16 answers

Going Back to Work and Dreading It

My son is 10 1/2 months old and I have been a stay-at-home Mom up until now. I haven't been away from my baby for more than 4 hours at a time since he was born. I will be going back to work full-time on January 7 and my son will be going to Montessori/day care. I am making myself sick with worrying that I am somehow hurting my child by going to work and leaving him with other people. He is an only child and has not done well in day care situations such as a mom's group that I go to every other week for 2 hours. I don't know if it is just because he never has time to get used to it or if he truly suffers from terrible separation anxiety. At any rate, I'm starting him in day care this week so that he will have a little time to get used to it before I start work. Any thoughts or reassurance would be welcome. . . I just feel so guilty!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you everyone! I am on my third day and overall things are going well, although I miss my kid terribly. He's doing better than I am, though. We will make it through. And, get this, I'm pregnant again! Now I'll have to figure out another new plan in 7 months.

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We needed 2 incomes and I didn't want my children in daycare, so I created a home-based business. No regrets & the many tax deductions were a bonus. I ended up making more money than before and I worked less hours. I created a business that catered to schools, so I followed the school schedule and took 10 weeks off during the summers and also had fall/winter and spring break, plus my kids were always invited to be in the school's activities (carnivals, recitals, etc.). By the time my second came along, I was able to hire someone else and I did even less work. I honestly don't even think my kids knew I had a job! I say let your guilt motivate you into new territory. You might get to have the best of both worlds.

-S.

2 moms found this helpful

Your son is at an age where separation anxiety is a problem, but on that can be worked on. I've worked in childcare, and most kids don't cry longer than 5-15 minutes after mom leaves. The sweeter the departure the easier. I agree with making it quick and simple. When I leave our 17 month old, it always is easier if sommeone's holding him and he has his blanket and cup. They put him down and his stuff away as soon as I am out of sight with no problem. Something my mom did for me was leave 1 glove. I was a bit older, but if reassured me she would come back, because I knew she couldn't be warm with only one glove! (I later found out she had an extra pair in the glove box). GL It will be harder for mommy than baby.

My situation was almost identicle...I went back to work when my daughter was 11 1/2 months. I had a month to prepare before I started my job and it was truly the worst month I can remember. As someone else said, the anticipation of it all was the worst part. I also put my daughter in day care a week before I actually started work and I sat in the parking lot and cried the first few days. The reality of the sitation is that it was MUCH harder on me than it was on her. She had a little bit of separation anxiety, but overall she really did well. She is now 2 and half and honestly, there are days I go to pick her up and she doesn't want to leave!! I also agree with the person who said that socially it seems to have been an advantage, that's true for my daughter as well. She is learning social skills more quickly than she would have had I have been able to stay home with her longer. I am still working towards getting back to being a stay at home mom, but that's about my needs not my daughter's. She's done great. You'll be in my thoughts as you get through this week and beyond.

K., I went back to work when my son was 12 weeks old. When he was 10 months old the situation changed and am staying home with. We are currently looking for daycare again. It was best for both of us. He loved playing with the other children and was always glad to see his teachers. I enjoyed it because I got to interact with other adults and really enjoyed the time at home with him. I never felt the stress when he was sick beacuse I didn't have the fussing most days. It was great for us. You will do great.

Do whatever it takes to stay home with your son. Sell the second vehicle, cut up the credit cards, cancel the cable/cell phones...sacrifice whatever you need to and you'll find that staying at home will be a lot more affordable than you think.

And being away from him every day is more costly than you will ever know.

You will NEVER regret being home with your children. Never.

Hi! I am a stay at home mom of a 2 year old and 10 month old twins. I cannot imagine having to go back to work...i can totally relate to your situation and would love to help you work from home with a great group of moms just like you and me! THere is no risk, no sales, no investment, no parties, and you can even work it part time while working your other job until you feel comfortable going full time! If you want more info. you can email me and check out my website. www.themomteam.com/amaus

I am an older mom - son is 5 - we have left him maybe 3 times in 5 years, so I know how you feel - we do NOT use babysitters or daycare - only family when they are in town. My "Mantra" for myself is this - "later on, you will look back and see that each of these difficult times were not so hard at all." Sometimes i laugh at the things I used to freak about - and I try to remember as I register my son for KG (gulp) that later on I will see that starting KG was not such a big thing, and everyone goes through it. Trust yourself - you know what you must do. When he is 10 this will all seem easy looking back. Good luck!

Its always hard to start them in day care. he is at the age where he will realize you are gone so there will be a transition period for him and you. I went back to work Ft when my son was 2 1/2 and my daughter was 14mos and it was hard. My oldest actually had the hardest time with it and my daughter was 14 mos and adpated well. She was my difficult child as far as seperation anxiety so I expected it to be the other way around! We did find a very nice child care and once they adapted they both loved it! I however ended up quiting work because finaically child care killed us! I was actually sad to take them out completely cause they had such structured days there. Well good luck!

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