Getting 9-Year Old to Stop Wasting Things!

I have a 9 year old daughter as well. With the pamphlets and coupons (the ones along the aisles at the store) I tell her no. Plain and simple. I make her clean her own room, sort her trash into trash and pull out the recycling. If she tosses clean clothes in the laundry, I make her go through all of her clothes and pull them back out. If she puts a damp towel in the laundry, she does her own laundry. Set a timer for the shower and make her get out whether she's done or not. She'll learn really fast. Playing in the sink is something that she should know better about. Make her use her allowance to pay for what she wasted! This age is aggrivating, I know. I feel like I'm always trying to teach my dd a lesson, but she's not too far from being a teenager and I want her to know what is acceptable and what isn't.

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My first idea is to stop the allowance until she gets a grip. She is being very irresponsible and it sounds like you just need to stand your ground. For example, I have a 10 year old that used to love the pamphlets and I would let him take them on occasion but ultimately I would stand for an upset child before letting him waste them. My son also LOVES long showers and indeed likes to just stand in there and soak. I have let him do this before but only once or twice. If he chooses to waste water, time and energy and not listen when I ask him to get out, I go to the basement and turn off the hot water. He gets out immediately.

Basically, it sounds like you need to have a consequence every time she is wasteful and follow through. Like money for example, we have our children break their money into three groups; fun money, donate money (tithing), and save money. If they want to waste their fun money then so be it, but I will not buy the big stuff if they do not have the ambition to save for it and get it themselves. The save money goes into a bank and the tithing goes to church. If they do not follow the simple money management rules than we do not give the "fun money" allowance but still give the tithing and saving allowance. make sense?

If she doesn't care about the shampoo, keep it where she cannot get it and bring it out when she needs to use it only. It really sounds to me like she is acting out for whatever reason. This does not seem like typical behavior of a 9 year old to me. What I do know is you want to get this under control before the teen years hit or you will have an even bigger problem on your hands.

Good luck!

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Ok, these may be the unpopular answers, but here goes. Shes 9....parent up!

If you think 10 minutes is enough for a shower, after 5 minutes (use the timer as others suggested if you want), go in, sternly as needed, warn her that she has 5 more minutes and the water goes off...no matter what. I have a now 16 year old who abused shower/hot water time in the past. Not only too expensive..but the water heater only holds so much heated water! And I HATE cold showers! When Momma is angry so early in the day...watch out household around here!! LOL We turned the water off and my DD sat with soap in her hair all night long ONE time (she showered at night). Once isb all it took. She learned to be more efficient by getting in there, shampooing and conditioning, body washing and any shaving she had to do (she would even say, can I have a few extra minutes to shave?)...then use any few precious minutes to stand under the hot spray.

The pamplets..just Nix the whole thing. Say NO. Don't let her have any. If she does, make a consequence. I think someone else said something about a jar? We had a sort of "demerit" jar.....It just got called the "Nammy" jar (NAM it said on it..Negative Action Money...not very creative I am afraid!). Her allowance came in 3 parts BTW....she has gotten $10 a week forever (she helps me with daycare children alot in addition to trash and dishes and other duties). But half went into her account for later saved up use (like "nicer" toys or items), $4 in ones and a $1 in quarters in case she needed it for the Nammy jar for "violations.

Then decide on what is a violation...get caught with a pamplet...quarter each. Go over alloted shower time..quarter, etc. USe daily lists of chores if needed to keep routine if thats an issue at all.

Don't let her serve any of her own food. If she,doens't like being treated "like a baby", then politely tell her to stop acting like one and wasting food that costs money. Give her small portions at a time.

I am a firm believer in kids and control issues in most things parents have issues with. Kids of all ages feel like they have no control, and unless there truly is an issue in place (like autism and the like), you can modify the behavior by altering the control. Give where you can and chose the battles, and depending on the age and level of manipulation (such as in an older child), take it away and strip them of some choices and make them earn it back.

Just my opinion....but I have an extremely well liked and loving 16 year old daughter of my own who always gets compliments and have "churned out" dozens of young children thru my childcare in the past 12+ years using these similar ideals who are similarly complimented!

I wish you luck!

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Kids are wasteful unless they get trained not to be, I think. It sounds like just talking to your daughter isn't going to do the trick. Here's what I would do:

1)For food- you portion it out. If she asks for a snack, give her a very small amount in a little cup or plate. If she complains tell her " You are wasting food that we cannot afford to just throw out.Since you are not being mature enough to only take what you can eat, I will give you portions. You can come back and ask for more when you finish what I gave you." She won't like it- but stick to it. Hopefully after a while it will become habit or she will just be embarrassed about having you hand all her food to her and do better.

