April 23, 2009,
G.H. asks from Logan, UT on April 13, 2009
Getting Child Use to LDS Nursery
My son, who is currently 23 months will only go to our Nursery if we stay with him. About two months ago, we started just leaving him, and letting him cry it out. The nursery leaders said that he would cry for 5 minutes and then he would be just fine if they held him. Lately, he has been crying a lot so I have been staying with him. We have found out, that we need to move, so he will be in a new ward/nursery starting May 1st. In our new nursery, do you think it is better for me to stay with my son until he does not cry, or should I try the cry it out again.
G.P. answers from Boise on April 14, 2009
Sorry, I haven't had the chance to read the other responses, but here is my two cents. My son goes to daycare, and I find that he really picks up on my response to the teachers. There are two I REALLY like and one that bugs me. Whenever I leave him with the one that bugs me I hear him crying all the way down the hall. With the others, he may cry for a minute or two, but then is okay. When I made an effort to be really friendly to the one that bugs me, he did better, not great - she may bug him too, but better. When I go to drop him off, I spend a few minutes getting him settled and get some toys and then I say goodbye and leave. If you act like it is a bad thing to be leaving him, or extend out the goodbye, it will be worse for him. Just say goodbye and leave...it is easier. He will get used to it. (it's actually harder on you than him)
M.H. answers from Boise on April 14, 2009
What I did when I put my babies in the nursery was to sit in there with them, but not interact with them. The first day I interacted with them and showed them the toys, etc. But I told the nursery worker that I would sit in but that they were going to take care of my child. Then I would sit in a chair so that they knew I was there, but then whenever they started to cry or needed anything the nursery worker would take care of them. Then I would move my chair closer and closer to the door until I was sitting outside the door. My kids knew I was outside the door...I would sit there for a few minutes and then sneak away. It took maybe 2 to 3 weeks and they would just go into nursery.
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T.S. answers from Provo on April 14, 2009
That's a tough one. I would talk with the new nursery leaders and see how they feel about letting him cry it out. You may want to stay with him the first couple of weeks then let him cry it out. I would make sure you and the nursery leaders are on the same page. My twins cried lots when they went to nursery and the nursery leaders we had at the time would not let them stay in and cry. I had discussed with them about just letting them cry but with in five minutes of my dropping them off they would bring them out to me. I understand how frustrating it can be. You may want to talk with the primary president also. Most wards are more than willing to work with you in helping your little ones adjust to nursery.
C.N. answers from Salt Lake City on April 14, 2009
I am a nursery leader in my ward. Since you have been staying with your son in your old ward, I would suggest that until your son gets to know that other children and the leaders, you should stay with him.
I would suggest that you talk to your son more about him being able to stay there without you. Point out to him that other children's parents are not there with them.
With my whole heart, C.
S.B. answers from Provo on April 14, 2009
It helped our daughter if we invited some of the kids in nursery over to play during the week. We did it often enough that she recognized them and wanted to go to nursery to play with her friends. I think you can have a balance with the crying though. We stay with them but when we leave we always say goodbye so that they aren't paranoid that if they turn their back or get off our lap then we will leave. So that seems to help.
M.M. answers from Provo on April 14, 2009
You have received a lot of good advice. I am currently a nursery worker. I found the children who were best transitioned to nursery, who were clingy to their parents, was the parents made extra effort to have their child get to know the nursery leaders outside of church. Invite the nursery leaders over for dinner. In part these little ones are probably thinking, that were leaving them with strangers and how can mom leave them with strangers. Therefore, if you allow your child to bond with the nursery leaders outside of the nursery, they will want that extra special person they will be seeing every Sunday. Also, don't be afraid to ask one of the nursery leaders to be your babysitter everyonce in a while, of course make sure you trust the person first with your child. Anyhow, I hope this helps. It did help my children, when they transitioned to nursery.
S.B. answers from Boise on April 14, 2009
I have worked in nursery in three wards. My son will turn 18 months next Sunday. yahoo
Give him a hug, tell him you are going to your class, you will come back when his class is over, maybe let the nursery teacher talk about what their schedule is between when you drop him off and pick him up, just general, play, clean up, snack, lesson, books, songs, bubbles, what ever and then you will come back to get him.
Make sure to tell him good bye
Let him cry. It will only be a minutes, you can always ask another parent to peek in and see how he is after a few minutes, and ask when you come to get him how he did.
Good luck with the move.
Mom to Kai
helping educate parents on toxins in the home
and helping moms work from home
S.W. answers from Pocatello on April 14, 2009
I liked someone elses comment about having the nursery leaders over for dinner, its usually a newly married couple and they always like to be invited over for dinner anyway and what better way to meet people in your new ward. Moving is hard enough on little guys, having the extra security of knowing who they are going to be with is an added bonus when it comes to nursery, it will give him some security. I would definitely stay with him for the first few weeks so that he can adapt to his surroundings and make a few friends. Then slowly remove yourself from the scene, but who knows you may get called as a nursery leader... and then you won't have to worry about it:) Follow his lead he'll let you know when he's comfortable. I always stood outside the door for 5 minutes just to see if they settled. They almost always did and if they didn't someone would come and find me.
Best wishes in your move and in your new ward.
S.B. answers from Salt Lake City on April 14, 2009
Please stop staying with him. As someone who's worked with nursery for a lot of years, I can tell you that you are driving the leaders nuts. If you are in there, who's in charge of him? You? The teachers? If you are constantly in there, he will never think of nursery as somewhere that he goes without you. It is SO awkward to try and help a nursery child when you're not sure what your role is as a teacher because the parent is there. Yes, he may cry for awhile. I PROMISE that if it is too much for the teachers, they WILL bring him back to you. Don't hover outside the door, just go to class. Get him used to this now, or you'll be sitting on a teeny chair with sunbeams later and when does it end?