Going from 3 to 4 Children

My friend, a mom of 5, approached this dilemma with humor. She said, when you have 2 kids, you can hold one with each hand. Once you get to 3, you have no more hands so you kind of give up control and just laugh and deal with it. When she went to 4 and then 5, it was no big deal! ;-)

If you don't feel complete now, you should listen to your gut.

I am currently pregnant with child #4. We adopted two little boys when my daughter was 9 months old so we went from 1 child to three children literally overnight. Now we are expecting agin and it happened much sooner than we planned but we did plan on having another child so we are very excited about the addtion of this baby. I too get lots of strange looks when people see me with three children and a pregnant belly but who cares? It works for us...My children are very excited about having a baby this Spring and I do not know how smooth or bumpy the transition will be but I can tell you the pregnancy alone is hard with three children. I also work full time so at times I feel really tired but I still have the kids and housework to take care of, luckily I have a really supportive extended family that help me catch up on my rest every so often. It really all comes down to your particular famliy and how they would adjust...my youngest just turned three and is very excited to be a big sister...she is very nurturing. I was one of three children and was the middle child, it is a difficult place to be in growing up...so at least we have two middle children to go through it together. My friends are amazed that my children are as well behaved and resposible as they are at such young ages. They put thier dishes in the sink after every meal, the two oldest make thier beds each morning and they all have special chores (set the table ,feed the dog etc...). you do lose control because there are more of them then there are of you and you never have enough hands but they really do look after one another and play well together, my husband can easliy take all three children out by himself while I tend to struggle more with that now during the pregnancy being able to keep up with them all. It hopefully will work out for us...I would have regretted not having another...and depending how this one goes and if we are able to purchase a larger home eventually I might consider #5 ..who knows...:)

I went from 3 to 5 children with the addition of twins 20 months ago and although it has been difficult I would not change it for the world. Now the older kids are asking when we can have another one!!!! I cannot think of a single person who has ever regretted having another child. Sure it is difficult, but I can't think of anything more rewarding. If it is on your heart and you and your husband are of one mind, everything else will work out. It won't always be easy, but you'll get through it. Just prepared to smile when people say "are they ALL yours?" and say happily "Yes they are!!!!!" Best of luck with your decision!

I don't have four (although that is our long term plan, so seeing these responses have been heartening). The best advice I heard was along the lines of: Once you have another one, you love him and don't regret having him (even if it is a lot of work and money), but you might regret NOT having one. I know this is true with my two; even when they drive me insane I am glad they're mine, but I know something would be missing without them. Good luck!

I have 4 children. 3 boys ages 20, 18, 16, and a age 12. As children, it's only more laundry, 1 more plate, and so on. Not really a big deal. As they get older, it's one more child that needs your undivided attention. Now it's a big deal. I have always tried to listen and talk with each one of them. You spreads yourself thin. It's one more opinion added into everything, that can result in a few more disagreements. But...It's one more person to love and one more person to be proud of as they shine as their own person. If you are a very unselfish person, go for it. But if you like your own time...Stay with your lovely 3.
Good Luck!
S. G.

Speaking as a Mom of 4 myself, only you can know what can complete your family. I couldn't imagine my family without my youngest. He is such a joy, as all of my children are and I do feel as though my family is complete now. I lucked out and my fourth came home from the hospital sleeping through the night. God was smiling on us with him. The transition is not as crazy as you might think. Children are extremely adaptable and the more you involved the older kids the better. We really stressed with the older kids that each new one belonged to all of us. We didn't hyper protect them from the older children and it was a wonderful thing.

Also, don't let well meaning people change your mind. We had tons of people saying what are you thinking. Or the wonderful comment that makes me want to scream "better you than me". Or "God Bless you!" To which I respond "Yes he has". Do what you think is best for your family and the rest will just fall into place.

We have four children, maybe a little different than your circumstances. I had two children from a previous marriage, my first husband died when the children were 9 and 10 yr old. I remarried and had two more children when the older ones were 14 and 15 yr old. We are very happy with our decision. Would not change it. Children keep you young and active. To me, if you have 2 children, you have 2 children. If you have 3 children, you may as well have four or five. After 2 life becomes very busy. You won't be busier if you have 3 or 4.

Hi S.,

We have four little ones, ages 6,5,3 and 14 months. We certainly have our crazy moments, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I think so much depends on the ages the children are, and on their individual personalities. I was blessed with a very low-key baby number three, and she never really went through the "terrible twos". She's still a very easy-going child at age 3. So we were able to focus on a newborn without too much background chaos. We have three girls, and the baby is a boy, so it's been fun to experience having a little boy!

You're not crazy to consider number 4. We're even thinking about number 5 (but not until our youngest is closer to two!) I wish you all the best!

