Going Crazy! Don't No How to Handle My 3 Year Old Daughter!

Have you always given her boundaries? Making sure you are consistent and she has serious consequences, even if it means going to bed after dinner every night for a month it has to happen. Is she getting enough sleep? Is it something that just started? Could she have been abused somehow at school? Rule out everything that could set her off to this degree. Has she always been this way?

Being a stubborn and strong willed toddler is one thing but being so violent there are serious concerns needed to be raised. I would have her evaluated for learning disabilities as well. Some ADHD kids have these tendancies out of frustration they lash out. Not saying that is it, but sometimes other frustrations come into play with these type of behaviors.

If you are very consistent at home with clear rules, consequences for her bad behavior and zero tolerance for hurting another and she is still continuing I would talk to your Pediatrician about recommending a play therapist. It worked wonders for my daughter last summer when she had some anger issues due to my divorce and her dad moving out of state.

I have a difficult, sometimes overly emotional and sometimes smart mouthed 6 year old but with me learning patience, clear rules, consistent consequences it has gotten a TON better. My getting too out of control and losing my patience with her behavior made it worse. I became very concise, to the point and matter of fact about things. She has choices, if she chooses to act up, not listen and sass me then she will have consequences. No negotiations, not counting to three, no chances. It has worked so well in the past month I cannot even tell you it is like a new child.

Find out what she is angry about, then go from there. A behavior chart even to show her how she is effecting the family and see a visual of her behavior. For every infraction, even at school have a serious consequence. Something will matter enough to her to make her strive harder to do better.

For my daughter, early bedtime is a breeze to get things under control. She minds, listens and doesn't sass and life is calm, if she chooses to be unhappy and make everyone else in the house miserable with her fits and defiance, early bedtime! Three weeks ago she was in bed at 4pm, seriously!!! It was amazing how my sticking to my guns, even ignoring the fits and crying and being clear on my rules helped her realize she has control over what happens in her day.

Three to four was also a tough time for my daughter. The advice here has been good. I'd also add a couple of things we tried for a while: rewards and disciplines. I used time outs, reward chart for good behavior and taking away stuff for aggressive behavior. I found that the rewards tended to work the best, but the take aways tend to work the best for my nephew, so it's different for every child.

You might want to consider waiting to enroll in school until both kids are in elementary school. It's not much longer and it will help take stress off of you and them. Then all of you can do homework together. That would be a great opportunity to model good study habits and the importance of education.

Something a counselor taught my sister, since my nephew tended to have pretty aggressive behavior: try rocking her with a beloved blanket/quilt wrapped around her and tell her over and over: "I love you." I also did this with a foster child that had been severely traumatized and had very violent behavior. This always calmed her down quicker than anything else.

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you and your girls peace.

HI N.,

Sorry she is being such a handful. Ahh, the joys of parenting! I recently read a book called Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood by Jim and Charles Fay. Maybe you just need a different approch. I really liked the book and have used many of the ideas on my 2 (almost 3) and 4 year old. It's a quick read and you can start using the tactics right away. No screaming or yelling involved! yea! Hope this helps. Blessing to you!

My son is 12 years old. I noticed the same behavior with him. At the age of 4, I called a psychiatrist. I told him that I didn't know how to parent him. My son was diognoised with bi-polar and adhd. The first clue would be... do you have "any mental illness" in your family or the dads.? Bipolar is highly hereditary. My son was adopted since birth. His bio-mom as well
Good Luck

The book YOUR THREE YEAR OLD by Ames & Ilg.
Try giving her simple choices, this dress or that one.
Sounds like she needs more one on one attention.

Tough love (for you): WHY enroll in college as well as work full time? is being a mommy not also a job? is spreading oneself SO thin really wise when trying to raise 2 children?

I have recently started a "Love and Logic" class at my children's school. It is a great class! Check with your local schools, churches, or anywhere that might offer the class. If there isn't a class available right now, there are books you could buy or check out at the library. It's a different approach, rather than you telling her what to do, you give her a choice and she will have to suffer the natural consequences of HER actions. Give her a choice of 2 different outfits, "Would you like to wear this dress/outfit or this other dress/outfit?" If she takes too long or can't make up her mind then you choose for her, after saying something like, "Would you like to choose one of these or should I choose for you?" And instead of telling her "no", if she does something she shouldn't (I know this is hard for me!)you say something like, "Uht-oh. Looks like a little room time(or naughty spot, naught chair, corner.. whatever works best for you)." But her actual time out doesn't start until she's calm. Anyway, the whole approach is letting the one with the problem claim it, not you. My kids are a little older, but if I had the info about this "Love and Logic" back when they were little, it might be easier today! Hope this helps!

This could be a tough one. 3 was the age when my own son begain to exhibit extremely similar behaviours. My advice really is to get help. There is no time when it is safe to have that kind of violent behaviour, for you or her. It may be scary to seek out help like a therapist or other mental health professional, but they can help you to understand if this is one solvable issue or if it is indicative of something much larger and longterm to deal with. My hope for you is that this is a phase or behavioural problem - something like oppositional defiant. With my own son, who is now almost 9 there was more to it - at age 6 he was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in addition to the oppositional defiant behaviour problem.