Okay - on Friday two moms posted asking for help getting their kids to sleep. I'm hoping for some help on getting my kid to stay asleep! She's almost 9 months old, we've gotten past the 'I can sit up' and 'I can stand up' phases that woke her up, we've got her on a great bedtime routine and she goes down pretty easily. But then she's up - repeatedly she's up and up and up! Sometimes we can simply lay her back down, give her her blankie and she'll be out. Sometimes it's a real struggle with lots of crying and screaming. I still nurse her once at night at about 2:30(she's a great eater during the day and dinner is the start of her bedtime routine). So I have 2 questions really: 1- Does she still need to nurse at night? (she's on the small side, not yet 17 pounds but I don't know if this matters) 2- How do I get her back to sleep/eventually sleeping through the night? Is crying it out the most effective? Is this just a phase?
Hello! I'm thrilled to say that things are really improving :). I think that I wasn't clear in my post though. I've read and read and read the books but, in my opinion, all of them seem to focus mostly on bedtime and not so much on 'night waking.' It seemed to me that the methods might/should be different...? But I guess they're not. So I actually went with a combination of all of the advice - we cried it out, sort of/within reason. (I don't do well with CIO and we did a really modified version of this to get her bedtime routine started a few months ago.) My husband was apt (in the hours before he went to bed himself) to run to put her back to sleep ASAP when she cried because she would stop ASAP and get right back to sleep. So we first let her cry/fuss for a minute or two at these times and quickly learned that if we let her go (again, just a minute or two!)she fusses herself back to sleep. Once she got herself through the earlier wakings, the later ones lessened on their own, which was so exciting! Although a 4:30 waking is still pretty common (and a few others here and there some nights), we no longer nurse at night either. It seems that now that she sleeps better, she is obviously tired and wanting to go back to sleep when she does wake up - she doesn't seem hungry and doesn't even try to nurse. I really appreciated everyone's advice and it does feel so much better to always know that other moms are out there struggling too :) THANKS!!!
I feel like such a broken record saying this, because it is the advice I always give!
Read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth (he is a pediatrician who specializes in infant/child sleep issues and has been an expert in the field for over 30 years). Become familiar with the techniques and if you think they will work for you, give it a consistent try.
Good luck to you!
read the no-cry sleep solution by elizabeth pantley. great ideas on gentle self-soothing.
good luck.
Hi J. - I've read all the other responses - there seems to be 2 main schools here - cry it out or not. My advice is to let your baby cry it out (within reason). Learning to fall asleep (and stay asleep) is a learned skill that all babies need to figure out. If they've never had the chance to fall asleep on their own (because they were always rocked, fed, etc... until asleep) then they will always need this assistance until they learn how to sleep on their own. To do this, there will be some crying, it's natural. My almost 3-month old is already sleeping through the night (my dr said after 11 pounds they don't need a middle-night feeding) and I used nap-time to get him to learn this skill. Letting a baby cry for 15 mins isn't going to hurt them at all. I'm sure you can decipher your baby's different cries, right? If she's physically hurt/in pain you surely wouldn't let her cry it out, but the "I can't fall asleep cry" isn't a pain cry at all. I basically let him cry for up to 15 mins, then if still not asleep I'd go into the nursury, pick him up, pat him and comfort him for a minute or so (until calm) and then lay him back down. After about the 3rd cycle of this he was fast asleep (it took less then a week of this approach for him to consistently sleep on his own). Again, use naps to start or pick a low-key weekend - doing this on a week night is most difficult to the rest of the family trying to sleep. Don't feel guilty about letting baby cry a bit - all babies cry, it's there only way to communicate until they can talk enough to tell you what is wrong. In the end, you are teaching your baby a critical skill that she will thank you for (and your husband/family will too!). Good luck!
PS As I'm sure you know, this isn't a perfect process, my baby still has his days where he just doesn't want to sleep very long and wakes up. But I let him cry a bit before immediately running to his side and stiffling his chance to work through it on his own. I'm usually pleasantly surprised that he falls back asleep on his own in a few mins. Or if I pick him up, comfort him briefly and put him back down he's totally fine for the rest of the nap/overnight. That Motherly instinct leads the way on this one - it's surprising how accurate it can be! :)
You have to do waht works for your family. We've been having our almost 9-month old sleep with us (either in the co-sleeper or in bed wtih us) since she was born, and for the most part I have enjoyed it, but now we're at the point that my husband and i want our bedroom back... none of us are sleeping well any more, and her being in our bedroom has caused a lot of friction between us and also made evenings and mornings very stressful for me. So now we've decided to move her into our son's room and sleep train her so she doesn't expect me to nurse her every time she wakes up. Every family has to decide what works for them (obviously within reason!).
