Gender Disappointment - Rolla,MO

My husband and I always wanted a girl and a boy. If you don't believe that God has a sense of humor as well as knowing what is best for us, here is my story. We have four sons (wanted a girl with each pregnancy); however, the boys have enriched my life far more than I could ever imagine. I have learned to fish, camp, look at bugs,spiders,snakes, etc. (Yes, I said look, not touch---I am not totally "girl proof" yet!), and learned to coach soccer (I have never played soccer!). The boys each have a buddy to play with and I get to be the "Queen" of the family! I will always missing raising my own little girl; however, I would not trade it for the world. Perhaps, there will be a granddaughter in my future! (Also, we have a girl dog; "Sallie" is my "girl." Take care and realize that God does know best, even when we think we do!
Oh--one thing I did that really helped me come to terms with boy #4: I decorated the room differently and bought one new outfit for him. This made his arrival more special for me and allowed him to have at least one outfit that was not a "hand me down." (Although, I must admit, it was fun to dress him in the same clothes his brothers wore and compare the photos!) Best of luck! May your new baby to be fulfill all of your dreams!

K.

Hi Sylvia, I didn't have this, but my girlfriend did when she was pregnant. She wanted another girl, couldn't even think about a boy. She cried when she found out it was a boy. Kept hopeing that they were wrong and when she had him it would be a girl. This lasted until he was born. Then she took one look at him and couldn't figure out how she could not have wanted that beautiful little boy. Just remember that God is going to give you what ever gender he thinks that you need. Good luck and God Bless!

A lot of people take a healthy baby for granted--I did with our first (a boy). During our 20 week ultrasound with our 2nd, I honestly wasn't sure what I wanted---a boy would mean a brother for our oldest, but a girl would have been great too! Before we found out the sex, the doctor informed us that the baby had a complex congenital heart defect. He then told us it was a boy. We had several more ultrasounds, echocardiograms, and other tests, and it was determined that our son basically had 1/2 a heart. He is now 20 months old and has already had 2 open-heart surgeries--and still needs one more. Pray for healthy--all babies are a gift. If you're really concerned about gender--then adopt.

I wonder is this is your first baby? I will tell you that I have never been disappointed but when my husband and I found out that our 2nd baby was a boy, he was very disappointed. He only wanted girls. He grew up with all sisters and felt he understood them. He was extremely worried about how to bond with a son. He thought he'd have nothing to share with a boy, like hobbies, etc. The rest of my pregnancy was really hard because he was so disconnected. I was so worried! When we had our C-section, the nurse cleaned up our baby and handed him to my husband. He started crying(he's not a cryer) and he just fell in love instantly. I had been through the surgery, through recovery and in my hospital room and still had not held or seen the baby but I was so happy he had held him all that time and he was so in love that I didn't want to say anything. Finally I asked if I could hold him and he was brought out of his "daze" and said "Oh my gosh! I forgot that you haven't held him yet." My son is 6 now and he is daddy's little boy all the way. I promise that no matter what, you'll love your baby and there is a reason for everything. Just remember that so many people are never blessed with a healthy baby. The gender should be the last thing to worry about. My brother and his wife miscarried 4 children. They had a baby boy finally then a baby girl. Their baby girl passed away when she was 7 months old from a birth defect and they had one more son. Their genes are not very compatible and were told that the chances of having a healthy baby or carrying a pregnancy is very, very small. They always wanted a little girl but are afraid to put themselves and another baby through the pain. You're so lucky if you don't have any of these problems. I wish you well and congratulations on your pregnancy.

Everytime I became pregnant except with my 1st I wanted a Girl.MY oldest was a boy great & at that time after having him I thought this will be my one and only but nope the man upstairs heard me and shortly after that I found out I was pregnant & in hopes of good health good pregnancy I wanted a girl nothing would be better than a girl.I prayed and couldn't get my mind off of it I was alone thinking I didn't want others to know how bad I wanted a girl and time couldn't come soon enough to get an ultra sound & when I did they couldn't tell right off the bat what the baby was going to be so after she said I think it looks like a girl I was happy all my worries were gone for a bit then the what if's came what if it was a mistake and it's a boy.With out my control I had to have other ultra sounds done, techs said it's a girl after the 27th week mark passed the genitals would be formed and hoping that a boy wouldn't be mentioned or we made a mistake.After I delivered they didn't say it's a girl or it's a boy I remember she came out the nurse said oh my your peeing on the way to the table I asked is it a girl and looked over same with my last baby the dr said she is here but I asked is it a girl & then again I looked to make sure.as if they were going to change her on me.Now with my 3rd pregnancy I wanted another girl & so she is now 8 months old.All my babies are healthy.It is hard to hope for 1 and get the other.I'am happy being a mom of 3.My lil sis has 3 boys her last pregnancy was twin boys she though for sure 1 would come to be a girl and but it wasn't now she is trying for another pregnancy.Take time to be thankful for the baby your carrying (if your pregnant)We have these gifts from god they are ours that we created.I wish you peace

You are not the only one. I was disappointed twice--wanted boys, got two girls. I was really disappointed with my second because I wanted one of each. But, I wouldn't trade my girls for the world. God has a plan for all of us and I am thrilled to be a mom of two girls--love, love love every minute of it. I think the hormones do something to us when we are pregnant. You will be thrilled when that baby comes--boy or girl!

