Gender Disappointment - Salem,MA

Yes, immediate counseling. After he recovers from the broken nose, your fist gives him.

13 moms found this helpful

Your husband is being a dick (to put it lightly). If my husband said that to me, he'd be sleeping in the crawl space. Did he think he was going to get to choose the gender when he helped MAKE the baby? His reasoning for not wanting another girl doesn't make sense, and he's setting a horrible example for his own kids. I'm generally a fan of counseling, both individual and as a couple. If he wants to do it, that would be a good start. I really feel for you, mama, you and your baby don't deserve to be treated that way. Good luck.

7 moms found this helpful

I am hoping to God that this post is a joke.

I am seriously concerned if it's not.
In the event that it's not, therapy sounds like a good idea for everyone.

7 moms found this helpful

Your husband SERIOUSLY asked you to abort HIS CHILD because he didn't like the gender????

Please tell me you are filing for divorce.

7 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry, but this man is not worth having as a husband or a father to your children. Either of them. How DARE he bring up the sex of this child? He should blast his daughters into the next county for their attitudes, but obviously, he hasn't been tough enough with them, since he allows them to talk to him this way.

I would seriously reconsider being married to him.

D.

5 moms found this helpful

Yes, you need marriage therapy and I mean ASAP.

Remind your husband that it is the man that has the material that determines the sex of the child.. Thus he seems to always shooting out girls.. Even with 2 different mothers.

How dare they bully you about your pregnancy..

His daughters sound insufferable. I would also suggest Family counseling for all of you, since your husband does not know how to discipline them.

5 moms found this helpful

I suggest a good kick to the nuts...then counseling. After he stops crying....

5 moms found this helpful

Wow! I am going to hope beyond all hope that he was just joking in a very wrong, wrong way! My husband comes from a very tactless family and often has no filter or tact himself. Most of the time, he can be a real @sshole, to put it lightly. But never in a million YEARS would he ever say or ask something like that to or from me! And this is from someone who has three boys and possibly another boy on the way. Does he want a girl? Sure! Would he ever think of killing his child because it was another boy? Fudge NO!!!!!!! He loves his kids for being his kids, not because they are boys (or maybe a girl).

Your husband needs serious therapy.

4 moms found this helpful

I hope he was just kidding.

If not - play him a little. Say you've considered his request and want to know if he's truly serious or not. See what he says.

If he is serious and wants you to follow through with an abortion - umm - I think counseling is definitely in order - or at least a really straight up conversation.

good luck

3 moms found this helpful

If can't get you pregnant with a boy (some guys can only have girls), will he have you abort again?
Would his girls like to know that if that baby was one of them, their father would rather abort them?
Does he know that later in life, its usually the girls that are closer to their parents and help them in their old age?
You guys DO need counseling to see if he's just in shock or something, but if this is really the way he feels, I would take my girls and leave.
Good luck to you and congratulations on your baby girl!

3 moms found this helpful

Calm down ladies! Talk about throwing the baby out with the bath water! Let's address the issue at hand, not throw gasoline on the fire.
Men have trouble seeing a fetus as a person. We don't because we can feel the baby and it's part of us from the word go. Men sometimes don't have a twinge of feeling for the baby until they see it in flesh and blood. He's worried that this baby will be like the 2 he has now. Not because he hates girls, but becaue he loves the ones he has so much that it would hurt to go through this again. All that melts away when that baby is placed in his arms. His issue is with the way his teenagers are acting. I think start with the issue that is causing his hesitation. If there is counseling needed, it is family counseling with the teens. Address the root issue. You want to get a handle on these girls before you bring a baby home anyway.

3 moms found this helpful

Yes you do need to go to marriage counciling!!! Just asure him that just becaues his older daughters are like that does not mean this one will be. They are probably bitter about him not being with their mother anymore no matter how long they have been apart.

Good luck and God Bless!

3 moms found this helpful

Wow!!! Really?? I'm so sad for you!
Babies are ALWAYS a blessing regardless of gender.
My youngest son was a girl (the ultrasound was wrong) until he came out with extra parts. I had always thought I would have a boy and a girl and I had to re-arrange my expectations, but I wouldn't trade him for a girl for any amount of money. He's an absolute joy to be around.

