Gift for Grad Quandry

She is going to need that laptop for college but personally I would give her the riding lessons. Especially if she is likely to sit in front of the computer playing games, the riding lessons will get her outside and doing something healthy and active. It certainly is not a waste of money. If this is something she has wanted since she was 6, the riding lessons are a way of affirming her as a person and giving her something that she will love and remember for the rest of her life.

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I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest the lessons. There are a couple of reasons:

1 -- The lessons are a true gift. They seem a little frivelous, but definitely not something that she would get for herself. She has wanted them a long, long time -- about the same amount of time that she has been in school. Now that she has reached this huge milestone in her life, she deserves some celebratory play time.
2 -- Lessons will get her outside, away from school, away from her games. Always a healthy thing to do.
3 -- Not getting her a computer may motivate her to get a job so that she can purchase one on her own. Her alternative is to use the computer lab at school or wait for her bday.
4 -- If she already has the lessons lined up, she should be able to find a job that works around the schedule.

Lastly, I have to confess that I have always wanted lessons myself and I'm just a little envious that your daughter might get them. So maybe my recommendation is such because of my own unfulfilled childhood wish! :)

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I would say you gift the gift of one last "childhood" memory to your daughter. Kids grow up so fast, and stuff (especially electronics that take kids away from human interaction) will always be in their lives. If you give your daughter the riding lessons she will have the tranquility and connection with nature, the horses, and a sense of fulfillment of something she's always wanted to do. If you don't think it's *enough* of a gift, or that she'll get a job and not go, then give her the added gift of this last summer at home with no job to be responsible for - or at least a part time one for spending money that doesn't interfere with her lessons.
I know I'm not considered old at 27, but I've been married for 7 years and have three kids, so I feel like I'm far from the high school days! I would have LOVED riding lessons as a gift from my parents because I was looking ahead to having to grow up real fast with college and work, and the comfort of being a kid for one last summer would have been welcomed!

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K.,

I agree with Julia one million percent. Give her the lessons. I'm so jealous, I've wanted a horse/lessons myself for about 20 years now. :)

M.

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Hi K.,
I just read a story this morning about gifts...written by a man who cannot recall any gift he was ever given as a child except one, the year his father gave him a day of canoeing together for his 12th birthday. Upon reflection, I agreed that I could not recall many gifts from my childhood either, and in particular graduation gifts. It was all nice to receive, but soon forgotten as years went past. The one item I received at that point in my life was also an "experience" which I hold dear to me in my memory and will NEVER forget...a trip to Europe. While that is expensive, and my parents could not go with me...it is something that never will leave me! I gained life wisdom as well as lifelong friends (20 years later we still send packages, photos, and email! I was also able to return to visit and plan to do so again.)

In that vein, I would think the riding lessons is a wonderful idea. It's a seed for future memories as well as possibly a lifelong hobby. I would find a way to make the time (a part-time job can work around it), because all too soon your daughter will be in the working world and without summer days to play. She will fondly remember the time she spent riding...FOREVER.

Computers and phones come and go (as you can already see with the old phone being...old). Besides, she can save her money from the job to buy one...that will build character!

That's just my idea, obviously you will choose as best you can. Good luck deciding!
~ K.

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I would say the cell phone, only because it is a practical gift and will allow you to be in contact with her easily when she goes away to college.

The laptop is nice, but most colleges have so many opportunities for using computer labs.

I would say no on the riding lessons, only because if you want her to focus on getting a job and getting ready for college then this may just be a distraction.

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I would recommend the lessons. Its a life experience that she may not find time to have later. As you say, the new phone is a novelty/luxury and perhaps wanting one will motivate her to get a summer job and gives her something to work for. I would wait on the laptop. My nephew went off to college with all brand new stuff last year, laptop, refrigerator, linens, etc. At the end of the year he came home without all of it.....he had the best dorm room on the floor and all the kids hung out there. He had a great time but didn't have to go out of his room/floor much and he didn't do well in his classes, all the stuff got ruined or misplaced. It seems like its good to give the kid a reason to get out to the library/computer lab and/or to a job to earn stuff.
Good Luck!
K.

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Hi.

