Gift Acknowledgement

Husband's side of the family never acknowledges presents. We haven't heard from a single one of them if they even received their Christmas presents. Makes me crazy. But I make my kids send handwritten thank you cards for every gift they receive.

I don't have an answer, but I was in a similar situation recently. I mailed my kindergartener nephew a birthday present and never heard a single word. It's annoying and it's rude, you don't know if someone stole the package from their doorstep or if it got delivered to the wrong address until you receive some sort of acknowledgement that it arrived.

Personally, when my young son receives a gift I make him write a thank you note. It's just good manners. I guess I just expect that when you do something nice for someone they'll at least acknowledge it out of courtesy. Adult children that receive gifts should consider themselves very fortunate to have parents that care enough to send even a little something, I can't even remember the last time I received a gift from my parents.

Its rude, plain and simple. Its selfish! Screw the whole "gift giving is like charity". Heck no! If someone gave you something, even if its a stick with a ribbon around it, YOU SAY THANK YOU no matter if its a piece of paper with a smiley face on it or a phone call.

Goodness gracious folks! Since when did it become ok to not say thank you, or since when did it become ok to not teach your kids to not say thank you for a gift???

Social graces is a lost art B. J. I highly suggest you encourage your kids and grandkids to send you a thank you note or give you a call. Don't withhold gifts, that's not the point. The point is to get them to acknowledge and be a bit more polite than the rest of the world. They'll make their mark brighter by learning to say thank you. If they don't, they'll just be known as a rude person and is that what you really want for your kids and grandkids?

This may not be a popular answer, but I see true gift giving as the same as true charity - with no expectation or need for kudos or gratitude. I suppose the question to ask yourself is, are you giving gifts to make someone else happy? Or are you giving gifts to buy thanks and love, and your own feeling of virtuousity?

I do think it's rude not to acknowledge a gift. Especially, when a gift has gone through the mail. I know I worry the gift never made it!!

With all that said...do you purchase gifts, because you love them...or to receive acknowledgment? I would give, because I love to give. I love the children. I think NOT giving due to being burnt from no acknowledgment, is just as rude as not acknowledging. BUT, I would just send gifts to the children and not the adults. A card for adults, is sufficient. If we are on a tight budget, gifts for adults are the first to go. The adults SHOULD be thanking, and you can't really blame the children for not being taught better.

This drives me crazy as well! I have my daughter write a hand written note for everything that she receives. I understand that some people feel like an e-mail, call, or even text is enough of an effort. I am fine with that, but no acknowledgment whatsoever is unacceptable to me.

I have many nieces and nephews. We did stop sending things to the ones who never acknowledged. We didn't plan that way, and it wasn't an angry spiteful move. But they never said boo about anything we sent, even if we spoke to them on the phone. But when they graduated high school, you bet they found a stamp and our address to send an announcement, expecting a gift. That's when we decided NO MORE. We send a card, but that's it.

Now for you, these are kids and grandkids, so I don't know. First, I would speak to your children, and let them know that you plan to stop sending gifts to those who don't acknolwedge. And let them know if/that you are ok with a quick text or call even. I would be fine if my parents said this to me, it would straighten me up and realize I hadn't been grateful. You wouldn't be telling them what to do, you'd be telling them what you plan to do.

The other option is to send an unsigned check, or an empty gift box- I'll bet they find a way to contact you then! :-)

Seriously, just tell your kids. I know some people say they send gifts because they want to, not because they expect anything back, but I think that's ridiculous. Who sends things only because they expect something back? Silliness. It's basic manners and gratitude. Period.

This question repeatedly keeps coming up. I can't understand either why someone can't acknowledge a gift or have the kid acknowledge the gift in some sort of way. I am not saying that it has to be a hand written card on great stationary or anything like that, but something would be nice. The adults should know better. As for the kids, I blame their parents. Kids are not really taught these days to acknowledge a gift. If I give the gift in person, that thank you is enough for me. If I send a gift, I do expect a call, text, e-mail or something just to say, "I got it, thanks!" Everyone does not value the "acknowledgement."

You have been most kind to send these gifts, and I am sure it's because you enjoy gifting, like I do. Your adult children are awful not to acknowledge. No excuses there. Honestly, I would not keep sending them all gifts. This has to be so costly. If you feel you must send something, consider sending a family gift card and let it be. But I would address the issue with your adult kids first and foremost.

First, I think your sending way too many presents. Your children are probably in their late 30s, 40s, they don't need a present for every birthday and Christmas. If you must, pick one or the other to acknowledge, and go with that. Birthday is usually better because Christmas with all these kids running around is total chaos.

With the grandkids, if you are going to send a gift, set up a time to open it with the recipient over the phone, through video conferencing, etc. This actually brings people together and you can hear the thank yous and appreciation at the same time. This is especially true with the younger set. My brother in law was a bit miffed one day when our kids didn't just fawn over him, like his two other neices and nephew do. My husband pointed out that he never does anything with our kids and they don't really know who he is and they have no tie to him.Because he lives down the street from his other neices and nephew, they see him all the time (mostly because he eats over there several times a week). He now comes over to help with school projects, takes the kids out sailing one on one, comes before they go to sleep when he is coming over for dinner. Voila, they know who he is and actually like him. Presents don't create those ties. Kids like "stuff" but if it's just more "stuff" coming at times with lots of "stuff" - it gets lost with the other "stuff." At least with the grandkids, make a moment of your "stuff" if you are going to send it, preferably before or after the birthday/holiday.

As far as your big kids... I don't know what to tell you. It's pretty standard operating procedure in our family to send thank you emails or thank each other on the phone when we talk over the holidays. We do not send each other birthday presents any more and have requested that our parents don't or keep it very small. My mom really likes giving presents, but we do it when she can actually come to town around the time of holidays or birthdays. I would encourage you not to give to your big kids any more unless they really need something. A family name draw is a really great thing for bigger families like yours and it keeps the "stuff" down to a dull roar.

Good luck!

You forgo gifts to each other to send gifts to rude children and grandchildren? Wrong!

Oh, gifting and receiving can be such a painful issue. I've been on both sides; as a child my mother was obsessive about her little girls writing polite, if not joyful, thank-you's the same day the gifts were received. That was way overboard, and to this day, I HATE writing thank-you notes. I'd rather not receive the gifts. (I do make sure a gifter gets a sincere thank you, but maybe a week later, or face-to-face, or by phone).

And I've been in your position, too. Not fun, and certainly not polite. Twenty or so years ago, I started simply sending cards to non-responsive recipients. It felt fine, and I've never gotten any flack for it.

To do that, I had to inquire into why I gave the gifts. Now I gift only when 1. I can afford it;
2. I expect and need nothing in return (it's more an obligation than a gift if I want anything back for it);
3. I can give joyfully.

This has simplified my life. And maybe some of my former giftees' lives, as well. I hope you find your way to a good solution for you.