Getting Dressed - Davenport,FL

Updated on September 29, 2011
J.P. asks from Holtsville, NY
26 answers

My daughter’s teacher asked the class if they get dressed by themselves or if mom dresses them. My daughter does dress herself, but I usually fix her clothes or do it myself in the morning. She does have trouble with socks; she can get them off with no problem but not back on.
So do your kids dress themselves? I am wrong to help her?
My daughter is 5 and just started kindergarten.

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So What Happened?

I spoke with her teacher via email and she just wanted to know where the kids were at. My daughter is also the youngest in the class; she just turned 5 at the end of August. I should have mentioned that my daughter has to wear a uniform to school and I found skorts that are pull on. I didn't want her to have to bother with buttons and zippers when she needs to use the potty. I do let her pick out her clothes and dress herself on the weekends. She is pretty good with matching her stuff. I think in time she will do better with the socks. She doesn't seem to have a sensory issue with them they are usually too tight to pull on and she doesn’t like them loose.

Thanks

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B.C.

answers from New York on

I dress my 5 year old most of the time it's out of necessity more than she can't do it because she can. I leave her clothes for her every morning on her nightstand and it takes about 15 minutes to get the pajamas off, another 15 to get the shirt on, another 10 for pants, socks and shoes well let's say we would leave the house around lunch time so I do it so that were not late for school and I keep my job. On the weekends or when we are not in a rush I make it a point to let her dress herself.

3 moms found this helpful
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J.F.

answers from Nashville on

I don't think you are wrong to help her because I imagine if she is at all like my boys and most kids, she is not moving fast enough in the morning to get ready for school and be on time. On days that you don't have to be somewhere, let her dress herself.

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

On the weekends or no school days my daughter chooses her clothes and dresses herself. On school days I dress her. I have to pull her out of bed and dress her half sleeping most days. If I waited for her to do it we'd be late everyday. Also, she tends to choose clothes that are not weather appropriate so I have to manage that. When she is home, doesn't matter, if she's uncomfortable she can change.

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L.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

My son is 5, and recently started kindergarten also. He dresses himself. He has for a while. I never really pushed it with him, he just got interested in doing it all for himself about a year or so ago... he worked hard (and had many frustrating moments) with buttons and such, but pretty much has them down now. I'd say that socks were the last thing he had to master, but he can do them now as well.

They all do it at their own time, and if you're comfortable helping your daughter, as long as you're not doing it in such a way that you are preventing her from trying to do it on her own, then I 'd say it's no big deal either way.

4 moms found this helpful

⊱.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

My daughter's 6 and in first grade. I leave for work at 7 a.m. and I have our system down in the morning. That includes helping her get into her clothing, otherwise it takes just too long as she is quite the dawdler. On weekends or evenings when getting into pjs etc. -- she handles that very easily, but there is much more time. You do what you've gotta do in the jam-packed mornings!

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J.O.

answers from Tampa on

Ya do whatever it takes to get them there on time...I dress my 5 y.o. son in the morning because he is slower than a turtle...It takes him 40 mins. just to eat a piece of toast for god's sake...I'm not getting up at 6 a.m. just so he can dress himself...Don't worry about it..

3 moms found this helpful

E.B.

answers from Seattle on

My older two have been dressing themselves since they were three.

My middle guy is four and a half. He has a mane of Dreadlocks started...So getting a shirt pulled over his head can sometimes be a challenge.....but it is hilarious to watch him struggle.

My youngest is three...and has Special needs(SPD,OdD,HFA)....He just started doing him self in the last three months....This is an amazing concept we didnt think he would catch on until he was WAY older..so a milestone hit when it needed to hit.

Now he is tickled when he gets himself dressed...even if he is backwards and on the wrong feet...That is how I allow him to go...

I think with him since he is Special needs ''Fixing him'' would only knock him off that emotional high he gets when he is finished. You can feel the pride beaming off of him.

With my older who is in 1st gets finished getting dressed...I DO fix him up...because If I tried to send him scraggly he would tell me about it when he got home.

''MOM, we didnt comb my hair!!''...''MOM, I had PEANUT BUTTER ON MY FACE''

It is a good thing I can mute his whining:)

I think it is human nature...to come after your kiddo and straighten them up...We are after all running in instinct...Grooming is an instinct....

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J.G.

answers from Cleveland on

My kids do most of the dressing theirself... well accept the baby that is 1. My 4 year old does still have some issues with socks & shoes, so I do help with them (but daddy doesn't) and sometimes I notice that his pants/shorts are on backwards, which the teacher snicker about cause they know he is trying by himslelf. My 7 year old just started doing her hair over the summer & the boys have buzzed hair, so it doesn't really need brushed, but they still do brush it.