I was pregnant and single, and decided I had enough surprises in store for me that being surprised on the sex was not necessary. I also thought for sure that having a girl would be so much easier as a single mother. So when they told me about 6 months in that he was a boy I was disappointed. And for the next few months kept thinking maybe they were wrong, and worrying about how to raise a boy without a man in the house. How to teach him to pee or shave? How to model "manly" behaviors? :) When I had another ultrasound right before he was born, the tech asked me if I wanted to know the sex. I told her that they had already told me it was a boy, but that she was free to tell me they were wrong! She said sorry... :)

After he was born, honestly I was too busy to be very disappointed, and for the first two years there is really very little difference between raising boys and raising girls. As it turned out, though, raising a boy was MUCH easier than a girl - they are "simpler" in their emotions think than girls are, and I was never a very "girly" girl anyway. So now, 13 yrs later and having been around many little girls that my friends have, I am very grateful it turned out this way!

Are you anxious because you think there will be differences in raising them? Or just because you have always pictured and wanted one of the other? I think that makes a difference. If your concern is about raising them, it helps to think about what you would do differently for a girl than a boy at different stages, and reading up on the differences and techniques for dealing with them helped (and watching/asking friends who have each). If you have just always wanted one or the other, well... 1) you may have more than one kid, so it could still come... or 2) think of it like the lottery - be honest with yourself, would you be truly disappointed if you won the lottery and found out the prize was "only" $1 million when the week before it would have been $20 million? Either way you get something really great that you didnt have before and that can change your life. Yeah, I would rather have the $20 million too, but I would get over it pretty quickly and be wonderfully happy with the $1 million :) I am pretty sure I could adapt... Good luck!

This is probably too late to say but this is one more reason I never found out what I was having. Not so long ago people were unable to find out what they were having and low and behold - humanity survived. I hoped my 4th would be a boy so I would have 2 of each. When I gave birth for the last time and my husband announced it was a girl - the look on his face said it all. He too wanted a boy but we knew no matter what that in the end all we really wanted was "healthy and happy". One look at his newest daughter (#3) and he was in love all over again. He beamed. We all secretly desire one sex or the other for various reasons and may experience varying degrees of disappointment as well. In the end, it's up to fate, God, destiny or whatever you believe in. Once their born, any of that goes right out the window because you get the most beautiful gift of all - new life. You'll love your new addition more than you can imagine right now no matter what. Trust me. Best of luck.

my husband really wanted a boy, all of his family are boys, if they try for girls they get twin boys, etc, so he really had his heart set on a boy. He tried not to be too disappointed, but every sonogram he was asking if they were SURE she was a girl. But once she was here, she had/has him totally wrapped around her little finger and he wouldnt trade her for anything. Try not too get too down, honey, it will all work out.

DH and I were both hoping for a boy. (Boys are easier, I've worked in daycare and taught middle school and high school, so if you are disappointed about having a boy, they are easier!) Once I hit about 10 weeks though, I just knew our baby was a girl. I tried to prepare DH for this but he thought I was just teasing him. When I had an ultrasound, it turned out she was a girl! He was really disappointed, but as we shopped for cribs, etc. the idea of having a daughter grew on him.

I developed severe HELLP syndrome and pre-eclampsia at 23 weeks without any warning whatsoever. Due to my body shutting down, the baby was in severe distress and I was forced to deliver her. (Delivery is the only treatment for HELLP and preeclampsia.) She died after about 20 minutes because she was so premature.

So don't take a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby for granted, because some of us aren't that lucky, and you might not be that lucky. It took me a year and a half to even get pregnant with our daughter, and she was taken from us out of nowhere in less than 24 hours.

Also, I think it is perfectly normal to be a little disappointed for a little bit when you had your hopes set on one gender. But when the time comes for you to meet your baby, you won't care about that at all.

Good Morning Sylvia, I suppose you could say I did for a while. I always wanted a Boy then a Girl. My mother in law (deceased 32 yrs) always talked about her want of a little girl, and had girl names for us both pregnancies. CaSandra Michelle, was her favorite. Any name we picked out she poo pooed. Anyway we didn't know how deep her depression had taken her and she took her own life right before our second child was born. She has tried twice before and Dad didn't tell us about one time and she swore the other time was an accident. She worked as a cleaning lady at one of the hospitals here, and she knew better then to mix bleach and ammonia together in a toilet. She was in a coma for 3 wk with my first pregnancy.