I faced the same issue last year. I gave my daughter her a nice pair of gold earrings. They were unique 14K gold knot earrings (it was an open weave). She wears them constantly. They were under $100. They are classic and I know she'll have them for years. They are good for special occasions, interviews, etc. I also gave her cash.

The laptop is a good option, especially if she's going to college. We held off as she waited to go to college until this summer. She got her laptop at Xmas. The novelty wore off (of being on it constantly) after a month or so. My kids aren't into gaming, so I never have had to deal with it, but I've heard parents express issues about it.

I agree with you about something that will last for years - that's why I chose the earrings. For some it's a good watch, a necklace, etc. Their 18th and 21st birthdays are other milestones I feel are good for things like that. I have to admit I followed what my parents did for me too.

Good luck and congratulations.

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I'd suggest the lessons! Wow, are you kidding me, what a fun thing to do for her, the memories and experience, something she has wanted for so long. And in this day and age, something not so materialistic! It won't go out of style or fashion or become an obselete dust collector the minute you buy it!

The cherished experience won't be a short termed gift: it's a long held wish coming true that will be enormous fun and who knows lead where? About exercise and enjoyment and nature and a whole host of other things. How wonderful! :-)

Good luck with your choice. And congratulations for getting your child to such a momentous occasion!

Cheers,

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Congratulations yourself on having a graduating senior. I know graduating from High School is different than it was when we were that age (I graduated 20 years ago this week).
I have friends who have kids who graduated last year, a few years ago, this year. They all seem to get thier graduates Lap Top Computers, for college. They all went away to other states for school, and having a computer, a lap top, seems to be one of the things on the list that students need to have for school. They will be writing papers (all that having them typed is a requirement). A lap top computer is a tool for college, rather than a toy.

A cell phone, if she has one, and it works-why would she need another one, except for the fact that it's not the new Blackberry or i phone. Those phones change every year, they are newer and more improved-it's a never ending cycle. I know, my husband, as much as I love him, is a gadget dork-someone who thinks he needs a new this or that. But I will say, he buys a new phone, when his old one is on the verge of not working anymore.

Riding Lessons isn't a practical gift. It is short term. She will get the riding lessons, be done with them, and then......

Now, the "she's not very motivated to get a job" thing. I told you earlier that I have friends, who have had children graduate from high school and go onto college already, consistantly in the last 5 years. Both the boys and the girls GOT JOBS. Immediately after H.S. graduation, they got the jobs right before graduation, or had something secured already. These kids came from homes where thier parents make 6 figures a year and from homes where they don't. They then went off to school, and got another JOB. I didn't graduate from college, but I had friends who did, and every single one of them had jobs while they were in school. One friend inparticular, was a daughter of a Doctor. We have older friends who have 2 sons, one graduated 3 years ago-his dad is a surgeon.

If their kids wanted something other than what they were given, they had to work for it. Your daughter should be busy this summer. If she gets one part time job, she needs to get another one. If your daughter wants the new cell phone, then she needs to work to get another one. If riding lessons are that important to her, then she can earn the money to get them. I am sorry for being so blundt about this, if you were a good friend of mine, I would tell her the same thing.
I worked retail for 11 years and in management the last 3 years. I quit in 1998-99. We had college students who were working part time, it was great, and I became very fond of them. Most of them came into work on time, if they were going to be late, they called me to let me know. But what I was discovering the last 2 years of working, was that alot of them were lacking a "work ethic". One girl, who was the sweetest little thing, came from a family of privlege. She said several times, not in a mean intentional way, "My parents will send me the money". She knew she had her parents as a safety net, so if she called in sick because she was tired, or scheduled a hair appointment and she forgot she had to work (yes that really happened), she knew if she missed her shift, didn't make the money, that her parents would send it.

Your daughter needs to get off the computer and look in the classifieds, and get a job. Stop giving her money for the extra's (new cell phones, make-up, movies, etc). This is one of the best first life lessons you could give her.

I have a 12 year old son, who worked, mowing lawns last summer, for a couple of our neighbors. He LOVED having his own money to buy, whatever he wanted to buy for himself. And he LOVED the fact, that he earned it on his own.

