurse and lactation consultant, I have seen babies critically ill from the dangerous feeding advice given.

See
http://www.ezzo.info/

"controversy has dogged the programs (Babywise) from the very beginning, much of it brought on by the alarm of concerned health-care professionals"

As far as baby's gas, have you looked at your diet and identified possible reaction-foods? Popular culprits are chocolate, cruciferous veggies (green peppers, cauliflower, cabbabe, etc), diary, and citrus. The Nursing Mother's Companion has a GREAT section on foods that can affect baby's digestive system!!

Finding a bottle for a baby who's been exclusively breastfed can be a long, frustrating task. His reaction seems very normal to the bottle. Some babies take the bottle very easily, and some will "hold out" for mom before giving into hunger and finally taking the bottle. 9 weeks is a little old for baby to be introduced to the bottle, so it may take a little more work, but NOT impossible. Patience, but I've heard of successes with the Adiri Nurser, and you can find the bottle at Babies R Us, or you can look it up on the internet. Sometimes, the nipple brand/etc won't matter. I've heard of babies going through 5 or 6 nipples, only to finally take the first one that was offered a month before! Also keep in mind that if he really won't take the bottle, and you're worried about his milk intake, you can use a cup, dropper, spoon, etc. Extends a feeding, but at least he'll be getting milk....

A month is actually a good time to start preparing for your return to work. You want to make sure you're pumping to keep up your milk supply (if you're going to continue nursing), so choose one feeding per day to introduce baby to the bottle. Have someone other than you give the bottle, and you can pump. If you double pump (both sides at the same time, which is recommended for moms returning to work), you should only need to pump for about 15 minutes. To maintain supply, pump for about 2 minutes after you get the last drop.

In the matter of BabyWise, keep 2 things in mind. Look at your own eating habits as an adult. We don't eat every 3 hours on the best of days, so why should we expect our babies to? We eat big meals, we snack, etc, and that's exactly what babies should be allowed to do. Our eating habits also vary from day to day, so it's normal for baby to eat on one side at one feeding, then take both breasts at the next feeding. The other important factor to remember is that at 9 weeks, you're at a critical point where your milk supply is regulating itself to meet the needs of your baby. He's coming into a prime growth spurt age and will nurse more to increase your supply. If you put him on a schedule, he won't be able to send the signal to your brain and breasts that he needs more milk. This could ultimately lead to a decreased supply and weaning your son before you really want to.

I'd love to work with you in your transition, as I'm a peer counselor with Nursing Mothers Counsel. We are a non-profit organization who provides FREE counseling to breastfeeding moms at all stages, prenatal through toddler years. If you have any questions (however small they may seem), you can call us at (650) 327-MILK and either speak with the counselor on the phone or be referred to another counselor for one-on-one counseling. You can also email me directly at ____@____.com can also go to our website at http://www.nursingmothers.org for lots of info! Enjoy your little one!

S.,

If you didn't get a Kit for New Parents from the hospital or Doctor's office, then contact your local First 5 office (each CA county has one) to get the Kit. If you are in Sacramento County, call ###-###-####. Great resources in the Kit, especially in Sac County.

If the baby crying is a problem, get the DVD "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. It has a wonderful approach to help with the crying - friends who have tried it are amazed and have shared the DVD with all of their friends.

Good luck - J.

Quick response on the bottle...I bought every expensive bottle on the market when I went back to work because my baby was VERY picky! And low and behold the bottle she loves best is the cheapo Gerber brown nipple bottles...go figure! I think it is because they are not the silicone kind (clear ones)...which tend to be "slippery" and very unlike a human breast. The brownish (I think they are latex) nipples have more of a texture for them to latch onto. Anyways, hope this helps! And the best part is that they are literally the cheapest on the market : - )

I am actually having a similar issue with my daughter and the bottle. When she was 5 wks we tried her on the bottle a few times and she took it no problem. We used the Baby's First Breastflow. The nipples to me look pretty close to the boob, and the nipples are really soft. Well it was my fault and only gave her the bottle those few times. She is EBF and now at 5 months old, doesn't want anything to do with the bottle. We tried the Breastflow again, as well as two other types. I am going to just continue to try the bottles to see if she will take it. I love the suggestions of the latex nipple. I was actually thinking that might be the issue. She loves her latex pacifiers more than the silicone ones, so I figured that might be the case with the bottle. I guess it's time for a trip to Babies R Us.

As far as your husband goes, perhaps he needs to take a more active role. If the baby is crying, it's usually for a reason. Have him pick up your son and walk him around the house or just talk to him, change a diaper, or give him a bottle. I am not familiar with the Babywise method, but it doesn't sound good. Babies that are this young are supposed to be fed on demand. NOT what your schedule dictates. When they are hungry, you feed them. They should be fed every 1-3 hours, and once they are older it's every 3-4. My husband didn't really have any experience with babies, but I made him participate. No one likes the sound of a crying baby, but they do it because they can't talk. Around 6 weeks or so, my daughter started having crying fits. She was and still is gassy. A lot less than she was, but still a little gassy. I know it could be something that I eat, but my diet didn't change from when she was first born, so I don't think that's it. It lasted about a month and a half and then she stopped having her fits. I thought it might be reflux, overactive letdown, any number of things. She loved her swing and that usually calmed her down. Also I have a ring sling and would put her in that and walk around the house. My pediatrician said that babies also have crying fits because they are releasing energy. They have no other outlet at this age, so crying is it. Good luck to you in going back to work and with your husband. Please let me know if you find a great bottle, as I need one too.

I hope this doesnt sound weird but aggitation to noise on your husband's part is most likely due to vitamin/mineral deficiency which affects the central nervous system.

I would try giving your hubby Magnesium and vit B complex daily, and also a big spoonful of cod liver oil (walmart carries an orange flavored one).

Hi S.,

We used the playtex drop-in bottles with the brown/latex nipples (baby didn't like the clear ones) specifically because they most closely resembled the breast nipple and the bags helped with gas. Maybe try any other "wide" based similar shaped nipples... I think Advent is one? And, as one other person mentioned, your diet also may be adding to the baby's gas... I had to limit my diet to non-gassy foods in the beginning which was difficult but really made a difference. Good luck!