Do what feels comfortable to you.
T.
Yes she can sleep through the night without nursing. She's old enough and big enough. And from my experience, you will need to just go in and very sternly tell her it is night-night time....lay her down and walk out. Don't turn on the light, don't pick her up, don't do anything that would make her more alert. Be firm and let her cry it out for 15 minutes to half and hour and repeat. She will get it after a few days. My oldest had sleep issues and that is what worked for her. The younger of the two just went back to sleep when I told her to...Thank God for that.
Good luck!!!
I never let my children "cry it out". I don't understand why a dr. or anyone would advise that. I would stop nursing and give her some rice cereal and formula or milk (warm) before bed. That warm bath at night also helps. Good luck
At nine months it's very normal to still nurse at night. Nursings not all about nutrition, it's comfort too. I think nursing again might help her fall back to sleep more easily. They are very active at this age and sometimes just need to reconnect. Please don't ever let a baby "cry it out". All the baby is learning is that no one cares. Cries are meant to make parents respond. Good luck!
1. she shouldn't need to nurse in the middle of the night. My doc told me when my little one was 4 months old that she nolonger needed nursing in the middle of the night. And I have read that in a variety of places since then. I am sure she likes the comfort of it but she doesn't need it.
2. everyone has sleep cylces where we wake but then fall back to sleep. So your daughter probably wakes about every 3 hours. She hasn't yet learnt to fall back to sleep. The best way to have her do this is to just let her be. Yes she will cry the first few nights but she will eventually get the hang of it. It may be stressful for you for a while and you may think it stresses her but in the long run this is a very important skill to learn and she will not remember that she cried for several nights while learning this skill.
Hi. I was one of the mom's that posted on Friday and did get great responses. I'm hoping I can help you. My daughter didn't sleep through the night till she was 10 months and how we did it...she cried it out for three nights. She cried for an hour the first night, 1/2 hour the next and by the third night, nothing - no crying. It was a miracle. I was not good at it and actually went on my girl weekend when my husband broke her of the habit. I'm just not as strong as I probably need to be when it comes to my daughter crying. I just end up awake with her crying. Try it out - I hope it works for you. Oh and on the breastfeeded, you should probably stop the night feedings...she is probably making a habit of it and it will just be harder to break the older she gets. Hope this helps!
I second the healthy sleep habits book. It's been a lifesaver for us.
In response to your questions. 1-no she does not need to nurse anymore according to book. 2- yes, CIO.
Did this with my 9 month old. She still sometimes wakes at night. We turn on the video monitor and watch her until she goes back to sleep. usually only 10 min. or so. They need to figure out how to soothe themselves. So make sure during naps and bedtime you are putting them to sleep in their bed BEFORE they fall asleep. THis helps them learn too soother.
I've also given my dd a soft book, a small blankie, and a small stuffed animal in her bed. Sometimes she'll play with that and then fall asleep. This works well at nap times too.
Good luck!
The remedy for this is simple, yet difficult to execute. Bottom line, at this age, night time is for sleep. She's old enough that she doesn't need a mid night feeding. She's also old enough that she needs to learn that there's no mid night parties at her "crib"!
One of my daughters pulled this after sleeping beautifully for months, and my very protective cat resolved it by getting in her crib and keeping her company. Apparently she just needed the reassurance that she wasn't alone.
What you need to do, is to stop the feeding during the night. When she wakes up, simply lay her back down - without taking her out of the crib!! be quietly cheery and reassuring, and leave the room. give her 5 minutes, and if she's crying, repeat the process. do NOT lift her out of the crib. After a couple times of this, just peek your head in, smile, tell her it's ok, go back to sleep, and leave (hide).
This could take a few nights, but she'll get the idea that nighttime is not playtime or cuddle time or eating time, it's sleep time. It's a rough process, went through it with my 3 girls. Once you get through a couple nights, you'll be well rested!
A little about me - 3 girls, 1 boy, 2 grandkids, Pampered Chef and Partylite. Busy!!
It's fine to continue to nurse during the night. No one can say what your daughter needs except for her. Cereal or fomrula will not necessarilly make her sleep better and can cause other problems. (digestive) How about snuggling her or taking her into bed with you. Some children sleep much better when they are warm and comfortable snuggled near a parent. Our society expects WAY too much independence from babies and young children. None of my children have ever been left to cry. Would any adult want to be left crying out for help with no one coming? Just because we can't see what is wrong doesnt' mean the child doesn't have a need. She won't need you at night forever. Some children just take longer to learn to sleep through the night. You can't force it in a loving way. Maybe she's teething or learning a new skill or has seperation anxiety. She'll probably sleep much better next to a parent.
