Get What They Ask for or What They Will Play With?

All you need to do is talk to her.

She is 8. You can talk to her.

My daughter is 7... she does the same thing. I talk to her. And, I tell her what the value of money is, and the value of her "toys" or interests... so that SHE can develop a sense of discernment...
I explain it to my son too... in a simpler way, since he is only 3.5 years old.

But kids get it.

You just have to talk with them. That is not to say that they "cannot" get anything they are excited about or request even though they may not play with it... BUT... they need to know the rationale or talking-out-loud process or "how" to go about deciding what you "really" want... and if it is worth it both in feelings, in value, in relation to how they ACTUALLY play and what they ACTUALLY like. For real.

Next, when a kid REALLY wants something and is SUPER excited about it and REQUESTS it... well then it is up to the parent to decide up to what depth you are going to go to go about actually fulfilling their toy dream of what they want. For example: if my girl requested a special doll (last Christmas she wanted the "Liv Dolls.") SO I did get it for her.... but I shopped around, got a super good deal/sale on it... and then that was it. I do NOT go "all out" and get every s.i.n.g.l.e accessory for it, because I learned how "transient" these toy likes/dislikes really are. And yes, they may like it for a bit of time... but then they get bored with it or it just sits and collects dust. My daughter did love it... and she still plays with it. Just not everyday. But as a daily habit... she enjoys drawing, doing crafts, reading, and messing around with her brother.

So, there are everyday "habits/activities" that a child does... then there are sporadic toy habits that a kid does. But... if there is just no interest in a toy that was requested, I would not bother to get it... AGAIN. And I would just explain plainly to the child, why. And then talk it out WITH her in a mellow way, so that you teach her the Thought-Process of it all.... not that it is about getting something or not.

My Daughter has requested Webkinz too, repeatedly for just no reason.... and she even said her Teacher collects it. Which she does. BUT... I KNOW, that once it gets home, it will just sit and collect dust and I am not going to pay for that thing, to just collect dust on the floor. So I told my Daughter "You know, honestly, that you are not going to play with it...." Then my daughter says " BUT Mommy! You can go ONLINE with it....!!!!!" And I say "Well, when I got you a Littlest Pet Shop online toy, you NEVER bothered to go online with it, more than twice. Then your stuffed toy just sat around in your room. Doing nothing.... so I KNOW you are not even going to give the Webkinz any more attention... and it will be a waste of money..."
To which, my Daughter actually agreed... but she said that it is cute, still. And I said "Yes, its cute. But you can't buy everything that is cute... or popular..." And she does know that. She then chose something else, that was her taste... not just what other kids are getting. It was just a pen with a dangly on it!

Next, if a kid gets anything they "beg" for.... the child will grow up with a sense of "entitlement." Not real cute... and not a cute entrenched habit... and it is real hard to undo.

You ALSO need to teach your Daughter.... that her "interests" are what she does everyday and does/plays with... for example her Barbies and doing crafts. Maybe she doesn't even know how to discern that... or, she just thinks these things are "ordinary" and those other things like AG Dolls or Webkinz are in the "special" category. But... then it does not get played with. So explain that....

All the best,
Susan

6 moms found this helpful

Great answers so far. Our daughter did this a few times and once I had a talk about my own "poor choices" of items I thought I really wanted and it sat there, eventually ending up in our annual garage sale.

I asked her if she had any things like this.. She was immediately able to mention quite a few items.. I told her that we all make mistakes with our choices and that is ok, but when we waste money and take up space with things we really did not need or did not really end up using, it "sure was a shame".. At one point she wanted a "Papason chair".. I really asked her where would she put it? How often would she use it.. We then went and priced it.. I told her it looked interesting, but maybe she should save up for it and keep an eye on sales.. She saved for a year! For her birthday and Christmas, she told her grandparents she was saving for a Papson chair..

Eventually she had enough money and them took about 4 weeks "waiting for a sale". When she was ready, I took her to the store and she proudly purchased exactly what she wanted.. She still has that chair in her room.. It has been well cared for and each time I have suggested getting rid of it, she has said "no I still like that purchase"..

She also at one point as a child loved Barbies.. She did not play with them as much as just dress them in crazy ways and photograph them.. At one point she found out about "collectible Barbies" and decided she wanted some of the ones that "stay in the box".. she was given some as gifts and she placed them on the very top of her book shelves.. She said she was going to sell them on ebay when they are worth a lot of money! I NEVER taught her this.. They are now in boxes and every once in a while she checks on their value.. Funny kids..

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I would talk with your daughter describing what happens just as you have here and ask her why this is. Perhaps she can explain herself and perhaps not but this might help. Also tell her how you feel about buying toys that she doesn't play with and how pleased you are when she plays with toys that she has been given. Attempt to work out a solution satisfiable to both of you with her.

I have a couple of ideas. One is that she likes the idea of having an American Girl Doll. They are popular and now that she has one she's like her friends. Same with Webkinz. She can talk about having them with her friends.

Another idea is that she knows she'll get the Barbie and craft stuff even when it's not her birthday and so those thing are not so exciting.

3 moms found this helpful

I kinda of feel this way. Even if I have the money I do not give my kids everything they ask for in an effort to keep them balanced. However I do like to give them something they asked for out of respect for their choices. If they never use it then they have learned something........like everything you see on tv isn't so great, for example.

Balance. Consider a reasonable amount of money to spend and make choices. You will be in turn teaching your daughter to do the same.

