Getting a 3 Yr to Get Their Hair Cut

Since this is your 3rd post about your 3 yr old not behaving well, I'm assuming that you have a bigger problem than just getting her hair cut. You need to get control over your daughter. Perhaps she is acting out b/c of her anticipation of the new baby. Is your home life okay otherwise? Whatever her reasons, she hasn't been made to understand that SHE is a child and YOU are the parent. Where has she learned (yes, learned) that she is to always get things the way she wants them? Does your husband support you when you discipline her? Do you talk too much trying to convince her to go along with what you want (a classic error)? Don't try to talk her into doing what you want... TELL her what is going to occur and then make it happen. Follow through on consequences. I used to be terrible at giving in b/c it was "easier" than following through or sticking to my guns. But then the consequences of that starting catching up to me. I have since learned that, yes, it is important to pick your battles, but only AFTER you have taught your child that you ultimately CAN and WILL win ANY and EVERY battle that YOU CHOOSE to take on.

As for getting her hair cut, my son went through something similar at 2 yrs old. It was horrid. We gave up and eventually found a nice gentleman who was WONDERFUL at treating him like a little MAN and asking him for his opinion about his hair... etc. He sat very nicely for him for as long as we took him there. As he got older, he made it well known that he doesn't like haircuts b/c the hairs itch him terribly when they get down in his shirt or in his ears from the trimmer. I do it myself now to save $17 every 3 weeks. As for my daughter, who is now almost 7 and has hair down to her bottom, she has NEVER had her hair cut professionally.. and no one would ever know the difference. I just went to Sally Beauty Supply and bought a decent pair of shears and cut it myself. That's what I would suggest, unless your daughter already has some complicated haircut. Give her the dreaded bath, then comb her hair out while still wet and have her sit on a stool or something steady. while you pop in her favorite movie. Then cut (small sections at a time) straight across the bottom. Or ask your MIL. Older generations did more of this sort of thing at home without paying for someone else (My mom never paid to have my hair cut or permed-- until I was a teenager).
I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but you are going to have a lot more on your plate when your new baby arrives, and your 3 yr old needs to understand that she doesn't make all the decisions about her life. You need to talk with your husband and work out a plan to address these issues together and be a united front. Don't be surprised if he is harsher than you would be. That's what dads do. And there's a reason. And it works. Give it a try.

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I have been reading the requests that you have been submitting and these situations sound more serious than just trying to get a child to get a haircut or to go to bed or to sit at the table to eat. I think that sometimes the children respond to our feelings more than anything and then you respond to that, then they respond and so on. There are some great books by Dr. Dobson: "Help, I'm a parent" or "The Strong Willed Child" are two very helpful books. I used them and they were very helpful.
God bless you.

Your 3 yr old might have a real reason for not liking hair cut or maybe she does just want to controll things. But don't offer to bribe her; don't plea or cajole. If she is misbehaving she should get a punishment, not a serious of offeres to buy her toys. While this may be tramatic to a 3 yr old we, as adults know that it really isn't. She will live. It will not scar her emotionally to have her hair cut. None of us want to see our children cry or be upset. But if she needed to get dressed or eat her vegtables or do any other routine action that you knew was needed, would you be behaving the same way? Take a deep breath and don't stress about it. Just get it done. And if you do decide that she doesn't need it cut now afterall thats fine. But don't make it a habit of taking a strong stance and then backing down or she'll know she has your number and things will get worse.

Why not save yourself the stress and cut it yourself? if it's only the ends that need trimmed, you can handle that. plus it saves money and heartache. :)

This seems to have stemmed from a fear and has now becaome a power struggle. I would take advantage of her stage of modleing behavior and get her a doll, or pony's and a little cape for them and some safety scissors and let her give her dolls a hair cut, play salon. Maybe you could go back to the kids place and let her just sit in the lobby and read ahircut books while she watches happy kids come and go. Tell her you are just visiting today and that she can NOT have a haircut (a little reverse psychology). Don't attempt to get her haircut that day. Check your local library and rent videos that have clips about kids getting their hair cut, i know sesame street has a bit about it. Then when you think she might be open to it, ask her if she wants to go to the salon to get her hair washed with mommy...then move on to washed and blowdryed..in the chair, etc. It's important to appeal to her fears, she honestly thinks you are cutting off part of her body, but I would keep talking about it and doing things that surround it. When she does eventually give in, you can let it go for a while, after taking LOTS of pictures for her to hold and share with family and friends of her new haircut. You can even do that witht he doll, take a picture of the dolls new haircut and let her show it to everyone, this may invite her to want to share in the pride of a new haircut.

