Gift Idea for Teenager - New Sibling Coming Soon...

May I delicately suggest that your daughter is dealing with a lot more than a new baby? Two father figures leaving her life, exposure to her mother's love life (kids from original families don't have to deal with this), fear that relationships never work out, plus she's in middle school (auugghhh!) and becoming a teenager. She needs an outlet to vent, and it's possible that she doesn't vent with you because some of it is about you, and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

I have to be honest with you and confess that I am surprised that you would even consider giving your 13 year old a present. Presents for very young children when new babies are coming home follow the logic that it's nice to make them feel included in a process that they can't really understand in intellectual terms. Your daughter is 13, and this shouldn't be an issue with her. Plus, I would worry that if you are trying to appease your daughter because she's not happy about the situation, you're going to be opening yourself up for a lot of heartache, not to mention expense, later on. If your teenage daughter learns that you will try to buy her off if she is unhappy, then watch out, because that's something she will learn how to use on you for the forseeable future. I'm a firm believer that kids need to learn boundaries and realize that they shouldn't expect a gift in situations that have nothing to do with them...e.g. someone else's birthday.

If you are concerned about your relationship, then rather than getting her something material, take her out to lunch, just the two of you, right before you have the baby, and then again afterwards at relatively regular intervals...once every other week or once a month. I know that's especially hard when you have a brand new baby, but try nursing your baby, leaving her with a friend or relative for about an hour or so, and take your daughter to lunch for some alone time so that she still "feels" like you two can have a special relationship. Talk to her about wanting her to still feel special and involved, but especially let her know how much her support means to you. I think that's the healthiest kind of gift you can give to your daughter.

Best of luck!!

And here I thought I was the only crazy woman with a situation like yours (except for the separation, for which I'm sorry you're having to go through right now).

My daughter was 11 when her little brother was born and just turned 13 with the newest baby girl (who is now 4 mos). Open and honest communication was key with my daughter. I told her that the first few months are the hardest because babies need so much time and attention and I would bring up the subject again if I could tell she was feel a little neglected. I would also give small gifts of my time - a quick lunch or run for a Starbucks, watching a movie of her choosing while nursing the baby. My husband (her stepdad) also takes her out for a lunch and movie date every once in awhile. I know you don't have that luxury, but perhaps a grandfather or grandmother or special aunt could do that. I also encouraged her to arrange stuff with her friends. If she was busy with them, then she didn't have time to feel left out at home.

Perhaps instead of giving her just a gift from you, have her "exchange" gifts with her new sibling. She can give the baby some memento that can either be played with at a later time (a bear from Build-A-Bear?) and the baby can give her a gift as well (a charm bracelet or necklace).

How about a gift certificate to a local spa or beauty shop for girls' only day. A date with you after the baby is born will help her to know that she is still very important and so is your relationship.

Hi B.,

I don't have experience in this area, but I do have three teenage girls. Invite her to help decorate the nursery and/or choose the name. It will help her at this awkward age to feel her input is wanted and cherished ... everytime she sees the room or speaks the name she'll know she was involved.

I would get my daughter a beautiful locket with pictures of the two of you in it as gift. Another idea is a ring or bracelet with her birthstone.

Hope this helps!

L.

With the changes in your family right now, your little big girl is probably feeling quite unsure about where she will stand - how great that you're being proactive!

As far as an idea for you:
How about making her a coupon booklet or a jar with pretty scrapbook papers and what not for activities or goodies that the two of you have really enjoyed together? Then when she's feeling a little like the 3rd wheel, you can suggest or she can on her own go choose a coupon or a slip and you two can have a little Mommy & Me time. You could even have a designated day when the two of you would do some one or more of these things. And remember, you don't have to choose the expensive things. I'm guessing for her, sitting on the couch with some hot cocoa watching Saturday morning cartoons would even be very welcome...

Best wishes!

I would get her a t-shirt that says big sister on it When the baby gets here I would have her help with watching her baby sister/brother while you take a shower or some other time you need to be away that would give your daughter time to get to know her new baby sibling and also make her feel important.

Try scrapbooking. Have it be her job to help keep a scrapbook of the new baby. It could be something that is her job, or something the two of you do together. If it is her responsibility she may feel like she has a really important job. She could make this and feel really proud to share it with others especailly as the holidays approach.

