16 answers

Going Back to Work and Dreading It

My son is 10 1/2 months old and I have been a stay-at-home Mom up until now. I haven't been away from my baby for more than 4 hours at a time since he was born. I will be going back to work full-time on January 7 and my son will be going to Montessori/day care. I am making myself sick with worrying that I am somehow hurting my child by going to work and leaving him with other people. He is an only child and has not done well in day care situations such as a mom's group that I go to every other week for 2 hours. I don't know if it is just because he never has time to get used to it or if he truly suffers from terrible separation anxiety. At any rate, I'm starting him in day care this week so that he will have a little time to get used to it before I start work. Any thoughts or reassurance would be welcome. . . I just feel so guilty!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you everyone! I am on my third day and overall things are going well, although I miss my kid terribly. He's doing better than I am, though. We will make it through. And, get this, I'm pregnant again! Now I'll have to figure out another new plan in 7 months.

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Hi there!I came a cross the Mom Team when I was looking for a way to work at home. They helped me stay home with my 2-year-old son and now I have another one on the way! Up until now, I only found scams online. The Mom Team is a non-profit support group partnered up with a wellness company. If you are motivated, you can make money at home. Fortunately, there's NO selling, ordering, parties or delivering of products. We have lots of support! If this is something that interests you, please email me!

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We needed 2 incomes and I didn't want my children in daycare, so I created a home-based business. No regrets & the many tax deductions were a bonus. I ended up making more money than before and I worked less hours. I created a business that catered to schools, so I followed the school schedule and took 10 weeks off during the summers and also had fall/winter and spring break, plus my kids were always invited to be in the school's activities (carnivals, recitals, etc.). By the time my second came along, I was able to hire someone else and I did even less work. I honestly don't even think my kids knew I had a job! I say let your guilt motivate you into new territory. You might get to have the best of both worlds.

-S.

2 moms found this helpful

Your son is at an age where separation anxiety is a problem, but on that can be worked on. I've worked in childcare, and most kids don't cry longer than 5-15 minutes after mom leaves. The sweeter the departure the easier. I agree with making it quick and simple. When I leave our 17 month old, it always is easier if sommeone's holding him and he has his blanket and cup. They put him down and his stuff away as soon as I am out of sight with no problem. Something my mom did for me was leave 1 glove. I was a bit older, but if reassured me she would come back, because I knew she couldn't be warm with only one glove! (I later found out she had an extra pair in the glove box). GL It will be harder for mommy than baby.

My situation was almost identicle...I went back to work when my daughter was 11 1/2 months. I had a month to prepare before I started my job and it was truly the worst month I can remember. As someone else said, the anticipation of it all was the worst part. I also put my daughter in day care a week before I actually started work and I sat in the parking lot and cried the first few days. The reality of the sitation is that it was MUCH harder on me than it was on her. She had a little bit of separation anxiety, but overall she really did well. She is now 2 and half and honestly, there are days I go to pick her up and she doesn't want to leave!! I also agree with the person who said that socially it seems to have been an advantage, that's true for my daughter as well. She is learning social skills more quickly than she would have had I have been able to stay home with her longer. I am still working towards getting back to being a stay at home mom, but that's about my needs not my daughter's. She's done great. You'll be in my thoughts as you get through this week and beyond.

K., I went back to work when my son was 12 weeks old. When he was 10 months old the situation changed and am staying home with. We are currently looking for daycare again. It was best for both of us. He loved playing with the other children and was always glad to see his teachers. I enjoyed it because I got to interact with other adults and really enjoyed the time at home with him. I never felt the stress when he was sick beacuse I didn't have the fussing most days. It was great for us. You will do great.

Do whatever it takes to stay home with your son. Sell the second vehicle, cut up the credit cards, cancel the cable/cell phones...sacrifice whatever you need to and you'll find that staying at home will be a lot more affordable than you think.

And being away from him every day is more costly than you will ever know.

You will NEVER regret being home with your children. Never.

Hi! I am a stay at home mom of a 2 year old and 10 month old twins. I cannot imagine having to go back to work...i can totally relate to your situation and would love to help you work from home with a great group of moms just like you and me! THere is no risk, no sales, no investment, no parties, and you can even work it part time while working your other job until you feel comfortable going full time! If you want more info. you can email me and check out my website. www.themomteam.com/amaus

I am an older mom - son is 5 - we have left him maybe 3 times in 5 years, so I know how you feel - we do NOT use babysitters or daycare - only family when they are in town. My "Mantra" for myself is this - "later on, you will look back and see that each of these difficult times were not so hard at all." Sometimes i laugh at the things I used to freak about - and I try to remember as I register my son for KG (gulp) that later on I will see that starting KG was not such a big thing, and everyone goes through it. Trust yourself - you know what you must do. When he is 10 this will all seem easy looking back. Good luck!

Its always hard to start them in day care. he is at the age where he will realize you are gone so there will be a transition period for him and you. I went back to work Ft when my son was 2 1/2 and my daughter was 14mos and it was hard. My oldest actually had the hardest time with it and my daughter was 14 mos and adpated well. She was my difficult child as far as seperation anxiety so I expected it to be the other way around! We did find a very nice child care and once they adapted they both loved it! I however ended up quiting work because finaically child care killed us! I was actually sad to take them out completely cause they had such structured days there. Well good luck!