As for the way his daughters treat him, he might need to examine himself to see why he is creating that situation. It has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with the way he has parented them. Maybe he can learn from the situation so as to not create it again with the new baby. This is an opportunity for him to grow and be a better father and person---this baby is creating such a wonderful opportunity for him. I am sure he is insecure and that is why he is acting the way he is. While what he said is incredibly hurtful, imagine the place of hurt that is inside of him that causes him to say such a thing. Offer him compassion and see if that helps. Right now he can't see the forest for the trees, but maybe you can help with that.

Congratulations to you on a new precious life. Hang in there!!
J.

3 moms found this helpful

WOW - he (and you b/c they're abusing you) needs to go to counseling to learn how to properly parent his other daughters... and then you'll be able to raise the younger two properly.

If he refuses to go, you need to go alone and may possibly need to leave him. Don't EVER let either of you daughter's (born/unborn) know that he wanted to abort the new baby... how sad would that be for her??

3 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry but that is INSANE! I'd be running as fast as I could - kicking up gravel behind me. Who does he think he is!?!?

3 moms found this helpful

Ummmm...what kind of man did you marry? I use the term man very loosely in this situation. This is sick to me...and makes my heart so sad for you.

I could not be with a man that did not love me or our child and chose to align himself with the immature antics of jealous teenagers.

Keep the baby...ditch the dude...or I should say dud!

I know that is much easier said than done..you are married to him and now have a child together. I would tell him this is a serious breach of respect and morally unsettling. You both need some counseling and or meeting with your pastor. You need to see a therapist for yourself too...why were you drawn to a man that would even consider this especially if you have such strong views of God first and then marriage second.?? I would think you would have found a man with the same view.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Do you have family you can take your daughter, yourself&soon to be daughter to? Go find a loving environment...the next 9 months will be hell for you as you grow bigger and everyone around you is harassing you. YOu think you feel depressed and alone now? Wait til' you are exhausted,sleep deprived, have a crying baby and no one is around wanting to help or saying they never wanted this baby. Ugh...I am so sad for you.

Good luck and best wishes!(I am happy you are having a girl...girls are wonderful!!)

3 moms found this helpful

Oh man.....first of all, shame on him for him to even suggest a thing just because it's a girl. How selfish. Any child can give you problems, boy or girl. Having a boy doesn't ensure that he won't have any issues with him. Let your husband have his temper tantrum. Get counseling for yourself if needed and suggest it for him as well if he doesn't snap out of this. Tell your stepdaughters to mind their manners and that you don't appreciate their comments. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I really hope for ya'll that once he sees that precious baby girl, his heart will melt as it should. Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful

Ask him, "When did we move to China?"
Or, "I'll be mom this time...... Not your ex. I apparently do a better job of raising kids."
Slap those teenage girls right in the face!!!! Take everything they have and they don't get it back until respect is shown. Give them one outfit to wear each day with no access to the rest. I don't care if you have to be the one to do it.
If he can't suck it up and be a husband and father.... Do what you must do to protect you and your own. Mamabear is one NOT to be screwed with!
One kid differs from another for many reasons. He cannot base his attitude on the poor behavior of his first two born. But since he is, he's being a douchebag.

3 moms found this helpful

Counseling may be of great benefit to you. What counseling can offer you is a way to properly vent and express your emotions and analyse your marriage and develop ways to effectively communicate with your spouse. Your husband might benefit by taking some parenting classes or even reading a book or an article about teenaged girls.

Get yourself some encouragement for this pregnancy and a celebration for you. Get yourself some counseling so you can better deal with your husband and your marriage.

2 moms found this helpful

Newsflash - it's the daddy's contribution that decides the gender!!! Your husband needs to get a grip! I would seriously have to re-think my marriage and his committment if he asked me to abort a child just becuase of the gender. Sounds like you may have bigger issues that needs to be resolved here. Good luck - and congrats on the GIRL!!

2 moms found this helpful

yes def get some counseling either together (best) or just yourself. the situation is not the gender of the baby but the relationship between your husband and his teen girls. you should also get tips and help on how you should respond to there harassment toward you and your husband. that is totally not acceptable. this is your husbands chance to have two girls (yours and the new one together) that he can raise right. congrats and God bless.

