Gifting Unequal Amounts to Your Kids

While a two year old won't notice what the 5 year old gets the 5 year old will definitely notice if she gets a lollipop and a gift and he gets 10 gifts. You need to even it out a little. Box a few of his up together and maybe get her a couple extra little things.

When my kids were little, I did make the gifts even. Really I still do (HS and college). I spent the same amount but if someone asked for an expensive gift, like when my oldest was 12 or 13 and just wanted an iPod, I filled in the gifts with other things that I would have had to buy anyway but disguised them as gifts so the kid would have something to unwrap - gloves, hat, scarf, slippers, fancy pens for school, etc

The five year old is definitely going to notice that brother got more presents than she did. I would try to even it out as much as possible, even if you put a few of brothers things away for his birthday.

Your 2 yr old won't notice but your 5 yr old sure will.
On the one hand you want to treat them fairly equally.
On the other hand you treat them according to their needs - which will vary a bit by age and gender to a degree.

Take it from someone who's birthday is Dec 26 - never EVER think of birthday and Christmas combined or as one being a continuation of the other.
It ticks me off to no end that my birthday gift is invariably wrapped in Christmas paper, under the tree and is marked to be opened one day later.
Mentally think of her birthday as being in June and treat is just like that except you celebrate it in Jan.

Well, will your daughter notice? I know my oldest, who is 7, would definitely notice if her younger sister got more gifts. I make sure they each get the same number of gifts. They are too young to understand or care about spending the same amount of money on each....that will come when they are tweens/teens. So for now they get the same number and I spend roughly the same amount on each but if one kid gets something a little more pricey, so be it. If one gets a *big* gift, so does the other. I don't want any hurt feelings (although the grinch in me thinks just be happy you got something). I always get them a few gifts to share and then a few individual gifts. So far it has worked out well.

My kids always got an equal number of gifts when they were small. Not so much anymore. Now it's about clothes, electronics and gift cards. So the dollar amount is the same, but the actual number of gifts could vary.

You know your kids best. Will your 5yr old be unhappy with her small pile? Or will she be so thrilled to get the one thing on her list that she won't even notice her brother's pile? Is it about getting what she specifically WANTS or just about getting stuff for the sake of getting stuff?

Last year, my youngest (11 at the time) had one item on her list. It was a very expensive item and I warned her in advance that if she got that it would be ALL she was getting (everyone would chip in for it, it was THAT expensive, and it would be from EVERYONE). She said she was ok with that, she REALLY wanted this item and this item ONLY. Come Christmas morning, everyone was opening gifts, and my youngest had her one gift. She was happy to get it, but when the moment came, she felt really sad about not having more gifts to open, not participating in the general cheer of present-opening euphoria. This year, her list consists of many, MANY small, inexpensive items. She wants each one to be wrapped individually. She learned that, for her, the joy of opening presents on Christmas morning was more important. The *participation* in the act of gift giving and receiving was the part she enjoyed the most...apparently more than actually OWNING the new gifts. Lesson learned, I guess. Might as well wrap a bunch of empty boxes and let her have fun unwrapping them all!

I make sure mine have the same number of gifts to open, even if they are small, inexpensive items.

I give equal present amounts, not cost amounts. This meant that when I bought my oldest a tablet, I also had to buy her other small things. A bag of gum balls, a book, etc.

I figure it all works out in the end.

I agree with the idea of putting your son's small gifts together, so the box count equals out.

I remember to this day how my brother and I compared things to make sure it was "fair." She M. or M. not do that, but better safe than sorry.

I always give an equal amount. My kids are 7 and 5 and don't necessarily understand the value of the gifts. Last year we definitely spent more money on our daughter because she got an American Girl doll, but they had an equal number of gifts to open.

Balance it out with small things. Books are always great to give. New slippers or pjs are fun. A small game or craft kit would also be good. I always think that one of the fun parts of Christmas or birthdays is giving the kids what they ask for, but also surprising term with something they didn't expect but I know they will like.

I would wrap some of the younger ones gifts together so it doesn't seem like too much. Or hold a few items for a birthday or another time. There is still time to pick up a little something more for your older child but at 5 she might not notice the amount of gifts.