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The best way I can see to honor her right of passage and transition out of high school and towards adulthood would be to give her the choice for what she wants as a gift (within the 3 choices you outlined here).
What a great teachable moment!
How often as adults do we stress over our own decisions of which toy to buy for ourselves, or how to spend our extra dollars - and we each have to live with whether it was the right choice after all.

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As a mother of three college graduates, I strongly would recommend the Lap Top Computer. I do not know what my two daughters and sons would have done without one. (Although, the lap top feature was not available for my first daughter, she used her desktop computer continually).

With Freshman English classes there are so many papers to write and lots of work at the Library for reference work. The laptop made it easy for my kids to do their work at the Library in one of their quiet rooms.

As far as having a job over the summer, it was always a must for my kids. They knew up front that they would get "X" amount of money a month from mom for living money, my husband and I paid for the dorm or apartment, college tuition, books, meal money, car insurance, a certain amount of money was allowed a month on the gas card, and we paid for their health insurance. They knew that anything else, including clothes, dinner out with friends, cell phone bills, extra gas expenses, nights out with friends, etc, would be their expense. All my kids knew that over the summer they needed to go to college each year with "X" amount of money in their savings account to get them through the year for all the extras they needed.

It worked well, and all three kids made it through their 4+ years, and my husband and I finaly got done with all of the extra cost involved with sending kids to College!!!!!

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Wow thats a toughie! Congrats on getting through high school. While the lessons would be fun for her, I tend to agree that a more practical gift would be better. My 9 year old has a big sister through Big Brother Big Sisters who is attending WWU. She says that even though she attends formal classes, she does have some assignments that have to be submitted online. Your daughter is an adult now, as hard as it is for us moms to let go, she needs to start learning the consequences of her grown up decisions. If she get sucked into playing WOW (I have an acct to I know how addicting that game is) and doesnt have money saved up when she goes to college, maybe she will learn how to divide her time more carefully. I know we don't want to see our kids fall and get hurt but teen years are just what that is for. I have a 14 and I helped raise my stepson who is now 21. We had to let him learn some lessons the hard way as much as we wanted to spare him.

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Personally Id absolutely get the laptop. If you daughter is going to college it is the most essential tool she will need. You could always get one that has a cute colored top (Dell has some that come in yellow, red, blue, pink and green). But if her birthday is in October they get it then and get the horse lessons for summer, that wld be so cool. Maybe a phone for Christmas? Congrats to you Mom of a Grad, I cant wait!

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My vote would be for the computer. It's practical and will be very needed at college. Waiting until October for that only allows her to use it near finals, which would be a disadvantage since there will be plenty of projects and papers due before that. Honestly there isn't much you can do to force her to get a job right now. Wait until the reality of being at college with little spending money hits. Yeah, I thought I didn't have to work and go to school! As for the cell phone, let that wait until her birthday or Christmas...is a new phone really all that important? By then she may be request items for her dorm room if she is going away to school. The riding lessons may be better off waiting until next summer as a "Congratulations on passing your Freshman year!" gift.

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I vote for the lessons. Treat her to something fun and something that can't collect dust. New life experiences are great gifts. Good for the spirit. Memories don't become outdated, like electronics.

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I think since she is stepping into the world of adulthood she should be allowed to start making desisions for herself. Give her the chance to choose. Part of becoming and adult is making choices and learning to live with the consequences; good or bad. That said, since she is still living under your roof, if she chooses the laptop, you can set boundaries on how and when she uses it and hopefully when she is out on her own, that will carry over into her life. As a wife whose husband is addicted to Warcraft, I would set limits as a condition of owning her own laptop as long as she is still living with you. Best of luck

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I vote for riding lessons....especially if she can still use them at any time...on weekends (if she gets a job etc.). It will get her outside, not on the cell phone or computer and it may spark an interest, and perhaps a job (cleaning stables, etc.) that she wouldn't have had the opportunity to do previously.

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It may be the least practical gift, but the riding lessons would be the most memorable one. She's been asking since she was six, so it wasn't a passing phase!! I would tend to vote for the experience rather than a gadget.

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Before you go the computer route, check out wow widows and other groups for spouses of gaming addicts. There are stories there where people have turned their lives over to the game. Thrown away school, work, marriage, children, everything for the game. Riding on the other hand is a healty activity that she can use her whole life.

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