2 moms found this helpful

What a horrible disgusting thing to say!!! I would be so terribly disappointed if my husband ever said something like this. I'm sorry. Yes, counseling would probably be a great idea for all of you, especially him and his daughters.

2 moms found this helpful

Congratulations!
A baby is always a BLESSING regardless of their gender.
Frankly I don't think you need counseling, you clearly know that you want this baby. I would suggest counseling to your husband and daughters.
Sounds to me that the his daughters are a bit jelous of the new addition...which is totally normal. Hope you can relax and enjoy your pregnancy.

GOOD LUCK!

2 moms found this helpful

I am so sorry - I wish I could reach through the internet and hug you & grab your husband by the neck and shake him.

I had a dear firend whose husabnd wanted her to abort their 3rd child becuase he jsut didn't want any more kids - he was being selfish. Once this little one was born he did a complete turn-around. God made this child look exactly like his dad - he is the spitting image of him!

Your husband was hoping for a son becuase he's under the mistaken belief that a son, in his teen years would love his dad and want to spend all this time with him - doing whatever interested him as a teen - whether sports, building cars, hunting, etc. HA! Teen boys are just male versions of teen girls. They can get sullen and surly just as teen girls can get whiney and "b1tchy". It's too bad that he's not being supportive during your pregnancy but I am certain that once he holds this little precious gift in his arms he will change his mind.

As an aside, God is giving him another girl perhaps to prevent his teen daughters from feeling completely lost in competition. Imagine if dad now had the son he wanted - the girls would feel even more threatened. He should direct a lot of love and attention to his teen daughters. I can assure you that they won't ask for his involvement, when asked they'll say "no big deal, you don't have to come, whatever" - but inside they really want their dad in their life. Encourage him, push him, suggest he has dinner out alone with each girl every other week - it will be awkward at first but they will learn about eachother and it will deepen their relationship. Teens need their fathers - they don't know it, and it seems, neither do the dads.

Pray, ask for God's peace and know that He is faithful to give you more than you every hoped for or imagined out of His abundance.

2 moms found this helpful

What an immature man. Sorry, I mean not to disrespect your spouse, but his mentality is childish. I do not know what else to say. He needs therapy, I suppose.

1 mom found this helpful

Yeah, sounds like counseling is needed all the way around. Maybe look into family counseling for everyone...?

1 mom found this helpful

I am pro choice but your husband and his insensitivity are just plain sick. He needs help, honestly. Of course you feel alone, I am so sorry. Get to a counselor ASAP. I mean really it's one thing to be a little disappointed, another to want to abort the fetus you and he created. You should ask yourself what kind of man is he really and whether or not there are other problems in your marriage. This is way over the top, maybe he's depressed or otherwise mentally unstable? I'm sorry for your situation, a professional should be able to help you both.

1 mom found this helpful

HE (not you) needs some type of counseling or therapy. I am sorry you married such a person. Why even try to have a baby with you if he did not want a girl? What made him think it would be a boy/what century does he live in? That is so awful. I wish you all the best.

1 mom found this helpful

How long has this been going on? A day or two? If he's saying it's bc of his teenage daughters vs "I want a boy to carry on my name" type of thing, it's a bit more understandable. I would test him a bit actually. Ask him calmly if he really wants you to abort as if you're open to the idea. If he says yes, then pretend you're starting to go down that road. Hopefully you'll be calling his bluff. Maybe he's just upset and disappointed (I can kind of see - FOUR girls) and acting like an idiot but if you don't fight him on it, he'll get over it himself. If not, then yeah, I'd seek some counseling.

1 mom found this helpful

WOW! I mean WOW! An abortion because it's a GIRL?

Ummmm, until that baby is born you REALLY don't know the sex until it's out. You could be aborting a BOY!

Screw them, they are incredibly selfish. Those kids will HOPEFULLY be gone soon--if they are SMART enough for college. Wow...

EDIT: Upon further review I'm wondering if this is real. This is the FIRST question ever asked here and no questions answered. I'm REALLY hoping this is a troll and isn't a real question.

1 mom found this helpful

Wow - that is so sad that he would even think this. This is his sweet precious BABY. Each person is different and you guys could have a boy that would give him an equally hard time when they are a teenager. I would be extremely angry at him if it were me. Have him read everyone's responses...that will give him a kick in the pants to wake up.