It is also hard to keep birthdays and Christmas separate, my SD just turned 16 in the beginning of Dec. so we try to split up the gifts but to not be cheap on either occasion. I don't think it's fair to not give as nice of a gift because a birthday is the same time as the holiday.

I get each of my kids almost the same amount of gifts....

If it were me, I'd add a book that she would love and a fun pair of jammies and socks ! Maybe hair accessories?

I know my sibling with an early Jan birthday noticed and resented when she got less at Christmas because some thing were held apart and given as birthday presents instead.

She also hated it when people used their Christmas wrapping paper for her bday presents.

So, I'd strive for equal looking piles.

i struggled with this too when my kids were this little. for us it's more about spending fairly equally, but little ones don't quite get that when one has opened both his presents and the other one still has 5 to go, do they?
i wouldn't obsess over the exact number, but if the ratio is way off, then DO fill in with a few low cost items. i know, i know, christmas isn't about presents.
but these are little, little people.
:) khairete
S. (who kind of keeps track of this even for grown kids)

I don't believe that things need to be exactly equal between kids, but if the little one is getting many more presents than she is, throw in a couple more cheap gifts for her and you're all set. At that age you can buy them fun things for ten bucks.

I spent the same amount of money on my kids - they are now 18 & 16 and the 16 year old's birthday is in January also. I try to keep the number of gifts the same as well as they do mentally keep track and its pretty obvious when one is still opening gifts and the other is done. Typically its my daughter who has more b/c she wants clothes and so I combine them to equal the number of presents my son has to open.

They are both aware of the budget and with my stepsons we spend the same amount on them also. but with 4 children now instead of two, the number of gifts isn't always equal. They are also old enough to understand that quantity doesn't equal quality.

I always do equal number of gifts. I don't necessarily spend the same amount on my kids. If it is really noticable I would probably fix it with another 1 or 2 small items for her to unwrap. You know your kids best. If you don't think it will bother your daughter, leave it as it is.

Our kids, ages 5 and 6, definitely compare the number of things they get, mainly because of the amount of time that it takes to open the gifts. We always get the same number (not dollar amount, since that doesn't seem to matter to them yet). Last year to even them out we bought a couple of extra Barbie outfits for my daughters dolls. The year before that we evened them out with a couple of Lego figurines for our son. I honestly don't think that there has ever been a year that they both have gotten everything on their lists, but we try to make sure they at least get some of it. I figure we can disappoint them when they are 16 and ask for a car, not when they are 5 and 6 and ask for legos and dolls.

Put some of the little guy's smaller gifts in one box. Take them out of their original packages if you have to, and put the in one carton like they are one gift.

I'm sure you can find some other things for her too that are not expensive. Most 5 year olds aren't so good at making lists. And in a way, that's good - they don't think Christmas is just a big gift fest. It's really okay to give gifts to kids even if they didn't list them - there's a great advantage in the surprise! I have mixed feelings about lists - yes, we want to give them what they want, but what about the "surprise and delight" factor? Your 2 year old didn't make a list and you had no trouble finding things. I think you can find a "big thing" or two for her and not save everything for her birthday. You can also give practical things that you'd wind up getting anyway, like socks and tights and pajamas. You can also consider her own ornament that she can hang on the tree and then enjoy unpacking every year.

I don't know how much she will notice. At 5, sometimes kids get "into" what they receive, and others are counting when they notice they are done opening and the little one is still looking at a big pile.

I don't worry at all about the cost of things being even, but for kids I do think about the number of gifts per child. When I used to buy gifts for my grandmother to give to others, I just fudged the cost per item to it seemed even (of course, I couldn't allow her to spend more on my mother than on her son, my father! She wouldn't hear of it!). So I gave her an accurate TOTAL to reimburse me, but I sometimes told her individual items were priced differently than they were.

I make sure it's equal...maybe off by one. My oldest would notice and think it is unfair. Get her some things she needs or surprise her with something fun. New art supplies, a craft kit, a book, a dress, a game.