All in all - if I only had one to get ready... I would most likely be helping more, but I have 4 to get ready... so they have to be a little more independant.

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

At that age I for sure picked out their cloths every morning I think my oldest pretty much dressed himself but my youngest I would usually dress him when he was that age because if I left him to get dressed on his own he would take about 30 mins and that a lot of times did not include socks. It all depends on how much time you have or need is how I feel. He is just now starting to get dressed without me having to every five mins ask him if he's still getting dressed. He will get distracted and start watching TV or something.

Good luck and God bless.!!!

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K.H.

answers from Detroit on

I helped with socks and buttons (and turning things right side out) at 3. I still help with the difficult stuff (rarely) but they could do socks and pretty much everything else at 4. The sock thing took some doing, but it seemed to help if I told them they needed to try it themselves first and I would help if they needed it.

They haven't let me pick out their clothes since 3 or so. I tell them long or short sleeve, pants or shorts, et cetera but if plaids and stripes get worn together, I just grin and bear it. As long as it's clean, appropriate, and makes them feel good I choose to pick my battles elsewhere.

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B.S.

answers from Lansing on

I admit on every school morning I help dress my 6 and 4 year old. Every other time, my girls can and will dress themselves. Its just easier for me if I do it in the morning on a school day. I'm sure it won't last forever......

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

My daughter just turned 4 and only recently has become interested in doing it herself. She is very proud of the fact that she can usually manage all on her own without my help and actually shoos me out of her room and closes the door to get changed. She's fine getting on shirts and pants and most of time manages to get them on the right away (I taught her "tag in the back!"). She still struggles with socks so I help her with those, and hasn't gotten the hang of buttons or zippers yet (unless it's a zipper on jeans that she can just pull up, as opposed to a zipper on a jacket that she would have to put together). Usually she picks out one item (could be a shirt, could be a pair of pants) that she wants to wear that day, and is pretty good about me showing her what it goes with and wearing the whole thing. She's figuring out how to pick things out that match or coordinate, instead of thinking that just because the shirt has stripes and the pants have stripes, they "match".

Sometimes I want to help because we are in a hurry and I can do it so much faster, rather than watch her struggle with it, but she usually gets so upset if I try to help I figure it's not worth it (she can do it, but it takes a while, and sometimes she decides to be silly instead, or gets distracted by a toy or whatever). I would just make sure that you aren't holding your daughter back from being more independent by continuing to do things for her, rather than letting her struggle a bit and then figure it out on her own.

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

my son is three and he dose not put on his socks or shoes. unless they are slip on shoes. he can put his shorts...no buttons or zippers and his shirt. some times (most times) he puts his shirt on back wards. i would think by five he could bathe himself and dress him self while i checked on his work.

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B.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

My kids started dressing themselves around 3. My daughters and DILs kids are dressing themselves around age three. The clothes don't always match, but they make the choices and primarily are dressing themselves. They learn to wear matching clothes.

The boys take longer to select matching clothes than the girls, but I figure that is just a gender thing.

Good luck to you and yours.

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M.R.

answers from Boca Raton on

My daughter will turn 4 in a couple weeks. I help her, but only because she won't do it most days on her own (at least not on my schedule!). She prefers to wear her pajamas all day. But she is perfectly capable and will occassionally dress herself start to finish, except for tying her shoes. (We still need to teach her that part.) She knows to look for the tags and that they go in the back. She does have to work at the socks, but she can definitely do it. She's always been one of those kids who wants to do everything herself, with absolutely no help. I'd say she's been capable of dressing herself for at least 6 months. Well, I guess she just conquered buttons about 3 months ago and zippers that completely open up (like a jacket) about 1-2 months ago. But people have often commented that she's is physically advanced for age. I don't know what is typical. I suspect it's just a matter of her being motivated to learn and you giving her the instruction and opportunity to learn to do it. I find with my daughter that she is capable of a lot of things if I just bother to give her a chance to do/learn it.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

There is "dressing oneself entirely" and "not dressing oneself at all" and a lot of degrees in between. Your daughter is dressing herself, say, 80 per cent. She knows how to do the major work; on those days, you help with the details. On busy mornings, I dare say, Mama does the job. Socks are tricky; shoelaces are trickier!

It sounds to me as if your girl is well on her way to learning to do it herself. Think of the buttons and the zippers and front-vs.-back and all the other skills a child has to master in order to step out the door without shocking the neighbors or catching pneumonia.

I imagine that your daughter's teacher is taking stock of where her pupils are in this learning process, and which ones of them are going to need the most help every day.

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M.D.

answers from New York on

I think you are not wrong to dress her when she is so young.

