Getting Hassled by a Friend About Daycare

Hi E.:
I don't believe it could of been said better.Lisa,your (Right on).You Enjoy those precious moments with your children while they're young. You have no idea how often,I've wanted to blurt out to someone. Why did you have them? if your first thought,of the day is (How can I get rid of them?)I wish you,your career,and especially your darlin kids,the very best.J.

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Just let her know it's a non issue anymore after you've told her how you feel about it. If she has kids and puts them in daycare, tell her she should have gotten a pet instead and to raise her own kids. Stick to your guns, your kids belong with YOU, (or Grandma, as you said) not a stranger. EVER. What's her problem anyway?

1 mom found this helpful

Hi E.,

I also work from home and my husband works out of town for days at a time. It can be a struggle sometimes, but what a joy and a blessing it is to be able to spend these precious moments with our children. At 2 1/2yrs. & 8mo., your kids are little. You have every right to want to stay home with them. It is also important to get in some “me-time” but that doesn’t mean that you have to put your children in daycare to do that. You can schedule “me-time” just as you would any other appointment in your life. Maybe ask Grandma to watch them an extra hour while you get lunch with a friend. Sounds like you are a planner and you can make "me-time" work.

You should let your friend know, in a nice and respectful manner, that this is a choice that you have made and planned for. She may have chosen differently, but tell her that you would appreciate her support. You may want to evaluate your conversations with her. Is this unsolicited advice? Is the advice given out of the blue or is it given after you have shared your hectic day with her? She may see or hear some exhaustion in you and think that her advice may help relieve some of that. Also remember that not every Mom has the opportunity that you have. Some Moms prefer not to spend all day, everyday with their children…and that is okay but that does not mean you must take their advice. Maybe daycare is a choice that she made with her own kids or maybe she has never done what you have chosen to do. If she is a true friend, she should understand that this is a choice that you have made and that you have worked hard for. Instead of telling her to back off, you might just try asking her for her support. I applaud you!

Best Wishes!
:)

1 mom found this helpful

Your work, child, and routine works for you. So no problem.

Sure she may be irritating...but since you obviously are very articulate, just "share" with her in a diplomatic way, that you are happy with your life. You don't have to go into a soliloquy about "why" and how hard you planned this for your life.

Some people are just "meaning well" but don't know they are irritating. At least she is not a "toxic" person, as it seems. She is just nagging you.

If anything... explain that at your stage in life, you are VERY happy with how things are. YOU want to appreciate, enjoy, live and love your children and every minute of it while you can... and since you can afford to in more ways than one... that you feel very satisfied. And you ARE doing EXACTLY what you want to do. Then add "but thank you for your concern... I would not consider daycare because me and my children are exactly where I want us to be, and are very happy...."

If this is the only irritating thing about your new friend... and if you can say something to her and be reciprocated in kind by your "explaining" you decision to her... then great... she can handle it and YOUR life. If not...maybe she just needs to learn as well, how to back off a little. Some people just "have to" take care of everybody... and try to change them, for better or worse.

Or, just explain that "everybody is different..." Much like how we Parents use this phrase to teach children about diversity and acceptance of other people.

Just have a heart to heart talk with her maybe. Either she can understand or can't. If she keeps trying to "change" you... well, then that would be more than irritating... and you have to manage that with her, or not, if you decide to.

All the best,
Susan

1 mom found this helpful

Tell her to knock it off :o) Sounds to me like this has more to do with her than with you - maybe you should offer her pointers! You have an ideal situation going - one that I think most women want but don't think they can have because they never tried - be proud of it and let her know that you worked hard to get it! Being friends means never having to say you're sorry, right? You're allowed to tell her that you're really just tired of hearing it :o)

Just remember that people's advice and comments have more to do w/ their own choices and feelings on the matter rather than what is best for you and your situation. Good for you for doing what is right for you and your family!

Best to you!
J.

Good for you. Enjoy your kids and the life you planned. Don't be bullied, but don't give up your friend either. Tell her you are Happy and doing exactly what you want...and that is your best "me" time imaginable! I wish I was in your shoes!

Hi E., First of all these are your kids not her's. It sounds like she may be a little jealous of how you handle things in your life. Does she have kids in daycare? I am a Day care provider, and a mother of 3 grown kids 24,21 and 19, and when my kids were growing up if anyone would have suggested daycare, I would have found that in sane, i was a stay at home mom and a Navy Wife, and like you loved my life. On the other side of daycare, it is good for kids in the sense that it gives them kids their own ages to play with, they learn how other familes do things, they are introduced to different kinds of foods, and your friensd is right, it does give you time to yourself, but if you are anything like me, you would not be able to relax or enjoy yourself with someone else watching your kids. Your friend may mean well, but I would tell her this, I respect your opinion, but my huisband nor I want our kids in daycare at this time, and would hope that you would respect my opinion as well. J.

Yes, tell her to knock it off. It is the best thing for a mom to be home with her kids. Kudos to you for great planning!

Keep doing what works for you. Don't let nobody convince you that they know better that what your gut is telling you. I do daycare and I feel these children are blessed to be here and I do have stay at home moms who bring kids for just preschool and they do their cleaning or running errands so the kids are better off when they start school and moms have all the rest of the time for the kids. When you are doing what is in the best interest for your child not what is easier for you then you will never go wrong. When you do need me time or couples time be sure to realize it and ask your husband/grandparents to help out, that will make you a better mom for your children. I see parents in my daycare that leave their kids late to do things because it is to hard with their kids or go home and relax. If they are not wanting their kids after not spending the whole day with them what makes them think that after someone else has spent the whole day with them someone else wants to. They even bring them on their days off because they pay for it but if god took their child from them would they pay that money to spend the day with them. It does not bother me because I love the children I feel bad for the kids that they and the parents are missing out on special time. I have moms who it breaks their heart to leave them and are dying till the minute they get back. If your friend works I'm sure she is one of the first parent I described and if she doesn't she probably want you to be more available for her to do girl things at your childrens expense. Tell her how hard you have worked all these years and you never want to hear another word about the subject.You are blessed and your children are blessed to have the perfect situation that works for you guys. Good daycare is there for the right reasons and when needed.

ask your friend why does she feel you need to put your kids in daycare. Tell her you're very happy with your life...having both career and able to spend time with your kids. Tell her you will put them in daycare or preschool when THEY ARE READY, not when someone tells you they should.

I,too, work from home and only go in 2x/week for few hours. My kids are older now, but I'm glad to have this arrangement.

Hi E.,
Could it be jealousy that she probably doesn't have the drive and stamina to do what you are doing? Tell her that you are living your dream exactly how you planned. If she can't support you in this, she isn't a true friend.
All the best,
S.