2)For things like the water or leaving the lights on. Sit down with her and show her the water bill and the electric bill. If she gets an allowance, tell her you are going to start taking 50 cents off each time you catch her leaving something on! If she doesn't get an allowance, make the consequence something else. If she leaves the lights on- that's 10 minutes less of tv or game time. If she leaves the water running- that's another 10 minutes cut off from her fun time. Dumping out the shampoo? Make her buy her own out of her own money - or take away tv for the whole night. The consequence needs to be something immediate so she makes the connection and remembers.

3)For taking flyers and things like that- just STOP her. When she goes to take a baseball schedule, stop in the middle of the street or whatever. Say to her " I want you to read me what you just took. Is this really something you need or are interested in or is it just something you are going to waste by throwing away?" Make her take it BACK to the person handing it out and give it back to them.

If she throws a fit or talks back or acts up- take away tv time or some other,immediate treat. Tell her that she is too old to throw a tantrum like a toddler and it is just not acceptable behavior, period. If she wants to do fun, big kid things, she needs to act like a big kid.

This is a pain- but it will get the lesson through.

I know it seems like these things are 'mean' or 'strict' but you are teaching a really valuable lesson that will stay with her for her entire life.

on the flip side- always REWARD good behavior. If she turns out a light or off the faucet- praise her! Say " Wow, I'm so glad you're remembering to turn that off! You're helping save energy and helping us save money for other things." Make it clear that the less money goes to the electric bill, the more money you might have to go to the movies, etc. She is old enough to understand how the family budget works. Give her a goal or reward to work towards and keep track of her positive choices- this combination approach can work wonders, IME!

Sometimes teaching our kids seems like just a lot of work for US, lol. But in the end, your child will be better for it and you and she will understand each other better. Good luck!

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OH WOW!!!! You're just going to have to limit her with everything. YOU dish out her plate, you keep the soaps and shampoos up and under lock & key, you give her a cup with so much in it to drink and when that's finished, she gets more....no allowance, etc. If she wants to act like she's 2, start treating her like it. If she asks why you're doing it, tell her that as soon as she starts growing up a teeny bit, you'll start treating her like the 9 yr old she is.

My older one tried to pull the fit-throwing thing in the middle of the store once & even though there was an audience there, I gave her a good single swat on the behind anyway. I actually had a couple people walk up and commend me for doing it too.

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Honestly? Parts of this sounds a little like hoarding to me. It's an anxiety disorder related to OCD. (As far as the having to take free stuff, and not wanting to get a bath or shower parts.) Is her room a mess?
I know you can buy timers fort he shower, so you could get one and set it for 15 minutes.
Serve her her food when at all possible.
You could try a soap and shampoo dispenser for the shower, I guess. You can make access to food and clothes as restricted as you'd like.....

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I heard somewhere that showers should take about 3 or so minutes. I can't get them done quite that fast myself. You can try setting a timer to a reasonable time, give her a few minutes heads up when the end time is approaching and the shower must be done by that time - otherwise turn off the hot water at the tank. A little cold water never hurt anyone.
She gets an allowance? Tell her it's up to her to buy her own shampoo. When she runs out (of money or shampoo) - tough.
If she's changing her clothes repeatedly for no reason (and then tossing in the laundry or on the floor), lock up her wardrobe. She can pick out her outfit for the next day the night before and then she has no more access to it.
Just say no to the free menu/pamphlet thing. Before you go out, explain that you/she will NOT be bringing any paper/junk home. If she takes anything then soon as you get home it goes in the outside trash can and never enters your house.
Serve her food yourself as much as you can and make sure she uses smaller baby sized plates/bowls so she can't put a lot of food on them at once.
You are going to have to upset her. You do not hand your wallet to a child and watch them flush your money down the toilet. Getting this under control now is going to be a lot easier than trying to do it when she's 16.

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You're definitely not turning into a no-waste monster.

Your daughter sounds a little like my son, but he's only 4, so we're just working on this kind of stuff. He's a total sucker for the free stuff too. On our little mini vacation, EVERY TIME we passed the big pamphlet display in the hotel, he HAD to grab a few. By the time we went home, he had a ridiculous stack that he doesn't want thrown away. sigh... it's a work in progress. In his defense, I will say that he still does sit down and look through them on occasion, to see what he'd like to do when we go back next year... lol