I have twin girls that are 11 months and we don't have a problem with this issue because we have made a point from the beginning to let them stay with other family. I don't know how much family you have near you but it is good for them to spend that time away from you. My girls stay at their grandparents house at least once a month and I also get a break a couple more times throughout the month just away from the girls for time for myself and my husband. This may be tough but it is necessary. Plus, who wants to watch a kid who has such separation issues. This is a lesson a learned from my sister and swore I wouldn't let this happen to me. I'm sorry you had to learn that the hard way.

Hi there!I came a cross the Mom Team when I was looking for a way to work at home. They helped me stay home with my 2-year-old son and now I have another one on the way! Up until now, I only found scams online. The Mom Team is a non-profit support group partnered up with a wellness company. If you are motivated, you can make money at home. Fortunately, there's NO selling, ordering, parties or delivering of products. We have lots of support! If this is something that interests you, please email me!

Wow.. I cannot imagine! Do you HAVE to go back? I mean HAVE to? All I can tell you is that I was fortunate enough to be with my kids pretty much there whole childhood.. Now they are 16 and 18 and I would give ANYTHING to go back in time and spend MORE time...
It's over now... I was just thinking about it today! Even my daughter is too busy! It's done! Think about it. How much time do you spend or spent with your parents?
I met an elderly couple before my daughter was born and my son was a little baby.. We were in a restraunt and they were admiring my baby.. They told me to enjoy it because you will find you will spend more years alone without your children then the time line WITH them....

Hi K.,
No need to worry about returning to work--I did when my 1st was 3 months old, so she didn't have the initial separation anxiety. The mom always has all the anxiety! At around 9 or 10 months old, however, she did start with separation issues, but my daycare just told me to drop & go. It was the best thing as she soon realized that was the routine and crying wasn't going to change it. Once your son gets used to the routine, he'll adapt quicker than you! Daycare was a good experience for my daughter. She socialized so well that I knew I could bring her anywhere and she'd easily play with kids younger or older than her. She stayed in daycare until the age of 3, when I stayed home once I had twins (3 in daycare would have been financially crippling). The twins are now 3 and are not as socially adept as my eldest was at their age, despite playgroups, etc. I have heard nothing but great things about the Montessori program. I think the biggest issue for you will be not the work but the change in schedule and lack of flexibility with your time. I think you are doing something good for your son. Good luck at work!

K.,
I completely empathize with your situation. I have 2 little girls, 3.5 and 14 month old. I went back to work when the youngest was 6 months old. I understand your feelings of guilt at leaving your precious baby in the care of someone else. Although I still struggle with the guilty feelings, it has gotten easier. The key for me was knowing I had the right situation for my little ones to thrive. I tried one daycare center and it wasn't a good fit for us so we ended up finding a wonderful nanny. Just know that whatever you do for the benefit of your family is the right thing and try to keep the guilt at bay. Also- watch yourself for "mommy guilt" purchases. I was spending too much of what I was earning in the beginning to make myself feel better about being gone.
I managed to tailor my schedule so that I can be home by 3:30 most days PLAY until dinner time. It makes us all happier!
Good Luck!

Seems like everyone is concentrating on how your son will be, but not on how you'll do! Of course change is always hard, but if you've chosen good care for him, he's going to be fine.

Now you! I just went back to work after a three month maternity leave and I cried and cried before going back. While I felt confident that my daughter would get great care, I STILL didn't want to leave her. For me, the anticipation of (1) being away from my daughter and (2) back at work was worse than being back. The first week was really hard, the pumping breast milk is time consuming and can be stressful (my milk took a dip the first few weeks) but after the first week I was really glad to be back at work--I'd forgotten how much I love my job. So for me, the ANTICIPATION was the worst part. And each day I look forward to picking my daughter up and hearing about her day. Good luck!

Not to worry. My 3 year old was 7 months when she went into a montessori/childcare. It was more difficult for mom and dad than baby. Just an fyi. Don't linger when leaving. It's more difficult that way. Just reissure
"have a good day(give a kiss and hug)" and "I will always come and pick you up". AND LEAVE. Most kids cry only a few minutes after mommy leaves. She loved her situation and is now in a different preschool setting and loves it. Don't feel guilty. I sometimes believe that socially and emotionally they do better in a childcare situation. Nothing is better than being loved by mom but we sometimes over protect and stiffle our kids from being independent. Even at this age.

Hi, my name is J. Taylor and I understand what you are going through. I have been lucky enough to be at home with my children, but two years ago I was forced to find a way to bring additional income home. I started my home based business with Arbonne and I am a Substitue Teacher. I have found a wonderful balance where I can work and be there for my children. You are not alone, so many Moms are struggling with this same delemma you are in. I feel we need to support eachother, and try to find alternative means, so that you can have the balance you are looking for. I wish you all the best.

Kind Regards,

J. Taylor
Arbonne International
____@____.com
www.arbonne.com
Consultant I.D.# 15868616

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