Good Behavior "Reward" Ideas for a 5Yr Old Boy

One of the biggest motivators for my kids is spending time with me or Dad. So, let some of the "rewards" be 20 minutes of playtime with Mom, 20 minutes of playtime with Dad (with the understanding that HE gets to pick what you play.... if it means playing soccer outside, so be it. If it means you build legos together, so be it... OR, you could be more specific in the reward, as in "20 minutes playing Legos with Mom").

It doesn't have to be about spending $$ or food. Our time is the thing that most kids crave the most.

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Hi T.-
I don't have ideas for rewards, but I recommend that all moms of boys read Dr. Leonard Sax's book, "Boys Adrift." Not that your son is "adrift"! but, as a mom of a 5-year-old boy myself, I found this book absolutely fascinating. Dr. Sax (M.D. AND Ph.D) has done a lot of research on WHY boys don't adjust well to kindergarten. Your son is not the only boy getting letters from the office!

According to brain researchers, the trouble with kindergarten is that many boys' brains are simply not wired for sitting and focusing--yet. Boys still want to move and play. So expecting a boy to sit still and focus is unrealistic. If he is written up to the principal's office, or made to go to "play group" where kids perceive the "dumb kids" go, then he may get turned off from all school and all teachers at the beginning of his school career. Which sets a bad precedent and this attitude may persist through high school.

Also Dr. Sax warns against teachers recommending ADHD meds for normal boy behavior (not focusing and following directions).

In any case, at least visit Dr. Sax's web site, which is www.boysadrift.com, or read this article: Making kindergarten less harmful to boys (http://www.boysadrift.com/Sax_APA_2001.pdf)

I really hope this helps! Good luck with your boy. I'll bet he's a cutie!

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My son uses Accountable Kids. He earns a ticket each if he completes his morning chores, his afternoon chores, and his evening chores. The tickets are used to purchase TV time, extra book reading with one of us, playing a board game together, getting to go to a friend's house, going to the park, going to his favorite store (the hobby shop where he can spend his own money), etc. If he earns all 3 tickets for the day he puts a star on a chart, when the chart is full (12 stars) he gets a special date with mom or dad (he loves to go to an indoor playground, but we have list of special places he likes but we don't go to regularly). He also has "special chores" he can opt to do that earn him Bonus Bucks after his normal chores are complete. The Bonus Bucks are exchanged for cash once a month that he can use to buy all the little things kids beg for from their parents and we don't want to waste our $$ on.

We went through similar behavior challenges when DS entered K. Fortunately, having a patient but firm teacher and a school administration that uses positive behavioral change techniques, things improved significantly by 1st grade. Also I volunteered at the school a lot so I got to know the teacher and administration well. It improved communication and coordination between home and school so that DS was getting the same messages/phrases in both places. Also make sure the school day is providing enough run around time for your son. We used to go out to the bus stop (our driveway) and run around in the yard for 20 minutes in the morning. The school also identified a group of K and 1st graders that seemed to need extra movement time during the day (besides recess) and they would pull them out between for an extra session in the gym so they could get their wiggles out. My son loved those sessions.

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Well, my opinion may differ. But, I think the chart for the beginning of the year is a great idea! The three things you picked out are good as well. But I think that you should get him used to this idea, and then back it up a bit. What I mean is this.....Right now he has to get a certain number of starts (say, 3) and he gets to pick a candy...then 5(?) and he gets a special dinner....then 9 (?) and he gets a movie, right? Well, after a month...move the numbers up! He must get 7 stars for the candy, 10 stars for dinner...ect. Then move them up again.
This adjusting behavior is normal...but not acceptable. So, start off slowly with rewards quickly, but then he needs to understand that he doesn't get a reward for behaving the way that he should. By the end of 5 or 6 months you shouldn't have to be rewarding good behavior.
My 2 cents!
L.

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My first instinct (with a 4 year-old boy) is a special Mommy-son or Daddy-son day. It could be 4 hours of letting him choose what to do (within reason). If he wants to start at the library, go to the park, watch a movie, get a Happy Meal, etc. let him have a special day with one-on-one time with you.

Our son's teachers at Day Care do the tree of kindness at school. It's a tree that they put seasonal shapes on to reward kids for good deeds. my husband got one recently, too. It's bragging rights for our son, and at the end of the month, they get to take them home. I've kept them all.

We were never rewarded as kids, so I have a hard time doing it (though we did have to bribe our son with Cars cars to potty train.....it was the only thing that motivated him). Praise goes a long way in our house.

Good luck!

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Stop by chuck e. cheese while he's at school and get a bunch of tokens. Tape a token for each thing that he does well so that he can see his reward getting larger by the day. When he's earned enough, take him to spend them. :)

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Trips to the Dollar Tree are fun!

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I like Laura's idea about making him earn more stars for the rewards as time goes on and then eventually fading them out.

But for ideas you were asking for how about:
ice cream cone
trip to the library
Here we have an indoor pool at a college with a slide (Maybe you have something similar)
trip to McDonalds (If you don't mind that)
I like the chuck E cheese coins idea too

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Two thoughts, based on lots of observation of lots of children, as well as current advice from some terrific parenting resources (my all-time favorite is the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk):

If you are determined to use physical rewards, then let your son participate is choosing what those rewards might be. He'll probably have some ideas that will excite him. This approach is probably fine for short-term behavioral changes. But be aware that rewards are an external motivator. Over the long term, some kids come to expect rewards for anything their parents want from them, and the desired behavior or attitude never becomes internalized.

But the singe best reward/motivator for children (and most adults) is recognition of their achievements, which can include reaching new goals, but also simply acknowledgement of the day-to-day stuff – moments of good behavior and contributions to the happiness of the family.

If getting upset is one of the things that's making your son's school experience challenging, that's another wrinkle How To Talk can help you deal with. Lots of kids, expecially those who thrive on lots of physical activity, have a hard time learning to adapt to the requirements of K. If your son hasn't shown signs of any neurological problems, a little gentle coaching, giving him the opportunity to participate in finding solutions, may be just what he needs.

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To keep interest and not have to come up with a lot of different ideas you could make a long term goal to go along with the short term ones example would be with 5 charts with the top rewards, even if they aren't in a weekly order, would get a dinner and movie at the theater or go to a favorite theme park or put put golf.. anything that makes it extra special.

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You mentioned a listening problem.
Not a work problem.

I suggest you read to him.
Ask him specific and somethimes tricky questions about what is read to make him pay attention better.

Get a joke book from the library and have him listen and guess the joke.

Do word search together. He has to focus on something in front of him.

He is going to have to focus on things in front of him in school.
He is going to have to do paperwork in school.
Prepare him waith that type of activity and in a fun way.

It will also give you more time wtih your son.

Win win

We have been doing something similar with our 4 year old - he gets a reward when he scores a touchdown (football moves ten yds. for a good day). Some things he has worked toward are going to a children's museum (we have an annual membership, so we really can go as often as we would like), a place that has inflatables (Bounce U), earned enough tickets for our family to go to a movie theater, "special books", or art/ craft projects, a trip to the zoo, etc. Sometimes it has been for larger things such as a toy that has been on his list for a long time (then he might need to earn or get a couple of touchdowns before he gets it - kind of like the movie theater tickets) - these are really all things we would be doing anyway, but make him really want them, he doesn't know we would be doing them anyway :) - we just make sure to build in enough time.