Hi S., I have 5 children and I wouldn't want it any other way. My husband and I always wanted to have a large family. I have found that the more you have, the easier it gets. It aounds crazy, but its true. My knds are close in age and always have someone to play with. If two are fighting, then there is always someone else there for them to play with, plus, they all like to help each other which makes my like a little easier. I say go for it!! and enjoy all of your children. Good luck. S. G

Hi!
I have four 8,6,4, and almost 2. The last was a surprise, and it has been difficult at times (to be honest) but he is a joy and wonder, and the whole family takes great delight in him. My family felt complete at three babes, you'll know when you get that feeling - the "ahhh, this is a whole family" feeling. My only caution is having them close together can put a strain on the others - you did not mention how old you other children are .. Also, it is an expense - I took 1.5 yrs off, and am now back at work (which I love) half-time - if you have to or want to work, it is an expense. That's all - if your family does not feel complete -then have at it! And, like some others said: get ready for the little snickery comments in the grocery store and every other public place ... people like to make comments and give advice for people who do not stick within the current norm of 2 babes/couple.
Now that I am actually getting full nights sleep on occasion, I am feeling much more human, and thrilled to have the family I have!

Hi S.,

My husband I and are also going back and forth with this one. We have 3 healthy and amazing boys, but we too do not feel the family is complete. I am almost 38 which scares me a bit. Will I have the energy for 4, etc. It is not the "girl" factor since I am pretty convinced it would be a boy...and I am totally okay with that (would even make things easier!!) When my husband and I met I told him I always wanted 8...so 4 would be really awesome!! I hope you get some good responses...because I too am getting some whacked out responses from people.

Good luck!

H. Z. (SAHM 5, 4 and 19 month old boys)

Hi,

We have 4 Beautiful children. The transition from 3 to 4 was the easiest of all. I always joke that after 3 it doesn't matter how many you have. Life is going to be a little crazy, but it is sooo full of love and joyous moments! If you are both in agreement that one more is what you want - then I say go for it. I would happily have #5 but my husband is content - so 4 is our lucky number.
Good Luck,
D.

Hi S. S,
I have 4 children, ages 10B, 8B, 3G & 18moB. You may regret "not" having a fourth down the road, so I say if you can do it, go for it! I have to say that having a 4th at 39 was hard, but now that we are through it and past the infant stages all is great. Good Luck! N. P.

S..
I have a dear friend who has 12 children and she somehow manages very well. Of course she's super organized, does 2 or 3 loads of laundry per day, cooks for the whole family, is involved in school functions etc. People manage with how ever many children they have and according to my friend, there's no transition at all.

Hi, I have 6 children and my feeling was always the more there are the easier it is. There is always someone to play with, talk with, or borrow from. I grew up with one brother and we fought but were also great friends and nobody could change it so you should keep in mind the bond they share with eachother and how more strengthens the bonds of a family.
Lots of people think we are crazy and don't understand why we had so many but it works for us and our family so that is all that matters to me.
The gut is usually right. Good Luck,

B. O

Just a practical thought, can you afford it? Does your family have job security? Do you own your home? Have you prepared for your retirement or started saving for your current children's college?
Talk to your financial planner about what you want to provide for the children you have now, before you add more to the mix.
We have three, it's not cheap. I laugh now when I think about how we used to stress about paying for pre-school tuition. College comes fast, we're only three years away. The financial responsibility is worthy of consideration.

Hi S. - I was blessed with my one and only child when I was 40... My only regret in life is that she does not have a sibling (yes, there's more to the story.) So God bless you that your children will have each other as adults!

As far as 4, you have brought to mind a story that a dear friend of mine told he. He had 4 children as well. He said that going from 2 to 3 was the nightmare... You no longer have enough hands, etc.

Going from 3 to 4 wasn't such a difficult transition. However, his littlest one is a terror!! We love her dearly, but goodness, does she test!

I say go with your heart - and your pocketbook. This means an extra college tuition - after three already - soccer shoes, ballet and tap shoes, etc.... So - if you're up for it, go for it!

Many blessings.

Hi S.,
I have three boys and I just had my little girl last April. My thought is that going from one to two was really tough. Two to three wasn't as bad and three to four was a piece of cake. My boys absolutely love her and I feel so complete. This was an easy transition for us. The funniest part is the looks that you get in the grocery store. People give double takes all of the time. My husband and I get a kick out of it. I also grew up in a family with four kids. I had three older brothers and I loved being part of a big family. If you have three you are obviously already a trooper! I say go for it :) Good luck!

we are pleasantly surprised with #4 on the way!!!! we just found out thursday, and i am over the moon about it! ive been thinking about another, and thought, well, maybe not, and now that we are, i keep getting more and more excited about it!! think about that family picture on the wall. what a sight! i cant wait and i definately think you should jump in too!! good luck!