While I did not experience that issue when mine were little I feel for you. It is embarassing and also you want to teach her that she is not in control now or it will definitely spell bigger problems as she gets older. My suggestion is have Dad or a friend that she respects take her and you do not go. Since the trigger for the behavior seems to be a power struggle between you and her then eliminate that and she won't have anyone to "show" that she is on control. While I am sure you want to be there that would come later. The person who takes her must be one that has disciplined her successfully in the past or it won't work.
Let me know if it works!
M.

Is she a good sleeper? Cut it when she's asleep! Once she's really "out," comb it, cut as much as you can, turn her over and do it again. Don't worry about the hair in the bed...fix that later when she's up. If you have a friend who cuts hair, she can do it. If your normal hairdresser has become a friend, she'll probably charge a little more for the service call, but ask.
And you have a 3 year old that rolls her eyes? Wow...

Victoria W answered you so perfectly!!!!!! I wanted to say the exact same things but thought I would come off as being mean, but she said it very well!! I know you are thinking that TELLING you to get CONTROL of her isn't what you wanted to hear because just how are you supposed to go about doing so, right?? Well, people tell me all the time that I have well behaved kids and I think it's a tiny bit because of their personality but mostly because my husband and I keep a tight ship. You said your daughter rolled her eyes at you and I about fell out of my chair!! My kids aren't allowed to treat me that way!! (Nor was I ever allowed to treat my own parents that way-- were you??) Yes, you need to pick your battles, but it should not be OK for her to be disrespectful toward you. Is she "allowed to" take her milk and dump it on your pillow? Is she "allowed to" grab a cat by its tail and swing it around over her head? Is she "allowed to" hold her sister's head under the water in the bathtub? Is she "allowed to" use scissors to cut up all of the books in your house? Of course she is not "allowed" to do all of these things-- and she should not be allowed to get away with many of the things you have been describing in your posts. The key to getting your control back is consistency. You need to stop and THINK before you speak and act so that whatever you say you really mean, you stick to it, you follow through, and you do the same thing when the same situation occurs again. In the meantime, for her haircut, she has figured out she can get out of having to get a haircut by screaming and throwing a fit when YOU bring her... so erase the slate and have your husband or someone else bring her.

Cut it while she is sleeping/napping.

I agree with Marsha when she says there seems to be something more serious going on, and the books she recommended did help me. But one of my kids has needed more help than that, I ended up taking him to a child psychiatrist due to his escalating argumentativeness/temper. There were times when his anger caused me to threaten to call the police; thank God I got help when I did. Turns out he has some subtle neurological issues that cause him to be irritable, and medication has helped a LOT.

I also learned never to let my emotions ramp up, because sometimes the only thing I am in control of is my emotions. If I lose control, it either upsets him more, or gives him a sense of "winning". On those rare occasions now when he's being very difficult, he's too big for me to hold down for any reason, so he "wins" for the moment, but he loses the next time he wants me to do something for him - like allow dessert or TV time. A 3 year old can understand if you calmly take her out of the hair salon, and then just keep going instead of making your usual stop at McDonald's. The trick is staying calm when she starts protesting and asking why you aren't stopping. "You didn't obey, so I'm not giving you a treat." This is a far cry from promising her McDonald's if she will sit still for the haircut; the treat you take away should be one she would be expecting on any ordinary errand day.

It helps me stay calm if I imagine I'm a teacher or doctor dealing with someone else's child. It's hard not to take it personally, but if you stay in control and don't fear letting your kid miss a party or a meal once in a while, things should get better. If not, please get help sooner rather than later. God bless.

My son was a little terrified of the hair cutting process as well. It was very effective for me to have Daddy take him in the next few times after we had a bad experience the first time. We also tried timing their haircuts together... he gets to watch Daddy get his haircut first and gets to be just like him!

Also, my son works well with knowing what's next. For example, the stylist warned him before they used the clipper and even "tickled" his hand with them before they clipped his hair... she made it into a game.

The biggest winner for us was getting to be just like Daddy and get a haircut like his. Maybe you could find someone whom she is attached to and schedule it together, let her watch first. And if she just doesn't do well with you in the room, leave.

Keep your chin up. It seems silly that a haircut can be such a big deal, but it is for some kids. Just remember, in a few years she's going to want some crazy haircut and you'll be yearning for the days when she didn't want it cut at all =)!

--P. M.

Hey B.,
Okay, so 3 posts in the last two days, all about kids acting up, etc. First, sit down and take a deep breath. You are 38 weeks pregnant, honey! Everything is a huge deal at this point for you! And it's all coming to a head, bothering you so much that you think it's you or them. First things first. Get your hubby involved in bath time and meal time... you're going to need that while nursing a newborn here very soon. Second... try as hard as you can to relax... you don't need all this stress fighting for 40 minutes with your 3-year old over a haircut. Sit her down at the kitchen table and put a bowl on her head or trim the ends while she's watching tv and distracted. She doesn't need a salon cut at this age... she just needs a trim to get rid of split ends.