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A.G.

answers from Boston on

I get the clothes out for my youngest (4 1/2) but he will dress himself. I don't care that his shirt is on backwards or shoes on the wrong feet and neither do the teachers, as long as he does it himself its all good.

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J.A.

answers from Denver on

Mine can dress themselves (even the 3 y/o) but I often help because like you said it's not usually on my scheduale. No biggee. As long as she IS able too, I see nothing wrong with helping out. In fact I will still often tie my 6, and 9 y/o shoes in the morning. Because even though they can do it, I can do it so they aren't coming undone all day long, lol.

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

My kids have dressed themselves since before the age of 2 (sometimes i wish my 2 year old didnt, she changes wayyyyy too much). They pick their own clothes from the closet and have done it without any prompting from me. I could see having to put socks on your daughter though. For some reason my youngest always puts the left on the right and the right on the left...shoes.

My oldest picks 7 outfits every sunday and puts them in labeled slots with panties and socks, this way getting ready for school is never a rush.

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J.F.

answers from Tallahassee on

My daughter is 5 and just started kindergarten too. We usually pick out clothes the night before and she dresses herself in the morning. Most of the time she'll wear what we agreed on the night before, but sometimes she changes her mind and puts something else on. I'm okay with that as long as she picks something quickly and it doesn't hold her up when she's getting ready. Sometimes she matches and sometimes she doesn't. It doesn't matter to me as long as she's dressed appropriately.

Does your daughter have sensory issues with socks, or is it just hard for her to coordinate them and get them on her feet?

My daughter also has trouble with socks. Our problem is due to some sensory issues and the way the socks feel on her toes. She will literally have a meltdown if you tell her that she has to put socks on. She's had problems with socks since she was about 2. She has a dresser drawer full of different kinds of socks that she won't wear because they don't feel right. I've even bought special seamless socks and those don't work either. It was so bad in the mornings when it came time to put socks on that during the week I started putting them on her right before I go to bed, while she is asleep. It just isn't worth a 30 minute tantrum every morning over putting socks on. She's been doing better, for the most part, since I started doing this but we still have issues from time to time. It's a really big deal for her to make it through a whole day of school without taking her socks off and putting them in her backpack. She has had some other sensory issues that she has pretty much outgrown and I keep hoping that someday soon the issue with her socks will get better too. Until then, it is very frustrating but I try to be understanding because I remember having problems with socks when I was younger too.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

My son is 5-1/2. He can dress himself and occasionally is motivated to do so. But it is truly easier to just dress him in the morning - faster because he is not distracted by a toy he notices when he has his shirt on but not his pants. He can read and write, brushes his own teeth, he was potty trained at 25 months, he is otherwise rather independent. So I really don't worry I will be dressing him in high school.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

On the weekends have your daughter totally dress herself. The more she does this on her own the faster she will become. Does she have dolls or bears that she dresses? Our daughter loved Barbies and loved putting on and taking off the outfits.

Our daughter had been in daycare and preschool for all of those years, so she pretty much dressed herself by kinder. She had never liked tennis shoes, but those were the only shoes allowed in elementary (they run track everyday). I on purpose purchased shoe that needed to be tied, so she would finally learn to tie bows.. It was a little classmate that taught her in kinder.

I know in preschool they used to do a lot of dress up, so that was also a way to practice.

Sometimes we would have races to see who could get dressed the fastest. Pretty funny..

Your child can master this. I am just glad we never had to worry with all of the winter layers and snow clothing! I would not even know how to get all of that gear on.

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T.F.

answers from Miami on

My girls are 6 and almost-5 and for the most part, they do dress themselves. The youngest is sometimes lazy because I know she can get her own socks on, but sometimes asks for my help and claims she doesn't know how (yeah, right! lol). Both girls still have a hard time with buttons and I do help them do or undo buttons when they get dresses/undressed. I don't help, though, unless asked as I feel it is good to let them have that freedom and responsibility. I also let them select their own clothes for the same reason and sometimes it's comical. Most of the time I let it go if they don't match, but I have been known to say "You're not leaving this house like that!"

So, IMHO, no, you're not wrong for helping her - but try and let her do it first and help if she has a hard time with something. There's nothing wrong with that. What was the teacher trying to get at with that question anyway? Sounds like it was her own curiosity....could have the potential to make some students feel really bad...

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S.S.

answers from Miami on

Yes, she should be putting on her own socks and shoes and learning to tie.

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R.S.

answers from Tampa on

She is a child. Sometimes teachers want them to be grown up so fast that we think we do too much for them. Enjoy that she is letting you help her while you can, as they grow, you loose it quickly :) My son hated tying his shoes, so even though "all the other kids could do it" I still did it for him. He eventually learned when he was ready and now prefers to do it himself. I say let them be kids, they want to be grown up fast enough.

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