I don't have much advice for you, but these couple things came to mind.
~Set an egg timer for, say 5 minutes... when it goes off, she has 5 more minutes to get washed and get out... set the timer for another 5 minutes. When it goes off the second time, go in and make sure she gets out.
~Being that she's 9, you could use signs as reminders for the more important things, like turning off the water or lights or music. And maybe even incorporate a sticker chart, or something age appropriate, that anytime she is caught leaving the water on, or the light on, or flushing for no reason, or whatever else you see as a problem, she gets a checkmark. And after so many checks, she gets a reduction in allowance. Or a reduction for each check. Better yet, put her allowance for the upcoming week in a jar - IN QUARTERS. Each time she violates a written rule that you both discuss and come up with together, SHE has to go get a quarter out of her allowance jar and place it in some other jar, that could perhaps be earned back with other special duties, that you'd also discuss and come up with together. For example, if she folds and puts away her laundry, she can earn 2 quarters back. It gives a good visual of how much of the allowance is being wasted by not following rules, and making HER take the quarter out, and place it in another jar that she doesn't get back without some extraordinary effort, will definitely send a message to her. She won't like doing it, but that's the point. She'll get the message.

That's all I have for now, but if I think of anything else, I'll update. :)

She is 9, and you are the mom. If she is not mature enough to understand that she is wasteful, you teach her by restricting her freedoms and increasing her responsibilities.

Food: portion it out for her and do not let her take any food/snack/fruit herself. She might eat more than two bites a meal, if she does not get to supply herself with two bite sncks of everything all day long. Institute firm meal/snack time, nothing in between.

Water/long showers: set a timer for her and yourself and when time is up, you go in and turn off the shower. If she usually gets to lock the door, I guess that priviledge is gone... until she can get with the program.

Laundry: a nine year old is old enough to do her own laundry with a little help. Make her help with laundry and fold ALL of her own clothes... that way if she keeps it up, at least it won't be your work.

Allowance: I guess if she can't be responsible with her allowance you need to help her. You can reduce her allowance and put the rest in savings or you can keep her allowance and she has to ask for everything she wants.

I guess my point is, that it's ok to put your foot down. Once you have done it for a while, she will adjust and form new, better habits. But you do have to establish firm boundaries and stick to them, instead of expecting her to comply with your expectations by her own. Kids don't work that way...
Good luck!

there's things called a time limit or miss out, when she goes in the shower, she has 30 min before you will come turn off the water and she is done as is, if she turns the water back on, turn the water off at the meter until she is out. for every bottle of shampoo she waste's...so much is coming out of her allowance to pay for it, or start buying the cheap suave for only her. the changing clothes issue i think all girls do that (i did and sometimes still do) but if it's a huge issue, when you know she only wore an outfit for so long..take it out of the dirty clothes and call her to put them up. is she tender headed? if so then tell her she's got so long to do her hair YOUR way or your coming in and brushing it YOUR way, and not be gentle about it. i had to do that with my yougest step daughter, she'd only brush the top to make it LOOK brushed, dad gave her a time limit, and we both went in a brushed her hair for her, and she's VERY tender headed, that's all it took for her to do it right, cause neither of us were "soft" with her, didn't put any oils in her hair to make it "easier". take the light bulb out of her light fixture so she CANT turn the lights on, and let her use a flash light that you give her and on a time limit on, and need permission for. on wasting food, give her no choice but to eat her left over's, make her plate for her and give her smaller portions. she's doing this because she CAN she has had no real punishment for it, and every thing she does is "testing YOUR waters" the minute you start cracking down...for ex, ok, ever time you leave the water running, it's 1.00 a minute from your allowance, when/if you reach 15 min, you are grounded or something of that nature. You're playing her game and she's winning

I LIKE TIFFANY'S IDEA give him cold water to finish shower!!! oooo, idea's ideas' ideas!!!

She's is old enough to earn an allowance and buy her own shampoo. She can take those paper pamphlets and menus, but then take her to the recycling center where she can dispose of them properly. She'll learn to get it when she see's the consequences. She can dispose of cheap toys she finds by recycling or donating.

Don't let her serve her own food, she can take huge portions, and if she doesn't eat them, then she has to eat them for dinner the next day.

She's also old enough to put her clothes away and do her own laundry. When she's sorting and washing and folding and hanging up clothes, she'll think twice about dumping clothes like that.

When our showers got to long, my dad would go turn the hot water off and we'd have to finish in the cold! It taught us to conserve water.

She can do math, let her see grocery bills and water bills, explain that she is wasting money and when that happens, the family doesn't have enough to do fun things. She can either contribute to the bill, or she can help conserve and be rewarded if the meter goes down so many points. If she can take 15 minute showers all week, and turn off the lights when she leaves the room for a weel, she can see a movie... if she can't do that, then no movie.

She needs consequences and to see how the savings and wasting actually effects not only the family budget, but HER life and budget too.

Learn to tell her "no", plain and simple about keeping her room clean, getting the food, taking paper pamplets, she's throwing tantrums because she gets what she wants. Don't give her what she wants and eventually she will stop the tantrums.