The day our second son was born we had been at the funeral home for private visitation. I had been shopping that day for close to put on MY Huge body for the service, it was icy and very cold. When I realized I was in fact in labor and my hubby was taking me to the hospital I prayed a pray I truly Believe the Lord heard and answered. What I had always prayed for during this one was to have a beautiful blond curly haired, blue eye's baby girl. I said Lord I don't think I can handle having a little girl now, so would you please give us another boy.
I believe with all my heart He honored that prayer as We received Travis 40 minutes after I arrived at the hospital, he was a gorgeous little baby, blond curly hair with big blue eyes. Still has the big blue eye's but he shaves his head now, no more blond curls...lol

It didn't take me long to know God gave me what I truly wanted and needed. I loved fishing, camping, playing catch with them, building forts in the yard or house.
I am a (in my mind) a terrible house keeper, some clutter doesn't both me, would rather play with our kids and gr kids now. I taught our son's to be good men and helpful in any situation. Most of the time they are, others Ahhhhhhhh Not so much...lol I know In side this brain of mine a daughter would of grew up wondering when MOM was ever going to get it together and clean up the place, she would of grew up just like me not really caring if everything was in it's proper place....lol I grew up babysitting my sister and brother from age ten, cleaning, getting dinner ready,doing dishes, doing laundry while mom worked, until I was 19 and got married. Night before our wedding I still fixed dinner and cleaned up before I could leave for my girls night out. So I don't really care about cleaning my own that much, other peoples home I am a whiz..

I know ME very well now and Love my gr daughter to pieces, she is the Angel of my dreams. We have a close relationship, she is a little drama queen at times being the only girl of the 5 gr kids.

So yes there was some disappointments, but more joy and laughter in the long run. We didn't have sonograms to see what we were having back then ( man back then sounds ancient *laughing*) to know what we were having. So you can believe I had a another boy the whole time Or like me trust the Father heard the cries of my heart and gave me what I needed to be OK.

God Bless you Sylvia, I Pray your disappointment turns to Joy and Happiness
K. Nana of 5

Sylvia I know you have had a ton of responses but sometimes hearing how many other people felt similar ways helps. With my first pregnancy I was a single mom, the baby was not planned and I wanted a girl so badly. I had grown up with a sister and girl cousins and well I was still young enough to think "boys were just icky" I was so disappointed at the ultra sound and it was so obviously a boy he was very proud to be a boy! The tech didn't even have to tell me for me to know. I did grieve a little while I was pregnant, but when they put him in my arms I fell head over heals in love. Through the years I have been blessed two more times, a girl in 2000 and another son in 2007. Children really are blessings and you shouldn't feel guilty about having some feelings about the sex you thought you wanted, it all works out, I have a feeling you will be pleasantly surpirsed...babies have that effect on people, especially when they are your very own! Take care!
B.

I didn't find out with either child which gender they were. That being said, I was convinced that they were both girls. When my oldest was born and the doctor said, "It's a boy!", I knew he was wrong. I had to check for myself. Nope, he was right.

My second pregnancy was so very different that I KNEW it was a girl... except that I was wrong again. You have heard it from everyone else on this site: Everyone has preferences. Everyone has disappointments. When the baby is born, though, there is love.

I grieved over not having a little girl. We had chosen girls and boys names for both pregnancies. Even though I still dearly love the names we chose for girls, I cannot name any of our future children those names because those children will never be. And I do grieve for what I thought I could have had. But when my goofy sons climb into the laundry basket, beg to help me cook, try to balance frisbees on their heads, or wrestle with each other, I am happy. I love my boys, and nothing can make me stop loving them, even though the idea of having boys was not my first choice.

I will have to admit, I only wanted two kids, our first was a girl, so when I was pregnant with my second, my husband told me if it wasnt a boy we were going to keep trying until we got one. Which made me very nervous because I had horrible pregnancies and didnt want to do it again. I could have cared less if I had two girls. My second was a boy and I was happy that I dont have to go through another pregnancy. Im not trying to make you feel bad since your already bummed out, but this baby is a true blessing and miracle and I dont know how anyone would be disappointed in that. There are so many people out there that cannot have a baby at all, boy or girl. Please just be thankful for this wonderful gift that God has given you. You are very blessed. Take Care!

I didn't know the gender with my first because he never would turn the direction they needed. That being said everyone was convinced I was having a girl & that a girl would "fit" me. Even during delivery my nurse said he had the heartbeat of a girl. Obviously was not a girl & I had a hard time & even double checked (feel terrible about that now) after the doctor / nurse handed him to me. It took me about three weeks, not that I didn't love him because I did with ALL MY HEART. (I'd had a miscarriage previous to him) I just was used to taking care of girls & didn't "know what to do with a boy". Then comes my second & I knew I was getting my tubes tied afterwards, so obviously to have a boy & a girl would be idea. Before the tech could even tell me, I could plainly see it was a boy & to top it off his father say, I told you it was going to be a boy. Was I disappointed, yes! Happy the baby was healthy, YES! I just came to reason (for personal reasons) that I was not meant to have girl of my own & went shopping! Shop shop shop, that is the best remedy!!! My kids are half grown & I wouldn't have them any other way!! I "caught on" to what to do with boys really quick & couldn't even imagine having a girl now. I think knowing ahead is one of the worst things they have done to pregnancies...yes it makes it easier to decorate & buy clothes, etc, but let's face it after x # of hours of labor (of course most go with the epidural), you don't care what you have, just that it's here & healthy!