Also, not for nothing, and you will get back to this once you are no longer pregnant... by allowing them to "win" you are the one teaching them that they can. Once you walk away, CALMLY and quit buying into the tantrums (which is no doubt impossible when you are about to give birth), you are just letting them know how long they need to misbehave to get you to offer to "buy them something" to do what you want. Kids are super smart... give them an inch and they take a mile. Always have, always will.

So... bottom line... these last two weeks (and the month that follows that) should be about YOU and that new life you are bringing into the world. Get someone else, preferably their FATHER, to be the heavy while you rest and get ready for this blessed and what should be joyful event, of the first boy in the family! :) Try to remember the joy you both felt with your first little girl!

And pleaes, give yourself a break... no one gets it right all the time. But it's especially hard with 3 kids as close together in age as you have them and with the other family struggles we've read about. Be good to yourself so your little boy doesn't pop out all stressed out and colicky! :)

I would find another system eventually for the kids and I can recommend several books that might help you, but for now, with 2 weeks to go, please get the help you need to get you to the due date! Get DAD to do some of the hard work and discipline his girls and teach them that Mommy is going to need a few breaks here for a while! :)

Good luck, I feel for you! And I'm here if you want to write more. I wish you a quick and painfree labor with #3!

K.

Hi B.
I remember going through that. But they don't understand, they're too young. But what you can do is you do it when she's sleeping at night. Babies sleep so sound, she won't wake up. And then again, ask yourself, does it really matter. Just let it go for now. But if you want to trim it, do it yourself while sleeping beauty is out!

i JUST POSTED ABOUT THAT .. I am a licensed cosmetologist an would gladly offer ne advice or assistance that I can... I don't do what I do for the money...I enjoy HELPING OTHERS!
But the dead ends and tangles come from not trimming it..
It needs JUST A QUARTER OF A INCH THAT IS IT! Nothing more nothing less... It takes 12 months of dedication and it will not only grow faster but be healthier , tangle free, become shinier , and 10 times easier to maintain!
Any questions don't hesitate to email me

____@____.com

My name is Lesli btw~
In Orlando So =) If your close... I can help even more!

Oh I just went through this, it ended up being me cutting her bangs and she moved. I don't have advice but seriously why do they do this? I told her, that she either got her hair cut with me or with the haircut lady. She chose me. Good Luck! Jen

Could be she feels she is losing a piece of herself. i know some children won't go poo in the potty because they feel they are losing some of themselves. could be the same way with her hair.

Have you tried having someone else take her? Or even having her go with another little friend of hers and getting them done at the same time?

whats the big deal.........lighten up and
let her have her long hair. to may important things in her life to worry about as she grows up and her hair at three
is no big deal... just love her and be glad she has
hair that she loves.

Hey B.,
A lot of good advice here already!
And I just wanted to agree with some of it--don't let you daughter take control of these situations. You are the parent. Giver her choices that you make--"you can either eat dinner at the table or not eat dinner..." "you can either get your haircut at the salon or at home" and then stick to it--and don't bribe! Positive reinforcement is one thing--but bribing will only make that sort of behavior worse!
Choose your battles. I have a 3 year old too so I understand that almost everything can be a battle. Pick the ones you want to deal with and then stick to them! Is getting her haircut RIGHT now worth the battle? If so, give her those choices and then stick to them.
Finally, get help and relax! It's OK to ask for help--we are not supermoms here! Get your friends and family to help so you can take some well-deserved time to relax--even if it just means going to bed early and vegging.
Take a deep breath...

I agree with Marsha - get The Strong Willed Child. In the meantime, hold her down and get them to cut it. If you are afraid she'll kick your tummy, have daddy hold her legs, you hold her head, and let the lady cut as quick as possible. That's what we had to do with our son when he was three (now 4.5). After that initial outing, he got in the chair all by himself, and let the guy cut with no one else having to even be close to him. Guess he didn't like being held, and he knew it was going to get done one way or the other!
Best of luck!!
Jen

I just want to agree with Tammi F & Victoria W - I wish we had all of been friends when my guys were younger!! Older is wiser i'm afraid. Mine are 8,9 & 11 going on 25!!! now.

Seriously though my "rule" on everything is "if Mom says it, she means it, and it is a guarantee" - whether it is a reward or punishment. Always follow through, you can lighten the degree of the outcome if you need to but do it.

God bless you girl.
M. F