I like to see that big reaction your husband likes to see......I admit. So maybe just buy ONE of those items. If she never plays with it don't worry. My bet is she has lots of other stuff she can play with and will still have that happy memory........but she will also have learned you can't always get EVERYTHING you want... at least not right away.

3 moms found this helpful

I would talk to her and say that you haven't seen her playing with her American Girl Doll or Webkinz, so for this birthday she needs to pick some other things she might like, and if she shows you by playing with them regularly, then you will consider them again come the next gift giving holiday. Emphasize that you're sorry if that may be a little disappointing this time around, but that you don't have the money to spend on things that will just live in the closet.

Also keep in mind though, that she may feel saturated with toys and supplies for the long standing hobbies even if she still enjoys playing with them in the moment. So maybe it is also time to talk about other ideas besides either Barbies she has too many of, or American Girl Doll's she won't use.

2 moms found this helpful

She's 8, which I think is old enough to talk to directly about this. Let her know that you want to get her what she wants, within reason, but you got her American Girl stuff and Webkinz for Christmas that she doesn't play with now and you don't want to get her more stuff that will just sit. Explain your feelings to her, leaving money out of it just stressing the use factor. If she insists she'll play with the new stuff, go small scale and buy one or two small AG/Webkinz things along with Barbie and craft stuff that she actully plays with and see what happens. Let her know that there will be no more new AG and Webkinz toys if these and the ones she already has are ignored. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I have 2 boys and they basically do the samething! Your daughter is old enough for you to sit down and talk to her about her "wanting" this stuff and how expensive it is and how she doesn't play with it! I know my 2 nieces boy have American Dolls, but they don't play with them because of the cost of them, but that is the "in" thing! Sit down with your daughter and ask her why she wants these things if she doesn't play with them because they are expensive and see what she says, exspecially the Webkinz, because usually those are popular with kids her age! Good Luck mom.

1 mom found this helpful

We also set spending limits. I let my daughter know that an American Girl she could get 3 or 4 b barbies for the price of 1 American Girl dolls.

Have an honest conversation about why she wants these gifts. Is she an only child or an only girl? My daughter told me the American Girl dolls are "not fun to play with by herself". But she doesn't see to have the same problem with the barbies :)

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I think you do some of both... Get a couple of the things she has asked for, maybe some of the smaller items. Then round out her gifts with things she will use and enjoy.

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It seems like the commercials and maybe peer pressure are affecting her gift wishes when she's really not that interested in those 'must have' gifts. Try turning off the TV more before Christmas and her birthday. Sometimes gifts they never heard of before turn out to be the best. My son loves Legos, but at this point we're hip deep in them and we think he could use a little variety. Last Christmas as a stocking stuffer I got him some Bucky Balls (highly magnetic ball bearings). He seldom puts them down. He's constantly building new patterns. Maybe get her 1 thing from her list, but try out other types of games/toys. A bike, a pogo stick, a hula hoop - all great gifts.

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I would say to do a little of both. Pick out what Hubby wants to give her and you get her the things she needs. They are unfortunately victims of what is popular at very early ages. If you are rich and do not mind things sitting around (which it sounds like it's not the case) then get her what she needs or will play with it. Sometimes kids go back a year or two later and play with the things that they didn't touch before. You might even hide Ms. American doll girl stuff for awhile and on a bored day wow! woops! look what you found! Kids get the same kick out of these things as we do finding the old baseball mitt or the pink bermudas we love.

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Not worth fighting with your husband over this. =)
If the big reaction is important to your husband, you could do a little of each, and maybe throw in something else that is totally new to your daughter. Like an AG accessory, a barbie toy and something else-- a surprise.

I think sometimes kids want stuff only because
A) commercials convinced them they want it or
B) their friends want it, and they think they should be into the same stuff as their friends are into or
C) they don't have enough imagination to know what they want.

One of my boys has very little imagination, and he will ask for just whatever he sees, or whatever his brother asked for (even if he isn't into it), so he doesn't usually use what he gets. Sometimes he begs for things, but by the time they arrive, he has forgotten that he had even heard of them, much less asked for them! Sometimes we give him unexpected things, and even then it's like he doesn't know how to be creative--he can't play alone, can't invent games.

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You have good advice here, which I agree with, but want to add 2 things:
1. If you choose to sit down and discuss with your daughter, as suggested by the other mamas, be sure that the option of NOT getting her the AG doll or Webkinz doesn't come across as punishment, like, "Well YOU didn't play with it, so you don't get to even request it!" Kids are figuring out their likes and dislikes and when your daughter's friends or classmates are all into stuff, she might feel she needs to be too. She doesn't really know herself yet. There has to be some room for trying out different things. NOT necessarily all at Mom's expense, though! I am not a webkinz fan and told my son that he could put it on his Christmas list, but that I was not going to buy it for him and explained why. His Aunt chose to buy it for him and that's fine with me.
2. Toys are essentially time-sensitive things. There are some toys that could really last a lifetime, like LEGOS or collecting Barbies, but really, toys are made for kids to enjoy and then move on from. Keeping this in mind, it's something to consider talking about and taking into consideration when spending $ on them!
Good luck! I know you're daughter will have a great birthday because she has such a loving mom and dad!

Have you ever considered that your daughter might think that the AG and all the handmade stuff is too precious to play with every day? May be she feels like they have to be handled just on the special ocasions? Like an antiques adults buy and then just display and not handle that much? And Barbie is just an everyday play thing - nothing special about her.
May be your daughter cannot put it in words, sit down and talk to her. Be nice, ask questions about her imagination, what she thinks dolls are diong, how does she think they feel....That will help you understand her inner world and why she handles some toys differently.
Good luck.