What about a spa day for the two of you. You can either go before the baby, or after. You could let her know that even though there's a new baby, you'll always have time for her and you'll continue to do fun things together, like you always have. Another idea, might be a locket with a great picture of the two of you in it doing something really fun. I think Things Remembered has a cute one and you could engrave it.

Good luck and congrats on the new addition!
J.

B.,
I was 13 when my little sister was born. I was pretty excited, but didnt really realize all that having a baby entailed. Before my sister, my parents and I went to fancy dinners, the opera, movies, vacations, plays, the whole nine yards. Once my sister was born all that just stopped. We never even went out for lunch anymore. I hated having to just sit at home all the time. I never got to go shopping one on one w/my stepmom anymore, because she was nursing and didnt leave my sister EVER. I felt like my parents never had any time for me, and I was just a live-in housekeeper or baby-sitter. I love my sister deeply, and today, 14 years later, she is one of my best friends, but it doesnt mean my feelings were not hurt by my parents actions. So here is my advice for you: Before the baby comes talk with your daughter about the demands of a little baby. Explain to her that they are super demanding like this for only a short time. Ask her to give you some le-way while the baby is up all night, and promise her some one-on-one time about 4 weeks after the baby is born. Then set a time with her every week, doing something you used to do. Make sure that you take the time to talk with her at dinner and try to stay involved in her life. Go to her plays at school, invite her friends over. It will be a juggling act, but well worth it in the end. Be honest with her, letting her know that you both still love her and nothing will replace that. don't expect her to just help with the baby. The baby is your reponsibility-not hers. When she does help, praise her and thank her for her assistance. I think a great present would be ring or necklace that she can wear, and tell her that when ever she looks at it, to remember how much you love her, and how she will always be special to you. give her the ring as a commitment that you will always be there for her no matter what. Let her know it is ok, if she gets mad at the baby from time to time, and even consider allowing her to go to a counselor to talk about her frustrations. Even though my parents did everything opposite that they probably should have, my sister was the light of my life, and I love her so much. She changed my life drastically, but in the end it was for the better. She also taught me that I was No where ready to have a baby any where in the future. I waited another 12 years to have a baby, when I knew I was ready for those sacrifices that a baby brings. My sister taught me to love outside myself, and not be so selfish, she gave me a small glimpse of the love I'd have for my own children. But it came with some growing pains, and hopefully you can help ease those growing pains for your daughter so she can enjoy the exprience and all of you can grow stronger and closer as a family.

Write back and fourth to each other in a journal. It keeps the lines of communication open. And the other mothers advive all sounds good too. The survival gift box for big sisters. Good luck and god bless

Hello,

One of my 14 year old daughter's best friends got a baby brother last year. She seriously sometimes forgets he is there. He is more like a fun toy to her because she isn't often asked to tend him or take care of him. When he was born, they told her they would appreciate any help she wants to give, but her life hasn't been very altered at all. When she is asked to babysit, she is happy to do it because she is never made to do it. I don't know what I would have done as a parent in that situation, but one thing came to mind. Maybe give your daughter something like a bracelet or ring and tell her it is a promise to love her as much as you always have no matter what. Let her know things will change, but nothing could change the way you feel about her, your first born. That there will always be a special place in your heart for her. Give her lots of hugs and kisses and I love you's and ask often how she is doing to keep dialogue going. Even let her sit on your lap and hug and rock her. I find that even though my girls are growing up, they still need Mom to hug and hold them and care for them. Maybe the answer is just more of an outward show of love. What ever you do, I wish you well.

Time is probably the best gift. how about a cupon pack with one hour with just mom, one hour with dad, a moring outing with mom, etc. also, how about a talk box. cut a slit in the top of a box and have little paper and pens on there. then anyone in the family (or you can make just her) puts things in thee. you put compliments like...thanks for doing the diaper change today. then get together for thirty minues each week to go through it and talk. This gives her a safe plae to talk each day. she can put angry stuff even. and you won't forget to compliment her.