I wouldn't worry about it. My kids never kept tabs on Christmas morning, and once they started getting older they knew that more expensive (and usually smaller in size) presents made for less of a "wow" factor under the tree. The only thing that was ever truly equal was a full stocking and something special from Santa :-)
Though if the difference was REALLY noticeable you could always bundle some of your son's gifts together, so it looks like the same amount of gifts even though he's getting more individual items.

No, you don't need to fix anything. Children aren't clones. They don't need everything equal, and they need to understand that nothing in this world is going to be doled out in equal measure. I wouldn't worry, focus on or mention it. And I'll bet with the excitement, and stockings and family gifts and so forth, nobody even notices.

My kids' gift piles have never been equal! Growing up, my brother and I never had tit-for-tat piles of presents either.
They know that they aren't going to be. They understand the value of a dollar. They know that if one wants something a bit more expensive it means they aren't going to have as many things to open on Christmas Morning. It never even occurred to me to make the piles tit-for-tat. Some things will be equal, if one gets a Pez machine all 3 get one. Beyond that. Not even close. The dollar amounts get budgeted out a little more equal, but even that isn't a perfect line.
As for birthdays. I have a bunch of immediate family all with December birthdays. My husband is right before Christmas as is my son, his due date was Christmas Day but he came a few days earlier. There are hard and fast rules when it comes to the separation of Christmas and Birthdays! You do not wrap a birthday present in Christmas paper. We do not hold back presents thus making the Christmas pile intentionally smaller. They get a separate birthday present of lets say $100 and they get a separate "big ticket" gift of $100 for Christmas. There are no combined gifts unless it is expressly discussed and agreed upon ahead of time and it was only if it was a more expensive item like 1 $200 item instead of the separate $100 items. That only became possible at older ages when they understood that was it. Birthday cake and celebration is not combined with Christmas celebrations. They are on separate dates.

I think it will be fine. What you might start telling the older one (because it is usually true) is that big girl gifts sometimes cost more so she gets bigger ticket items. My SS knew that his 3 games were much more than SD's 3 Barbies. I would probably consider a few small items, like little dolls or stuffed animals or books, if you want them to be equal in number of gifts.

FWIW, for my mom and stepson (near-Christmas birthdays), we get them just the same as if they were born in March. The gifts might be under the tree, but they are in birthday paper. We try to make their birthdays distinctive from the holiday. So I wouldn't factor her birthday at all in Christmas.

My kids get the same number of gifts, until this year. My daughter is 11 and her list included things like Uggs, North Face, Origami Owl, American Girl Doll, etc...expensive items. My boys had mostly GI Joe's, WWE Wrestlers, Hot Wheels, etc...much more affordable. So they all got the same number of items in terms of cost. The Sephora makeup kit my daughter asked for was $60, so the boys got a gift about that price to match (might have been 2-3 items grouped together).

So Christmas morning they will not all have the exact number of gifts to open, but no one is getting less. The dollar amount is basically the same and the number of items is close enough.

My daughter was told that with her more expensive list she should expect to see a few less items and she was okay with that. She knows what she asked for is more expensive.

I have three children, ages 5, 8, and 11. I have never counted presents, that is just ridiculous in my mind and teaches greed and me me me! I spend approximately the same amount on each child, but God help them if they ask for an accounting record or start counting gifts and complaining... I put out the gifts I've already wrapped several days ago, and of course they checked them out when they got home :) they def noticed how many they each had, and I overheard them talking about how some must be more/less pricey than the others gifts and maybe I've still got more to wrap. My older kids told the little one that she sure has a lot to open, but not in a mean way, just in a noticing way... I want my kids to grow up learning that fair is fair, but not always equal. They know I spend about the same amount of money, it's never been an issue. The little ones have a combo gift from one set of grandparents, so one gift for the two of them. The older has three less pricey gifts from same set of grandparents. Now, in your exact situation, your kids are young... So if you're talking one gift versus 38 gifts, that's not cool... If it's 15 versus 20, I wouldn't worry about it! Oh, and to the folks saying 5, 7, 9 year old kids can't understand money,yes, yes they can!

ETA: also, all three of mine have bdays right after, one is 12/26, I would never give him less just bc he's getting bday presents the next day. They are two totally separate things with two totally separate budgets.

We always do equal number of stuff to unwrap. Doesn't have to be same value though.