Include her in your and the baby's life. Don't make her feel that she has to be the one to go get this, or go get that, but rather let her feel the baby move, let her see the sonogram picture of her baby too. Let her pick some of the room items out, colors, whatever you are doing for the baby. This will help her feel that she matters. Who could not love a new baby in the home, especially if they are one of the family and not the maid. She is most likely feeling your tension from family hurts right now. Maybe take her to dinner and get a gift (like a locket that you and her both have, or a BFF charm bracelet for both of you) before the baby comes and let her know that you appreciate her patience with how the family has been lately and that no matter what happens that will not change your love for her. Besides, turning 13 is hard enough for any young one, they don't know how they should act (a kid or a more mature teen), things like that. This might help her to share with others, not just mom/dad. There is a lot on her plate.

Hi B., there is a ten year difference between me and my younger sister. I was my moms best helper in the world, I even would take a shift at night when my sister cried or would help warm bottles. I loved every minute of it too. Keep your head up, maybe she will thrive on the new responsiblity like I did. I took her everywhere with me too, new boyfriends knew we were a package deal. Good luck, she may just suprise you :)

I can say with some expierience that the biggest thing you can do for them is to keep thier lives as normall as possible, and try to tell them as little as possible that you can't do something because of the baby. My kids are 17, 2 are 16, 14 then 7, 4 and 2, and I think this can be said regardless of her being an only child before the new ones come, they are used to a certian way of life, and a baby does change that. Make sure you are always available no matter how tired you are, cut into your you time to spend time with her, and have her as involved as possible without forcing the issue. With my last kid, my kids rebelled they did NOT want another, but once he was born they fell in love with him. Have her be in charge of the baby book, get her a digital camera and let her take pictures and place them in a photo album (this is what my kids like to do, plus they got a camera out of it) let her help pick the babies clothes for the day, help buy new outfits, my little ones have worn some very interesting outfits but the kids are so proud of what they created for thier little siblings. Just remember that she will be emotional after the birth just like you so, so keep your calm, and she will be ok.

Good Luck!

I like the idea of taking her out to lunch. But I also think that it might be sweet if you wrap up a cute, inexpensive picture frame, then make sure to take a cute picture of your daughter with the baby to put in it. She can put it in her room. Or maybe you could find one of those keychain picture frames so she can put a picture of the baby (with or without her in it, too) on her backpack to show her friends when she goes back to school after the holiday break.

Hi B.,

I was in your daughter's situation many years ago. I was 12 years old, an only child and it was just me & my mom. I remember feeling mad, sad, scared, excited, guilty, all of it. My mom tried to include me in everything, (attending appointments, decorating the room, names, etc..). I have also worked with adolescents and it is such a difficult and confusing age. My mom would give me choices to be involved so that I would feel a little more in control. She also made sure to talk to me and would often create times that would make me have to talk or at least listen to her, (walks, dinner just the 2 of us, night-time, letters, etc.) When you do talk make sure you really listen, even if it seems petty, because it may seem like something minor but to your daughter it may well be a huge deal. Also, emphasize the things that you & your daughter can & still will do even after the baby is born, if you don't already have a hobby that is just for the two of you come up with one. Reassure her, hug her, love her and just when you think you have done it enough do it one more time.
My mom gave me a "Big Sisters Survival Box" as a gift from my brother. She wrote cute notes with each gift.It had a bunch of things in it, "headphones to block out the crying, a pack of gum, because no matter what families stick together, a disposable camera, "to capture his embarrassing moments and use it against him," a journal to let it all out, good and bad. A "coupon" good for 1 hour of "mommy" time", all kinds of cute little things. It meant a lot to me, I actually still have the box she decorated.
I am sorry this is so long, but one last thing, my brother who is now 22 years old (and in his last year of college) is one of my most favorite people. I adore, spoil, and admire him. You are going to do great. Good Luck!

Remember stay positive; only think she will be fine with the baby. I am sorry to hear about you and your husband but it could work in your favor. This happened to me with my 10 year old (from a previous relationship), i got prego, my husband and i separated and i it was just my son and i while i was pregnant. We talked and shared it all. You have a daughter so you may be able to share more then i could. You could have your daughter be in the room with you. I was with my mom when i was ten and i cherish every min of it. I remember that bond i had with my brother. Then after that if you and your husband take longer to work on it then you can have her help you raise your baby. Make sure you don't put it all but be open and have fun sharing your new addition with her. This is a present it self .....birth control!!! Ha ha! But really you really don't have to get her something material she will feel a tight connection and you can help it grow stronger. If you want a gift i would say a necklace...locket or a three hearted necklace. Make sure you get a ingraved with something you always say.